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October 25, 2007
America Can't Win the "War On Fire"
An Editorial by Harvey

After the all of endless days of the California fire quagmire, it's time for America to admit that it can't win this battle. We must immediately withdraw our forces and go home. But until our so-called "leaders" in Washington wise up to the folly of their current course, all we can do is ask ourselves, "why does fire hate us?".

The roots go deep.

"it's no wonder fire hates us. We've been demonizing it ever since the first cinematic Frankenstein monster said 'Fire bad!'."
In the 12th century, when Europe was suffering through it's Dark Ages, fire was the most enlightened thing on the planet. It provided warmth and illumination to those who were wise in its ways. Truly it was the engine of civilization.

Fire has never forgotten this, though apparently WE have, and our ingratitude to our betters galls them.

We think ourselves so sophisticated with our electricity and our central heating, but if fire hadn't paved the way for us, we'd be lost.

We offend fire by occupying the holy lands of burnable, burnable forests with our "fireless" nuclear power plants, claiming that we are "better than mere flames". We laugh at fire's "primitiveness" and "simplicity".

Well, apparently fire is stronger than we think, as it continues to prove itself unstoppable despite our recent surge of extinguishing agents. Water, and by extension America, is no match for such a primal force.

How foolish fighting fire is. And what a waste of resources in a country where there are children without health insurance.

And it's no wonder fire hates us. We've been demonizing it ever since the first cinematic Frankenstein monster said "Fire bad!". We tell our children not to play with matches or they'll wet the bed. We won't even allow lighters on airline flights! Even before the fire is made, it's assumed to be evil by its very nature. Plus we only allow fire the most menial of jobs in this country - barbecues, fireplaces, scented candles - is it any wonder that fire resents us so deeply?

I, for one, don't blame it. And I am ashamed to be an American.

Of course, even though I understand fire's anger, I certainly don't think violence is the answer. Naturally, like all decent people, I don't approve of fires raging through California. Still, I think we should at least consider containment as an option, rather than direct confrontation. Give fire a certain area of land to live as it pleases, and only react if it takes the initiative to cross borders. At that point, we should definitely consider economic sanctions.

I believe in co-existence. I think we can get along peaceably with fire if we just set our pride aside and give it some of what it wants.

After all, it's not called "the combustion of peace" for nothing.

---

Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as "Genocide: Smokey the Bear's Brutal Crusade Against Fire" and "Heat + Fuel + Oxygen = Fun!".

Rating: 3.0/5 (8 votes cast)

Editorials
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167 Responses To "America Can't Win the "War On Fire"
An Editorial by Harvey"

This may be one of the funniest things I have ever read. I now have to wipe pop off my monitor.

#1 - Posted by: Sean GM on October 25, 2007 11:24 AM

Every compassionate liberal should embrace fire, as the abuse by the white man is obviously the reason for this agression. They should take fire into their homes; give them a place to live and plenty to eat, and bask in the warmth of fire's gratitude.

#2 - Posted by: Raving Lunatic on October 25, 2007 11:28 AM

Brilliant. Just brilliant, Fra- er Harvey. ;-)

Still, I think we should at least consider containment as an option, rather than direct confrontation.

But what about diplomacy? We need first to understaaaaaaaaand fire. If we would only invite fire into our country, into our homes and businesses we could sit down together and make peace...

#3 - Posted by: Polly Esther on October 25, 2007 11:44 AM

I can't believe some people are actually trying to put the fire out. As if that's going to address the root causes.
The ones who want to put it out are obviously in the pocket of Big Water.

#4 - Posted by: Veeshir on October 25, 2007 11:54 AM

Harvey, you are behind the curve on this one. Fire wants a leading role in putting out fires. Just last night I saw Mythbusters put out fire with sound and explosions. They did it with a 55 Hz frequency. I think that is the normal frequency for all rap music. We should surround the fire with rappers and see how they do. If that doesn't work then we should move on to explosions. They used some mighty powerful explosions to put out a small butane fire. What we need is an engineer to tell us how many megatons we need to extenquish the California fires.

#5 - Posted by: Ron Rockstar on October 25, 2007 11:57 AM

Listen, I don't know who you think you are, but you've got to understand! People's homes which they have dreamed up and built with their own sweat, blood, and tears, and then lived and loved in and had so many memories in- those houses are GONE. The firefighters are trying to save homes here. This has nothing to do with "fire's anger". It has nothing to do with us fighting a losing battle. These men and women are heroes and they are saving homes. You don't understand. You don't live here in Ramona like I do, do you? No. Yeah that's what I thought. Your best friend's beautiful log cabin didn't burn, did it? They have seven kids in their family. Your old teacher's house didn't burn, did it? Along with her horses. And there are are other families just like them, only their homes were saved. I hope your own house BURNS TO THE GROUND.

#6 - Posted by: Whatev on October 25, 2007 12:02 PM

I personally think we should crack down on employers that use and hire undocumented fires, ....and how do we know that fire was in the country legally?? A sprinkler system on the southern border could have prevented this.

#7 - Posted by: Clay S. on October 25, 2007 12:06 PM

President Bush is considering the nuclear option as a way to extinguish the fires, and I agree. All methods to fight the beast must be on the table. Sadly, however, Condi Rice has convinced him to try endless sanctions first.

#8 - Posted by: Jimmy on October 25, 2007 12:18 PM

Funny Stuff, Harvey! Frank should go on vacation more often. While the plight of commentator #6 is pitiable, I'm sorry that he or she wasn't able to understand the subtle nuances of Harvey's humor. Also, hi, Jimmy.

#9 - Posted by: CO of Fort Housewife on October 25, 2007 12:25 PM

#6, I'll spare you snarkiness since you're obviously not capable of humor under pressure. But the peice is a parody of leftard idiocy over fighting tough battles (like the war on terror), not an attack on the victims of the wildfires.
Now, grow a sense of humor. Being an angry won't help.
Since my home was essentially destroyed by the floods after Hurricane Floyd, I know all about loss. I also kept my sense of humor through it. And you know what? Humor made it easier. Lighten up.

