About IMAO



Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!


Buy funniest book ever!





IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.


If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Bloggers:
Frank J.
Harvey
RightWingDuck
Cadet Happy
spacemonkey
Laurence Simon
SarahK

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
lolterizt
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Editorials
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits


Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Google
Web www.imao.us
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Blackfive
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Pereiraville
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Scrappleface
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts
Awards



 

January 29, 2008
I Just Realized Something
Posted by Frank J. at 11:01 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (33)

I actually do care about the Florida primary and hope Romney wins. I just really don't like McCain and Huckabee (and have no strong opinion about Giuliani -- much like most Florida voters).

I just wish there was some aspect to Romney to get behind other than "acceptable to conservatives." Liberals seem to hate him, but liberals also hate Bush so liberal hate alone only gets you so far in my book.

What Romney needs is an image change. First thing: Grow a goatee and shave your head. That will make you stand out from the paint by numbers presidential candidates. Next, lose the suit and wear something more appropriate for a member of Hell's Angels. Thirdly, tame a timber wolf and have it follow you around on the campaign trail. Finally, lose the long winded speeched. Instead, just shout to assembled crowds words like "CRUSH!" and "DESTROY!" (those really are great applause lines). If you feel you must say something more, say, "I am Death! My coming cannot be stopped!"

If Romney can pull that off, I'll not only vote for him, I'll donate to his campaign.

Rating: 1.7/5 (3 votes cast)

Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
33 Responses To "I Just Realized Something"

It'll never happen. He's too much of a corporate pussy.

#1 - Posted by: Dick on January 29, 2008 11:25 AM

You know, I actually voted for Romney before I voted against him...

#2 - Posted by: RedWhiteAndTrue on January 29, 2008 11:28 AM

"Mitt" is a crappy nickname. "Fang" is better.

#3 - Posted by: Exurban Jon on January 29, 2008 11:55 AM

Mormons don't yell "Crush" or "Destroy". We mainly just drive like we've had a lobotomy and serve jell-o at funerals.

A cougar would be more likely than a timberwolf and it would have the same effect.

#4 - Posted by: cptnmoroni on January 29, 2008 11:58 AM

Sounds like you want him to base his campain on American Gladiator.


Hmm


That might be a fresh Idea for all the canidates. I see Hillary and Obama battering each other with Nerf staves instead of words,

Romney and McCain swinging at each other on skyrings,

Huckabee diving headfirst under the flaming center of the pool. (He is a Baptist)

I just dont see how John Edwards fits in

#5 - Posted by: IJ on January 29, 2008 12:01 PM

Ron Paul pwned McCain in the last debate.

#6 - Posted by: PaulKnows on January 29, 2008 12:02 PM

#5

John Edwards just gets pummeled. Do you even need to be more specific than that?

#7 - Posted by: D-Rock on January 29, 2008 12:21 PM

Many point to the winning election strategies of Newt Gingrich, but it took Frank J to remind us how Jessie "The Body" Ventura stormed into office.

Of course, Jessie "The Body" was an idiot...but, he won.

#8 - Posted by: Son of Bob on January 29, 2008 12:23 PM

Little known fact - Romney always wears a suit because he has a full-body tatoo depicting Ozzy Osbourne biting off the head of a live bat.

[Hmm... you gives me idea... -Ed.]

#9 - Posted by: juggernaut on January 29, 2008 12:25 PM

If you think your a conservative, then you would like to have a strong individual running for president. One who can make decisions on their own. A puppet like Romney has nothing but strings for his lobbyist to pull. Only McCain and Paul have a history of standing their ground like a true conservative and not being a flip flopper. So i guess that means McCain is the best choice, Democrats are too short minded and the world is not ready for Mr. Smith... i mean Ron Paul.

#10 - Posted by: on January 29, 2008 12:34 PM

Ron Paul pwned McCain in the last debate.

McCain is great at economics. No one could have answered Ron Paul's question. That video is bogus and probably faked. I saw the debate live and McCain knew exactly what he was talking about. Ron Paul is full of it.

Some of you may not like John McCain but most Americans do. It will not matter if a few Republican voters decide not to vote for McCain because so many independent voters want to vote for him. John McCain is going to win!

