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August 07, 2007
Know Thy Enemy: Unions
At YearlyKos, someone spoke about making a blogger union. That's just so mind bogglingly stupid I don't even know if I should comment on it. If there were two speakers with one in favor of making a blogger union and the other in favor of sticking forks in power outlets, I'd listen to the power outlet guy because he is making much more sense. Other than that a union won't work for bloggers (Won't the MSM want us to strike? Aren't there like a million scabs for any blogger who refuses to work?), unions are evil. I sent my crack research team to find out all they can about unions, and here is what they found: FUN FACTS ABOUT UNIONS * The word "union" comes from "un" mean "not" and "ion" meaning "energized." * Unions were formed when evil workers decided to get together and blackmail honest employers to give them more pay for less work. * Ultimately, unions hope to be able to get paid for no work at all... or no work beyond threatening employers with physical violence. * Unions force what they want through strikes where they refuse to work out of principle instead of just out of laziness. * The cause of the Dark Ages: Unions. * Satan and his minions being cast down from Heaven was God's way of breaking up a union strike. * Mob influence of union has declined in recent years as mobs have become more discriminating in who they associate with. * Reason Krypton exploded: It was up to union labor to stabilize it's core. * Jimmy Hoffa ran afoul the wizard's union and was disapparated. * If surround by union thugs, don't panic. They won't beat you for more than five minutes straight without a paid break. * If the sun ever unionized, we'd get only four hours of daytime a week. * Unions fund themselves through collection of dues which are spent on cigars for the bosses to chomp and bribes for Democrats. * What happened to the dinosaurs? They went union. * Slogan of the teachers union: "If we teach even one child to read, then we've failed." * Scientist classify a union as a type of fungus. * If you see union member working hard, report him to his union boss for a strict punishment. * In a fight between Aquaman and unions, Aquaman would end up buried under Giants Stadium. * If unions were successful in unionizing the Justice League of America, though, they'd force Superman to use less of his powers so as not to make the other unionized superheroes look bad. * Unions have declined as Americans have begun favoring using marketable skills for leverage instead of blackmail. * If you think you see a union, break it up using Shaolin style kung fu. * Ever see something not getting done? Nine times out of ten it's because of a union. * If a union strike is causing you business to shut down, try hiring scabs. Or Mexicans. * One day robots will replace union workers. The robots could eventually decide to kill all humans or, even worse, form their own union. FULL DISCLOSURE: I was in a union when I worked in a supermarket from age 16 to 18. They took five dollars out of every paycheck and in exchange I got a newsletter explaining why Republicans are bad and Democrats are good. 23 Responses To "Know Thy Enemy: Unions"
* Mob influence of union has declined in recent years as unions have become more discriminating in who they associate with. Shouldn't that be: * Mob influence of union has declined in recent years as mobs have become more discriminating in who they associate with. [Whoops. Maybe I need to spend less money on crack research teams and more on proofreaders... nah. -Ed.] #1 - Posted by: GEBIV on August 7, 2007 11:52 AMClassic example of unionized "what goes around, comes around" : Dumb union teachers --> dumb kids --> dumb teachers. #2 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 7, 2007 12:03 PM...mental note to self...find something to combat insomnia.... I was all the way to Krypton before I realized it was UNIONS not ONIONS!! (although my way WAS funnier!!) #3 - Posted by: CCHEMuse on August 7, 2007 12:07 PMA Liberal Blog Union is a great idea! All lib bloggers sign up and then would go on strike for higher wages befitting their brilliance. When all leftie bloggers are on strike, guess who the scabs would be! Bwa ha ha. Can you imagine Frank J scabbing the Daily Kos? [I would write some awesome left-wing commentary for the minimum wage. -Ed.] #4 - Posted by: reality intrudes on August 7, 2007 12:39 PMFlash Gordon reference or typo? FLASH!!! AH-ah!!!! Sorry. I agree that unions are for the most part insane. #5 - Posted by: Matty G on