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July 20, 2007
America Can't Win the ''War on Steam''
An Editorial by Harvey
During New York's Wednesday rush hour, a steam pipe exploded, killing one person and injuring 44. Incidents such as this make it obvious that the only sensible course of action is to withdraw from America's insane War on Steam. "When left unmolested, steam lives up to its name as 'the vapor of peace'" President Bush's Hitler-like scheme of rounding up steam and putting it in concentration camps - or "pipes", as he euphemistically calls them - is a dismal failure. It does nothing but anger the steam and cause it to lash out uncontrollably, as it did in New York, spewing a "dirty bomb" of carcinogenic asbestos into the air. We don't have to ask "why does steam hate us?". The answer is obvious - because America is a brutal, oppressive country with no rights, whose only goal is to prevent steam from living free. The Bush Steam Doctrine of "contain, concentrate, condense" is absurd and unnecessary. When left unmolested, steam lives up to its name as "the vapor of peace", seeking only to be left alone to expand or contract inversely proportional to its pressure in accordance with the sacred texts of the Prophet Boyle. It's only Bush's fascist policy of trying to maintain complete control over steam's movement that has brought this current horror upon us. To be truthful, we deserve it. Who are we to judge the rightness of wrongness of our moist and gaseous fellow-travelers on Spaceship Earth? Should we consider ourselves "superior" to warm, dissipated moisture? Hardly. The time has come to admit our failures, both military and moral, and stop treating innocent steam with an automatic assumption of guilt. We must release the steam from the "pipes" we've confined it to and let it roam freely. The only sensible course of action is to bring our plumbers home, and end our government's policy of cruelty. It's time to withdraw from the War on Steam. America must stop trying to be the world's teakettle. --- Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as "Boiling Mad: Stihad in America" and "Hot & Wet: A Pictoral History of Steamy Love Scenes". Why do you assume steam is hot? Do NOT profile steam, or I'll nail your ass with a civil liberties lawsuit! #1 - Posted by: Ringmaster on July 20, 2007 01:04 PMHarvey, you've obviously fallen for Bush's propaganda. THERE IS NO STEAM IN NEW YORK! Bush was just looking for a lame excuse to send his evil plumbers into New York to finish the job his father started. #2 - Posted by: Son of Bob on July 20, 2007 01:15 PMsteam: cleaning the laundry and carpets regular Americans won't clean. #3 - Posted by: shimauma on July 20, 2007 01:24 PMWe must withdraw our plumbers to Okinawa! That way our plumbers will be out of harm's way and we can still respond to steam uprisings within the union-specified 4-6 weeks (with triple overtime, since taxpayers will be footing the bill). #4 - Posted by: Master Shake on July 20, 2007 01:52 PMNo Blood For Boil! #5 - Posted by: G Fresh on July 20, 2007 02:12 PMAfter a couple hundred years of forced oppression and service to the evil industrialist who can blame steam from rising up? #6 - Posted by: Derek on July 20, 2007 03:02 PMLet's not forget that it was not so long ago that steam had a vibrant culture that contributed greatly to America's well-being. Steam powered our boats and machines and locomotives. And it can again, as long as we quit making these technological "advances" that make it so difficult for steam to get ahead nowadays. #7 - Posted by: Wacky Hermit on July 20, 2007 03:26 PMIf that's supposed to be a characture of Harvey then I hope that a)that's a flannel shirt and b)he has a manly unkept beard and not one of those whiney well groomed frenchy beards. Fred Thompson would never approve of a silky shirted french looking kind of supporter. #8 - Posted by: MikefromtheWVpartofNY on July 20, 2007 03:32 PMI agree... We must free ourselves from our firmuscentric thinking and embrace our aqueous and gaseous brethren. Excelsior! #9 - Posted by: DesertElephant on July 20, 2007 05:31 PMAt least bringing our plumbers home may help reduce the 'occupying presence' of unsightly plumber's crack. #10 - Posted by: ChrisA on July 20, 2007 06:42 PMHe is also the author of such books as "Boiling Mad: Stihad in America" and "Hot & Wet: A Pictoral History of Steamy Love Scenes". I thought you wrote a book on the History of the Burrito, or was that Franks work. #11 - Posted by: Neo on July 21, 2007 11:25 AMAlso, there's no denying the fact that since man started confining steam in pipes, there has been a steady increase in steam. Free Steam Now!! #12 - Posted by: MartyK on July 22, 2007 12:51 PMSteam invented the whistle! #13 - Posted by: Josephine on July 22, 2007 02:18 PMHow you can write about this problem and not mention Bush's condensation camps I can't understand. #14 - Posted by: andycanuck on July 23, 2007 12:36 PMHarvey's beard is *perfectly* cared for. Harv - good post. Funny stuff. #15 - Posted by: _Jon on July 23, 2007 10:14 PMFrank, you really need to add a comment rating system. I really wanted to give +1 for "No Blood for Boil". #16 - Posted by: James on July 24, 2007 11:42 AMif i say i support the movement, is it wrong to still steam the vegetables? i don't want to be a hypocrite, but i'm kinda confused. i thought i liked steam? #17 - Posted by: SuperGurl on July 25, 2007 10:05 PMif i say i support the movement, is it wrong to still steam the vegetables? i don't want to be a hypocrite, but i'm kinda confused. i thought i liked steam? #18 - Posted by: SuperGurl on July 25, 2007 10:06 PMif i say i support the movement, is it wrong to still steam the vegetables? i don't want to be a hypocrite, but i'm kinda confused. i thought i liked steam? #19 - Posted by: SuperGurl on July 25, 2007 10:06 PMPost a comment
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Stumble It!
An Editorial by Harvey"