DALLAS (AP) - In a keynote speech at the International Women's Peace Conference, Nobel Peace Prize recipient Betty Williams told the crowd of 1000 people, "Right now, I could kill George Bush...[applause]... No, I don't mean that. How could you nonviolently kill somebody? I would love to be able to do that."

President Bush, shortly after being non-violently killed by peace activist.

Through some unknown means - possibly a combination of vigorous applause and fairy dust - Williams's wish was apparently granted, as the President died through non-violent means shortly afterwards. Specifically, by being turned into some sort of spring-loaded children's toy.

When informed of this, Williams appeared embarrassed and quickly wished the late president into a cornfield near Peaksville, Ohio. The audience appeared to approve of her decision, as many of them were heard to say "It's GOOD that Betty killed the president", "Yes, it's a REAL good thing that Betty did", and "Oh GOD! Please don't kill us, Betty!"

Ms. Williams appeared to recover rapidly, though, testing out her newfound powers by non-Constitutionally impeaching Vice President Dick Cheney. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was immediately sworn in as president, with her hand, non-believably, failing to burst into flame when she placed it on the Bible to take her oath of office.

Visibly drunk with power, Williams proceeded to non-thievingly rob a bank, non-fatteningly eat 3000 Twinkies, and non-sexual-relationally 'Lewinsky' Bill Clinton.

She concluded her speech by saying "now that I've fulfilled my every wish on Earth, I will non-rocketly fly to the moon," which she did to a standing ovation from the delighted crowd.

The moon itself was, non-surprisingly, nuked shortly afterwards by blogging tycoon Frank J. of IMAO, who had been non-sanely threatening to do so for some time.

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