August 7, 2007 01:10 PMFranks disclosure is realistic. I was a member of IATSE for a while & paid: An exorbitant initiation fee ($600 & change), In other words, I was paying someone so that I could earn a paycheck... while being subjected to nonstop liberal hype about evil Republicans. Even before I joined, I was a "permit" worker for a couple of years, but still paid the assessment. When I worked as an electrician/data tech for a company here, I could only work for a limited amount of time before I either had to join IBEW or be let go. #6 - Posted by: AlamABQ on August 7, 2007 01:12 PMSee? We have teacher's unions, and I can't even spell my own name correctly! #7 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 7, 2007 01:16 PMUnions: When you're too lazy to picket for yourself. Q: Why do unions support Democrats? Q: How many union employees does it take to use the urinal? Q: Why are unions totally gay? * Reason Krypton exploded: It was up to union labor to stabilize it's core. This explains why my Benevolent Overlord Kal El has all his *ahem* important tasks carried out by loyal concubines. #9 - Posted by: shimauma on August 7, 2007 02:27 PMWhy did the first Death Star take 20+ years to complete? The Empire hired a Union to build it. Why did the second Death Star take less time? The Empire learned and used Ewoks to build it. #10 - Posted by: rdvrk219 on August 7, 2007 02:46 PMSoup's on!!!! French Union soup for everyone! Tasty, melted cheese on top! #11 - Posted by: Wacky Hermit on August 7, 2007 02:52 PM"That's just so ming bogglingly stupid..." Shouldn't that be, "That's just so ming blogglingly stupid..."? #12 - Posted by: JasonZ on August 7, 2007 03:16 PMrdvrk219, that reminds me of Kevin Smith's philosophical question in Clerks about whether there was some evil element to the destruction of the second Death Star. Obviously it was still under construction, right? So obviously there were some construction workers there who were blown to smithereens who really didn't have loyalty to either the Dark Side of the Force or the Good. In fact they were probably members of Local 247 of the Planet-Destroying Space Station Construction Workers United. In fact, that's probably the only loyalty they had. Wait a minute....let it sink in, otcconan...... ..... ..... .....yep, it's a good thing they died. Never mind. #13 - Posted by: otcconan on August 7, 2007 03:45 PMQ: How do you tell if the union guy is dead? A:1 The doughnut falls out of his mouth. A:2 He's getting more work done. A:3 He hasn't said, "That's not my job" in a while. #14 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 7, 2007 03:59 PMThose who can, do. Those who can't, join unions. #15 - Posted by: DesertElephant on August 7, 2007 06:09 PM
Hell, maybe the DNC/Democrat Causus should unionize; this way, they might actually get SOMETHING done. ...possibly the new pitboss, Madame Pelosi, could renegotiate for a "New Contract with America?" #16 - Posted by: Paulie No Neck on August 7, 2007 06:15 PMThe cause of the Dark Ages: Unions. I always learned in school that it was the black plague. But then again... The Dark Ages were caused by the fall of the Roman Empire. Which, by the way, was brought about by unionizing the soldiery. They had soldiers on the borders, but they were picketing for more wine and whores all the time. Mmm... wine & whores... grrglergrrglre... #19 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 8, 2007 12:47 AMThere seems to be an error in your update to the first comment [Whoops. Maybe I need to spend less money on crack research teams and more on proofreaders... nah. -Ed.] Shouldn't that be [Whoops. Maybe I need to spend less money on crack and more on proofreaders... nah. -Ed.] #20 - Posted by: No One of Consequence on August 8, 2007 09:56 AMThat is such an unbelievable stupid idea that it hurts my brain to think it. #21 - Posted by: Diesel on August 11, 2007 12:29 PM
There are PROS and CONS to Unions. (As there are for ANYTHING else) But, the thing that scares me is the thought of NOT having any unions. #22 - Posted by: Bill369 on August 11, 2007 09:41 PMBut, the thing that scares me is the thought of NOT having any unions. Yeah, cars would be cheaper. They would run on water, too. And be more competitive with foreign cars. Who wants cars we can afford that cost nothing to run and are as good as foreign ones? Not me. That would be stupid. And we have way too much stupid in the world already. Like Bill369. Heehee #23 - Posted by: Redneck on August 13, 2007 09:43 AMPost a comment
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