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October 11, 2007
Frank Suggestions for Campaign Slogans
None of the presidential candidates so far has had a slogan that's really stood out, so I thought I'd take a shot at writing each of them a slogan: Rudy Giuliani: A tire iron to the heads of terrorists... but literally and figuratively. John Edwards: I feel pretty. Barack Obama: I have no idea what I'm doing, but maybe you don't to and will vote for me! Mitt Romney: Can't you already see him as an animatron in the Hall of Presidents? Hillary Clinton: Give in the to the darkness! Fred Thompson: The power of one million exploding suns. Ron Paul: You don't have to be crazy to vote for me, but it helps. Chris Dodd: Me Dodd. Me want be President. John McCain: This slogan is within the regulations of campaign finance reform. Mike Gravel: Rocks go in the river! Bill Richardson: Half man. Half Mexican. All politician. Mike Huckabee: Only half as hillbilly as his name. Joe Biden: (slogan omitted to reduce possibility of an offensive gaffe) Duncan Hunter: Mitt Romney may look like Hollywood's version of a president, but I have Hollywood's idea of a president's name. Sam Brownback: I'm only in this race to annoy everyone. Dennis Kucinich: Stop laughing at me! It's quite possible I'm forgetting one or two. Oh well. If you have some better ideas, put them in the comments. UPDATE: Oh, I forgot Tancredo! Tom Tancredo: Nuke Mecca to stop the North America Union! 73 Responses To "Frank Suggestions for Campaign Slogans"
Is there potential for winning high praise? #1 - Posted by: MB on October 11, 2007 12:28 PMHillary: "Vote for me, or die under mysterious circumstances!" #2 - Posted by: RJS on October 11, 2007 12:29 PMHillary: Why settle for the lesser evil? #3 - Posted by: DL on October 11, 2007 12:31 PMJoe Biden: (slogan omitted while under investigation for stealing someone elses slogan) #4 - Posted by: Fast Eddie on October 11, 2007 12:34 PMJohn Edwards: "We can't make me a woman, we can't make me black...hmm...well, we can't make me black" Ron Paul: with apologies to Billy Joel - "but maybe it's a lunatic you're looking for" #5 - Posted by: James on October 11, 2007 12:35 PMMitt Romney: The Other White Meat (Photo here) #6 - Posted by: Exurban Jon on October 11, 2007 12:38 PMVOte for Barack Hussein, and make this an Obamanation! [High Praise! -Ed.] #7 - Posted by: Raving Lunatic on October 11, 2007 12:40 PMJoe Biden: Look, I'm a nasty stinker and you know it. Barack Obama: Watch me strut to the White House. Hillary Clinton: Got babies? Fred Thompson: I'm gonna kick your ass. Hillary Clinton: Vote for me or I will swallow your soul! Rudy Giuliani: I was there on 9/11!!! Barak Obama: What's this "experience" thing I keep hearing about? #9 - Posted by: Vanguard1219 on October 11, 2007 12:45 PMFred: Mr. Edwards, France called, they are running out of whine. Edwards: Well the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you! [Fred: Strange, because you're their best seller! Edwards: I'm sleeping with your wife! Fred: No one is going to believe that... for a variety of reasons. Barack Obama: Yes, I'm terrified of crossing Hillary. #12 - Posted by: Son of Bob on October 11, 2007 12:55 PMHillary Clinton: We are Clinton, prepare to be assimilated. #13 - Posted by: Son of Bob on October 11, 2007 12:56 PMHillary Clinton: Vote for me and prevent your audit! John Edwards: For a prettier, better-smelling America. John Edwards: A cut above the best Ron Paul: Stop the Zionist Neoconservative Warhawks #14 - Posted by: Sir Andrew on October 11, 2007 01:08 PMRon Paul: Because Anarchy seems to look good on paper. Thompson: The man to support if you want