"Power! All that glorious power will soon be mine! Mine!" Hillary Clinton rubbed her hands together greedily while letting forth a chilling cackle.

"Thank you, Senator Clinton, for your opening remarks," debate moderator Keith Olbermann said. "Senator Obama, it's your turn."

"Senator Edwards, you turn."

"I just want everyone to know that I am the only candidate here who truly cares about poor people and the downtrodden. I--"

"You're urinating on a homeless man," Bill Richardson interrupted.

"I don't see your point," Edwards responded, now peeing on the homeless man's face.

"Please! I've suffered enough!" the homeless man pleaded.

"Don't you think it's a bit hypocritical to be talking about how much you care about poor people while urinating on a homeless man?" Richardson asked.

"Hey, I needed something to pee on and he was there," Edwards said. "Let's not focus on my actions and instead focus on my populist, progressive rhetoric I've recently adopted. Oh, and don't forget my hair." He ran his hand through his silky hair. "Isn't it fabulous! Don't you just want to touch it?"

"I do," Olbermann said, "but I've been handcuffed to my chair specifically so I don't."

"I requested that," Hillary stated.

"Representative Kucinich, your opening statement."

"A lot of people think I'm a shriveled little gnome who is completely nuts, but I also... AIEEEE!"

Electricity pulsed through Dennis Kucinich, dropping him to the ground.

"I pooped my pants a second time!" Olbermann exclaimed in fright.

A vortex emerged at the center of the stage. From it emerged a giant figure in black armor with glowing red eyes. "I am O'Yama, eater of souls and registered Democrat!" he screamed, lighting bursting about him and the entire auditorium shaking at the sound of his voice. "The rage and hatred of Democrats has empowered me to return and seek the Democratic nomination that is rightfully mine! I have come to give you a true choice of darkness, evil, and progressivism. I shun moderation and vow to truly change this nation by turning it into hell on earth!"

The audience cheered. "That'll show the rich!" one yelled.

Hillary yawned loudly. "Oh no, another candidate trying to attack me from the left."

"Do not mock me!" O'Yama bellowed, his eyes burning with rage. He aimed his hand and shot lightning from his fingertips, electrocuting Kucinich and dropping him to the ground.

Obama giggled. "He has a silly sounding name."

"Quiet, weak-minded fool, or taste my wrath as I create an equal redistribution of pain!" O'Yama extended both hands and shot lightning from his fingertips, electrocuting Kucinich and dropping him to the ground.

"Why me?" he moaned.

"So what is your stance on the Iraq War, O'Yama?" Keith Olbermann asked.

"I will end it immediately by taking funding away from our troops and giving it to their enemies. Anyone who is a part of Bush's war should suffer and die!"

The audience cheered. "He says what we're thinking!" one exclaimed.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable with calling for the slaughter of our troops," Edwards said.

"But most of them are Republican!" shouted an audience member.

"Yes, but isn't it better to support them while looking down on them as victims and young people too stupid to get real jobs," Edwards suggested. "What I'm saying is we support the troops, but support them as the dumb babies they are."

"There will be no room for such moderation in an O'Yama administration! Here's is my response to such compromises to true progressivism!" O'Yama pointed his hand and shot lightning from his fingertips, electrocuting Kucinich and dropping him to the ground.

"On second though, maybe I don't need to be in these debates anymore," Kucinich moaned.

"Well what about domestic issues?" Olbermann asked O'Yama eagerly. "What are your views on abortion?"

"Babies are nothing but an assault on women's rights! I will slaughter all infants, whether they are in the womb or out, and I shall do it all with federal tax money!"

There was a standing ovation. "Finally, someone who really understand what women's rights is all about!" a buzz cut woman shouted.

"This guy is awesome!" Olbermann exclaimed as he drooled on himself. "Now I have a different type of mess in my pants!"

"This is stupid," Hillary said. "This sort of talk isn't going to play at all in the general election."

"Bah!" O'Yama bellowed. "If Democrats have the courage to nominate a true progressive, he will surely be elected president and eat the souls of any who disagree with him! Muh ha ha ha!"

Another standing ovation. "Finally! A Democrat with courage to tell it the way it is!"

Hillary growled. "Listen, you stupid demigod: I am going to win this nomination and I'm not going to have you force me left in the primary to ruin my chances in the general. You are not the first demon I've dealt, and I doubt you'll be the last."

"Quiet, woman!" O'Yama snarled. "You and your political maneuvering do not frighten an evil which has existed and plotted and planned for thousands of years as opposed to an evil who was simply married to a president for eight."

"I will bury you!" Hillary screeched as she charged O'Yama.

"It is time for your rule of the Democrats to end, foul harpy!" O'Yama raised both arms, and fire surrounded them both. There was a horrid scream, and the rest of the candidates fled the stage as the fire grew. After seeming like it would soon engulf the entire auditorium, the fire began to fade until it disappeared entirely leaving a pile ash next to a single dark figure on stage with glowing red eyes: Hillary Clinton.

"I shall be the Democratic nominee!" she bellowed, shaking the entire room. "No other evil shall stand before me!"

* * * *

Laura Bush turned from the TV to President Bush. "Hillary Clinton may control hellfire, but she's still not a flaming liberal like the rest of those candidates."

Bush turned off the TV with the remote. "Why are we even watching this crap? This doesn't affect me anymore. These idiots can battle it out for president all they want and I'm still leaving office with all the money of I've made through Halliburton with my illegal warring."

Laura rolled here eyes. "You haven't made any money from Halliburton. That's just stupid conspiracy theories on the net made by people with too much time on their hands. If you don't stop reading them, I'm going to take away your internet privileges."

"You sure it's all made up?" Bush asked. "I can almost swear I remember wiring World Trade Center 7 for explosives. Well, I guess it doesn't matter. I know what I'm doing after I leave office." He held up a piece of paper. "I already got an application for the Taco Bell in Crawford, Texas, all filled out. I hear if you work there, you get free tacos!"

Laura sighed. "I know. You've been talking about it for the past two years."

"Mmm... tacos!"

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In My World
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