KANSAS CITY, MO (AP) - A United Airlines flight bound for Denver Sunday morning had to be evacuated after the plane took a wrong turn and became stuck in the mud. Democrats were quick to blame the failed policies of President Bush for the crisis.

"...now take a hard left at the end of the runway... No, you won't get stuck... Hey, you can trust me, I used to be a pilot myself..."

"If Bush hadn't started his illegal war for cheap oil," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, "gas wouldn't be so expensive right now, and people could afford to drive to their destinations instead of flying. Bush and his Halliburton buddies are directly responsible for the death or inconveniencing of all 182 passengers aboard that doomed plane."

Although agreeing in principle - as we all do - that the tragic or annoying accident was Bush's fault, presidential hopeful Barack Obama had a different take on how the most incompetent President in history once again failed the American people.

"There shouldn't be mud in Missouri this time of year," reasoned Obama, "but thanks to Bush's lucrative, kickback-filled government subsidies to global warming cartels like Big Volcano and Big Cow Belch, the otherwise firmly frozen ground of our country has failed to properly support its people. Much like this country's health care system. Which I would fix. Please vote for me or you're a racist."

Hillary Clinton, hoping to run a more centrist campaign and overcome the natural repulsion all mortal humans feel at the sight of her leering demonic visage, refused to blame Bush directly for the accident which some experts say may have been an inside job.

"I think it's silly to blame Bush for this," Clinton said, "it's obviously not his fault, despite how similar it is to the way he drove the airliner of America off the runway of peace, leaving this country stuck in the muddy quagmire of Iraq. That's why I should be America's next President - I'm an expert on safe piloting. Just ask Ron Brown."

John Edwards, perhaps misunderstanding the story, took a bizarrely defensive stance on the issue.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Edwards. "I categorically deny ever 'sticking' anything in anyone's 'mud'. I am a married man and very clearly not gay. Or even bi-curious. Although I do admit to feeling loin-tingly and secretly flattered whenever this topic comes up."

• Currently 0.50/5
• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• 8
• 9
• 10

Rating: 0.5/5 (1 vote cast)

Newsish Fakery
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | Stumble It!