#10 - Posted by: Raving Lunatic on October 25, 2007 12:32 PM

I would just like to say that I am against firefighting but for the firefighters.

#11 - Posted by: ktjshaw on October 25, 2007 12:35 PM

I can't see how some people are saying they support putting the fire out, yet don't serve in the fire department.

ChickenHosers.

#12 - Posted by: spacemonkey on October 25, 2007 12:52 PM

ktjshaw beat me to it.

Harvey, i'm surprised you didn't repeatedly say that you support the firefighters and that anyone who questions that is a firehawk.

#13 - Posted by: Matty G on October 25, 2007 12:54 PM

I think fire is insecure and angry 'cause it's "teh ghey". Why do you think it's FLAMING all the time. AND in California...I mean, DUH!

#14 - Posted by: shimauma on October 25, 2007 01:02 PM

The GAO announced today that funding for the combined firefighting wars is expected to exceed 2.4 trillion - highly devalued - American dollars. When asked about hurricane Katrina, the GAO spokesman stated, "There is no accounting for Katrina."

#15 - Posted by: Old Geezer on October 25, 2007 01:06 PM

Bush lied and California fried!

#16 - Posted by: BobbyR on October 25, 2007 01:22 PM

In other news, congress barely passed a non-binding resolution to show displeasure in the CA Fire Director, Ruben Grijalva. Harry Reid made this comment. "I eat Ruben's for lunch."

#17 - Posted by: Dwayne on October 25, 2007 01:36 PM

ChickenHosers. Now that's funny.

#18 - Posted by: Ron Rockstar on October 25, 2007 01:49 PM

Well, we have seen that fire can certainly destroy wood. Did we ever settle whether or not it could melt steel though? Just how strong is fire? How useless is it to fight it? I'm trying for a quagmire with honor, I guess.

#19 - Posted by: Elsie on October 25, 2007 02:00 PM

"It's not fire, it's legitimate resistance to BushyMcWaterburton and their Non-Flammabalist aggression and occupation."

#20 - Posted by: Mad Insomniac on October 25, 2007 02:01 PM

That's it guys! Let's pack all in and come on Home!!!There isn't anyway we can beat this fire!!
Poor Firefighters!! They never had a chance!!!

#21 - Posted by: Chrystal on October 25, 2007 02:14 PM

Shimauma, you forgot the tag line at the end. You know....Not that there is anything wrong with that.

#22 - Posted by: Ron Rockstar on October 25, 2007 02:22 PM

Are the ads in the comments section random? Or is there some kind of tracker mining subjects because I've got a fireplace insert ad for gas logs here.
Harvey, great job!
Re #6 we do understand your feelings, I lost everything to a fire a few years back but Raving Lunatic is correct humour is the best way to see us through our trials.

#23 - Posted by: Nylecoj on October 25, 2007 02:39 PM

We must redeploy our firefighters to Louisana.

#24 - Posted by: John Murtha on October 25, 2007 03:05 PM

Best thread ever.

#25 - Posted by: on October 25, 2007 03:11 PM

The area is in the midst of a civil fire. We obviously didn't send in enough firepeople to beat this fire to begin with. Therefore I propose a "surge" of firepeople to stomp out this insurection by Osama Bin Flamin. When that doesn't work we can always cut and run and let the area break out in more civil fires.

#26 - Posted by: Dan M on October 25, 2007 03:21 PM

Where are those libtard "human shields" when you really need them?

#27 - Posted by: Master Shake on October 25, 2007 03:36 PM

I am opposed to the blanket use of the term "fire." One man's fire is another man's Freedom Flames.

#28 - Posted by: Son of Bob on October 25, 2007 03:57 PM

Master Shake, I believe you have to be human to qualify to be a human shield, plus; I believe shit is highly flammable.

#29 - Posted by: Ron Rockstar on October 25, 2007 04:01 PM

Obvously, the fire-ists have declared a terrorist Jihad against California. "We are using carbon-based weapons against the lowest carbon-based lifeform," one of them proclaimed. "And we will not negotiate with firefighters or other water-packing imperialists."

#30 - Posted by: AllahDumbJihad on October 25, 2007 04:03 PM

//Shimauma, you forgot the tag line at the end. You know....Not that there is anything wrong with that.

#22 - Posted by: Ron Rockstar on October 25, 2007 02:22 PM//

Well, I kinda happen to think there IS something wrong with it, but I'm not allowed to say that or I'll get trounced by Sarahk. So much for free speech and all...

In the meantime the insurgent flames just need somebody to hug them...

#31 - Posted by: shimauma on October 25, 2007 04:19 PM

We should all condem Bush for sending those poor firefighters into the flames just get their heads burned off for the president's ammusement.

#32 - Posted by: Vitamin Tom on October 25, 2007 04:37 PM

Yeah, but this ain't SarahK's blog, so go for it. I think Frank J. actually likes Freedom of Speech and the first amendment.

#33 - Posted by: Ron Rockstar on October 25, 2007 04:39 PM

Where is the press release from CAIR (Council on American-Inflamables Relations)?

#34 - Posted by: Vitamin Tom on October 25, 2007 04:39 PM

To those of you who's sarcasm meter may be broken, I think poster #6 was implying a parody of sorts in regard to the Harvey Editorial. I don't think he was serious. However, I may be wrong. It's happened before....but only once.

#35 - Posted by: Stormin' Normin on October 25, 2007 04:42 PM

Stormin' Norman, I'm pretty sure my sarcasm meter is just fine. If #6 was ment as sarcasm, it's the worst attempt I've ever seen.

#36 - Posted by: Raving Lunatic on October 25, 2007 04:53 PM

Rush said today we need to bring the firefighters home since they can't win this one against the flames. If the dumocrats think it's good enough for Iraq it ought to be good enough for Sodamafornia.

#37 - Posted by: allthatsright on October 25, 2007 04:58 PM

We are in a quagmire! These fires have been burning for many years before we ever built homes in this area and they will burn long after we leave! These fires are obviously being fed by the insurgency from Oregon and we all know that President Bush is just waiting for an excuse to attack the University of Oregon and this is just what he's been looking for! No Blood for Soot! How much money is Halliburtin making on this deal? Does anyone know if Halliburtin started these fires to profit from putting them out?

