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August 03, 2007
BREAKING NEWS: YearlyKos Broken Up By Feds
Posted by Frank J. at 02:07 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (21)

YearlyKos has been raided by the feds and its ringleader, Markos Zuniga, has been arrested for treason. Details are sketchy, but apparently no one has been hurt, though 142 traitors have been executed on the spot.

President Bush has issued this statement: "I cannot tolerate dissent, no matter how mind-numbingly retarded it is. By the way, I'm now dictator for life and I will give a shiny new donkey to whomever delivers me the head of Hillary Clinton."

So far, there has been no outcry against this action -- at least by anyone who wasn't later arrested as a traitor. IMAO would like to remind its readers that it fully supports and never questions our wise government. All hail Leader Bush!

Rating: 2.8/5 (2 votes cast)

Newsish Fakery
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21 Responses To "BREAKING NEWS: YearlyKos Broken Up By Feds"

This is totally fake! I heard that the dissenters got to go away to camp. Sounds weird to send traitors off to camp where I'm sure they're riding horses and making macaroni art, but I'll never question the wisdom of our glorious commander.

#1 - Posted by: Matty G on August 3, 2007 02:31 PM

In further action, President Bush has offered $50 billion dollars and ownership of California to anyone that can produce a set of balls extracted from a democrat other than Hillary…

#2 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on August 3, 2007 02:39 PM

Not possible. All the Democrats had their balls extracted under Bill. In fact, it's rumored that Hillary and Bill exchanged gonads in a secret transplant operation in the basement of the Whitehouse. Hillary's testicles are now located in her eye sockets - just look at recent photos of her.

#3 - Posted by: on August 3, 2007 02:49 PM

The above by "Jimmy." The question becomes: where are Bill's ovaries now?

#4 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 3, 2007 02:54 PM

How does one shine a donkey?

#5 - Posted by: TGWShark on August 3, 2007 02:56 PM

Shark, I'm pretty sure you don't actually want to hear the answer to that.

I'm also pretty sure someone's going to answer it anyway.

#6 - Posted by: Peregrine John on August 3, 2007 03:06 PM

OH man, you had my hopes up Frank!! Then I came to this line:
I will give a shiny new donkey to whomever delivers me the head of Hillary Clinton

Anyone knows that Dubya would hand out a shiny new Samuari sword, not a freaking donkey. Donkey's are useless...haven't you seen the democratic party??

#7 - Posted by: shimauma on August 3, 2007 03:20 PM

Due to the success of Phase I, President Bush has implemented Phase II by ordering that all RINO's have their heads pulled out of their asses, ripped of their shoulders and stuff back up their asses...beginning with John McCain.

#8 - Posted by: on August 3, 2007 04:02 PM

"His technical skills were what allowed his blog to rise up, he said."

Well, it certainly wasn't his intelligence.

#9 - Posted by: Rubeus on August 3, 2007 04:05 PM

They should've broken it up with napalm. And, USSJC, who wants to be the owner of Califoreignia? An unpopulated medical waste dump would be a better prize. Less crap to clean up. (Apologies to any conservative Cal denizens, but if you live there, you already know firsthand.)

#10 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 3, 2007 05:14 PM

Wow! Who knew that Sumpreme Dictator Bush appointed Fred Thompson as AG? Or did he replace Karl Rove to secretly control things? Nah, not his style.

#11 - Posted by: Moneyman on August 3, 2007 05:32 PM

It's not nice to tease your readers this way. Here I am jumping up and down for joy at the summary execution of the Kossacks. At least for 20 straight minutes. Then I realized you were joking. Jerk.

#12 - Posted by: DesertElephant on August 3, 2007 07:35 PM

Okay, can anyone tell me what the heck a Kos is? I've checked out the site, I couldn't stand the smell long enough to conduct a proper search. Google says it usually means killed on sight. Do they know this?

#13 - Posted by: BigBadUnderdog on August 3, 2007 08:51 PM

Due to the success of Phase I, President Bush has implemented Phase II by ordering that all RINO's have their heads pulled out of their asses, ripped of their shoulders and stuff back up their asses...beginning with John McCain.

My question is how will we know when this procedure has been carried out on Comrade McCain? Certainly not by sight alone; we'll need some sort of tag so that our young YCTers don't waste all their time trying to best the cyclical vortex that is McCain's asshead.

#14 - Posted by: NeoconNews on August 3, 2007 09:44 PM

//Okay, can anyone tell me what the heck a Kos is?//

The next time you relieve yourself after a lousy dinner of mexican food, then you'll know.

Or, it's a whiny liberal bitch (Markos Zuniga) who thinks that Conservatives are going to destroy the solar system unless he(?) and his band of intellectual eunuchs do something about it. By do something, I mean make crank calls & type gibberish from "The Man Cave", a.k.a. mommy's basement. Sometimes, they all get together and are loudly mistaken in public.

#15 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 3, 2007 10:35 PM

HAHAHAHA!!! I've had some LOUSY Mexican food! Thanks for the clarity.

#16 - Posted by: BigBadUnderdog on August 4, 2007 01:15 AM

Ridiculous! We all know the Supreme One would have "disappeared" them. Get your facts straight already. KOS who?

#17 - Posted by: Carolynp on August 4, 2007 02:04 AM

Tony Snow has announced the the families of the 142 traitors have each received a bill for the ammunition used to execute their relative. "We shall no longer fund the killing of these enemies of America from tax money taken from hard working Americans" said Snow...

#18 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on August 4, 2007 05:09 AM

I'm glad they billed the families. It's a waste of perfectly good bullets that could be going to supporting the troops.

#19 - Posted by: Sean on August 4, 2007 12:02 PM

I'm with DesertElephant. It's not nice to get our hopes up like that. If Cindy Sheehan had been present instead of being censored by The Kos (the irony, that she should be a bedfellow of a soldier likewise silenced by that oppressed inventor of free-speech!), the chances of an arrest would have gone up dramatically I suppose.

#20 - Posted by: tommy on August 4, 2007 08:59 PM

I would gladly own California. The opportunity to hunt liberals in their native environment from the top of large SUVs is too much to pass up.

Of course I would also turn San Fran into an isolated island prison that can only be penetrated by "Snake" Pliskin.

#21 - Posted by: the brain on August 6, 2007 08:32 AM
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