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As they stumbled back towards their apartment, the sparse streetlights of Theed didn't allow Doug to see too clearly the battered conditions of his friends. A couple of times he tried to help Charlene when she stumbled, but she quickly shrugged him off. So onward they went, walking beside each other but not with each other, none saying a word until Doug felt he absolutely had to say something to break the silence. "Did you see how I got the sword on that one guy before he drew his gun? That was pretty good."

"Yes, Doug. That was a brilliant display of basic competency." Charlene didn't even look at him. He thought she could be a little nicer since he did draw the sword to keep the guy from shooting her.

"I think that's where things started to go wrong," Bryce said.

Charlene stopped. "Are actually going to argue this wasn't entirely the fault of your idiocy?"

"Hey, I wasn't the one with the brilliant idea that, when I'm surrounded by a bunch of armed thugs, I should punch one of them in the nose!"

"She was a clearly useless person, and I have a least enough self-respect not take insults from such!" Charlene shouted. "You really think being a meek beggar was the way to get respect from that scum?"

"Why don't we just compromise and say you both were idiots," Lulu suggested.

Charlene looked about ready to hit her. "Why did you draw bunnies on it Lulu?!"

Lulu rolled her eyes. "Oh right; that was the problem."

"It didn't help." Bryce added.

Doug didn't like seeing his friends fight, but at least none of them were blaming him for anything. "I think I see a bus station just a little ways away. Do we still have enough money to take the bus?"

"We're not so financially desperate we can't ride the bus." Bryce marched onwards and the other followed. He took a glance at Doug. "How come you look better than the rest of us?"

"I've gotten beaten up so many times, I guess I just know how best to take it."

"Well, that's a sad good analogy for us," Charlene said. "We've gotten beaten up so many times, it's become a skill."

"And I notice you look worse than the rest of us," Bryce commented. "I'm guessing you thought it was a bright idea to fight back."

Lulu glanced at him. "How much product do you use in your hair?"

Though Bryce's face was quite beaten, he didn't seem to have one hair out of place. Lulu's hair was quite a mess, though. "Appearances are important, so I spend time on mine." He checked his clothing. "I'm going to need a new suit again."

"Frankly, the whole beating was a bit disorganized." Lulu wrapped her arms around her chest. "Also, I'm all for equal rights stuff, but I still think it would have been more polite to have the women beat up the women and the men beat up the men. The order was to beat me, not to grope me."

"Those two women who felt slighted by the fact that I gave each of them my time were a bit immature during their physical attack on me," Bryce said. "They especially got angry when they found out I was wearing a cup."

"Why were you wearing a cup?" Lulu asked.

"Because I don't like getting hit in the crotch."

"Because he probably knew what happened was a possibility from all his screwing around," Charlene said.

Lulu giggled. "His screwing screwed us."

Doug laughed. "It is kinda funny how Bryce thought he was using Lara but she was using him."

"That's not what happened!" Bryce shouted.

"None of this is funny!" Charlene yelled. "Bryce's idiocy has left us in a foreign city with no money!"

"Some money," Bryce corrected her. "A little money."

Doug patted the sack hanging off his belt. "And we still got the cube."

They reached the bus station. According to a sign on it, they had twenty minutes to the next bus.

"I thought for sure Colette could have told that the cube was important," Bryce said. "We're all in agreement that there is something quite weird about it."

It still creeped Doug out, even concealed in its bag. "The Devil told me that one of Hallowed wouldn't feel anything weird holding it, because they always feel that miserable."

Bryce looked angry. "That's some important information you kept from us. If Satan tells you anything useful like that in the future, pass it on."

"He said his name is Stan, actually," Doug said.

"Did Stan mention anyone else we could maybe pawn it off to for a few bucks?" Lulu asked.

"Shut up, please!" Charlene looked like she was about to cry. "You thought being unappreciated servants of the government was awful, but I don't think being insulted and humiliated by criminals is quite an improvement in our lives. I'm not going anywhere else with that stupid cube and beg for money. If we're going to be criminals ourselves, let's at least be good ones! Lulu was right; you could tell from how Colette's men attacked us that they don't work well as a team. With a little bit of planning -- real planning -- we could do quite some damage to those people and that arrogant bitch Colette."

Bryce looked quite hesitant. "There's no money in revenge. You attach a business plan to that, then maybe."

"I like Charlene's idea," Lulu said. "I say we go back there, cut Colette's head off, and write on the walls in her blood, 'This is what you get for being mean.'"

"She doesn't have any blood. She's one of the Hollow ones." Bryce chuckled. "In fact, you could say she quite literally a heartless bitch."

"No. She's not literally a heartless bitch," Lulu corrected. "Because she's not literally a female dog."

"She is literally a spiteful and overbearing woman," Bryce countered, "which is an accepted definition for 'bitch.'"

"Actually, as she'll tell you herself, she's not literally a woman."

"If you two don't shut up," Charlene shouted. "I will literally rip your heads off and shove them up your asses."

Lulu whispered to Bryce. "Charlene properly use the word 'literally,' though she did so for the purpose of hyperbole."

Charlene smacked Lulu. "Anyway, if there are no objections -- and even if there are -- I'm taking over Hellbender. If we're going to be a group of losers, let's at least be dangerous ones."

"I really don't want to kill a bunch of people if that's the plan," Doug stated.

"As usual, Doug, your opinion doesn't matter," Charlene said.

"Fine." He noticed a convenience store nearby. "I'll be back in a sec; I need to pee."

"Careful not to fall in," Lulu called out as he walked away. She turned to the others. "Do I have a black eye?"

"You have two," Charlene replied.

"Dammit."

When Doug entered the store, he turned to the clerk to ask him if he could use the restroom, but saw it was some sort of electronic entity. Another job stealing robot. Doug weaved by a couple patrons to the back where the men's room was. It was decently clean, and Doug had to admit that some robots were pretty good at their jobs. Frankly, he liked them better than monkeys.

Doug went to a urinal, but as he unzipped he heard others enter. He turned to see three women. For a moment, he though he might have accidentally entered the wrong restroom, but he realized he was at a urinal which he was quite sure women's rooms didn't have. The three women stood behind Doug, and he kept looking back at them. "Uh... I think you're in the wrong restroom. Don't feel bad; it's happened to me before."

They continued to stand there and stare at him.

"Also, it's kinda hard for me to go with you guys standing there like that."

Once again, they didn't react.

"Um... I think I'll use a stall." Doug zipped up and started to walk away, but one of the women grabbed him by the shoulder.

"We want the bunny cube."

Frankly, a part of Doug really wanted to get rid of the cube. Still, it was about all he and his friends had left, and he was curious to find out its secrets.

Doug turned to face them. "Well, you can't have it."

* * * *

"You probably can't tell from looking at me, but I got beat up again."

Doug stumbled back to his three friends at the bus station. Bryce looked him over with a little concern. "We were wondering what took you so long... the bunny cube!"

"Yeah; they took it," Doug admitted. "I think they were more of those Amazons. I tried to stop them, though."

"Did you try drawing you sword and killing them?" Charlene asked.

Doug frowned. "That seems a bit extreme."

"You should feel lucky those psychos didn't slit your throat, then."

"Where did they go?" Bryce asked.

"Who cares?" Charlene said. "If Elza's stupid minions want it, I say let them have it. No more trying to get money in realms we hardly understand."

"Still, at least this proves it was worth something." Bryce straightened his ripped tie. "Just like I said."

Lulu shrugged. "I just hope they appreciate the bunnies."

NEXT

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Hellbender Take Two
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