Most importantly, McCain will guide us through the upcoming wars and keep America safe. Everyone please vote for John McCain!

McCain '08
**Committed to Excellence

John McCain
The Right Man to Lead Us

http://www.johnmccain.com

#11 - Posted by: utrejch4 on January 29, 2008 12:36 PM

I just dont see how John Edwards fits in

Where do you think the flames come from?

#12 - Posted by: Matthew on January 29, 2008 12:36 PM

Ron Paul thinks we should use the gold standard. That alone shows he is a complete idiot with economics. He wants us to base our currency on a material that has no real intrinsic value (you can't eat it, it is a lousy building material, and while it has some high tech uses it is used in such relatively small amounts as to be meaningless to industry). Worse, he wants us to base our currency on a commodity that other nations can control. Most of the gold in the world is not within the U.S. borders. Other countries can manipulate the gold market by putting more or less of it into circulation. And, unlike money, which doesn't grow on trees, gold can literally be dug up out of the dirt. And again, most of it is not within our borders. So South Africa could just step up mining operations and devalue the American dollar. Great idea.

Ron Paul is a fool who appeals to paranoid isolationists.

#13 - Posted by: Gullyborg on January 29, 2008 12:48 PM

I just dont see how John Edwards fits in

He'll be happy to show you.

#14 - Posted by: Exurban Jon on January 29, 2008 12:54 PM

So, with Mr. FrankJ Funnyman's recent endorsement of Mitt Romney, will he replace the Fred Thompson Fact t-shirts with Mitt Romney Facts Sacred Underpants?

#15 - Posted by: Sanjayrupta Pravati on January 29, 2008 12:55 PM

This is hilarious. I'm going to forward it to the Romney campaign.

#16 - Posted by: Roger on January 29, 2008 12:57 PM

No no no dumb Gullibleborg! McCain can't touch Paul on economic policy and everybody knows it but you. Watch the video or read the article. Any person who watches that video and thinks McCain is smart is a freaking moron who sucks!! McCain got pwned times a million. McCain just wants to invade more countries and get more U.S. soldiers killed and spend more tax payer money. Never ever vote for McCain! It is a vote for insanity!

#17 - Posted by: PaulKnows on January 29, 2008 12:57 PM

"I just dont see how John Edwards fits in

#5 - Posted by: IJ on January 29, 2008 12:01 PM"

Well, he certainly couldn't particpate as a gladiator; the nerf staff would be too heavy. But..

Uses for John Edwards:

Cheerleader
Guy who rubs oil on competitors
(just picture him rubbing oil on McCain. I dare you.)
Substitute for nerf staff
Glamour girl on the side of the ring
Ted Kennedys eye candy date

#18 - Posted by: Raving Lunatic on January 29, 2008 01:02 PM

The heck with him. Draft Condoleezza Rice!

#19 - Posted by: Ed Flinn on January 29, 2008 01:45 PM

#11 - Posted by: utrejch4 on January 29, 2008 12:36 PM

Troll Fight!

#20 - Posted by: AR on January 29, 2008 01:58 PM

I wasn't a big fan of McCain in the past because the NRA didn't like the campaign finance reform, but that isn't representative of his leadership abilities and pretty conservative voting record.

All I'm saying is, you may want to look a little closer at him instead of just brewing over the immigration issue forever.

Romney is a joke. He is basically Hillary Clinton with a different letter next to his name and no balls.

#21 - Posted by: cberry on January 29, 2008 01:58 PM

Romney turned around an Olympics. Big deal - Rudy Giuliani turned around New York City, against the will of the nost worthless Democratic City Council on the planet. I thank God 9/11 happened in '01 and not 10 years earlier - there would have been looting for months. Giuliani instilled not just respect for law and order, but a completely different mindset - one of civic pride.

America had a chance to elect a leader who knew how to get things done, never mind the crybabies. But a few well-aimed early shots (no doubt orchestrated by Team Clinton and their NY allies) somehow made Rudy seem scandalous - laughable, to anyone who's followed this hopelessly straight arrow throughout his crime-busting career.

