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April 08, 2008
Anchor Babies
Posted by Frank J. at 02:32 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (21)

I thought it was pretty well set in the Constitution that anyone born in the U.S. automatically becomes a U.S. citizen, but John Hawkins argues otherwise.

I have a good idea, though: If a woman illegally crosses the border and gives birth, the baby -- who is U.S. property -- is confiscated and the woman is deported. The baby is then raised in an underground lab to be a super soldier.

Everyone wins.

Rating: 4.3/5 (108 votes cast)

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21 Responses To "Anchor Babies"

I think as an ironic twist of fate, the babies should be trained to be super Border Patrol Agents.

#1 - Posted by: juggernaut on April 8, 2008 02:45 PM

The anchor baby idea is actually a myth. It affords the parents no protection from deportation.

#2 - Posted by: Narfmaster on April 8, 2008 02:57 PM

In an Absolut World, we would use those super-soldiers to guard the border.

#3 - Posted by: Aaron on April 8, 2008 03:11 PM

Think what a burden it will be when they have to make it all the way to Bozeman.

#4 - Posted by: absolut on April 8, 2008 03:13 PM

Are you implying that we use the babies as anchors to hold an electrical floating fence in the Rio Grande???

#5 - Posted by: on April 8, 2008 03:24 PM

If one is here illegally then I think that trumps the whole, baby born here deal. I guess that makes the baby contraband and it needs, like illegal drugs to be returned to the country of origin, smuggling is also illegal.

We need to protect the borders(period).

#6 - Posted by: seanmahair on April 8, 2008 03:27 PM

I think we need to breed super-soldier crocodiles, and put them in the Rio Grande.

Then, build not one but two fences, with a moat between them. We can do it -- yes, we can. Flood the moat, and let the super-solder crocodiles feed on the slow crossers, like women about to give birth to anchors.

That will save the taxpayers billion$, since not only will there not be a bunch of illegals crowding around Welfare offices, but there would be no need to buy crocodile food, and no need to pay people to feed them.

Everybody wins.

#7 - Posted by: Socrates on April 8, 2008 03:48 PM

This is an idea with some considerable merit.

#8 - Posted by: The Animal on April 8, 2008 04:19 PM

Worry not friends; soon Obama will take over and this will all be a moot point. Under his leadership the dollar will shortly be worth little more than Enron stock, and it'll be our turn to sneak our babies into Mexico. Those suckers won't know what him them.

Ooooh, now I'm kind of sad.

#9 - Posted by: juggernaut on April 8, 2008 04:46 PM

I think it would be deliciously ironic to make illegal alien border prowling super soldiers, but to slap on bonus irony points - lets have them guard the Canadian border.

#10 - Posted by: Guy in a Suit on April 8, 2008 04:59 PM

If they do poorly as supersoldiers or border agents, can we sell their body parts to the Chinese for transplants?

#11 - Posted by: ccso8462 on April 8, 2008 05:12 PM

I think we fire the women back in the standard MexiCannon and someone develop a junior size version for the babies!

#12 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on April 8, 2008 05:27 PM

If memory serves me, the constitutional provision for automatic citizenship requires that one, or maybe both, parents to already be citizens. Enforcement of this actuality would render the term "anchor baby" moot. And no I'm not a lawyer, I just play one on IMAO.


#7 Socrates

let the super-solder crocodiles feed on the slow crossers

I'm concerned that they might lose their fear of humans. My vet told me specifically never to feed my super-soldier crocodile, Spot, with table scraps but insist that Spot eat from his bowl. Just sayin'

#13 - Posted by: Rightjabs on April 8, 2008 05:53 PM

Doesn't this thread need a link to this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6PPmyzIBNI

#14 - Posted by: TBinSTL on April 8, 2008 06:27 PM

FRANK J FOR PRESIDENT

#15 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on April 8, 2008 07:54 PM

Who has the solutions to all the world's problems? Frank, That's who!

#16 - Posted by: BigEZ on April 8, 2008 08:03 PM

If the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

#17 - Posted by: on April 8, 2008 09:27 PM

I like the super border patrol soldier idea but how about we throw in Great Lawn Care guys too?

#18 - Posted by: col.smeag on April 8, 2008 10:12 PM

Establish a sort of demilitarized zone a la North and South Korea. That way the only ones to get across are the really resourceful ones. If a woman can cross 10 miles of booby traps and artillery while simultaneously given birth, her child has to be worth something. When she gets done, send her back. After fining her for abandoning her child.

#19 - Posted by: James on April 8, 2008 10:42 PM

Haven't you seen Dark Angel? The super awesome liberal pap that was replaced by the awesome redneck pandering Firefly? Supersoldiers are people too.

#20 - Posted by: Effeminem on April 9, 2008 02:48 AM

Rightjabs, you are correct in your criticism in #13. In my zeal over the flash of insight, I failed to take into account the secondary effect that overexposure to humans might have.

It would be important to post signs, such as "Super-soldier crocodiles are an endangered species -- do not disturb." and "Please don't feed the super-soldier crocodiles."

Perhaps if the moat were filled with punji sticks and other hazards, more of the slow movers would simply be dead, rotting flesh on which the super-soldier crocodiles might feast.

And the Border Patrol could put the videos of the crossing on the web, serving the dual purpose of discouraging potential crossers and raking in some ad revenue.

Thank you for causing me to rethink my position.

#21 - Posted by: Socrates on April 9, 2008 09:52 AM
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