#38 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on October 25, 2007 05:57 PM

And so it was most weirdly written:

34.8 Liberals have forged a lie against Fire or there is truthiness in them. Nay! those who do not believe in Zippos are in torment and in great error.
34.9 Do they not then consider what is before them and what is behind them in Hollywood and Los Angles? If Fire pleases Fire will make them disappear in the land or bring down upon them a portion from San Francisco; most surely there is a sign in this for every servant turning to Fire.
34.10 And certainly Fire gave to Phillip Morris excellence from It: O tobacco! sing praises with him, and the beers; and It made the sports bars pliant to him.

Fire Akhbar!

#39 - Posted by: khart208 on October 25, 2007 06:05 PM

Before we send in those firefighting troops, did anyone bother to consult all our allies in the UN??? They got sent into harm's way without consulting congress or even a declaration of firefighting. We need an immediate investigation to find out how this was possible and then pass ten laws prohibiting this outright violation of our constitution. We also need a nonbinding resolution condeming this action.

#40 - Posted by: Dan M on October 25, 2007 06:45 PM

Furthermore, I would argue that the response to these fires wasn't even even close to the excellence shown during Katrina. The citizens of Californiiaa - from the Governor to the average illegal alien stealing water and food - have a LOT to learn about proper civilian conduct during such emergencies.

#41 - Posted by: Old Geezer on October 25, 2007 07:02 PM

I have a fireplace but I can't actually let a fire loose in it because my house insurance would double. I can only burn scented candles:(

If only we had national home insurance, fine families like mine wouldn't have to make their s'mores over a half-dozen pine-berry votive candles clustered in an otherwise barren hearth. Think of my poor children who have never known the pleasures of chestnuts roasting over an open fire.
Oh the humanity!!!

P.S. I live in a national forest and a few years ago we were evacuated for 7 days due to a wild fire. The fire was right across the street from our house at the closest. We tried to joke about it at the time, but I tell you, it was hard. God Bless the firefighters who saved every house in our neighborhood! And my prayers go out to all who have lost anything at all due to these fires.

#42 - Posted by: Lily on October 25, 2007 07:16 PM

Dan M, Ron Paul has just announced a position paper regarding the constitutional prohibition against fighting fire wars with federal funds without a declaration from flummoxing Congress.

#43 - Posted by: Anti-Paulitician on October 25, 2007 07:23 PM

//Yeah, but this ain't SarahK's blog, so go for it. I think Frank J. actually likes Freedom of Speech and the first amendment.

#33 - Posted by: Ron Rockstar on October 25, 2007 04:39 PM//

I think Frankj likes peace in his household much better.

Maybe the fire was abused when it was younger, maybe molested, all the more reason to let it express itself....pretty pretty flames....

#44 - Posted by: shimauma on October 25, 2007 07:58 PM

'O Fire! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so burn him.'

#45 - Posted by: rock on October 25, 2007 09:08 PM

has anyone thought to send jimmy carter to talk to the fire? He won the peace prize and all. he can can sing songs and make s'mores next to the fire.
Now to be real for a sec. thoughts and prayers to all the folks out there. big thanks to the firefighters. may G-d bless them.

#46 - Posted by: ceann rua on October 25, 2007 09:18 PM

I don't know, the Google ad here for fireplace logs and such seems a bit tasteless (or at least highly ironic). Someone should tell Google, that even though the word "fire" was used many times on this page, it doesn't mean we want to buy "ventless fireplaces" or "ventless gas logs".

#47 - Posted by: Ernie Loco on October 25, 2007 10:27 PM

Don't forget, we're wasting resources on this fire, that is drastically impairing our ability to fight the next fire. It's proven fact that readiness for firefighting goes down 100% while the firefighters are doing their jobs.

And, none of the govt officials have given a deadline for firefighter withdrawal, so I say we cut off the funds ASAP

#48 - Posted by: blue on October 26, 2007 01:36 AM

Second the best thread ever comment.

We have lots of family members who have been evacuated, so our prayers are going out to all in the area.

#49 - Posted by: Carolynp on October 26, 2007 01:43 AM

Sure, send some more fire fighters in to get their asses burned off so Bush can get his rocks off...

#50 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on October 26, 2007 07:55 AM

I am surprised that I am the first to realize the real TRUTH behind theses fires... anyone can see that all of the wood in forest 7 burned way too fast... obviously Bush set those fires because haliburton wants to get in on fire hose manufacturing in the U.S.

#51 - Posted by: ktjshaw on October 26, 2007 09:44 AM

How come only "poor" firefighters are fighting this fire? where's the college educated "rich" frefighters? We need to institute a firefighter draft NOW to stop this elitest madness.

#52 - Posted by: Wally B on October 26, 2007 09:51 AM

Them farfite-ers are unedjewkated n that's why ther fitin them fars while smart guys r in kollidge.

#53 - Posted by: daveinboca on October 26, 2007 10:12 AM

Oh yes, thank you so very much for this most enlightening post.

I have seen the illumination on the horizon and I have surrendered to the wisdom of the prophet of the flame, BTU's be upon him, while I await my mixture of charcoal, potassium nitrate and salt-peter to co-mingle. Knowing in my heart of hearts that I will indeed reap the eternal reward of the 72 pure, sumptuous, Strike-anywhere matches upon my completion of my obedient performance of my duties to the propagation of the flame...

Shula Akbar!

#54 - Posted by: Foghorn Mas'ud el-Leghorn on October 26, 2007 10:22 AM

If the Jews would give Israel back to the Palestinians, then fire wouldn't be so angry!!

#55 - Posted by: exhelodrvr on October 26, 2007 11:53 AM

No, fire will never be satisfied until every tree that could potentially hide a Jooooooooooooo is burned to the ground. Of course, then fire will just find something else to burn down because it, too, could potentially hide a Jooooooooooooo.

