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January 14, 2008
Hillary declares self "first colored Presidential candidate"
BBC News, Hong Kong -- Hoping to siphon off support from Barack Obama, the first viable black Presidential candidate, Hillary Rodham Clinton completed treatment today at a local research hospital to become "the first colored Presidential candidate." Clinton modified her genetic structure utilizing jellyfish DNA so that she now glows pale green in the dark. The technique was perfected earlier this year in animal experiments involving pigs. Researchers indicated at a press conference that the procedure was successful because Clinton's genetic structure is almost identical to that of a sow. Clinton, who has been traveling on the campaign trail with her husband and former President Bill Clinton for the past four months, stated that she thought her pale green pallor would appeal to voters and matched nicely with the blue glow emanating from her husband's crotch.
12 Responses To "Hillary declares self "first colored Presidential candidate""
Clinton's genetic structure is almost identical to that of a sow. Which makes sense for Hillary (Pant-suidae sus scrofa). And the oddly coincidental part of the story is that Bill Clinton is closely related to a jellyfish (Phylum Cnidaria). Tests on his spine proved this beyond doubt. #2 - Posted by: AlanABQ on January 14, 2008 02:10 PMOMG this is funny! and ABQ's addendum is priceless! i nearly snorted out loud, and i'm a geezer, not a pig! #3 - Posted by: aA on January 14, 2008 02:15 PMYou she'd try it if she thought she'd get any votes. Maybe there's a Greenskin minority somewhere that could prove to be an important demographic. Actually, I think she looks beeter genetically altered. #4 - Posted by: MAJ Mike on January 14, 2008 02:50 PMEven though I'm a liberal Stud, I must admit I prefer pink elephants to lime swine. heh. #5 - Posted by: bubba on January 14, 2008 02:58 PM"Clinton modified her genetic structure utilizing jellyfish DNA so that she now glows pale green in the dark." Which is good for her since vampires are active at night. #6 - Posted by: Clay S. on January 14, 2008 04:09 PMHeh, she looks like the Wicked Witch of the West, only uglier and more evil. #7 - Posted by: Abigail on January 14, 2008 04:47 PMShe looks oddly hot in green...still wouldn't vote for her, but the green definitely hides the wrinkles and worry-lines well. #8 - Posted by: Bubba on January 14, 2008 04:58 PMHey, this could be just Billy's idea for some Capt Kirk "role playing"... *gets a mental picture of this* GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *smashes head repeatedly into wall to get rid of mental picture* #9 - Posted by: Another Spec on January 14, 2008 05:36 PMBilly's got radioactive balls. #10 - Posted by: Jimmy on January 14, 2008 08:25 PMJimmy, shame on you! Hillary wears the balls in this family! #11 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on January 15, 2008 08:17 AMI wonder when Bill will start saying, "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are." #12 - Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque on January 15, 2008 12:22 PMPost a comment
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