And God said unto the Jooooos, “you are my chosen people and out of you shall come a Black Man who will become Saviour of the World”

You're getting mighty close to pissing off some Marines there Frankj.

Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for I am the baddest mother f------ in the valley.

And Jesus said "turn the other cheek and let your country get kicked in the ass. While you're at it, betray your countrymen who risk their lives defending you and renounce the very principles with which you govern yourselves."

And the lord almighty said unto Noah "Years after the flood you will still live in this ark because the federal government won't pay to rebuild your house which they should have protected from acts of me in the first place." And verily, it came to pass.

"And lo, unto you this day will be born a Savior, like many other such saviors, who will save you even if you don't really believe in this savior, and who will never ask of you anything other than feeling that you are a good person on the inside."
- Gospel According to St Oprah

And god said, “Paul was a homophobe so all that stuff he wrote ye shall ignore and ye shall have all the man-on-man lovin’ ye shall desire”

"And thus He said, the meek shall inherit the earth. But first, abort and kill all the babies you can. They are Satan's 'punishment.'"

Ugh. Don't get me started on how Liberals HATE all things religious and military...UNTIL they can use them for their own agenda.

What happened to separation of church and state, Nancy-Dear?

"And verily speaketh the Lord the mean global temperature was created to be 22 C. If ye sinneth by releasing the dread CO2 then I shalt burn and drown thee. Against ye the dread demon global warmening shall be loosed and smite the drivers of SUVs and those who use more than one square of toilet paper" Book of Goreacle 6:66

And Jesus said 'Behold the lilies of the field - they do not reap, nor sow - or the birds of the air - they do not spin, nor toil - yet they are all entitled to a government check - as are you all - if you would but cast your vote for the Democrats.'

"And have no false gods before me, except, of course, strutting black grandmofo's as Presidential candidates. Thou shouldst obey them as thou would me."

"And to the Democrats, say thus: 'I know thy works, that thou canst not choose between Obama and Hillary. Would that thou wert either for one or the other! But since thy delegates are divided, I shalt spew thee from My party and My superdelegates shalt choose correctly for thee."

And the Lord spake thus: "Suffer not a liberal to live, lest they tax and oppress the productive members of My creation. Usually I frown upon such things, but in this case thou art commanded to smite them as slowly and painfully as possible."

And the lord spaketh unto the democrats and sayeth such "ye unto each of you I give special dispensation to pick and choose which of the 10 commandments you so shall desire to keep and which you so shall desire to breaketh at your choosing with one provision." "Your guide shall be the land that you call upon nameth Hollywood for guidance as to final judgement upon these matters"

And the lord spoketh saying "In the final days there shall arise a mighty prophet upon whom mighty words shall be carried and his name shall be the name of my prophet of old "Jeremiah shall be his name and he shall carry a vision of a young uppity negro who shall deceive many with his smooth words and slow movements"

And the Lord sayith "Verily I say unto you...In the latter times there shall arise a woman of detestable nature of whom has never been seen upon the earth. She will be elected to the most high office on my creation and will wreak havoc among my servants until her reign is cut short through an uprising of the people." "Her name shall remain a mystery but let the wise man be prepared." "Search for the woman of substantial thigh and devoid of womanly charm."

And the Lord Spoke to the Democratic Party saying "Who am I to judge Man?" "How judgmental would it be for me to judge anyone?" "On what standard would I possibly judge anything?" "So, like can we all just get along, because I'm cool with whatever you guys have going on down there as long as you like me for who I am!"

I am seriously impressed. Who knew y'all knew the beginning of so many bible verses, and then were so talented as to make up so many different endings.

Slightly sacrilegious, but I think the Lord knows teh funny. Of course he also knows what's in your heart so, watch out for those lighting bolts.

In The Beginning, Her Highness sat at the Left hand of God but she spoketh lie upon lie against Him until He cast her out of Heaven to live as a mortal upon the Earth. So embarassed was she of her disgrace that she lied and stole her way to the Left of Earth's most powerful nation, only to be smote down again by Satan's Great Shadow. Defeated, exausted and spent, she cried eternal tears as her soul disappeared into Hell. (horn sound)

And the Lord spoke unto Satan saying "Are you kidding with this Democratic Party?" To which Satan replied "What are you talking about, you have the Republican party to brag about!" at which God was left to say..."I may be omnipotent, but even that isn't enough to bail out a John McCain led Republican Party..."

And God was left breathless in heaven that the the highest of his creation would ever fall for Al Gore's folly of "Global Warming"! God said "You idiots!" "When one of you bitches create a planet...or a space rock...I'll listen to your ideas on how to alter the space-time-theory...until then...shutith, the hell up!"

USSJIMMYCARTER: PROPHET!!!!!

Dude, your church would have me peeing my pants and spewing food like a demon-possessed preteen....

FrankJ:

Interesting. Just the other day I was wondering how conservative Christians (like yourself) reconcile many of their political beliefs with what Christ said. However, perhaps I am just not interpreting Jesus' words correctly. Please you can help me understand how you reconcile your political beliefs and actions with the words of Jesus.

For example.