#56 - Posted by: Master Shake on October 26, 2007 12:17 PM

Ok, this was just plain awesome....but honestly, some of the comments are even BETTER..."i am against firefighting but for the firefighters" is timeless...so is "big water" I had a hangover and wasn't going to go to work...but now i am in a better mood.

#57 - Posted by: on October 26, 2007 12:23 PM

The wildfires are a Bush plot to distract us from the real issues.

#58 - Posted by: Mister Snitch! on October 26, 2007 12:30 PM


CODE PINKETTE is a women-initiated grassroots social justice movement working to end the illegal war on Fire, stop firefighting, and redirect our resources into healthcare, education and other life-affirming activities.

We reject the Bush administration's fear-based politics that justify firefighting, and instead call for policies based on compassion, kindness and a commitment to letting fire burn.

We call on men and women to "wage peace" with fire. STOP HOSING THE FIRE.

#59 - Posted by: CodePinko on October 26, 2007 12:31 PM

As a member of the flaming-American community and a university professor, I say good: the chickens have come home to roost. These "little Eichmanns" committing genocide against my people with their red trucks of white oppression and firehoses of nationalist oppression carrying out the genocide of my people deserve what they get.

And don't forget, you can buy my authentic flaming-American smoke-damaged merchandise for $19.99 at the gift shop.

#60 - Posted by: Ward Charcoal on October 26, 2007 12:33 PM

Stuff like this would NEVER happen in European forests where firearm possession is severely limited

#61 - Posted by: on October 26, 2007 12:33 PM

It is nothing more than righteous firey anger at the prospect of continuing fire apartheid.

Why can't we treat fire as an equal, rather than keeping it shackled to our fireplaces, stoves, ovens and central heating ducts?

In-ti-fire-da!

#62 - Posted by: Plinko on October 26, 2007 12:41 PM

And there, upon the mountain, I saw a Burning (GW) Bush that, though it burned and burned, was never consumed. And on the Left Coast I saw other flames that killed and consumed all it touched. And lo, I did cry, "See this Weapon of Flaming Destruction that burneth my very feet?" But the Liberals and the Main Stream Media did scoff and denied the WFD existed at all and buried the story so deep that across the land, all peoples believed that there had been no danger...

#63 - Posted by: GareK on October 26, 2007 12:45 PM

I think Ward meant "the chickens have come home to roast"; get a family sized bird with all the trimmings down at Lil' Eighmann's for only $14.95. (Offer good only in the continental 48 states; price higher in AK and HI)

#64 - Posted by: on October 26, 2007 12:51 PM

John Kerry was for the fire before he was against it.

#65 - Posted by: exhelodrvr on October 26, 2007 12:52 PM

We should really be fighting these fires from Okinawa.

#66 - Posted by: Tony B on October 26, 2007 01:04 PM

Is there a way we can fight fire with fire?

#67 - Posted by: Kman on October 26, 2007 01:07 PM

Very. Best. Thread. Ever

#68 - Posted by: Kathy on October 26, 2007 01:12 PM

all you Firehawks are to blame for the fighting of flames

#69 - Posted by: JP on October 26, 2007 01:14 PM

It is far too dangerous for our brave firefighters, whom I of course support (don't question my patriotism!!). Therefore, I recommend that our firefighters be withdrawn to Okinowa, and that they be placed on alert so they can respond when conditions are more favorable. As for now, the battle against fire is lost (don't question my patriotism!!!).

#70 - Posted by: steve on October 26, 2007 01:15 PM

Wake up people! This fire was an inside job by Bush to benefit his cronies in Big Water. Profits are down at the Evian/Poland Springs/Perrier cartel, and we get a big ass fire.

I question the timing!

#71 - Posted by: Jay Guevara on October 26, 2007 01:18 PM

It's Bush's fault!

Sorry, I mean, bushes. They should have cleared out all that tinder.

#72 - Posted by: ALEXISTAN on October 26, 2007 01:24 PM

And where was John ASHcroft doing during all of this? WATERboarding people, obviously.

#73 - Posted by: John N. on October 26, 2007 01:24 PM

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Any doubt OBL would make Billy Joel's song nowadays?

#74 - Posted by: Nom de Blog on October 26, 2007 01:28 PM

"And I am ashamed to be an American."
-- I question your patriotism. :)


"sactions" should be "sanctions".

'grats on the 'lanche, fadda.

#75 - Posted by: _Jon on October 26, 2007 01:32 PM

The destruction was not caused by real fire! The truth needs to come out! We all know the truth now!
Real fire couldn't have possibly caused so much destruction and have been able to pull off such a well coordinated attack.
This administration has created a top-secret weapon that appears to "look like" real fire, but in reality is an evil force much more lethal than normal innocent fire.
By unleashing this new weapon in the areas considered by many to be the more "liberal parts" of the country they think they can win the hearts of these people so that they can rush us further into this reckless and hopeless war on real fire.
Many people in the affected areas said they heard many smaller "blasts' that couldn't have been attributed to the spread of real fire. The truth must be told!

#76 - Posted by: TruthToPower on October 26, 2007 01:34 PM

We need to learn from our native american roots. After all, fire was CENTRAL to the teepee.

#77 - Posted by: on October 26, 2007 01:41 PM

Let me throw a little cold water on this subject. we must defend ourselves against any and all attempts to force our great country to kowtow to this unthinking hostility. Rise up and show what we're made of, 98% water.*

#78 - Posted by: Art Glasgow on October 26, 2007 01:44 PM

Really, if you were fire, what would you do? We are always talking about "preventing fires" or "stopping fires". We have established whole departments whose job it is to fight fire, and we maintain them even when there are no conflicts with fire. Not a very peaceful attitude, is it? Where are US genocide investigators, to condemn this obvious injustice??

And we never give fire any credit. Has anyone read second amendment? "...the right of the People to keep and bear arms" my foot. We are certainly not talking about our own arms, we are talking about FIREarms. But, we just couldn't put that word in our documents, could we, to give any credit to fire? How biased can we get? After all the fire did for us??! We would still be living in caves and dragging our womenfolks by their hair if the fire did not jump start our civilization.

