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August 08, 2007
"I Don't Want to Sound Sexist, But Women Are Useless"
Posted by Frank J. at 12:29 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (21)

Hillary has gained a huge lead on Obama despite Obama's assertions that he is not naive in the area of foreign affairs (Obama says he talked to the emperor of Czechoslovakia and he liked his plans). It's time to play dirty, and that means Obama needs to start putting doubt in people's minds about whether America is ready for a woman president. Thus, I've come up with some questions Obama can ask aloud about Hillary that will subtly make people doubt her without seeming overtly sexist:

* If an international emergency breaks out, can we wait an hour for Hillary to get ready before we respond?

* Will she break an embargo against an enemy nation just because their leader said she's looking thinner?

* How will it affect relations with other countries when Hillary won't explicitly tell other countries our positions and instead expect their leaders to know what she is thinking?

* Are the White House closets big enough for all her shoes?

* With those irrational moods swings, is she going to be talking about great relations with a country in the morning and then trying to nuke them by the afternoon?

If for some reason Edwards surges ahead in the polls, these questions will also work on him.

Rating: 4.0/5 (12 votes cast)

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21 Responses To ""I Don't Want to Sound Sexist, But Women Are Useless""

I hate it when you put me in the position of having to defend the indefensible. If only you'd have kept the criticism to Hillary I would have been able to ignore it, but you didn't. You spread it around to all of us and so now I have to do it.

Maybe with a woman in the White House she can:

Take away the nuclear weapons from countries like Iran, Pakistan, India et al. After all if your going to fight over your toys I'll just have to take them away.

Multitask- not everyone can do 15 things at one time without dropping most of the balls. Moms do that and so much more.

improve logistics. After having 6 children, 4 teenagers at the same time I personally can get anyone, almost anywhere, sometime close to when they need to be there.

improve sharing, cooperation and harmony. Any leaders who refuse to work with each other will be confined to a room that include only a small two person seat. Both leaders will be forced to sit on that chair with their arms around each other until they get along. Murder will not be tolerated. Anyone engaging in such behavior will have to go to the "naughty spot". If they are ever seen again they will be much nicer, gentler people.

There are so many more things that women can do that would be different than men, but truthfully as bad as the world is now I'm not sure we could do worse. Of course you're willing to try. ***there's a play you should read Frank. It's called Lysistrata by Aristophanes, you'd like it and so would Sara ; )

#1 - Posted by: seanmahair on August 8, 2007 12:52 PM

Is appointing Martha Stewart as SecDef to soften our military appearance around the world the best course of action? Is changing our Marine's dress blues to a soft mauve with mint green braids the right course?

Is Hillary going to Drive America while putting on her make-up?

#2 - Posted by: Casper the Friendly Host on August 8, 2007 12:54 PM

Nice job putting your headline in quotes, Frank.

* Hillary will change her mind many times on most legislation, especially after her little "chats" with the american people (small 'a' less offensive to sensitive female voters).

* Her mood swings at various presidential meetings will cause post traumatic stress syndrom in White House and government personnel, becoming a national problem bordering on an emergency.

* She'll steer the White House yacht with her ovaries instead of her arms.

* She'll have a falling out with John Kerry over who voted for it first before voting against it.

#3 - Posted by: on August 8, 2007 12:56 PM

* You just know she'll crinkle-cut the edge of the Declaration of Independence before placing it in the National Scrapbook.

* Do you really want the State of the Union simulcast on Lifetime and SoapNET?

* What if our field commanders misinterpret all her talk about "hot flashes"?

* She'll raise our taxes to fund her War on Cellulite.

* Monthly Prime-time speeches warning Americans not to leave the seat up.

* Constantly forcing our submarines to surface and ask for directions.

#4 - Posted by: Exurban Jon on August 8, 2007 01:24 PM

How would she explain herself if when attacks another nation in a fit of PMS?

They'll ask "What the hell was that for?!?" and she'll tell them "You know what you did."

