Mexican #1's name could also be Juan, just sayin'.

Why can't they both be named Juan? They can just make up new names when they get here anyway, depending on what their pre-owned Social Security card says.

I suggest a mention of the crocodiles in the Rio Grande, too. Liberals will be happy to know that the endangered North American crocodile will have a secure new habitat, with a good stable food supply.

But the ad should not mention that the fence is surrounded by punji stakes. That would be inhumane. Far better to surprise them.

I think we should spread a rumor that the US is building a tall concrete border wall with razor wire and motion and infrared sensing robots armed with large caliber machine guns stationed every 250 yards. The robots will have no conscience, therefore they will kill all lifeforms that approach too close to the wall. I suppose they could be programmed to fire a few warning shots if the US is feeling kind.

But instead of it just being a rumor, the US actually does this. I don't think the ACLU can sue robots.

Two words:

Land mines.

We can even be politically correct and also label the border in Spanish:

Mines Terrestres.

Whatever happened to all that prime-quality border fence that separated West and East Germany? It was a double fence with guard towers, dog runs, areas for mines, and even automatic machine guns. Certainly Kanzlerin Merkel could be persuaded to sell us some of that fence. That is, unless they are using it to keep Turks out . . .

What say, instead of building a border fence, we build a border PRISON? This way, they'll unknowingly be sneaking into PRISON!

We could build a DMZ on both sides of the prison, with landmines, razor wire, etc. etc., but on the north side there would be a wall, and to the south, it would be patrolled by INMATES!

...no sense letting all of our border patrol officers waste away in solitary, mind you.

What about a rumor that Taco B(H)ell is using ground up illegals instead of beef these days cause its cheaper and there's more of it around. You could call it Chalupamexicano instead.

Excellent idea. And to add some veracity to the idea why not add a picture of the chupamexicano...any picture of Hillary will do!

Well, you've certainly convinced me not to order the chupacabra the next time I eat out.

We could make them scared that if they're found, they have to sit though presentations about Time Shares! Put a bunch of hippies, environmentalists and PETA dorks on the border so they can hand out bi-lingual pamphlets to border crossers. They can also talk to them for hours on end about their cause. Also, the hippies could make everybody hold hands and sway back and forth in the patchouli smoke, singing Kumbaya.