WASHINGTON (AP) - After months of being unable to get the majority-Democrat Congress to vote along party lines, the Democratic congressional leaders have attempted to explain away their repeated failures to surrender the war in Iraq by accusing President Bush of "bullying" the Democrats into submission.

"You Dumbocrats send me another bill like that and I'll give ya a Hertz donut!"

"The last time we tried to support the troops by undermining their mission, we had enough Senators to pass a cut & run resolution," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid explained. "But just before the vote took place, George Bush burst into the Senate chambers and started giving all the Democrats wedgies, wet willies, noogies, and purple nurples. Dick Durbin got pantsed, and waddled out of the room crying with snot running down his face. NOT a pretty sight."

"I just sat there, stunned & horrified. Then I saw Bush looking at me. I tried to run, but he'd tied my shoelaces together, so I fell flat on my face."

"When I looked up, Bush was standing over me," said Reid, visibly choked up while recalling the traumatic events. "He said - and I'll never forget this - 'Oooo! Did wittew Haiwwy faw down go boom? Did wittew Haiwwy get a bwoody nose? Let me cwean wittew Haiwwy up.'"

"He grabbed me by the ankles and dragged me out of the room, down the hall, and into the restroom," Reid continued, tears flowing freely. "He picked me up by my feet - my GOD, I can't believe how STRONG that man is - and dunked my head into the toilet while flushing repeatedly and chanting 'Swirlie! Swirlie! Harry is a girlie!'"

"He finished by dropping me on my head, giving me an Indian burn, and stealing my lunch money. After that, he just casually strolled away whistling 'Yellow Rose of Texas' like nothing had happened."

President Bush responded to the accusations with his trademark congenial chuckle. "Well, you know the Reidster has always been a little clumsy. Probably walked into a door or something. Besides, I wasn't even there. You can ask Barbara Boxer."

Senator Boxer confirmed Bush's alibi, claiming that the President had been busy cramming her into a gym locker during the time in question.

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