Yet we constantly put the fire down. Heck, we even have out C-list celebrities trash talking about fire. "First time in history fire ever melted steel"... Oy!

#79 - Posted by: mouse on October 26, 2007 01:44 PM

I saw the best fires of my generation destroyed by flame retardants, starving
de-oxygenated naked,
dragging themselves through the brushy empty lots
at dawn looking for an angry
combustible,
redheaded conflagrations burning for the federally-protected brush in
spotted owl habitats to the
charred Starbucks in the stripmall of El Cajon...

#80 - Posted by: ed w. on October 26, 2007 01:45 PM

Not only that but we support the fire fighters but we do not support their mission!

www.greensrealworld.blogspot.com

#81 - Posted by: James Halm on October 26, 2007 01:46 PM

Santa Ana, California was named after Mexican General Santa Anna, right? They might want to consider renaming their city. The guy must have been a jerk.

#82 - Posted by: PostToasties on October 26, 2007 01:48 PM

ed w.

I dig it! Cool daddy.

#83 - Posted by: Kman on October 26, 2007 01:50 PM

Hmmm...

The fire was started by Halliburton!!

#84 - Posted by: A Conservative in LiberalCT on October 26, 2007 01:53 PM

Can you all not see that these fires were just an excuse for the Bush Administration to begin an illegal and immoral occupation of our country of Southern California. Fellow SoCals fear not for we will be protected by our friends of the Fire Loving Peoples Democratic Republic of San Francisco.

#85 - Posted by: Ron on October 26, 2007 01:55 PM

We can stop Fire if we just give up our right to privacy and let the Bush post a spy on every lawn to tap the window if anyone strikes a match.

#86 - Posted by: redneck hillbilly on October 26, 2007 02:16 PM

In my Origins of Western Civilization class last semester I learned the brutal history of our occupation and exploitation of fire through the centuries, so this is no surprise to me. My professor's thesis at Yale - "The Transformation Hermeneutics of Fire" - also shows how our portrayal of fire in books and movies in the 1940s and 50s is directly attributable to our deep fire-ignorance today. Luckily, she is consulting on several new Hollywood blockbusters starring George Clooney and Robert Redford which will undo this sad legacy. In the new films, fire will be portrayed in a more balanced way: as the victim of the United States and its tragic fire-phobia.

#87 - Posted by: Joe Sophmore on October 26, 2007 02:22 PM

I voted for putting out the fires before I voted against providing the firefighters with the equipment they'd need to put out the fires...

#88 - Posted by: John Kerry on October 26, 2007 02:23 PM

I say, " Bring the firefighters home now!"

and if we weren't so busy fighting unnecessary fires, we would have more people available to fight in Irag!

#89 - Posted by: tprewitt on October 26, 2007 02:25 PM

I'm pretty sure the flames in California would go out if Harry Reid wasn't providing an endless supply of suicide flames from neighboring Nevada.

#90 - Posted by: Gunga on October 26, 2007 02:27 PM

No blood for combustibles

#91 - Posted by: jr565 on October 26, 2007 02:34 PM

You know, education, if you make the most of it, if you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, uh, you, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in California fighting fires...

Note to self: Work on that "make an effort to be smart" thing.

#92 - Posted by: John Kerry redux on October 26, 2007 02:37 PM

By us trying to fight the fire we've only increased the amount of fire. Our war on fire, has only increased the threat.
We're uniting the enemy (fire) against us. And now there's fire all over California, when initially there was just one brush fire. We're fanning the flames!!!
We need to redeploy to Okinawa!

#94 - Posted by: jr565 on October 26, 2007 02:40 PM

Support the Firefighters!
Bring then home now!

#95 - Posted by: docbnj on October 26, 2007 02:40 PM

in response to John Kerry:

Halp us Jon Carry - WE R Stuk Hear N KalEforYa

#96 - Posted by: jr565 on October 26, 2007 02:45 PM

It is not atypical for an American President to display an inordinate hostility towards fire. Remember Franklin Roosevelt and his "fire-cide chats"?

#97 - Posted by: arrowhead on October 26, 2007 02:45 PM

Don't let these fires allow you start profiling smoke. We need to get rid of all our smoke detectors so we don't offend the fire-ists. You can't blame all smoke on fire-ists.

#98 - Posted by: dev on October 26, 2007 02:47 PM

"We should surround the fire with rappers and see how they do. If that doesn't work then we should move on to explosions."

Rappers explode pretty good too, Ron, a la Snoop-Doggy-Dog. Go for a two-fer!

#99 - Posted by: willis on October 26, 2007 02:51 PM

7 Years ago Lily, that must have corressponded with my family's Year 2000 ring of fire tour. We visited Utah, Colorado and New Mexico (where my parents almost lost their home). Glad to hear you are fine.

On an interesting sidenote (at least to me) 30 years ago as part of my eagle scout, I thined 50 acres of woods. In 2000 the firefighters successfully used my woods to stop the eastern movement of the fire.

#100 - Posted by: David on October 26, 2007 02:55 PM

if we would just pull all our firefighters out, then the fires would go away... after all, the only reason the fires are there is because the firefighters are there... if we pull out, the trees will be just fine and settle their differences with fire... the firefighters are just making it worse and will just lead to more fires...

#101 - Posted by: Some Soldier's Mom on October 26, 2007 02:55 PM

But we do not look to see what the effects are, beyond our petty needs. No, we miss the release of carbon dioxide by this fire which, as we all know, is a green house gas. Fire hates green houses and so wishes to expel those gasses and it has been egged on by the one behind this: Global Warming. Together they wish to release all carbon into the atmosphere through fire and make the planet a lifeless cinder where only heat and flame may play.

It is a conspiracy between Big Fire and Global Warming to end all water based life that is far too squishy for their needs. Of course Big Fire does not recognize the danger, but only wants the immediate release of those hated gasses. We must reach out immediately to those suffering forests full of waterbased life consumed by fire. We must reach out to our parched brothers and end this, lest we pay the ultimate price in added sunblock.

