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April 23, 2008
They Stole My Precious!
People in the Congo are afraid of penis theft... and not just any penis theft. We're talking magical penis theft. Citizen will go up to the police and say, "A sorcerer stole my penis! Look how tiny it is!" Now, we'd probably just laugh this off as people in Congo being a bunch of rubes who have never seen the shrinkage episode of Seinfeld and probably just read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Penis Snatching ("Peno Reducto!"), but just the other day I saw at least two diaries at the Daily Kos entitled "Someone stole my penis!!11!! Look how tiny it is!!" I didn't click on them, though, out of fear they had pictures. Question: What is the sorcerer Karl Rove doing with the penises he magically stole from the nutroots? 24 Responses To "They Stole My Precious!"
Oooooh. That's why they're called nutroots... #1 - Posted by: Peregrine John on April 23, 2008 03:05 PMIts the punchline to an old joke, but he is making a wallet that turns into a suitcase. #2 - Posted by: IJ on April 23, 2008 03:05 PMCarl Rove hangs them around his house to ward off evil spirits. It's an old superstition after having to work around Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton for the last 8 years. #3 - Posted by: BigRichardSmall on April 23, 2008 03:08 PMHillary Clinton has no interest in the Penis! She just takes the balls! #4 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on April 23, 2008 03:12 PMHe gave them to the Democrats! That's why they keep f%#@ing up! #5 - Posted by: XMariner on April 23, 2008 03:30 PMQuestion: What is the sorcerer Karl Rove doing with the penises he magically stole from the nutroots? Uncle Karl's 100% Organic Jerky. #6 - Posted by: spacemonkey on April 23, 2008 03:30 PMDidn't I read something recently that said men from the Sudan were accusing foreigners of stealing their penises? They were sophisticated enough to use cell phones to call police to report the thefts, yet believe their penises were made to vanish just by shaking hands with a foreigner! What's with Africa these days? #7 - Posted by: Frozen Tex on April 23, 2008 03:37 PM#6 - Posted by: spacemonkey on April 23, 2008 03:30 PM I shouldn't have read that at work. #8 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on April 23, 2008 03:39 PMQuestion: What is the sorcerer Karl Rove doing with the penises he magically stole from the nutroots? * Building a border fence. * Marinating them for a summer BBQ (eww) at the White House * Packaging them in small tin cans (think Vienna Sausages) to feed third world nations * SPAM, SPAM, SPAM! * Punchline from an old SNL skit: Rove didn't take the the entire penis, "he only took [the] tips" #9 - Posted by: NunyaB on April 23, 2008 03:47 PMQuestion: What is the sorcerer Karl Rove doing with the penises he magically stole from the nutroots?Wait, that's a trick question, isn't it? #10 - Posted by: kbiel on April 23, 2008 03:53 PM Haha, I see what you did there kbiel. You're saying that the nutroots never had penises. Very clever. If I had to guess I'd say he's selling them to penis theft victims in the Congo. Since they've never been used, they'd fetch a good price. #11 - Posted by: Adam Mk 1 Mod 0 on April 23, 2008 04:05 PMOk Ok, you busted him. Rove has been selling the stolen members to the makers of Viagra... now you know the secret ingrediant. Those damn evil corporations have been stealing the poor disenfranchised socio-economically deprived african tribesmens WILLYS! Just another example of the exploitation of the brown skinned man! #12 - Posted by: TerribleTroy on April 23, 2008 04:20 PMEek! A penis!!! #13 - Posted by: Tommy the Towelhead on April 23, 2008 05:17 PMOnce while visiting the Congo A man had stolen his schlongo Though rarely used 'Cept when self abused I get by with a handful of Bondo #15 - Posted by: Dohtimes on April 23, 2008 07:36 PMAnswer: Rove is building a tower to heaven so he can take it over. He's going to outsource God, Saint Peter and the rest of them and bring in illegal alien demons from hell. Because we all know that Rove is the Prince of Darkness and all demons and creatures of the night are under his power. Including Hitlery and Osamabama who are just shills for Karl, whipping the people up in a frenzy , until Juan McPain becomes if not acceptable at least palatable. #16 - Posted by: seanmahair on April 23, 2008 07:55 PMHow much you wanna bet Obama has a friend who steals penises? #17 - Posted by: Son of Bob on April 23, 2008 08:59 PMKing David of Israel was the first and original penis thief - But he did it the old fashioned way. 1st Book of Samuel, Chapter 18, Verses 25 through 28. Funny, you hardly ever hear a sermon preached on these verses. I thought US public schools were doing a lousy job teaching basic science and health care, but what the darnation are they teaching over there? #19 - Posted by: 4 of 7 on April 23, 2008 10:30 PM He is collecting them to make a 3rd, yet electable Democrat candidate. #20 - Posted by: Mike on April 24, 2008 04:57 AMMike for the win!!! #21 - Posted by: sixpickr on April 24, 2008 10:27 AMKing David left behind 1 thru 3 skins though. #22 - Posted by: spacemonkey on April 24, 2008 10:59 AM He is collecting them to make a 3rd, yet electable Democrat candidate. Don't you mean "un-electable"? Or "un-erectable?" #24 - Posted by: Tommy the Towelhead on April 24, 2008 07:14 PMPost a comment
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