About IMAO



Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!


Buy funniest book ever!





IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.


If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Bloggers:
Frank J.
Harvey
RightWingDuck
Cadet Happy
spacemonkey
Laurence Simon
SarahK

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
lolterizt
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Editorials
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits


Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Google
Web www.imao.us
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Blackfive
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Pereiraville
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Scrappleface
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts
Awards



 

March 13, 2008
A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Chapter 3 - Confusion
Posted by Frank J. at 05:02 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (5)

PREVIOUS

"Take her gun!" Bryce ordered Doug. Doug took the pistol from Lulu's holster and held it dubiously.

"What's going on?" one of the Protectors demanded, the group keeping guns on them both.

"The enemy has some sort of conspiracy involving the armory," Bryce explained, "and I was hoping this imposter would lead me to it. I guess you all screwed up that plan."

"You're too late!" Lulu said with as much menace as she could as she kept her hands behind her head. "You're all going to die here!" She added an evil laugh, but Doug judged it a bit forced.

"What do we care about the armory?" a Protector asked. "We're abandoning this whole place and the letting the stupid Children fight for it."

"Hey!" Charlene exclaimed.

"Shut up, you," Bryce told her sharply, and then turned back to the soldiers. "I can't tell you much about it, but there is an artifact of great importance to Asmod in the armory that unfortunately it seems the enemy has found out about. We need to secure it before leaving. Come on, there's no time to waste."

Bryce started leading Lulu away at gunpoint. "Come guard," he told Doug and then struggled to get his suit jacket off while keeping his gun on Lulu. He tossed the jacket to Charlene. "Carry that for me, Child."

The Protectors followed as well. "So the enemy might already be in the armory?" one asked.

"Could be. Be prepared for a gunfight," Bryce said.

"Loch will eat your blood!" Lulu shouted. She then whispered to Bryce, "You don't think Chen mentioned you?"

"I doubt she would so readily admit she was duped by one of us Last."

"And what exactly are we doing when we get to the armory?" Charlene asked quietly.

"We'll figure it out when we get there. No worries."

Doug still had the pistol in his hand and wasn't sure what to do with it. He had a bad record with guns from the brief time the government conscripted the Last Children in the military, so he wanted to put it away but didn't seem to have a holster. He tried shoving it in his pants pocket but it was too big, so he turned to Charlene. "You want to carry the gun and I can carry the coat?"

"Can't you even pretend to be competent for even a couple minutes?" Charlene shot back under her breath and turned away.

Doug thought of telling her he had been pretending competence for more than ten minutes already, but then he remembered he wasn't supposed to talk.

They soon reached the armory and stopped by the entrance. "The enemy doesn't know we're on to them yet," Bryce told the six soldiers. "Let's try to head in quietly and get a look of things. Are you prepared?"

"We can handle it. You have her?"

Bryce patted Lulu on the head. "The little floozy isn't going to be a problem."

"You're going to die," Lulu added.

The six Protectors slowly made their way in. Bryce turned to his group. "Any ideas for what to do next?"

"The loading dock is just inside." Charlene said. "I think we should just grab a vehicle and get the hell out of here before they wise up and shoot us all."

"I'm for that," Lulu said, her hand still behind her head. "My arms are starting to get tired; I don't want to be a prisoner anymore."

"Fine," Bryce said. "Maybe we'll get lucky and they've already loaded one of the trucks up for the evacuation. Let's just--"

Automatic gunfire erupted from inside. Two Protectors ran out returning fire, one clutching a bloody wound at his side. "They've taken it over!" He shouted to Bryce. "They've already killed everyone in there! I think they have the artifact!"

It took a moment for Bryce to get over the shock. "Well... that's... not good."

More gunfire tore down the two soldiers, and then four angry looking women emerged from the entrance pointing rifles at Doug, Bryce, Lulu, and Charlene. Doug decided to break the no talking rule. "Dude."

NEXT

Rating: 1.3/5 (2 votes cast)

Hellbender Take Two
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
5 Responses To "A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Chapter 3 - Confusion"

Hey, that chapter was a couple Paragraphs shorter than the others. ;)

#1 - Posted by: AlaskaNick on March 13, 2008 06:16 PM

ok, i'm hooked, just like the first one...more, gimme more!

i like your dialog. snappy and smart alecky.

[Thanks. I hope above all its a fun story. I'm writing a number of chapters ahead of what's being put up each day, so hopefully I can keep up putting one part a day. -Ed.]

#2 - Posted by: aA on March 13, 2008 06:31 PM

I don't think you should be allowed to get another job. You must feed my snippet addiction.

#3 - Posted by: Unistat on March 13, 2008 07:10 PM

This story is definitely addictive. More so than super-ego. Good job.

#4 - Posted by: on March 13, 2008 10:50 PM

You dirty tease, are you just going to pull the rug out from under us again like last time? Don't read it unless FrankJ promises to finish it this time. The last two times he's done this I've been sorely mislead and hurt. Sadly I think it is a bit like Conservative politicians, You think they will make you happy and actually enact that stuff they claim during the campaigns, and then when you're not paying enough attention they spend like crazy and turn on the people who voted for them. I got a campaign quote for you "FrankJ He still hasn't fulfilled his Hellbender promise" and sadly I still lap up every "Hellbender" out so far.

[I will complete an entire story as long as people are reading it. I'm going to try and stay a few chapters ahead of what's being put up each day. -Ed.]

#5 - Posted by: loomdog on March 14, 2008 12:25 PM
Post a comment




Remember me?

(You may use HTML tags for style)

 

Buy IMAO T-Shirts


IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!





Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24
American Idol
Aqua-Adventures
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Editorials
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Humor
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
lolterizt
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Superego
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933