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November 02, 2007
Helpful Hints for Barack Obama
Desperate to overcome Hillary Clinton's unovercomable lead for the Democratic nomination, Obama's campaign team has taken to studying BILL Clinton's old videotapes, the theory being that Obama should associate himself with the only Democrat President to win re-election in over 40 years. Hopefully he stops before he gets to the "Interns Gone Wild" tapes. Meanwhile, here's some more advice for the Barackster: * Study the campaign of America's only serious black presidential candidate - Jesse Jackson '84 - and don't do a damn thing he did. * Point out Hillary's flaws, like the "666" tattooed inside her lip. * Remember, it's "Klaatu barada nikto". Try to get it right the first time. * Dallas and convertibles don't mix. * Ditto Kennedys & Oldsmobiles. * Don't brush up against Edwards's hair. It looks soft & fluffy, but that hairspray helmet of his is sharper that Odd Job's hat. * Be cautious when playing the race card. If you hear someone shout "Nagger!" at a debate, it's probably directed at Hillary, not you. * Tanks & bunny suits - bad. * Nobody likes a copycat. Don't follow Hillary's cleavage maneuver. * Before giving out "Obama '08" campaign buttons, make sure they're not hand-painted in China. * Avoid rookie mistakes. Although it's counterintuitive, remember that it really IS just as emotionally satisfying to reveal your top secret plan for global domination to the British secret agent AFTER you kill him. If you've got any advice for Obama, keep it to yourself, lest he read the comments and win the election due to your lack of restraint & discretion. 11 Responses To "Helpful Hints for Barack Obama"
"Desperate to overcome Hillary Clinton's unovercomable lead..." You should have used "insurmountable," i.e., sir, don't mount Hillary in the campaign. #1 - Posted by: Jimmy on November 2, 2007 01:23 PMBe like Hillary! You're the best candidate because you're black. You're the best candidate because, despite being black, you're just as tough as the other candidates (can substitute "crackers" for "other candidates" depending on your audience). However, if they are mean to you, just complain that they're picking on "the black guy". #2 - Posted by: Master Shake on November 2, 2007 02:24 PMI'm surprised anyone would mount Hillary PERIOD. #3 - Posted by: Bubba Clinton on November 2, 2007 02:24 PMBe nice and clean-cut so Biden will want you as his VP. #4 - Posted by: Capitol Hillary on November 2, 2007 04:06 PMObama was once asked what he thought about Beruit. He replied that he admired the 'Sultan of Swat', but he thought Willie Mays was better. #5 - Posted by: Gomez Addams on November 2, 2007 04:17 PMSharpton wasnt a "serious black presidential candidate"? Treat Shrillary the same way that Slick Willie treats her. #7 - Posted by: Writer on November 2, 2007 05:19 PMI thought Alan Keyes was a more serious candidate in 2000 than the photo opp junkies Jesse and Uncle Al the kiddies' pal. #8 - Posted by: Jake Ace on November 2, 2007 05:43 PMHonestly, if there was a moderate who could have made major headway towards ending racial divisivenessin our country it was Alan Keyes. Clearly, despite the lip service by BOTH parties, a united America is the LAST thing Washington insiders want. #9 - Posted by: Gomez Addams on November 2, 2007 08:11 PMPromise to take all troops out of Iraq and deploy them facing a trailer park home in Ark. Put Ms. Clinton in the trailer and call it a habitchitat for inhumanity and win one hundred percent of Republican vote. #10 - Posted by: Dohtimes on November 2, 2007 08:36 PMKeep on making those astute comments about international diplomacy. People just love that. #11 - Posted by: Carolynp on November 3, 2007 01:47 AMPost a comment
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