Disclaimer: Okay, these suck alright? But if I don't this on a regular basis, I'll never get back to my old pristine mediocrity. So just put up with the groans for now. K?

The Roundup!

It’s always good to start a humor roundup with nudity.

Unfortunately, Miss New Jersey has left us disappointed. That’s right, Miss New Jersey today showed the world the “racy” photos that were being used to extort her out of her crown.

She was fully clothed and in weird poses. Pageant officials have let her keep her crown and asked that she call them back when she can "loosen up a little."

The blackmailer really got outwitted. He never stood a chance.

Does anyone remember what she did for the talent portion of Miss New Jersey?

That's right: Racketeering.

She burned him good.

**

Speaking of getting burned…

You know what’s embarrassing? When there’s a sting put on where people create fake identities and they are able to buy nuclear material from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

The government vows that the next time they sell nuclear material, they will take a closer look at the buyers feedback rating. Or their MySpace page.

I’m glad that’s over.

After the conference, the agents handed the acquired materials to a professional disposing agency that pulled up in a Ryder truck.

**

British Police are getting head cams

I’m not making this up. They’re going to wear little cameras on the side of their heads and be able to film all of their actions. Authorities hope this will increase in the process of providing evidence for trials.

Their new video equipment can store 400 hours of video.

Or 30,000 songs.

This can change the way people view police officers.

Before: Hey, do you think that policeman violated my rights?

After: Hey, do you think that policeman made me look fat?

You know what’s weird?

Talking to the cops in England will be like talking to that one friend with the lazy eye. You’re never quite sure which way you should be looking.

So if you’re traveling through England this summer watch out when you see when of these guys. You know you’re in trouble when a police officer asks you to stand next to that other police officer; The one wearing the shirt with horizontal stripes marking how tall someone is.

That's the difference between America and England. In England, you hear Head Cam and think "police officer'. In America you hear Head Cam and think 'President Clinton.'

**

The new Harry Potter film is out already and doing great. $44 million dollars so far.

I got an email from somebody asking me if they saw me getting into that long line early this morning. Heck no! I’m not one of the geeks who have no life! I was in the wrong line, OKAY!?

I thought I was waiting for an iPhone.

So the Potter franchise continues to crank out the revenue.

**

On the other end of the spectrum, the New York Times is facing some financial difficulty.

They have had their bond rating lowered yet again. Right now, their bond rating is one step above junk level.

It's funny if you think about it: Their bond rating is two steps better than their reporting.

**

Rosie O’ Donnel has a new video posted where she insists that her mutated face is not because of herpes.

How many times have we heard THAT one?

Anyway, you have to watch the video. She claims she had an ingrown hair and fished it out with a thumbtack.

Rosie, removed a facial hair with a thumbtack

Gross. This was while she was on the Norwegian cruise ship. Good thing Norway has that socialized medicine.

She should be grateful. Right now, in America, there are 47 million Americans currently without access to thumbtacks.

**

You want wild? Check out this CNN story. This reporter follows a guy in China who works to make Chinese Food made from cardboard.

So he takes cardboard, soaks it, cuts it up nice and small, and then works it into the food.

The bad news is that he uses recycled cardboard, the good news is the containers are made out of fresh ingredients.

Now, if this happened to you, you’d probably go and wash your mouth out. You’d still go to the hospital.

The only problem is they wouldn’t know if you were sick because of the cardboard or the toothpaste.

Remember kids: Eat your spinach.

No wait.

Remember kids: Eat your candy.

More tomorrow.

Remember, if anything made you laugh - it was probably an accident.

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