KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine (Reuters) - President Bush appeared invigorated after inviting the recently-elected French President Nicolas Sarkozy to his Kennebunkport vacation home where he spent the weekend playing spiteful practical jokes on and cruelly taunting France's leader as revenge for French political activities during the run-up to the Iraq War.

"Well, that swishy little girl Chirac never had the guts to face me in person, so I figured I could get a little payback outta Sarkozy," said President Bush. "I sweet-talked him into coming up to my house and just started messin' with Froggy's head."

Bush suckers France's naive president with a joy buzzer.

"First thing I did was hand him a hamburger, waited until he bit the edge, then told him, 'Whoa, there, Pierre! That's not how we eat a burger in America! Ya take the top bun off, then start lickin' the meat.' Would you believe that idiot actually started DOING it? I'm totally putting that one up on YouTube!"

Bush then took a verbal swipe at the visiting dignitary. "Just like eatin' an Oreo, ain't it? You DO have Oreos in France, right? Oh... wait... the only black & white things you have over there are the burnt out shells of cars after Muslim riots".

Sarkozy, embarrassed, said nothing.

Bush continued to goad. "Come on Sarky, it's not THAT bad. At least you smelly grape-stompers still got your national health care, right? Say... does that include air-conditioners now, or are you guys planning on roasting a few thousand more old people this year?"

After nightfall, Bush stopped the verbal barbs in favor of some old reliable frat-house pranks. "It was sorta like those 'Messin With Sasquatch' commercials," said Bush, "except hairier and smellier."

"In one night," bragged the President, "I pulled the shaving cream in the hand trick, dipped his other hand in warm water, and woke him up with a bag of flaming dog poo."

"I ain't had this much fun since I tricked Putin into wearing a dress," grinned Bush. "That picture's EVERYWHERE now."

"It was a great time," concluded the President. "I may have lost Blair as my poodle, but now I've definitely made Sarkozy my bitch."

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