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March 19, 2008
In My World: Arguing the Second Amendment
"It's time to begin oral arguments on District of Columbia vs. Heller," Chief Justice Roberts said, "First, let's--" "I will kill you!" Justice Scalia brandished a gun at everyone in the room. "You try and take my gun, I will shoot you and you will die!" "You think Kennedy is the deciding vote? The deciding vote is my gun!" "Scalia has a gun!" Justice Bryer shrieked.
"Dude, calm down," Justice Thomas told Scalia. "Now give me the gun." Scalia handed it over. "I was just telling everyone I was going to shoot them." "I know." "Anyway," Roberts continued, "we will begin oral arguments by--" "I will shoot you in the face and I will kill you!" "Scalia has another gun!" Bryers shrieked. "I will use this to put bullets in you! You think Kennedy is the deciding vote? The deciding vote is my gun!" "Chill, man; come on," Thomas told Scalia and slowly took the gun away. "Everything is going to turn out all right, okay?" "Fine." "Let's all keep cool heads," Roberts said. "First arguments will be from--" Scalia whispered to Justice Alito. "Can I see one of your guns?" "You aren't going to threaten everyone with it, are you?" "No. I just want to see it." "Okay." Alito handed Scalia a gun. "I will kill you all! You try and take my guns, you will all be dead by me shooting you!" "Scalia got yet another gun from Alito!" Bryers shrieked. "I will extra kill the liberal Justices!" "You need to calm down." Thomas slowly took the gun from Scalia. "Now let's finally get started," Roberts said. "The lawyer representing D.C. can begin his statement." "D.C.'s ban on handguns is perfectly constitutional. There is no right to--" There were a number of gunshots, and the lawyers fell dead. "Okay, who shot the lawyer?" Roberts asked. "Well, Thomas has all the guns," Souter said. "Oh of course!" Thomas exclaimed. "If there is a shooting, blame the black man!" 24 Responses To "In My World: Arguing the Second Amendment"
As you're well aware, this crap has to come out of DC's idiotic ban. If they tried to pull one of these weapons bans in Idaho, I think the outcome would be a bit different. Yeehaw! #1 - Posted by: Cosmo on March 19, 2008 11:00 AMThis will be making the rounds at my law school today... so funny, I almost died. Like I always say: if guns are outlawed, I'll be an outlaw. #3 - Posted by: Sock Ratties on March 19, 2008 11:06 AMThomas is black? I never noticed anything except his enormous intellect - that big mellon on top of his neck. If Thomas wants to shoot lawyers, well, they must have earned it. Funny, Frank. 5 chuckles. #4 - Posted by: Jimmy on March 19, 2008 11:11 AMOh, Justice Thomas is black. Now I get it. Frank, you really should have put an explanation at the bottom of the post like: Remember, Justice Thomas is black. Maybe in a footnote, or one of those cool Javascript click-to-hide things you do on some of your other posts. #5 - Posted by: Sock Ratties on March 19, 2008 11:22 AMsee THIS is why they should allow cameras in the courtroom... #6 - Posted by: on March 19, 2008 11:37 AMThat was a great posting! #7 - Posted by: Penfold on March 19, 2008 11:47 AMScalia sounds kind of like my Grandpa. #8 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on March 19, 2008 11:56 AM"Extra Kill" has officially entered the lexicon. #9 - Posted by: The Animal on March 19, 2008 12:37 PMOuch... my sides still hurt from laughing. Fortunately I work with a bunch of gun carrying wackos and they saw the humor too. #10 - Posted by: Texaspartan on March 19, 2008 12:38 PMMOST AWESOME POST ON IMAO FOR QUITE AWHILE--AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING. #11 - Posted by: fishlaw on March 19, 2008 01:11 PMAh -- there's the Frank J that I know and love. I can't just keep reading The Chronicles of Dubya, you know. ..bruce.. Let's just hope Justice Kennedy doesn't read it. Do you suppose Justice Bryers owns a gun? What kind do you think he would have? #13 - Posted by: George on March 19, 2008 02:55 PMI suspect that Breyer finds rubber bands too threatening. No way he owns a gun. More Clarence Thomas Facts, plz. Justice Thomas tows his Corvette behind his motor home, and eats in truck stops. So he's at the counter, and a trucker walks up and says, "You know, you look just like Justice Thomas." Justice Thomas smiles. "I bet you get that a lot," the driver says, as he walks away. That one's from Justice Thomas' book. #15 - Posted by: comatus on March 19, 2008 04:00 PM Hey Frank, Can shooting a lawyer be anything but justifiable homicide? A theoretical question. #17 - Posted by: Mike O on March 19, 2008 06:44 PMMore SCOTUS IMWs! This has untapped potential! #18 - Posted by: Damian G. on March 19, 2008 07:42 PMWell Frank, the ronin have spoken... IMW all day, everyday!!! #19 - Posted by: RedWhiteAndTrue on March 19, 2008 09:51 PMClassic. Should be embroidered on pillows on grandmothers' couches. #20 - Posted by: sophie on March 20, 2008 03:59 PMOMG, I literally have tears running down my cheeks. #21 - Posted by: Brian the sailor on March 21, 2008 09:03 PMcomedic genius. #23 - Posted by: hcg on March 23, 2008 11:32 PMYou enter a room and see a murderer, a rapist and a lawyer. You have only 2 bullets in your gun. What do you do? Answer: Shoot the lawyer twice and then pistol-whip the son-of-a-bitch until you're sure he's dead. (Then get yourself a better gun.) #24 - Posted by: grumpyoldwhiteguy on March 24, 2008 10:17 PMPost a comment
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