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January 30, 2008
Tough Times Call for a Tough Romney
Things aren't going great for Romney right now, but I think my image change suggestions from yesterday is probably a step in the right direction. I also liked the rumor I heard about him. While rumors they did hard time might be bad for some candidates, it would actually make Romney more interesting. Why do you think McCain is doing so well? It's because the problems in the world today look like they could best be handled by a cranky old man. Similarly, people might trust a hardened criminal to look out for our interests against evil terrorists. If you really want to help Romney, act like it's common knowledge he's done time for violent felonies. In fact, his campaign should put out rumors about what a hardcore criminal Romney is but make it look like some other campaign is behind those rumors. They should then condemn the "smear tactic" while conspicuously not denying any of the rumors. People are going to be like, "Romney is crazy, dude! Maybe he should run the country. At least it would keep him off the streets." So, start thinking of some rumors to spread. Until then, I thought I should share these facts about Romney I found out. ROMNEY RUMORS * Romney got a lot of free publicity for his presidential run since there a picture of him in every post office. * Most of Mitt Romney's teeth aren't real since he had them all knocked in various bar fights. You might think that means he's not a particularly good fighter, but it's just because he keep fighting like six people at once. That guy does not back down. I tell you, he's @#$% nuts. * Man has yet to invent something that Romney can't turn into a shiv.  Mitt Romney and his timber wolf Krull getting ready to raise hell. * Most frequent campaigning advice Romney receives: "People frown on beating up cops." * Romney hasn't been the biggest gun rights advocate because all his violent felonies means he can't legally own one anyway. Actually, most gun dealers have up a picture of Romney in their store that says, "Whatever you do, don't sell this guy a gun because he will @#$% kill people." * Romney wants to make sure everyone has healthcare... except for snitches. * In the latest Hitman video game, if in a mission you quietly kill your target without alerting anyone, you get the rating of "Silent Assassin." If you ignore stealth and beat everyone to death with a shovel, you get a rating of "Mitt Romney." * Someone once made a joke that since Romney's nickname is "Mitt," he must be a catcher in prison. Emphasis on "once." * While Romney doesn't punch hippies, when a hippie came to Romney asking him to sign a petition about the war, Romney stabbed him through the eye with the pen. * Romney's five sons have a total of eleven children and twelve prison sentences. It's common knowledge that if you see all five Romney kids in once place, you get the @#$% out of there because some serious @#$% is about to go down. * Romney cares about the environment so much he's made sure his chop shop is equipped to handle hybrids. * Romney plans to be president for four years, eight with good behavior. 47 Responses To "Tough Times Call for a Tough Romney"
When the Hell's Angels hold a big rally they hire the Romney family to provide security. #1 - Posted by: DamnCat on January 30, 2008 11:39 AMRomney will probably lose. People don't seem to care for him. #2 - Posted by: Nate on January 30, 2008 11:58 AM- In San Quentin, taking a guy's hand and shoving it down his throat until he suffocates and dies is called a "Romney". - The real reason Romney didn't campaign in South Carolina is; after a disagreement with the governor's son several years ago, Romney stripped him naked, urinated on him, hogtied him and branded him with a big "R". What was the disagreement you may ask. They couldn't agree on how to spell palet in reference to what a painter uses. Man, Romney was way off. #3 - Posted by: juggernaut on January 30, 2008 12:03 PMRomney's new campaign slogan is, "An indictment is not the same as a conviction". A Clinton vs. Romney debate would basically be 45 minutes of the FCC censoring the sound because of all the swearing. If you commit child abuse, the Bikers Against Child Abuse shows up. When a BACA member commits child abuse, Romney shows up. #4 - Posted by: cptnmoroni on January 30, 2008 12:26 PMMassive Democrat voter fraud in a Broward county District D001 Maybe you can pass this along to some FL media and blogs? Romney was kicked out of the Hells Angels because he didn't meet the required minimum standards. Romney's graffiti is considered a work of art and is currently on display on overpasses, bridges, and trains across the country. It is a known facth that Mitt Romney's body piercings affect the location of magnetic north by as much as 6 miles. This is how I imagine Romney giving his first State of the Union address. It'll be very interesting to see if Fred endorses McBetrayal before the primaries are over. God, I hope not. Frank, call Fred on the phone and ask him to endorse that tough-ass Romney NOW ! #8 - Posted by: Jimmy on January 30, 2008 01:05 PMMitt Romney's Mormon faith is part of his Federal Witness Relocation new identity. He took down the Russian mafia singlehandedly after being inspired by the way Reagan ended the Cold War. Now, he's openly flaunting his craftiness and daring anyone to take a shot at him by engaging in the most public spectacle in American politics. #9 - Posted by: RedWhiteAndTrue on January 30, 2008 01:20 PMA subtle deterrence to ward off the gays in prison is a tat that proclaims "The Cake Is A Lie" on his buttocks. Are we going to have Daily Romney Rumors? #11 - Posted by: Michael R. on January 30, 2008 