"Hello reporters and other malcontents," President Bush said to the people assembled on the field. "I have gathered you here to witness the defining moment of my presidency."

"I thought that was Iraq," one reporter said.

"No, that was to distract everyone from this which is much more awesome. This is--"

"Yes, that so you can get a better view of--"

"It's cold and windy here."

"Shut up!" Bush shouted. "You wonder why people hate you? This is why! Now listen; this is important. Anyway, here it is: The greatest accomplishment of my presidency. Look up in the sky."

"Is that a small moon?" said one curious reporter.

"That's no moon!" exclaimed another. "That's a space station!"

"That's right!" Bush smiled. "I built myself a freak'n Death Star!"

The reporters gasped in astonishment. Finally, one asked, "So what's it do?"

Bush rolled his eyes. "It blows up planets! How do you not know that? You guys are idiots."

"Are you going to blow up the earth?"

"No! That's where I keep my stuff. It's for blowing up other planets."

All the reporters were silent for a while. "Why?"

Bush threw his hands in the air. "I swear, you guys ask the dumbest questions! Do you not understand this? I have a Death Star! This is like the greatest event ever! It's like man first landing on the moon and then doing an awesome guitar solo! Ask some good questions for once!"

"Is is carbon neutral?"

"Gah! Who cares?! It can destroy environments in a single shot! How do you not understand how awesome this is?!!"

"Can we see it blow up a planet?"

"Finally. A decent question," Bush said. "I'm afraid the answer is no, though. I was going to have it blow up Venus since that's closest and we don't use it for anything, but it ends up it hard to move the thing. I thought it would be easy since in space everything is weightless, but it ends up it still has that other thing... uh... mass. Anyway, just know it can blow up planets and we're working on how to move it to other planets to blow them up. Next question."

All the reporters were silent for a few seconds until one finally raised his hand. "Again, why?"

Bush sighed. "It's a Death Star! America now has a Death Star! That's why! We can blow up planets, which makes us the most powerful force in the universe... that we know of. How are you people not grasping this?"

"Well... can we go up and see it?"

"No. Space travel is expensive. Also, if we let you guys up there, I bet the New York Times reporter is going to de-power the tractor beam to let terrorists escape."

"There are terrorists in space?"

"Not at present... but eventually... there could be."

"So who is up there in it?"

"Mexicans. It's not like we had a bunch of Geonosians to build it, so that's why I fought for relaxed immigration control: So I'd have enough Mexicans to build my Death Star. We said we'd ship them down afterwards, but it actually wasn't in the budget. Now they're threatening to take over the Death Star blow up earth if I don't ship them more burritos, but I think they're bluffing." Bush's phone rang. "Ooh. I got to take this." He answered his phone. "Hey, Dick. So how did dissolving the Senate go? ...No, they won't get to keep their pensions. You don't pay out pensions after you dissolve something... They can't refuse to leave! Don't they know I have a Death Star?!" Bush sighed as he hung up the phone. "So, anymore questions?"

After a moment, one reporter ventured, "Well... um... uh... why?"

Bush groaned. "Why are you people making this complicated? It's a Death Star. I know everyone watching this at home understand this. You reporters are the only ones not getting it. You are out of touch and that's why everyone hates you. Every time you people broadcast I can hear millions of voices suddenly cry out in terror and are then suddenly silenced as they turn you off. You all are horrible human beings. How are you not getting this?"

Everyone was silent for a while. "So what are we waiting for?"

"For another planet to attack."

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In My World
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