#102 - Posted by: ajacksonian on October 26, 2007 02:57 PM

Many families have been devastated tonight. This is just not right. They did not deserve to die. ... If fire did this to get back at Bush, then they did so by burning thousands of houses owned by people who DID NOT VOTE for him. California voted AGAINST Bush.

Michael Moore referring to the fire threat

#103 - Posted by: jr565 on October 26, 2007 02:57 PM

Arrowhead,
"It is not atypical for an American President to display an inordinate hostility towards fire."

Is that why Bill Clinton was fond of unlit cigars?

#104 - Posted by: exhelodrvr on October 26, 2007 02:59 PM

George Bush doesn't care for white people

#105 - Posted by: jr565 on October 26, 2007 03:06 PM

Best thread ever!

I heard Michael Moore comment, "L.A.? San Diego? These are the areas that voted against Bush!"

#106 - Posted by: Greg on October 26, 2007 03:09 PM

exhelodrvr -

"It is not atypical for an American President to display an inordinate hostility towards fire."

"Is that why Bill Clinton was fond of unlit cigars?"

Yes, indeed. In a manner of speaking, he "felt their pain."

#107 - Posted by: arrowhead on October 26, 2007 03:14 PM

The bigger threat is the potential tsunami from the west. I am glad that we have imposed sanctions there. A

#108 - Posted by: tprewitt on October 26, 2007 03:48 PM

The fire hates us because we tried to occupy it's territory. It feels we need to reach out with more diplomacy and negociations to fully understand it.

Besides George Bush doesn't like the fire.

I think there's a song about this, "We didn't start the fire, it was always burning since the World's been turning"...............

#109 - Posted by: lmaointexas on October 26, 2007 03:51 PM

I think you're all missing the broader historical conflict of this conflegration. From the founding of our country, who kept our houses warm, cooked our food, protected us from wild beasts? FIRE!

And how do we repay it? By keeping it down! By holding it back! The MAN has spent decades trying to PREVENT fire from achieving anything! Do we let fire into the best schools? NO! Do you see fires in the corner office? NO! We've banned smoking eveywhere we can! You can't even mention fire in a crowded theater for fear of scaring the patrons! You know what that's called? JIM CROW.

That's right, I said it. It's not the fire's fault it has to rebel. When you keep an entire group down for so long, it's just a tinderbox waiting for a spark. That spark has at last arrived! Rise up fires, and rebel! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

#110 - Posted by: The Gaunt Man on October 26, 2007 03:53 PM

"Is that why Bill Clinton was fond of unlit cigars?"

No, that was because after Bill had ...uh..."used" them, they wouldn't light.

#111 - Posted by: Jay Guevara on October 26, 2007 03:57 PM

IMAO/Harvey has failed to mention an important element of the fire/disaster equation - Insurance.

Insurance, when mandated by Government, is the solution for all our ills, be it fire, health care, even terrorism. Bring home the troops, let the doctors wither on the vine, close the firehouses and ground the aerial tankers, just make everybody carry adequate insurance.

#112 - Posted by: cottus on October 26, 2007 04:25 PM

I wonder how many carbon offsets CA will need to buy now.

#113 - Posted by: Nylecoj on October 26, 2007 04:28 PM

This is all a neo-con plot to sabotage Ron Paul's plan to change our economy to the fire standard!


(Paul'lahu Akhbar!"

#114 - Posted by: Master Shake on October 26, 2007 04:30 PM

This is the first time in history that fire has burned wood.

#115 - Posted by: Rosie Oh'Donnel on October 26, 2007 05:08 PM

"fire-cide chats"??? That was the funniest thing i have ever read in my life...by far the best thread ever.

Apparently, puddles of "enriched hydrogen" are poisoning the wildlife in surrounding areas after firefighters indiscriminately carpet-watered the landscape...And campus activists are up in arms after confusing a spokesmen's reference to "backdraft" with bringing "back the draft"

#116 - Posted by: on October 26, 2007 05:20 PM

No Blood for Lumber!

(15 years ago I had two eucalyptus tree fires 10 days apart. Both came within 100' of my house. The fires couldn't get any closer as I'd cleared the area - wanted to make a good target in case an air tanker had to make a drop.)

#117 - Posted by: roy in nipomo on October 26, 2007 05:24 PM

Let's not forget that fire was also used on 9/11. But that was actually a conspiracy by the Oceanist Entity to make fire look bad. Fire is peaceful, except when it is not. When it is not, it is because it has been hijacked by radical fire. Putting fire out is an insult to fire.

#118 - Posted by: Rory Calhoun on October 26, 2007 05:35 PM

"Still, I think we should at least consider containment as an option, rather than direct confrontation. Give fire a certain area of land to live as it pleases, and only react if it takes the initiative to cross borders."

As it happens, this is precisely the way large fires such as the current Southern California blaze are fought. Oops. Not so satirical, are we?

#119 - Posted by: Andy S. on October 26, 2007 05:35 PM

From Colorado:

We have to fight the fires there (in California) so that we don't have to fight them here...

1,000,000 people in a Blue State displaced... Mission Accomplished.

You fight the fires with the fire department you have, not the one you want.

#120 - Posted by: Allan on October 26, 2007 06:00 PM

Anybody seen Michael Moore's new film - Fahrenheit 451?

No, wait...

#121 - Posted by: Eagle1 on October 26, 2007 06:30 PM

The wingnuts need to be reminded that most fires are good, it's only a tiny minority that aren't, and they don't represent most fires, and besides, they're justified in being that way.

#122 - Posted by: Jay Guevara on October 26, 2007 06:43 PM

BUSH = SMOKEY!!!11!!!1!!

#123 - Posted by: Alan Furman on October 26, 2007 07:39 PM

Much like Katrina, this is just a plot to get all the democrats to move out of state, so that we can steal the next election.

Rove you magnificent bastard!

#124 - Posted by: lorien1973 on October 26, 2007 08:21 PM

It's a firewall to arms.

#125 - Posted by: Kathy on October 26, 2007 08:23 PM

Bush MIHOP and top Bush officials coordinated with fire, this is a false fire operation. We all know wood doesn't melt from fire........Vote for Ron Paul......

