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April 17, 2008
Hillary's First 100 Days
Mrs. C., in an ever-so-premature fit of presumptuousness, saw fit to splutter out a few of the activities that would occupy her first 100 days as President. A list basically consisting of undoing the too-tiny list of things that President Bush actually did right - like cutting taxes and killing terrorists - recited in that venomous, Emergency Broadcast System test-howl voice of hers. Since you actually have to get ELECTED to have a "first 100 days", I think her crystal ball has a few cracks in it As for me, I look into MY crystal ball and see... well, nothing, actually, since I'm not some filthy scamming gypsy fortune teller like the one who told me to take out a second mortgage and bet it all on the Patriots. All mysticism aside, here are my predictions regarding what Hillary would do during her first 100 days as President (heaven forbid):
* Replace all the H-less White House computer keyboards. * Hostess that damn Pampered Chef party that Pelosi guilted her into. * Go out hunting, just like her grandfather showed her. * Shoot her eye out, just like her grandmother warned her. * Bake some cookies for her first press conference. Chocolate chip for Reuters, bitter almond for Fox News. * Head off future First Husband scandals by making sure all White House phones have a 24-hour dry cleaner on speed dial. * Bring the troops home so as to ensure that America will have another date on the calender that need only be referred to by month and day. * Outlaw torture with the exception of those superdelegates who chose... unwisely... at the Democratic convention. * Be the victim of a tragic - yet not career-ending - light saber accident on the lava planet Mustafar. * See if OJ would be willing to take time off from his hunt for the real killers to help her hunt for the Bosnian snipers. * Same thing she does every day, Pinky... Any predictions from the audience? Anybody? Ah, yes... you over there, way in the back... 24 Responses To "Hillary's First 100 Days"
Propose a plan to rescue Social Security by investing the money in Cattle Futures. #1 - Posted by: Raving Lunatic on April 17, 2008 12:15 PMOfficially propose Obama be confirmed by the Senate as the Secretary of White House Lawn Jockey #2 - Posted by: Dodsfall on April 17, 2008 12:27 PM* Have all White House bushes pruned to the nub. * Institute a "visual sexual agression" policy making it a dismissible offense to gaze at her butt and thighs while wondering "what's in there?" * Detune White House smoke alarms so they don't trigger at her cackling. * Make it an offense to listen to conservative talk radio in the White House. Only she gets to do that for help with policy decisions. * Have her husband wear a suit coat at all times with the lower button fastened. #3 - Posted by: Jimmy on April 17, 2008 12:29 PMFinally divorce Bill. #4 - Posted by: FormerHostage on April 17, 2008 12:34 PMHave all the mirrors removed from the White House so no one will notice she doesn't cast a reflection. #5 - Posted by: BigRichardSmall on April 17, 2008 12:53 PM* Hostess that damn Pampered Chef party that Pelosi guilted her into.
I don't know why but I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Same thing she does every day Pinky! I'm laughing while I'm typing this #7 - Posted by: John on April 17, 2008 01:21 PM//* Same thing she does every day, Pinky...// Where is she supposed to get a duck and rubber pants at this hour??? Will mousealopes be classified as endangered again?
I Can't believe that the evil Glenn only rated a 5/95 on the stupid/evil scale. Of course they overlooked his love of Puppies. that should get him to a more appropriate 2/98 #9 - Posted by: Burt on April 17, 2008 02:33 PMOfficially change her name to Kim Il Clinton. Host the Chinese / American Nuclear Technology Conference to "build better relations." Lay waste to Bosnia in retalitation for all those snipers that didnt deem her an important target. #10 - Posted by: TerribleTroy on April 17, 2008 03:02 PMLast year, I developed a four step program to survive a Clinton presidency. http://thecatholiclibertarian.blogspot.com/2007/10/how-i-plan-to-survive-another-clinton.html #11 - Posted by: Anthony on April 17, 2008 04:16 PMThat's actually a five-step plan, Anthony. But it gets the Good Political Household Seal of Approval! Now, you need two more plans. One for McCain and one for Obama. Recipes must vary! #12 - Posted by: Jimmy on April 17, 2008 04:39 PMWell, I imagine she'll need a pair of ice skates for the commute to and from her real home. I imagine it would be getting a little chilly in Hell right about then. #13 - Posted by: D-Rock on April 17, 2008 06:05 PMFinally have time to get her cankles planed down to something resembling human legs. Get to work on that Dalmation coat she's been dreaming of. Roll a fattie and watch The L Word. Pull off the rubber mask at her first press conference, revealing... Scary Evil Monkey! #14 - Posted by: PaleoMedic on April 17, 2008 06:50 PMGet fitted for burkha and make sure she lets the tailor know she doesn't want it to make her ass look big. #15 - Posted by: Trixie on April 17, 2008 06:51 PMMake sure the rich are paying their fair share of taxes by having the IRS audit them, starting with Oprah! #16 - Posted by: bruce on April 17, 2008 07:42 PMPursue her vision of equality by instructing the NIH to begin researching a drug to ensure men get their period monthly AND go through menopause. With enough funding HHS can begin the forced implementation in her second term. #17 - Posted by: JPod on April 17, 2008 07:55 PM*Dismount the 7-headed beast and let it run wild over the earth. *Have congress tied down to chairs, where she will cackle until they all bend to her will. *Ban sunglasses so no one will be able to see the members of the Democratic party for what they really are (see "They Live"). Legalize prostitution, but only if all the hookers, call girls, street walkers and just plain sloppy whores agree to wear burkas and veils while working. Then when some camel jockey says "you Americans let your daughters dress like whores!" she can say, "oh yeah? well our whores dress like yo momma!" #19 - Posted by: icefisherman on April 17, 2008 08:51 PM"Finally divorce Bill. First she'll sit down and have a good cry, then she'll imprison any journalist/ blogger/ citizen who had the audacity to dis Chelsea. Neutering Bill and filling her cabinet with the truly reality deficient will fill up a good bit of time as well. The rest of the time will be taken up with hiding the bodies. She's good at it and has had a LOT of practice but with so many bodies, it's just going to take a while. #21 - Posted by: seanmahair on April 18, 2008 10:34 AM* Release the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse * Give a drowning man a glass of water * Remove her pesky nose to spite her wrinkled face * Give each citizen one fish per day, to keep them dependent on Mama Gubmint, rather than teach them to gather own fish. #22 - Posted by: NunyaB on April 18, 2008 01:26 PMShe'll emasculate the remaining men in the country and convert the Yucca Mountain storage facility into a gigantic testicle lockbox. #24 - Posted by: Tommy the Towelhead on April 18, 2008 10:29 PMPost a comment
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