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October 22, 2007
It Has Begun!
Monkeys have assassinated a politician in New Delhi. I'm sure we'll hear of more mysterious deaths there soon before the monkeys finally declare their monkey rule and control the populace with an iron paw. Part of the problem is that Hindus feed the monkeys thinking they are manifestations of Hanuman, the monkey god, when in fact they are servants of Satan, the monkey god. Another problem is that they use langurs, a larger monkey, to scare off the current monkeys. Don't fight monkeys with monkeys! Eventually the langurs will realize the people are dependent on them and use that against them! If you think this doesn't concern you, you are wrong! If you don't like outsourced customer service now, just wait until the one asking you to hold is a monkey! (hat tip to every single one of my readers) 20 Responses To "It Has Begun!"
Ninja attacks are also in the news, so we are doubly unprepared to deal with monkey ninjas; let's hope Fred Thompson wins the election to turn this situation around :) http://www.theinquirer.net/gb/inquirer/news/2007/10/22/stallman-attacked-ninjas #1 - Posted by: Capitalist_B on October 22, 2007 09:49 AMwhat's Fred Thompson's position on monkey domination? #2 - Posted by: WyoScotch on October 22, 2007 10:03 AMand just wait until we get robot monkeys who become sentient in their artificial-articficial-intelligence and rise up against mankind. then we'll really be screwed. #3 - Posted by: tommy on October 22, 2007 10:23 AMEventually the langurs will realize the people are dependent on them and use that against them! Just like in "High Plains Drifter" #4 - Posted by: FormerHostage on October 22, 2007 11:27 AMIs this a CIA plot to help the monkey-faced liberals gain power here? #5 - Posted by: Al Dente on October 22, 2007 11:35 AMWere they flying monkeys and where was Hillary ? #6 - Posted by: treefroggy on October 22, 2007 11:45 AMI've been preparing for this for years. My safehouse is fully loaded with weapons and food, and I've already started a list of people who are monkey moles. #7 - Posted by: AR on October 22, 2007 11:49 AMToo bad he wasn't wearing his yellow hat. It might have saved him. #8 - Posted by: jedijson on October 22, 2007 12:04 PMMuch like 'possum, monkey vittles is tasty! #9 - Posted by: Granny Clampett on October 22, 2007 12:40 PMI always laugh when I see posts like this: "All yer politicians are belong to Hanuman!!! #10 - Posted by: shimauma on October 22, 2007 01:00 PMIf Hitlery gets elected,...the chimp will definatly be on the horse. (give it a minute, it will come to ya) #11 - Posted by: Clay S. on October 22, 2007 01:31 PMI think we should solicit spacemonkey's opinion on this. #12 - Posted by: Old Geezer on October 22, 2007 03:00 PMI've been saying for years that mutant ninja monkeys were plotting my demise, but no one would believe me. You know, it isn't paranoia if you are right!!! #13 - Posted by: Texaspartan on October 22, 2007 03:09 PMIn Indian accent: "Hello, you have reached technical support. My name is Susan. How may I eat your eyeballs today?" #14 - Posted by: cknight on October 22, 2007 04:07 PMFrom what I understand, the attack was justified as the monkeys had been oppressed. The monkeys are really "Freedom Fighters" fighting back against the aggressive acts of the government...and, it was Bush's fault. #15 - Posted by: Son of Bob on October 22, 2007 11:16 PMWhat if the monkeys have something far more sinister in mind than customer support? What if they are trying to gain control of India's nuclear arsenal so they can "Nuke the moon" first? #16 - Posted by: cvictor on October 23, 2007 12:42 AMtrue fact: a person killed by a monkey is reincarnated as one. monkeys are kind of like zombies, I guess. our only hope may be the robot monkeys and the zombie monkeys starting a civil war. #17 - Posted by: tommy on October 23, 2007 01:03 AMI think we need to lock spacemonkey into the trunk of a car under suspicion of being a monkey collaberator. Just in case. Saturation bombing the San Diego zoo isn't a bad move, either. #18 - Posted by: Vanguard1219 on October 23, 2007 08:39 AMI'm suprised the Indian government hasn't sent some secret agents into the village to hunt down the monkey's and kill them. Of course, after that they would just nuke the village anyway #19 - Posted by: Pantera on October 23, 2007 11:00 AMGODDAMN YOU ALL TO HELLLLLLL
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