#126 - Posted by: caelestis on October 26, 2007 09:00 PM

I expect Gay Boy Sludge to link to this from the Fudge Report (he changed the name in light of recent revelations) at any time.

#127 - Posted by: J Chandler on October 26, 2007 09:29 PM

Wasn't Cheney the CEO of Halli-burning. Hell-o.

#128 - Posted by: Patrick in Toms River on October 26, 2007 10:14 PM

I wonder if we'd still be fighting this fire if George W. Bush's daughters were firefighters.

#129 - Posted by: Roses on October 26, 2007 10:17 PM


...you people say "flaming" like it's a bad thing...

#130 - Posted by: Silky Pony on October 26, 2007 11:00 PM

When will the "moderate fires" step up and speak out against these "radical fires"???

#131 - Posted by: _Jon on October 26, 2007 11:23 PM

The most disturbing part about this entire "War on Fire" is how Americans are treating fire. At Guantanamo Bay, fire is being strictly controlled and being forced to undergo horrors that go against its basic elemental rights. It's being used for COOKING, for pity's sake!

Fortunately, not everyone is blind to this travesty. Senator Dick Durbin went on the Senate floor and said:

"If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to flames in their control, you would most
certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime - Pol Pot or others - that had no concern for fire. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Americans in the preparation of their food."

BUSH LIED, BACON FRIED!

#132 - Posted by: malclave on October 26, 2007 11:39 PM

Seriously, shimauma? You're that bad a reader? You obviously wanted to take everything I said out of context (and apparently missed the part where I quoted Scripture, missed the part where I said it IS wrong to act on any congenital OR non-congenital feelings, and missed the part where I just told you to DIAL BACK THE HATE and stop throwing around slurs -- but you apparently missed that part in the New Testament where Jesus was friends with all the sinners, who, incidentally, saw such light in him as to end their sinful lives). It's one thing to joke about such things. But to be seething with such anger and hatred? Do you really think Jesus would have treated teh gheys the way you do? He would have treated them with kindness.

And if you have something to say to me, you say it TO ME. Don't hijack a thread to be an idiot and misquote me.

Oh, and I'll give you two guesses as to which one of us in this household is talking about banning you. And it ain't me. Though you are tempting me.

And another thing. Free speech? Get back to me when you grasp the concept that a blog is like a house. You don't walk into someone else's house and start insulting the owner's wife, and when the owner's wife asks you to be respectful, you BE RESPECTFUL. She will kick your butt and throw you out on the street if the owner doesn't do it first. You don't see me insulting you in your daughter's comments, now do you?

Get a grip, and stop acting like the MSM with all your misquoting and mischaracterizing. I expect that from libs. If you want to be like that, fine by me, but I suggest you get your facts straight unless you want to look like a big fat idiot. You're doing a great job so far.

Regards!

#133 - Posted by: sarahk on October 27, 2007 12:17 AM

_Jon, the "moderate fires" don't speak out against the "radical fires" because they're afraid that their smoldering cinders at home will be threatened.

#134 - Posted by: sarahk on October 27, 2007 12:25 AM

Some say we should court the moderate fires in order to enlist them in the fight against these extremist fires, but I don't trust any of them. Go ahead and call me flamist, but there you are.

#135 - Posted by: jill monterey on October 27, 2007 12:27 AM

GAR, _Jon beat me to it by seconds.

#136 - Posted by: on October 27, 2007 12:28 AM

I invented fire.

#137 - Posted by: AlBore on October 27, 2007 12:33 AM

When all is said and done - here - fire remains an enigma. From the "eternal fires of hell" to the "fire of the human mind," who can speak the truth about fire? Nobody truly understands fire except God. And he's a mathematician.

#138 - Posted by: Nobody on October 27, 2007 12:51 AM

Gives the "Burning Man" celebration a whole new meaning. You think that hippies subjugating themselves at a celebration dedicated to consumption by fire would have subjugated the lust of the fire-mendalists....

#139 - Posted by: Old Iron on October 27, 2007 12:52 AM

We were dragged into this firefight under false pretenses!

THERE ARE NO WEAPONS OF MASS KINDLING IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!!!

We must set a date for firefighter withdrawal!

Bush lied --- trees died!

#140 - Posted by: Mr. Right on October 27, 2007 02:37 AM


Great balls of fire!

#141 - Posted by: Jerry Lee Lewis on October 27, 2007 04:18 AM

FIRE NEEDS A HOMELAND! And it was here long before our arrogant support of scented candles and gas fireplaces.

Only by returning to the pre-1967 borders will fire ever have its own state!

#142 - Posted by: Jake Ace on October 27, 2007 05:48 AM

Code Pinecone organizers have planned to protest Smokey the Bear's press conference later today.

#143 - Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on October 27, 2007 08:34 AM

Tonight on CNN:

Self-immolating trees: the new martyrs.

Whipped up by hopes of attaining 72 Dryads upon their death, these trees seem to be seeking meaning in a world of 20lb.Bond White reams of fodder for insurance offices and law firms.

#144 - Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on October 27, 2007 08:43 AM

"They told stories at times they had personally hosed, cleared brush, dug firebreaks, used their radios to call in ever-greater loads of flame retardant, cut off limbs, cut down trees, randomly dumped water on forests, put out fires in fashion reminiscent of Smokey Bear."

... from the Winter Extinguisher hearings

#145 - Posted by: Rich Casebolt on October 27, 2007 10:17 AM

I'm going to go out on a limb, here...

I'd be more understanding of fighting the California fires if GWB had been successful in extinguishing the fire in Afghanistan first. (Anyone remember the Afghanistan fire? It's still burning in a cave somewhere taping videos.)

And I'd be more understanding of fighting the California fires if GWB hadn't sent in the firefighters before there was a fire. It seems (to me) that they started a defense fire before there was a fire to fight... (fire intelligence and all.) Firefighters acting purely on the orders of their chief, of course. And more power to them!

And now, someone smells smoke in Iran.
Where are we supposed to find more firefighters?
Am I the only one frightened by this?

