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January 24, 2008
He'd Still Get His Ass Handed To Him
After failing miserably to win in any measurable fashion against Democratic frontrunners Obama & Clinton, John Edwards is trying a new strategy: running against Ronald Reagan: "I would never use Ronald Reagan as an example of change," Edwards said. "You think about what Ronald Reagan did, to America, the American people, to the middle class, to working people. He was openly, openly intolerant of unions and the right to organize." Even running against a 96-year-old dead man, Edwards fails miserably. If the election were held today, and the lifeless, fleshless, Alzheimer's-besotted remains of America's greatest President were running against Edwards, it'd be 1984 all over again, except that Edwards wouldn't carry Minnesota or D.C. Here's a few other opponents Edwards would fail against just as miserably: * Fred Thompson * An empty chair that Fred Thompson once sat in. * A ball of Jeffrey Dahmer's earwax. * Frank J and/or that dog he claims to own. Has anyone ever seem them in the same room together or been given ANY reliable proof that they're NOT the same person? * Any random wad of gum scraped off the underside of a table. * Ron Paul * Just kidding. * Full-volume Billy Mays. * A cable-TV price increase. * Dilbert's pointy-haired boss. * Trump's hair. * This jar of fuzzy... something... I found in the back of my fridge.
If you can think of anything else that would make an electoral sweep against the Johnster, pipe up in the comments. Unless you're Billy Mays, in which case, pipe down. 35 Responses To "He'd Still Get His Ass Handed To Him"
A wadded-up used tissue with someone's 'little solders' still in it. #1 - Posted by: Vanguard1219 on January 24, 2008 11:26 AMMcLovin... #2 - Posted by: RedWhiteAndTrue on January 24, 2008 11:29 AMThe IMAO t-shirt babe! #3 - Posted by: JKS on January 24, 2008 11:35 AMPedro? I think this posting brings to the forefront a new GOP candidate: Zombie Reagan in '08 You just know the commies are itching to raise Lenin's corpse, so who else to defeat him but a commie-smashing undead? The only problem with this is that he already served two terms. Can death and necromancy get you around the term limits? #5 - Posted by: D-Rock on January 24, 2008 12:00 PMMy little sister's morbidly obese hamster? #6 - Posted by: Spicy Crispy Chicken Melt Johnson on January 24, 2008 12:05 PMChuck Norris #7 - Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on January 24, 2008 12:26 PMThere's a gatorade bottle under the seat of my car. It's full of tobacco spit. It's been there since my last road trip (Thanksgiving). I think it could take 43 states from Silky. #10 - Posted by: innominatus on January 24, 2008 12:45 PMLee Harvey Oswald I'm sure I could think of more. The lifeless body of the deer I shot a couple of weeks ago. (9 pointer!) #12 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on January 24, 2008 01:00 PMThe lifeless body of the deer I shot a couple of weeks ago. (9 pointer!) #13 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on January 24, 2008 01:00 PMSorry for the double post. #14 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on January 24, 2008 01:02 PMthe unopened ketchup packet he struggled with my 18 year old deaf, and blind lap dog my five year old daughter a hairdresser a used tampon anyone of those winners off of americam idol ann coulter
Ronald Reagan was not opposed to unions or the right to oragnize. He was involved in and president of the Screen Actors Guild for the better part of a decade. He left the union and union movement because he recognized the unions stopped acting in the interest of the workers and acted in the interest of union heads. #17 - Posted by: RockThrowingPeasant on January 24, 2008 01:42 PMRoe-v-Ware T shirt girl #18 - Posted by: Alan on January 24, 2008 02:03 PM-that dark, unidentifiable substance found in the corners of bathroom stalls, worldwide -a Jordanian contractor working on a FOB in Iraq, who's job is cleaning the above substance out of porta-shitters -the goat that the above Jordanian lost his virgnity to #19 - Posted by: One_MOA on January 24, 2008 02:07 PMmista j can has sum moldz #20 - Posted by: Wrrrr on January 24, 2008 02:10 PMYou no speak for Cave Troll! Cave Troll crush you with big rock! And, yes, Cave Troll crush John Edwards. Not even need big rock. ***Me Cave Troll and me approve this message from Cave Troll.*** #22 - Posted by: Cave Troll 2008 on January 24, 2008 03:36 PM* The five year-old motor oil in my car. *Any passing neutrino (...and Silky Pony would still be a lightweight in comparison!) #24 - Posted by: Master Shake on January 24, 2008 04:07 PM* Barney from the Simpsons * An illegal alien from Mexico (at least they work... sometimes) * My toenail clippings * Peter Griffin And Jimmy- Dude, don't do that to your car! A five-gallon container of Castrol GPX & a filter only costs about $15. #25 - Posted by: Alano, El Nuevo Duque de Albuquerque! on January 24, 2008 04:08 PMWilliam Hung ...Aquaman??? #26 - Posted by: Rightjabs on January 24, 2008 06:22 PMCarrotTop You know, there are so many it's not even funny... #27 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 24, 2008 06:32 PMany no good triple poster like MarkoMancuso... #28 - Posted by: taymacjack on January 24, 2008 08:22 PMI love the Billy Mays comment. Man, is that guy annoying. haha #30 - Posted by: Cincinnati_Bob on January 24, 2008 10:44 PMHey! How about Limey? I'd pay to see that cagefight... #31 - Posted by: carolynp on January 24, 2008 11:54 PMZombie Regean, god that goes saounds awesome. Maybe he could use his great communicator skills to turn the normal zombies into willing drones...drones that would do jobs that Americans won't! Think of it, illegals are either given the choice between going home, and getting in line or being torn into pieces as the undead Gipper inspires his necrotic legions to secure the border! everybody wins! well, maybe not the illegals, but hey they get to live if they move fast enough! #32 - Posted by: warlord conservative on January 25, 2008 12:05 AMD-Rock (#5) -- I think you're onto something. But is it too soon? #33 - Posted by: r2streu on January 25, 2008 09:31 PMJohn Edwards is no match for this NEW OXYCLEAN FORMULA #35 - Posted by: Billy Mays on January 28, 2008 05:51 PMPost a comment
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