OH NO! I meant to hit 5 stars but hit only 4.

Now we have to send you monkey news AND great ape news?!

I read recently that orangutans are an endangered species, but the item was probably planted by the sneaky simians in an attempt to lull us into complacency so that they'll have an easier time sneaking through our windows with shotguns.

To prevent this, I suggest that you change the site's motto from

Nuke the Moon!

to

Nuke Rangoon!

It even rhymes.

Next thing you know, liberals will learn to use reason.
(I know I may be expecting the unreasonable, as simians are more evolved then liberals, but one can only hope.)

Actually, the Great Monkey Uprising has been in planning for many years. In 1982, while a member of the 82d Airborne Division, my unit was training at the Jungle School in Panama. There is a continual problem with monkeys down there. They have a tendency to steal things.

One of the members of our unit was Vietnamese. He was a veteran of the South Vietnam Special Forces, and he had managed to get out before things went south. A tough little guy, but only weighed about 130 pounds. One day while we were training, he was jumped by six or seven monkeys. Three of them grabbed his M16 and headed for the hills. It was only by using blanks and firing cleaning rods out of our M16s that we were able to kill the monkeys and recover the weapon.

It should be obvious that there is a worldwide conspiracy among all the monkey tribes to supplant Homo Sapiens as the preeminent species on the planet. The monkeys in Panama have been tasked with gathering weapons for the revolution. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

David

This picture comes out not long after the death of Charlton Heston? A coincidence? I think not!

You're afraid of apes now? You need some zoological experience, Frank. Start with a good petting zoo.

I don't know when Britney stopped shaving, but at least she has some life skills.

Are you sure about that spear fishing? From the way the water is going... it looks like he's just hitting the water with a stick. Or perhaps that's just the sneaky monkey trying to rouse a suspicion in me, CAUSING ME TO BE TOTALLY UNAWARE OF HIS MANIACAL GAMES! Sneaky monkey...

That's nothing. I recently watched an Australopithecus Stentor actually mouth the term "God damn America". I think he was a pastor to some Democrat...

AABQ-
Pastor, heck if that monkey had just been born in a US zoo he could BE the Democrat candidate for president. Although many would argue that given their current standards the monkey may be overqualified.

This must not stand! Someone contact Pelosi and get a bill going to have spears banned worldwide!

I am always modifying my rules for survival as circumstances apply and (not to jack a thread) any assistance / suggestions in this area is appreciated. Two "new" rules I have learned from IMAO are

All monkeys must die
Always punch a hippie

"Dear lord,.. what's that coming out of her nose"

"Spaceballs??"

"Oh Shit!,....There goes the planet."

that's right; I found this monkey news myself before any of you e-mailed me -- you guys are slacking
Crap, I guess I should have taken the under.

And just to make sure you're totally afraid, Ace has an update. (there's a bad word in there).

"They had never done that before.

Unless you have been monitoring all the Orangutans since the dawn of Orangutan civilization, you don't know that. They could be doing it all the time behind our backs in their hidden monkey strongholds.

Still, I think it would be best to slaughter them now. Maybe the CIA can alter their anti-Muslim death ray to do away with "Uran-gu-t'ans", as their U.N. ambassador insists they now be called.

It can't be that much different.

Socrates (can I call you Socrates?), you gave me an idea.
How about somebody writes a book about how Mohamed isn't a prophet and have an orangutan as the author?
That's just win-win. The jihadis stop killing us and start going after orangutans, and we get to watch monkey v jihadi videos on youtube.

Since I lost a bunch betting the under on number of emails FrankJ would, I'll try to recoup by giving 3:2 odds and taking the orangutans.

#8 is win and #9 and #11 are fail. This orangutan is a female.

Veeshir, #17 is an excellent idea. Using a spear is not that much different from using a Mac, so surely some orangutan could be taught to write. In fact, it's clear that some already are regular posters on HuffPo and DKos.

The trouble is going to be finding an orangutan who is not a Muslim.

This must not stand! Someone contact Pelosi and get a bill going to have spears banned worldwide!

#12 - Posted by: ussjimmycarter on April 28, 2008 07:59 AM
--------------------------

USSJC, what did Spears, Britney ever do to you? ;-)

I, for one, welcome our new simian overlords.

Anyone see any black objects measuring 1:3:9 around?

I don't see "spearfishing", I see a monkey playing with a stick. If there was a fish on the end of that thing, THAT would be spearfishing.

[Yeah, keep your head in the sand. Nothing to see here. -Ed.]

I don't have to worry about them bringing a shotgun to my house. I live in Illinois and you need a Firearms Identification (FOID) card to buy guns and ammo here. He might be able to get the shotgun on the street in Chicago but no self respecting gun shop owner will ever sell him the shells.

It's the librarian of Unseen Universities' kid sister (and she doesn't like to be called a 'monkey'). Ook Eek Ook.