01:37 PMWell this is gonna get old fast. Frank, why are you wasting creative juice on Romney? McCain gets anointed today at The Reagan Library by Rudy and Nancy herself. Fred, in a last chance at relevance, will surely give him the nod before Super Tuesday. McCain's our guy - get used to it. Do you really wanna be seen backing TWO losers in the same primary? Time to start working on Mac's Facts... #12 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 30, 2008 01:43 PMCan anyone tell me why the Florida exit polls show that 40% of McCain support came from people who call themselves liberals? I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that the National Democratic Party won't allow any delegates from Florida. Could it be possible that much of McCains' support came from Democrats who wanted a say in our national politics? It just kind of makes me wonder. #13 - Posted by: David on January 30, 2008 01:47 PM#12 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 30, 2008 01:43 PM NO. McCain is YOUR guy. Take McCain and shove him up your forgetful ass. "Those loud people" #14 - Posted by: on January 30, 2008 01:49 PMOne may question whether creative juices are thrown out the window when the likes of The Edwards ambles of the stage, then around the hedge brush. I fail to see any creative juices being used effectively on prematurely choosing any elective 'win' that is actually loss. #15 - Posted by: erg on January 30, 2008 01:53 PM^^ #15 is a rebuttal to the #12 post ^^ #16 - Posted by: erg on January 30, 2008 01:54 PMTsk, tsk. What are all these footstampers gonna do come Election Day? Hopefully someone changes their diapers by then... #17 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 30, 2008 01:55 PMI'm bunkerboy. I don't give a rat's ass about standing up for values. I'm willing to sacrifice anything for a candiate who's "electable". #18 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 30, 2008 01:59 PMMan, #17, I don't think you "stand" for anything. Time to leave your basement. #19 - Posted by: Jimmy on January 30, 2008 01:59 PMI'm in NYC Jimmy - not many basements here, just outrageously priced apartments. What I stand for is defeating the Democrats in November. And there is no way this Presidential Ken doll, flip-flopping Mormon has a prayer. The Republicans have an uphill fight no matter how you look at it - let's not blow it in February. #20 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 30, 2008 02:06 PMFake tags? You can do better than that, #18. And did anyone understand #15? #21 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 30, 2008 02:11 PMYes, by all means, let's put a DIRC (DemocRAT in Republican Clothing) like Juanita in office and make sure that the voters know there's no difference between the parties any more. Enjoy your workers' paradise, amigo! #22 - Posted by: Master Shake on January 30, 2008 02:15 PMto #20 The Republicans have an uphill fight no matter how you look at it - let's not blow it in February. Lets not blow it in February, we all know what happens if it does get blown, we will be in March then; after that if everything is blown we will be in April. We know what happens then if we are not all backing a single candidate, we'll be in May, wow. #20 It doesn't do any good to defeat Democrats by using a guy who might as well be a Democrat. In fact, it hurts us more than letting the Democrat win. #24 - Posted by: Andrew on January 30, 2008 02:19 PMYeah, bunkerboy, and you were staunchly - I mean adamantly - for Guiliani, if my memory serves, who, in my opinion, would have been an order of magnitude better than McCrap, just as Mitt would be an order of magnitude better than Rudy and Fred would have been an order of magnitude better than Mitt!! Hey, please don't ask the Republican Party to buy into your "the end justifies the means" philosophy because you're afraid of Hillary or Obama wrecking the country. It sounds an awful lot like you'd sell your mother just to get a meal. The "Republic...an" Party is just a wee bit better than that. PS: There are lots of basements in NYC. #25 - Posted by: Jimmy on January 30, 2008 02:22 PMmitt isn't a war criminal but he did get a fine. #26 - Posted by: zip on January 30, 2008 02:23 PMMitt has a prison tat of the US constitution on his Chest. He also has a Tattoo of the Declaration of Independence below it. His "John Hancock" is right where it should be on the document. #27 - Posted by: IJ on January 30, 2008 02:34 PMAnyone who supports or vote for McCain in the Primaries either has never been out of the family bomb shelter in the past 10 years, or is too stupid to be able to take an active part in the processes of a republican democracy. McCain is as much a Republican as I am a Chicken McNugget 20-Pack #28 - Posted by: DesertElephant on January 30, 2008 02:44 PMDear BunkerBoy, You'll really need to explain to all of us here in IMAOland how abandoning your principles in order to win today is a good thing. Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson were the truest conservatives in the race and they're gone. Mitt is the last one you can include with the word "Conservative" and not laugh before the sentence is out. McCain has taken great pride in poking conservatives in the eyes 3-Stooges style for several years now. He's not electable - that's the problem. Conservatives elect the president in the USA. Clinton won twice - not because he was strong but because of Ross Perot. If conservatives are excited about the Republican candidate, the Prez has an R next to his name. Without the conservatives, he won't. And McCain has gone to great lengths to moon the conservatives of the USA. Over and over. John Edwards loves it but we don't. I think #26 is the best one so far. #29 - Posted by: cptnmoroni on January 30, 2008 02:45 PMNow I hope Romney wins just for the In My World episodes that would follow. The timberwolf is no Chomps, but it sure beats John McCain's poodle. #30 - Posted by: John on January 30, 2008 02:56 PMWoo hoo Elephant!! Where you been? #31 - Posted by: Jimmy on January 30, 2008 02:56 PMWOOOOOO!!! To me, that looks like Mitt riding a never-ending 'Cycle of Violence!!!! More Mitt Facts: Tattoo on Mitt's rear-end: Violate this border and you win a Colombian Neck-Tie! Mitt has an extra chromosome. Its shape? An '$'. Mitt was once fired as a stunt-extra from a Chuck Norris movie--because he kept kicking Chuck's ASS! #33 - Posted by: George in Austin on January 30, 2008 03:11 PMDracul The Impaler. Nah, I didn't say that. #34 - Posted by: Jimmy on January 30, 2008 03:38 PM#13: Can anyone tell me why the Florida exit polls show that 40% of McCain support came from people who call themselves liberals? That's been their plan all along. They've been saying, "McCain really 'scares' us. (snort) Oh, Please don't make us run against him... Puh-leeeeze!" It's a win-win situation for them. They know that True Conservatives will have trouble voting for him. But if McCain wins in November, and the country goes down the tubes, everybody is blaming us Conservatives. At least if Hillary or "Barry-Oh" wins, we can blame the Libs for the coming storm and rub THEIR noses in it for four years. #35 - Posted by: Pete on January 30, 2008 04:27 PMI don't see how Romney can win at this point. It is pointless to try and come up with a new campaign strategy for some guy who is just going to lose anyway. #36 - Posted by: Nate on January 30, 2008 04:41 PMWhen someone says they are going to give you a "Romney" it means they are going rip your liberal head off and shove up your liberal ass! #37 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on January 30, 2008 04:41 PMRomney needs to walk on to the stage tonight and punch McCain in the face and say "how did that feel Amnesty Boy?" That would like totally seal the deal for me!!! #38 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on January 30, 2008 04:43 PMAnd, by the way...I'm not excited about any of these "pretenders"! NONE of them are true conservatives and don't deserve to get the nomination but will get it due to country club, blue blood, Republican, super rich, who could care less about any of you rubes here on IMAO...including me!!! #39 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on January 30, 2008 04:47 PM#36 - Posted by: Nate on January 30, 2008 04:41 PM Yes. Let's give up! That's the ticket! #40 - Posted by: MikeZuluBravo on January 30, 2008 06:38 PMRomney Rumour: I also heard to give a "Romney" can mean to rip someones head off and crap down their neck. I guess there are regional differences to the meaning. Either way, someone is going to be hurting. Fabulous John Edwards fact: John Edwards actually dropped out of the race because Mitt Romney was voted the best looking candidate for president and John Edwards had a hissy fit and quit. #41 - Posted by: GregVolk on January 31, 2008 02:43 AMIt doesn't do any good to defeat Democrats by using a guy who might as well be a Democrat. In fact, it hurts us more than letting the Democrat win. #24 - Posted by: Andrew on January 30, 2008 02:19 PM
Myself, I want to see America's vital interests in the Persian Gulf protected, and a soon-to-be nuclear Iran checked. That means getting a Republican in The White House. Ipso fatso, that means nominating somebody that has a chance of winning. Now you all can pour on all the abuse you want, but I say this as a patriotic American with a deep sense of unease about the future: There is NO WAY on God's green Earth that this plastic, Presidential Ken doll, flip-flopping Mormon can win this election - and you are delusional - DELUSIONAL - if you believe he can. Look, I wanted Rudy, most of you wanted Fred, but it ain't gonna happen. McCain WILL be the Republican nominee, and you better wrap your heads around it. You KNOW you're not gonna stay home or write someone else in, and if you do, you're a MORON. Fire away, it's okay - we'll all be on the same side in November. #42 - Posted by: bunkerboy on January 31, 2008 05:09 AMRomney Rumor: You have to be jumped in to join Romney's campaign. #43 - Posted by: Taymacjack on January 31, 2008 05:10 AMRomney Rumor: You have to be jumped in to join Romney's campaign. #44 - Posted by: Taymacjack on January 31, 2008 05:31 AMBunkerboy, you should probably have a look at this. Even if you convince every singe real conservative here to vote for McCain, he's still not going to win if he's nominated. Conservatives can't tell the difference between him and Hillary other than supposed party affiliation, gender, and their respective signature pet cause. All the things Hillary would do, McCain would do, whether or not you want to admit this. (McCain would appoint activist judges as much as Hillary would) The only way McCain could win the Presidency is if some liberals crossed over. But as we can see from DailyKos, they are not going to do that. No, the only one who has any hope of beating the Hildebeast at this point is Romney, no matter what the MSM tries to brainwash you into believing. #45 - Posted by: on January 31, 2008 10:34 AMWell, Romney is lowballing his ad buys in the Super Tuesday states, which tells me he sees the writing on the wall. Which will leave us with about one more week of bitching before we get down to the task at hand... #46 - Posted by: bunkerboy on February 1, 2008 12:21 AMMcCain Rumor: He's old, angry, and dishonest. Good luck with that. #47 - Posted by: Ben on February 1, 2008 12:23 AMPost a comment
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