to keep breathing. Her Royal Thighness: My record speaks for itself, too bad no one can read it until after the election. #15 - Posted by: DesertElephant on October 11, 2007 01:11 PMRudy Giuliani: Our nation, as one great city, needs a new mayor. Mitt Romney: I'll loan my campaign more money. Duncan Hunter: America's enemies - beware! #16 - Posted by: Pinky on October 11, 2007 01:18 PMRichardson: "My daddy was white, but trust me; I'm all Latino. I have the racial incentives to prove it." Hillary: "Mwa ha ha ha ha!" Thompson: "I'm Fred Thompson. Enough said." Romney: "Curse you, Log Cabin homos!" McCain: "A vote for me would be muy bueno, compadres!" Obama: "Between me & Richardson, we make one whole dumb-ass honkey" Paul: "Truth. Truther. Truthest!" Edwards: "Just like how Clinton didn't inhale, I don't swallow." Kucinich: "Oh, so that's how my name is pronounced..." [LOL! You get High Praise for your Obama one. -Ed.] #17 - Posted by: AlanABQ on October 11, 2007 01:19 PMAlanABQ is just too damn good at this. #18 - Posted by: Pinky on October 11, 2007 01:26 PMMitt Romney. Because his readouts indicate he is operating within specified tolerances. Rudy Giuliani: Mitt is not the droid you're looking for. Fred Thompson: Because Chomps is afraid of him. Hillary Clinton: Don't waste your time voting. I've already been elected. You'll see. Barack Obama: Because on the job training is the best kind! #19 - Posted by: K T Cat on October 11, 2007 01:27 PM"Vote for Barack Hussein, and make this an Obamanation!" Win!I may briefly consider thinking about voting for him if he used that slogan. #20 - Posted by: Rubeus on October 11, 2007 01:28 PMHillary 08: LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!!! Or maybe that's Fred Thompson...? Either way someone's gonna die. #21 - Posted by: shimauma on October 11, 2007 01:31 PMHillary Clinton: I want your child's MIND. Bring it closer so that I might JOIN with it. #22 - Posted by: Pinky on October 11, 2007 01:35 PMFred Thompson: Embodying the ending of Independence Day Hillary Clinton: That's what SHE said. Barack Obama: Half-Black, Half-White, All-Unexperienced Mitt Romney: George W. Bush- but with Brylcreem! #23 - Posted by: Sir Andrew on October 11, 2007 01:37 PMFred Thompson: Because FrankJ said so. #24 - Posted by: slapout on October 11, 2007 01:43 PMMitt Romney: 500 gallons of Vitalis free with every vote Ron Paul: Fight terrorism - eliminate the letter "T" from the English language Fred Thompson: Alternate universes fear my white-hot anger Sam Brownback: Vote for me or I'll throw my accent at you Hillary Clinton: I require the fat of all your unbaptized male children Barak Obama: Oh s### - have I been baptized? Chris Dodd: Would you buy a used car from this man? John Edwards: Vote for me or I'll swallow your butt plug #25 - Posted by: Mad Insomniac on October 11, 2007 01:43 PMHillary: Vote for me - 666 times! Hillary: I know what's best for you! (actually, that works for just about any Democrat) #26 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on October 11, 2007 01:45 PMJohn Edwards: I feel pretty. Her Royal Thighness: *chuckle* *snort* *guffaw* *giggle* #27 - Posted by: Polly Esther on October 11, 2007 01:45 PMI'm still cracking up over one from a week or so ago... There is no Hillary, only Zuul. #30 - Posted by: Ron Mozilla on October 11, 2007 01:51 PMRon Paul: All your internet polls is belong to us! #31 - Posted by: FormerHostage on October 11, 2007 01:54 PM