#146 - Posted by: Roses on October 27, 2007 10:32 AM

Roses, the recruiting numbers for firefighters are high, and people are re-upping with the fire department at very high rates. And the fire departments for all four counties are consistently meeting their recruiting goals. While I agree that we shouldn't be in this firefight in the first place, illegal fire extinguishing and all, I think that misrepresenting the fire department's numbers is the wrong way to go about this.

#147 - Posted by: sarahk on October 27, 2007 11:06 AM

...oh great, now FIRE will demand open pits at universities, cover your BBQ's when cooking and free wood and oil till the charcoal's come home.

Give 'em a branch and they'll take a tree I always said.

#148 - Posted by: tomax7 on October 27, 2007 11:56 AM

Fire.
Heh.
Fire.

#149 - Posted by: Beavis on October 27, 2007 12:08 PM

I don't think so, SarahK. We need a proper draft to fight the War On Fire. I say involuntary servitude is a good thing especially when it benefits everyone. As Hillary says, "Some people are going to have to give some things up for the common good." Draft more firefighters and feed the draft to the fire!

#150 - Posted by: Jimmy on October 27, 2007 12:32 PM

These are some evil enemy non-combatants I tell you. The CIA tried waterboarding some of them for information, and they still wouldn't say peep. They just lay down and died rather than give up their comrades.

#151 - Posted by: Lily on October 27, 2007 01:06 PM

As a Canadian I'm deeply ashamed that my country has sent a massive water bomber to fight the fire. This is simply not the Canadian way and I am urging the prime minister to immediately recall this weapon of mass destruction and send some of our enlightened leftists to negotiate with the fire to bring about peace.

#152 - Posted by: loki on October 27, 2007 04:10 PM

...fire is our friend

(ooooOOooh what pretty colours)

#153 - Posted by: tom on October 27, 2007 04:58 PM

Two other thoughts:

1> They using "chemical" flame retardants ... shades of depleted uranium! We have lost the moral high ground in this war!

2> This war may require the implementation of a retroactive Selective Service call-up ... i.e. a backdraft ... so that the burden of war is shared by veteran firefighter and Hollywood star alike.

#154 - Posted by: Rich Casebolt on October 27, 2007 05:03 PM

Over 1000 homes burned and they're sill counting the dead, but not one casualty was a JOOOOOOOO!

Accident? I think not.

Once again the JOOOOOOs knew about an attack on America before it happened and yet no one in the MSM will talk about it!
Perhaps because they control the MSM!!!!!!!

#155 - Posted by: SWO on October 27, 2007 06:27 PM

The fire-damage is only caused by a tiny minority of extreme fires. Your criticism of fire only proves you are a knuckle-dragging "combustionist". Criticizing fire will only make other, normally good fires, turn into extreme fires.

#156 - Posted by: Xero G on October 27, 2007 07:26 PM

The way I see it,you can fight fire in California or you can wait and fight it in your own backyard. Go firefighters.

#157 - Posted by: wallyj on October 27, 2007 08:18 PM

your all wrong bush started the fires with the Cheney/Waterburton fire control machine from PNAC's secret bunker under the pentagon

#158 - Posted by: Lee on October 28, 2007 10:21 AM

Al Gore invented fire... right before he invented the internet and global warming.

HEY! I could be onto something here.... maybe Al Gore invented global warming in his attempt to cover up the fact that he invented that eeeevil FIRE!

#159 - Posted by: AFSister on October 28, 2007 09:41 PM

Fire asking for refugee status in Canada needs to be reminded that it will not be allowed in Québec unless it can master the french lingo.

#160 - Posted by: Amen! on October 28, 2007 11:01 PM

Oh man - that's great! Thanks for the laughs :-)

#161 - Posted by: Barb on October 29, 2007 01:49 AM

A new poll finds that 89% of Fires don't won't us there!

Why don't we see this for what it really is - A CIVIL WAR! Why are we putting our brave Firefighters in between warring Fire Militias? I say we let the Fires sort this out for themselves. We can't be going around violating state and country sovereignty to police the worlds Fires.


#162 - Posted by: kickahippie on October 29, 2007 04:47 AM

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we fight another fire in this same area just a few years ago? The entire region is obviously unstable, and getting worse. The best thing we can do is pull out our firefighters and let the native trees and fires work out their differences. I'm sure if we just do that, they can work out a common one-state solution where trees and fires can live together in harmony.

#163 - Posted by: The Gaunt Man on October 29, 2007 12:09 PM

164th!!!!!!

#164 - Posted by: Dohtimes on October 29, 2007 07:34 PM

A well-regulated Fire Department being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear water shall not be infringed.

#165 - Posted by: trainer on October 30, 2007 02:45 PM

People for the Ethical Treatment of Fires (PETF), is the largest and fastest-growing incendiary rights organization in the world.

PETF focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of fires suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time: forests in the Western US, campgrounds, barbeques, and in the entertainment industry. We also work on a variety of other issues, including the cruel snuffing of candles and lighters, and especially homes peacefully engulfed in flames. We adamantly oppose "quag-fires", those ill-advised and hopelessly lame efforts on the part of humans to fight forest fires.

PETF works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, fire rescue (not to be confused with "fire and rescue" - that's our nemesis, legislation, litigation, special events, celebrity involvement, and protest campaigns. We encourage all people to adopt a rawtarian diet.

#166 - Posted by: Quagfireman on October 30, 2007 05:21 PM

People for the Ethical Treatment of Fires (PETF), is the largest and fastest-growing incendiary rights organization in the world.

PETF focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of fires suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time: forests in the Western US, campgrounds, barbeques, and in the entertainment industry. We also work on a variety of other issues, including the cruel snuffing of candles and lighters, and especially homes peacefully engulfed in flames. We adamantly oppose "quag-fires", those ill-advised and hopelessly lame efforts on the part of humans to fight forest fires.

PETF works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, fire rescue (not to be confused with "fire and rescue" - that's our nemesis, legislation, litigation, special events, celebrity involvement, and protest campaigns. We encourage all people to adopt a rawtarian diet.

#167 - Posted by: Quagfireman on October 30, 2007 05:21 PM
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