[Author's note: HuffPo did it, Scrappleface did it, SNL did it, Volokh did it... now it's my turn]

WASHINGTON (AP) - In yet another disappointing appearance before the highest court in the land, Al Gore's Nobel Peace Prize was awarded - after a closely-watched 5-4 decision - to President George W. Bush.

Chief Justice John Roberts, writing for the majority, explained that "dropping MOAB's on splodey-dope ragheads counts for more than blathering your weather-fantasies like some grass-addled tree-hugger who's only talking because his idiot mouth doesn't have any Doritos to fill it."

"I lost ANOTHER one? Awww %$#@!"

The former Vice-President tried desperately - if unsuccessfully - to appear unaffected by his latest legal trip to the woodshed, despite the fact that he's now 0 for 7 at the big bench. Other recent losses include:

Best Documentary Academy Award - given to "Team America: World Police" because "that 100 minute bore-fest of a tubby has-been strutting in front of a weather map contained infinitely less truth than the simple statement, 'you are worthress Arec Barrwin'".

Current TV - the Emmy-winning multi-media website was given to Rupert Murdoch in the hopes that doing so would "decrease self-indulgent leftist navel-gazing while increasing the variety and availability of purely prurient bikini-oil-wrestling-oriented viewing material."

The Internet - "Despite the inarguable fact that it was invented by Mr. Gore, it is perfectly clear that he voluntarily surrendered all rights to it in 2004 when he referred to bloggers as 'digital brownshirts'. Common interpretation of Godwin's Law clearly indicates that the first person to make a Hitler reference during an argument automatically loses. In this case, the usage was so gratuitous that the loss must include the entirety of the global system of computerized communications. It is hereby remanded to the possession of right-wing cyberpundits until such time as they forfeit it back to Mr. Gore by referring to Tipper as 'Goebbels' for her role in establishing the PMRC's Parental Advisory stickers."

Al Gore's beard - "returned to its rightful owner, Jonathan Frakes."

The Al & Tipper "Big Kiss" - awarded to Britney, Madonna, and Christina. "It's only right to take this nauseating publicity stunt and give it into the care of an infinitely hotter nauseating publicity stunt."

During the Court's next session, they are widely expected to take away Gore's current status as "global warming spokesman" and give it to SpongeBob SquarePants for being "more credible with America's youth, and having a comparatively less retarded-sounding voice."

• Currently 2.75/5
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• 8
• 9
• 10

Rating: 2.8/5 (2 votes cast)

Newsish Fakery
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | Stumble It!