Hillary Clinton: Build me an army worthy of Mordor! Mozilla, Glad to see my contribution has endured. #34 - Posted by: DesertElephant on October 11, 2007 02:40 PMEverybody forgot Tom Tancredo and his signature : "No Se Puede !!" #35 - Posted by: howlsatmoon on October 11, 2007 02:42 PMRudy Giuliani: You think it was bad under Bush, you ain't seen nothing yet! #36 - Posted by: on October 11, 2007 02:45 PMChris Dodd: I'm old and creepy and I'll die in office. Get over it. Tom Tancredo: I get excited ... I mean look at ... the other candidates ... I mean, we gotta shut down the border! Sam Brownback: I kinda look and sound like John Edwards. But I do it Honorably. #37 - Posted by: PostToasties on October 11, 2007 02:49 PMChris Dodd: I'm sofa king wee Dodd id. #38 - Posted by: Mad Insomniac on October 11, 2007 03:12 PMWonderful, I love it all. For my meager contribution: Fred Thompson: I'm your huckleberry. Some of the comments for Obama (and others) remind me of the Mississippi gubernatorial debate I attended the other night. The incumbent, GOP Governor Haley Barbour, had this to say of his Dem opponent, John Eaves: "Ladies and gentlemen in the audience and viewing on television, if you're saying to yourself 'I just don't know what John Eaves would do as governor of Mississippi,' don't worry; John Eaves doesn't know either." #39 - Posted by: Joseph on October 11, 2007 03:18 PMHillary Clinton - Let these thighs protect America Rudy - I'll appoint conservative judges - wink wink Mitt Romney: (insert mysterious whirring, beeping and clicking sounds here) #42 - Posted by: K T Cat on October 11, 2007 03:56 PMTo Joseph: And that's why Haley rocks my socks!!! I almost had a confrontation with John Authur Eaves sister today when she asked us (a group of military wives) to vote for JAE. #43 - Posted by: brownfly on October 11, 2007 04:45 PMRON PAUL: Vote for the ONLY living oxymoron--a politician with integrity, honesty, a genuine respect for THE CONSTITUTION, and actual Allegiance to our Country! Guiliani: Vote terror, Vote for a 2nd 9/11! Fred Thompson: I'm really Council on Foreign Relations Scum! My pisspoor acting is not good enough to convince people I'm a Reaganite conservative. Mitt Romney: Maintain the Status Quo and put another Establishment Shill in the White House! John McCain: It takes more than 5 years in an NVA prison camp to act honorably in public office! Mike Huckabee: Being a useful idiot is better than being a useless idiot! Tom Tancredo: Shut down the borders, string up the illegals, and preserve our Nationalism and Culture! I might be Xenophobic, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. Hitlery Clinton: Vote CUNT and put Hitlery back in the White House! Who's ready for some Extremist, America-Killing Socialism?! What's wrong with 32 consecutive years of Bush-Clinton treachery in the Oval Office?! Barak Obama: Its either me, or that America-Killing Cunt Hitlery. Vote Obama in 08! Dennis Kucinich: The only, and best alternative to the field of Democrat shills, but I hate the 2nd Amendment and would love to take all your guns! I am also willing to pimp out my fine-ass wife to procure votes. John Edwards: The Democrat's version of Mitt Romney--an establishment shill who gets $400 haircuts, but will bring in Hitlery-style socialism. Bill Richardson: Serving the interests of the Clinton's for over 20 years! Chris Dodd: Outta my league, but can't a man dream? At least I'm not Hitlery! Mike Gravel: At least I make the debates more interesting. Many pundits and my opponents say I'm crazy, but Kucinich and I are the only candidates crazy enough to disqualify any preemptive, tactical nuclear strike on Iran. Joe Biden: I am nothing more than Council on Foreign Relations Scum! A shameless internationalist opposed to such antiquated ideas as National Soveriegnty. I am a pathetically marginal candidate, vote for Kucinich or Gravel instead!
