Speaking of making one their bitch, I found something you might enjoy. Apparently your "visceral revulsion" to monkeys has been given some credance in this TCS Daily article:

http://www.tcsdaily.com/article.aspx?id=122607B

Fred Thompson would have been a terrible president. Worse than George "there's no recession" Dubya! Right wingers suck! You are all losers! Go cry in a corner with Rush whine-a-lot Limbaugh you stupids.

Normally candidates wait until later to choose a VP. What if Fred defied conventional approaches and named Duncan Hunter as VP now?
It would breathe new life into the campaign.
Campaigning is too much of a job for one man - but together, they could do it. Hunter's military credentials and beliefs are a perfect match for Fred.
It would be a daring move, and one that would garner endless press coverage.
And, what is the harm? There is little downside for either, and the potential of still getting a real conservative in the race. We have nothing to lose and the Presidency to gain.
Please run this idea around and see if it works for you folks. If you like it, please take the time to pass it on.
Thanks.