"General Petraeus, I have a question for you," President Bush said.

"Sure. What is it, Mr. President?"

"What do you think about a war with Iran?"

"That would be extremely idiotic at this juncture, sir."

"Yes, I could see that being a hot topic."

"Like, do you think it would lead the news cycle?"

Petraeus pondered that. "Yes... unless Britney Spears had a tragic death."

"Well, what's the chance of that?"

Petraeus shrugged. "Hard to say."

Bush thought for a moment. "Well, I guess that's just one of the risks when going to war. You see, I'm tired of all the news being about the next president. I'm still president. The news should be about me. And I'm tired of hearing about that Obama." Bush leaned close to Petraeus ear and whispered, "I hear his middle name is 'Hussein,' just like that bad man."

"Why are you whispering?"

"If McCain hears me mention that, he gets angry. And, he could be president one day and abuse his power against me!" Bush leaned close to Petraeus again and whispered, "I also saw Obama in Muslim clothes."

"Where did you see that?"

"At a mosque."

"Why were you at a mosque?"

"To pray towards Mecca."

"Are you sure that actually happened?"

"I didn't get to be president by being sure of things!" Bush went and sat back at his desk so he could pound it for emphasis. "Now what was I talking about?"

"I hesitate to remind you, but you were talking about war with Iran."

"Yeah, let's do that."

* * * *

"I decided to make this announcement in person," Bush told the press.

"We like Dana Perino better," a reporter said. "She's pretty."

"Well you're stuck with me today!" Bush shouted. "If any of you were hoping for a date with Dana, it ain't gonna happen because she hates all of you!"

"Plus, she's married," a reporter said.

"How do you know that? Are you stalking her? You're creepy! Now, as I was saying, I have an important announcement... which I forgot but I wrote it down somewhere." Bush pulled out some index cards. "Red, Yellow, Blue, Red, Red, Blue, Blue, Red, Yellow, Blue... wait, I think that's a cheat code for X-Box game I wrote down..." He pulled out another card. "Here it is: I'm going to war with Iran!"

There was an audible gasp among the press.

Bush smiled. "That's right! It's shocking! Shocking and newsworthy! Any questions? I'm sure you must have many."

Helen Thomas stepped forward. "Why do you want to kill Iranian children? What do you have against Iranian children?"

Bush rolled his eyes. "I thought she was dead! I'm only talking to you guys myself because I thought I heard she was dead! Next question."

"Why?"

"Because..." He paused for a moment. "Oil, I guess. Does that make sense?"

"I thought the problem with Iran is them pursuing nuclear weapons?" a reporter said.

"Maybe that then," Bush responded. "The point is, I have a good reason. Next question."

"What troops will you use for this operation? Aren't they already over-extended in Afghanistan and Iraq?"

Bush thought for a moment. "Well, what are you doing?"

"Um... reporting."

"That's not important." Bush turned to his Secret Service. "Seize him! He's drafted and going to Iran!" The Secret Service dragged away the screaming reporter while Bush looked back to the press. "See, I can do stuff like that because I'm still the president and powerful! Next question!"

"Will you be using local support to overthrow the current regime?"

Bush shook his head. "Nah... don't plan on that."

"But aren't there many Iranians opposed to the current regime who want democratic reforms?"

"Maybe... but sucks to be them, I guess. I'm not falling into the trap of trying to set up a new government again; this time we'll just obliterate the enemy country. In fact, I've been talking to NASA for a plan to nuke it from orbit like they should have done in Aliens."

The press stared at him in shock and confusion.

"You know... 'Game over, man! Game over!'" The press continued to stare at him. "You don't know that movie? I swear that sometimes you guys are so stupid that it's unbelievable."

"You're going to do a nuclear strike against Iran from space?" a dumbfounded reporter asked.

"Exactly! I bet you guys such stupid and shoddy reporters, though, you'll say I was referencing the first movie, Alien." Bush thought for a moment. "Then again, it is pretty confusing that the sequel is just the plural of the first movie. You kinda always want to say, 'The second Alien movie,' just to be clear." He looked up at the reporters. "Now what was I talking about again?"

"Hey it's Obama together with Spitzer!" a reporter shouted. "And Spitzer brought his hookers with him!"

The reporters all ran to the new spectacle. "No! Stay here!" Bush yelled at them. "I'm important! Come on! Obama probably just mistook Spitzer for a foreign leader because he's inexperienced just like Hillary is kindly warning us!" Bush stood there a moment, alone. "Guess I might as well see what my dad is up to."

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In My World
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