Actually, that might work... we'd have world peace for 5-7 days each month 'cause nobody on the planet in their right mind is going to want to poke that tiger with a stick.

#5 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 8, 2007 01:28 PM

You stole my thunder with the John Edwards comment. As soon as I started reading, I thought, "Just like Edwards to have too many shoes for a closet."

#6 - Posted by: ChrisA on August 8, 2007 01:28 PM

I'm waiting for some evidence that Hillary is actually a woman, myself. She's far less feminine than, say, John Edwards.

#7 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on August 8, 2007 01:29 PM

What made you think you'd sound sexist?

#8 - Posted by: Gunga on August 8, 2007 01:31 PM

EDWARDS has much better HAIR.

And slimmer, sexier ankles.

#9 - Posted by: Bile, Snark, and Sneer on August 8, 2007 01:51 PM

You know, Barry O. wasn't really complimenting Hillary for her "jacket;" - it was the cleavage, baby!

#10 - Posted by: everydayjoe on August 8, 2007 01:52 PM

Sean, you learned these by actually raising your kids. You know Hitlery doesn't have them. Maybe we can elect Chelsea's nanny?

#11 - Posted by: DesertElephant on August 8, 2007 03:18 PM

seanmahair,

Hey!!! I also have 6 kids 4 of whom were teenagers at the same time. I have always been led to believe that I was the only mother on the planet who was crazy enough to attempt such a thing. Nice to know I am not alone.

If dear Sarahk is very lucky maybe she will join our ranks some day - then Frankj will find out just how USELESS a woman is NOT.

#12 - Posted by: Lily on August 8, 2007 04:00 PM

So while you are running the world...who's going to be looking after your husband and what do you think he's going to be doing with all his free time...in the White House...full of interns...

#13 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on August 8, 2007 04:21 PM

I thought Frank would get in trouble with this one. Putting it in quotes didn't help. You should have said, "I Don't Want To Sound Sexist, But Hillary Is Useless." Come on, Frank, this place has FEMALE RONIN!

#14 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 8, 2007 04:47 PM

True, Jimmy, but their comments get only 70% of the credence that male comments do on average.

#15 - Posted by: DesertElephant on August 8, 2007 06:26 PM

Yes, but DesertElephant, there's nothing like a woman who knows what she's trying to do. You know? Like I grew up with five (holy crap!) sisters so I kind of expect that from women. If I don't see it I'm disappointed.

#16 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 8, 2007 07:28 PM

I know I'm going to catch hell from my "sisters" on this, but nobody that has mood swings or hot flashes, who can cry at the drop of a hat for no reason, and who will no doubt feel pity for every little child even if he is going to grow up to be a terrorist, has any reason to be the leader of a free country. Ladies, it is our jobs to back up our men. That's what we were made for. It's these pussy men who've grown up in women enpowered times who have lost the BALLS and fortitude that the US used to have.

Just check out the last act of "Taming of the Shrew" with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor...good sir, MY hand is ready. Let's get our MEN back in CHARGE.

#17 - Posted by: shimauma on August 8, 2007 10:02 PM

You won't catch any flack from me, shimauma. I agree that men do make better leaders, and bullet catchers and jar openers. The trick is always to have the right man in charge. The right guy can even handle raging feminists.

And as for feminists...pshaw...quality with men, don't make me laugh. I prefer it up here on my pedestal thank you very much.

#18 - Posted by: Lily on August 8, 2007 10:56 PM

Ouch, "Lily"!

Sure, men are terrible. We lack sensitivity... but have to.

#19 - Posted by: AlanABQ on August 9, 2007 04:50 AM

"AlanABQ"
As I tell women who complain to me that their men don't understand them or know what they are thinking. "Honey if men really could read our minds, they'd all be dead by now." And they laugh 'cause they know it is true. Sad, but true.

#20 - Posted by: Lily on August 9, 2007 12:01 PM

And nothing but silence from SarahK...

I suspect foulplay.

#21 - Posted by: gunga on August 9, 2007 02:09 PM
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