Florida could deliver a miracle, but no one's counting on it - and it's really a damn shame. You think McCain's gonna stand up to this (even more) Democratic Congress? Like I said - you all better hope Hillary wins the nomination...

#22 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 29, 2008 02:04 PM

you may want to look a little closer at him

It's hard enough looking at him from a distance.

Romney is a joke. He is basically Hillary Clinton with a different letter next to his name

Thats funny. How about all of the Democrat names next to McCains:

McCain-Feingold
McCain-Kennedy
McCain-Lieberman
McCain-Next Democrat...

#23 - Posted by: roxer on January 29, 2008 02:10 PM

Yeah, you know bunkerboy, I also like the way Guiliani talks to people when he's not "stumping." He has an immense grasp of just about everything. Unfortunately, he's "saddled" in more ways than one now. However, he would make a good VP if he doesn't win Florida and drops out.

#24 - Posted by: Jimmy on January 29, 2008 02:16 PM

The problem I see is this...
You can vote for Mitt McCain, or Obama bin Clinton.

What do you do? The Libertarian party is out to lunch trying to figure out how Ron Paul got off the compound riding an elephant to mediocrity.

As much as I dislike both of the RINOs, they are better than the Clintonistas or Barak Horde.

#25 - Posted by: Blackdog on January 29, 2008 02:49 PM

Romney needs a wizard's cap and a handlebar mustache. And one of those teeny tiny novelty motorcycles to ride around.

What I'm mostly worried about is that there isn't any candidate, Republican or Democrat who has promised to ensure that the theocracy so righteously established by Mr. Bush will continue into perpetuity. First candidate to do that will get my vote.

#26 - Posted by: 3/19ths tsp. shredded lemon peel on January 29, 2008 03:01 PM

Great Maker, now we're infested with trolls for Herr Paul, Juanita McCain, and Mormon-haters Anonymous (and their various permutations). Frank, you need to start charging admission to the world's most diverse troll ecosystem on the intarwebs!

#27 - Posted by: Master Shake on January 29, 2008 03:43 PM

Romney the Ruthless.

#28 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on January 29, 2008 03:50 PM

#10 and #11 Juan McAmnesty McCain a conservative? I think not. The independents like McAmnesty because he has strong liberal tendencies but isn't totally out in left field with the tin foil hat.

McAmensty has admitted, before he denied his admission, that he's pretty clueless about economics. He's proven his lack of leadership and his total disregard for those he is suppose to represent and lead with his finger in our face last summer over immigration.

#29 - Posted by: katablog on January 29, 2008 04:16 PM

Frank, you need to start charging admission to the world's most diverse troll ecosystem on the intarwebs!

This is diverse? Man, you people really are out of touch. RON PAUL!

#30 - Posted by: PaulKnows on January 29, 2008 04:30 PM

Don't worry, I don't support McCain, either.

#31 - Posted by: Gullyborg on January 29, 2008 05:09 PM

I agree. He should get the whole Edward Norton look from "American History X," except of course the Nazi tattoos. That would give him some real presence.

Personally, I'm a Fred Thompson man. Now that he's not running, I'm going for Romney. Huckabee is fine except for his views on prison terms and pardons, Giuliani is out but he was a good candidate.

Ron Paul is a cashew right out of a Planter's tin.

And seeing that McCain now has momentum as well as delegates, if he becomes the nominee, then fine. He's better than any of the Democrats. Although I don't think it's right that voters who aren't members of the Republican Party have basically been allowed to choose our candidate.

His slogan on the signs at the Conventions will be:

"McCain: We're fine with you if you end up with the delegates"

Hoo-rah.

#32 - Posted by: NoGuff on January 30, 2008 02:10 AM

Dammit, I grew a goatee and shaved my head and nobody is even TALKING about voting for me.

I should totally kick Romney's ass.

#33 - Posted by: jvon on January 30, 2008 02:27 AM
Post a comment




Remember me?

(You may use HTML tags for style)

 

Buy IMAO T-Shirts


IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!





Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24
American Idol
Aqua-Adventures
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Editorials
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Humor
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
lolterizt
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Superego
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933