Our military is very good at what it does: killing foreigners and breaking their stuff. Still, America isn't feared enough abroad because of all the whiners and second-guessers at home (we call them Democrats). To make up for this will take extreme measures. Thus it's time for the weapon our generals have been dreaming about since the Civil War: Dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them.

We need to put all our money into researching how to resurrect dinosaurs and then put rocket launchers on them. When our pathetic little enemies see dinosaurs coming at them launching rockets, they are going to give up. "How can we expect to succeed over dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them?" they'll exclaim. "We must surrender now and hope the Americans will let us worship their obviously superior god."

I would expect all terrorism to end within a month of us first deploying dinosaurs with rocket launchers making this an investment well worth the money. Some may worry that we will have trouble controlling dinosaurs with rocket launchers, but I think they will listen to us as long as we are nice to them and talk to them in soothing voices saying, "Good dino. Good." All dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them want is love.

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Rating: 2.1/5 (21 votes cast)

Frank the Artist
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