#44 must have taken that Paulbot all day to compose. #45 - Posted by: Old Geezer on October 11, 2007 05:09 PMFred Thompson: In my first 100 hours, we'll have 100 fewer countries. Barak Obama: Who wouldn't love a guy with the middle name of Hussein? John Edwards: When the terrorists try to kick the president in the crotch, it won't hurt! Bill Richardson: Para Espanol, oprime Richardson! Hillary Clinton: I want a calm, orderly election which will eliminate the necessity of a violent bloodbath to follow. Mitt Romney: I'll flood the country with green jello and family night! (The rest of the Mormons out there will get this one) Ron Paul: Vote for Ron or they will taze you, bro. Dennis Kucinich: I am the lizard king! #46 - Posted by: cptnmoroni on October 11, 2007 05:09 PMDOCTOR Paul: It's Peace, Freedom, and Propserity, Stupid! Everyone else: SSDD, pass the toilet paper. #47 - Posted by: Tannim on October 11, 2007 05:10 PM Rudy - I'll run like Reagan but govern like GHW Bush. You're out of toilet paper. Use your hands, stupid. #49 - Posted by: Old Geezer on October 11, 2007 05:15 PMThanks for the Jerk Store addition. Gold Jerry. Gold! #50 - Posted by: Corey on October 11, 2007 05:57 PMFrank and commenters: Wicked funny stuff!!! Especially M.I.'s "Oh s### - have I been baptized?" Rudy: Vote for me and all your wildest dreams will come true! Edwards: Vote for me and all my wildest dreams will come true! Hillary: Vote for me and all your wildest nightmares will come true! Mitt: Vote for me and all your deepest suspicions will come true! Ron Paul: Vote for me and all your weirdest hallucinations will come true! Obama: Vote for me and Martin Luther King Jr.s wildest dreams will come true! Tancredo: Vote for me or Mexico's wildest dreams will come true! Fred! Vote for me or else! #52 - Posted by: Lily on October 11, 2007 06:47 PM Still laughing at Fred Thompson is the Sentry?! Hillary: Bill was president and now it's my turn for putting up with him. Edwards: Don't ask and I won't tell Brownback: We have corn in KS, vital for fuel. If you don't like that, remember, I'm switchback Brownback so I can change Amigo. Obama: If you don't vote for me you are a racist. If you do vote for me you are black like me. Love #52! #56 - Posted by: katablog.com on October 11, 2007 09:46 PMHillary: Like a fine cigar... Edwards: I wanna be your partner! Obama: Articulate. Bright. Clean. Nice-looking. Rudy: All those positions I held opposing guns and supporting abortion and gay marriage...fuhgetaboutit!! Mitt: Articulate. Bright. Clean. Nice-looking. Fred: Like a strong drink of Tennessee Whiskey...smashed over your puny skull! #57 - Posted by: joseph on October 11, 2007 10:35 PMBrownfly, you're right on the money. There's no way I would even consider voting for JAE, or, worse, Jim Hood for AG. Haley and Al Hopkins all the way. #58 - Posted by: Joseph on October 11, 2007 11:08 PMRon Paul: You don't have to be crazy to vote for me, though there's no evidence to the contrary. Hilary: I'll take it away for your own good. Rudy: I'm a Republican, NOT a conservative. Edwards: Two America's, I bought them both. Mitt: Too slick to take a stand. McCain: Straight Talk about..?.could you repeat the question. Richardson: I'll do the 'splaining when the 'splaining needs to be 'splained. #59 - Posted by: spacemonkey on October 11, 2007 11:37 PMHillary: Snuke the Moon! too tired to think up any others tonight. maybe tomorrow. #60 - Posted by: tommy on October 12, 2007 01:54 AMRudy Giuliani: I'll fight the terrorists in a dress and pumps. John Edwards: I might screw you like she will, but I'll give you the common courtesy of a reach-around. John Edwards: Fifty percent chance I'll be the first woman president. Barack Obama: I've watched every episode of the West Wing! Mitt Romney: I even come with rechargeable batteries! Hillary Clinton: Stalin was amateur... Hillary Clinton: Brains!!! Fred Thompson: WW III will be fought with nukes. WW IV will just be Fred Thompson. Ron Paul: 9/11 wasn't that bad. I'll make sure the sequel's better. Chris Dodd: For those who think Hillary is a GOP candidate. John McCain: Variety is the spice of life, so watch how I change my mind! John McCain: I change pants and