WASHINGTON (AP) - Responding to accusations that he was a heartless monster for threatening to veto a Democrat-sponsored expansion of a federal children's health insurance program, the President said that "sick kids come in really handy for a lot of things, and I don't want to diminish one of America's greatest assets."

Hillary mines for "sick kid gold" at a children's hospital campaign stop"

The president explained that for the average American, sick children are a blessing. "I mean, who HASN'T taken a day off from work by calling in and saying they won't be in because 'Bobby's got the flu' or 'Susie just projectile-vomited on the cat'? If it weren't for childhood ilnesses, people would have to work 365 days a year. THAT'S what Democrats want. A nation of overworked slaves!"

"Well, I won't have it!" Bush stated fiercely. "Hard-working Americans deserve a little me-time once in a while, and if it takes sick kids to make that happen, then by God, I'll make darn sure that this country maintains a ready stock of coughing, wheezing, stuffy-nosed little crumb-crunchers!"

After a moment's reflection, the president added, "I don't know why Democrats are so eager to have America's children healthy, anyway. Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed kids don't win elections. I mean, it's all well and good to get your picture taken with a smiling, healthy child - they're cute little buggers and all - but if you get a grin out of some moppet in a hospital bed, then BAM! Front page news, and an extra million dollars in the campaign coffers!"

"Besides," added Bush, "isn't it a slap in the face to the Sickly-American community to say that there's something wrong with their choice of lifestyle?"

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