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God.... I say unto you, love your enemies, and pray for them that persecute you"

How do you reconcile this with your militarism, and seeming willingness to invade and occupy other countries? Doesn't this mean we should do whatever we can to bring about and maintain peace, and never resort to violence -- or at least only do so when we are being attached?

"that every one who is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgment; and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council; and whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of the hell of fire."

FrankJ-- you often seem angry with other U.S. citizens, and you seem to often call others fools. Don't you? Aren't you then in danger of judgment and the hell of fire?

"But I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery."

Do you agree with this statement FrankJ? If so, does this mean we should outlaw divorce except in the case of a wife cheating on her husband?

"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law? And he said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second like unto it is this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments the whole law hangeth, and the prophets."

How are you doing with these two commandments FranKJ? Are you loving God with all your heart, soul and mind? Are you loving your neighbor as yourself -- whether they be a Muslim, an illegal immigrant, or even a monkey faced liberal? If not, shouldn't you be careful about judging others regarding whether they are following other, less important commandments on which the whole law does not hang?

And of course, the passage which might be most relevant given the current discussion.

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured unto you. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"

FrankJ -- isn't this exactly what you are doing here -- judging other people's righteousness? Shouldn't you be focusing your attention on your own actions, and whether you are living the way Christ would want you to?

As you have said before, the Bible is complicated -- shouldn't you be focusing on trying to get your life in accord with it, rather than judge others and say they are not in accord with it, because they want taxes to be higher than you do?

Are you really that sure you have cast the beam out of your eye, and are ready then to cast the mote out of everyone else's?

Peace,

Monkey Faced Liberal

Monkey Faced Liberal: you really think mis-quoting passages from the Bible out of context is going to impress people who go to Bible study of a Sunday... Could you be any more stupid? No really, how do you manage to breath with your head that far up your arse?

Hey, I guess the Bible is now a living document like the Constitution. Only, with like, fighting and car chases and stuff. Sort of like a Bruckheimer Constitution. Maybe we should call it "Team Israel".

The guys who dropped the bomb on Hiroshima ended WWII, thus they were Peacemakers!!

Jesus *did* say that He didn't come to bring peace but a SWORD!!!

So MFL, quit emmulating pelosi unless you want to continue to prove Frank's point.

We were having fun until tht Liberal Faced Monkey came along and spewed all that liberal guilt. I suppose since he adressed it to Frank that he doesn't expect the IMAO Ronin to comment on it. Just as well; what a drag.

Monkey Faced Liberal...you are an idiot who is ill informed of what the Bible actually says or means and you should stay home until your mommy comes to get you from the trailer! We know it's scary when she leaves to cash her government check down at the booze store, but just cuz she brings home a 1 hour "friend" isn't our issue and you need to talk to someone...ok?

Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do , they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in you name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'

Enter through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.

And so on and so on ... The above selections are all from Matthew chapter 7. The point is that Jesus wasn't some dainty plaster saint. He made it plain that no amount of sweet talk was going to convince him to go our way; We either go His way or we get left behind. Jesus said the man with the greatest faith he ever saw in Israel (I think it's the only place in the Bible where Jesus acted surprised) was a Roman centurion. He didn't see a problem with being a man of war and a man of faith, so why should any of us? Then there was all that hanging around with publicans and sinners ... He knew what sort of people they were and how they talked and acted when He wasn't around but he didn't say to them, 'I never knew you!', so they must have been doing something right!

Final point: even the devil can quote scripture but only the humble will ever understand it. So MFL, don't be such a buzz-kill.

#17 and #19 - Lost bladder control here! (horn sound - ohmygoodness!!!!)

Maybe she had her talking points confused, was thinking of Proverbs 17:5, and didn't realize that was for fight-poverty-day vs. gaia-hippie day? Speaking of which (gaia), whatever happened to the first commandment?

If I may, Romans 12:1 and 2 Corinthians 5:20 tell us what it is to worship. (Assist: Rick Warren, "The Purpose Driven Life.") The point here is, it's about reconciling *EVERYBODY* to God, not so silly idea that people on the wrong side of the aisle go to Hell, and it's especially not about using Bible verses to bludgeon people for their political beliefs. (Or do you not realize that when you say to somebody "you're being too judgmental!" that you have in fact judged them?)

Sorry that this wasn't so amusing. And I'm afraid my corrupted verse got corrupted by the right wing. . .

"The voice of one that crieth out:
In the wilderness, prepare a way for the U.S. Marines
In the desert, pay Haliburton to make a superhighway for them!"

"And I saw Hillary fall like lightning from New York..."

From my experience, the further one gets from the original source of the Christian faith (Catholicism), the more they are willing to flex the Scriptures to say what they want it to. Really, the only churches that are growing in numbers today are traditional Catholics and Evangelical Christians, who aren't afraid to say "yes" and "no," who accept the Bible as the inerrant Word of God and call sins for what they are. The "high church" Protestants and their GTU-Berkeley apologists are just watering themselves down into a New Age oblivion.

Genesis 47:24 - and God said unto the Egyptians, thou shalt institute a flat tax, and it was good.