opinions with equal ease. Mike Gravel: I sure sound tough, don't I? Bill Richardson: ¿Qué? Mike Huckabee: They loved me so much, they made a movie about me (I Heart Huckabees). Joe Biden: Bringing back all the fun of the Carter administration. Duncan Hunter: I'm like Fred Thompson, only my name's coo...uugghhlll@$^%$#@# (His last words before encountering Fred Thompson) Sam Brownback: It's not a nickname and I'm not Edward's life partner. Dennis Kucinich: I'm running for President, right? #61 - Posted by: David Marcoe on October 12, 2007 04:01 AMCorrection for Ron Paul: 9/11 wasn't that bad, but I'll make sure the sequel's better. #62 - Posted by: David Marcoe on October 12, 2007 04:03 AMRon Paul: Vote for me or I'll loose my vulgarity spewing typing monkeys on your websites. TOO LATE! MWAAHAHAHA Hillary: Kevorkian's got nothin' on me Edwards: Please vote for me. If I don't in, Elizabeth will hurt me! I'm really afraid of her. Really! Obama: My teeth? Why, all the better to eat you with! Ron Paul: The last great hope of morons everywhere Hillary: Taking fiscal shell games to a new high Hillary: The Chinese liked me so much, they bought the company #63 - Posted by: Raving Lunatic on October 12, 2007 08:18 AMHillary Clinton: I am the Alpha and the Omega. John Edwards: I never wanted to be presedent, I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK!!! Fred Thompson: Allah can't save you now... Duncan Hunter: My name makes me sound like an action hero. Barak Obama: I'm Barack Obama. #64 - Posted by: Vanguard1219 on October 12, 2007 08:44 AMRon Paul: Because 4,639 troofer geeks living in their mother's basement can't be wrong! Ron Paul: The choice of one-handed typists everywhere! Ron Paul: Hey! You bought the idea that four blades shave closer didn't you? Ron Paul: Because Lyndon LaRouche is SOOOOO last week!
Hillarity: Let the new First Lady finally put some "T" in a White House Tea Party Ron Paul: I can pull out of Iraq faster than Edwards can pull out of... Fred Thompson: I want to add a new definition to the dictionary: FLILF Guiliani: Live from New York...IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! Mitt Romney: Mormons or Muslims...who are you going to vote for? So many more ideas, but those are the best I can come up with between patients, and don't worry 44, my wife is wrong about the "C" word and Hillary...they belong together Fred Thompson - SuperBeing - I kicked Galactus' ass, and left him shivering in the corner like a dog sh***ing hookworms! #68 - Posted by: Grinchnet on October 12, 2007 02:35 PMYou already had the perfect one for Hillary! back in January. Hillary '08 America Has Existed Long Enough. #69 - Posted by: Veeshir on October 12, 2007 03:38 PMHitlery: Vote for me, it's the last time you will have to! Hillary: "Buying your vote with your money" Ron Paul: "Just check the name on the bottom of the ballot" Chris Dodd: "You may not recognize my face, but at least my name is forgetable" Fred Thompson: "I'm very tall. Americans like tall" Barack Obama: "I have the more vowels in my name than those other guys" #71 - Posted by: MagicalPat on October 12, 2007 05:18 PMJohn Edwards: the other woman running for president Fred Thompson: a win and a wall Rudy Giuliani: new haircut, new wife, and new dead terrorists Hillary Clinton: you'll come back to me, just like he did Ron Paul: like Idi Amin, only lighter Joe Biden: My speeches sound better than the first people who used them Dennis Kucinich: the great slight hope #72 - Posted by: Patrick in Toms River on October 12, 2007 07:16 PMBiden: You ever try plagarizing an entire presidency? It's not as easy as it looks. Edwards: Yes Dear! Kucinich: 1600 Pensylvania Ave, The New and Improved Area 51. Obama: Affirmative Action CAN get you to the top. Clinton: Marrying well CAN get you to the top. (and you don't even have to like the sumbitch) Richardson: Hey, the feds used to do nuclear testing in my state. And they store all their excess Indians here too. We're damned important out here. Don't let anybody fool you that we're not. McCain: Y'all don't like me. You really, really don't like me. Gulianni: Thank God for David Dinkins.
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