If you're going to claim that people are out to get you because you're from Arkansas, it helps to be, you know, from Arkansas, and not from Park Ridge, Illinois.

If you're going to say that you're a life-long Yankees fan, the question "What is the Yankee's starting line-up?" becomes fair game.

Hillary:

* It's not normal to use a masonry trowel to apply makeup to your facial cracks (seismic faults).

* Doesn't know how bikinis are fastened since she's never worn one - and now can't.

* They're called "boogers," Hillary, and you have them. But yours might not be normal.

* Children make strange faces and burst into tears when you touch them. They don't like you.

* Habitual lying is not a way to win over the American people.

* Forget about emulating Margaret Thatcher.

*Human infants are not "a delicious snack food".

*Ritualistic human sacrifice is not an appropriate way to celebrate a primary victory.

*Lamps are intended for lighting purposes, not as projectiles.

*When killing someone and trying to make it appear to be suicide, one should not transport the body several miles afterwards.

*Dogs don't bark when you're around because they're evil - they bark because they sense evil.

*Plants don't usually die when a person touches them.

*When plagues of locusts follow you around, it is best to avoid agricultural areas when stumping for votes.

* Thinks Soylent Green's key ingredient is Nougat.

* Weighs less than a duck.

*An energy plan consisting of "converting human souls to oil" is unlikely to receive more than 40 votes in the Senate - 45, tops.

*Just because Obama is a racist, you are not allowed to start using the "n-word" in campaign speeches.

*When stopping for breakfast on a campaign stop, submerging the cook's head in the deep fat fryer is not the preferred method of expressing displeasure over the hash browns not being as crisp as you normally like them.

This is an excellent example of the kind of news reporting the 2008 presidential campaign so decidedly lacks. Staying above the pettiness of typical Internet yellow journalism, you stick to the facts and show those runny-nosed amateurs of the left-wing blogs how to pick out the best stories.

One especially admires the way you dig deeper, longer, and more tenaciously to get at the real golden nuggets we're all after.

Hillary also doesn't know:

*That despite what Bill says, McDonalds does not give away blow jobs with Happy Meals.
*That wearing a jock strap doesn't hide her balls
*That most folks aren't disappointed they aren't paying more taxes.
*That no matter how hard she tries, Satan isn't giving up his rule over Hell.

*That most people don't shoot themselves in the head twice.

* If you're going to have ashtrays around to throw, please smoke in them first. The cloud of ash is much more dramatic when you bean your husband and it's caught on camera.

"It's inappropriate to describe the Harry Potter books as "the story of a boy growing to manhood as he experiments with his wand."

Go reread the opening chapter of "Prisoner of Azkaban", and then come back and tell me that.

Loving this post & thread so far. Photo is priceless.

Carry on...

Oh, and the Chelsea = Webb morph? Dang. Just dang. If ever there were a reason for DNA testing...

*Baking cookies for children isn't really a positive action when the purpose involves luring them into your house so you can cook them.

*Manufacturers of coffee machines should not "all be drawn and quartered" just because you don't know how to work one.

*Affecting a southern accent doesn't really take the edge off of referring to potential supporters as "you inbred hillbillies in flyover country".

* Holding Bill'ary accountable for their actions while in public office is NOT a "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy." It's holding Bill'ary accountable for their actions while in public office, nothing more.

What else doesn't Hillary know?

That the Seceret Service's job is to protect you, not to be your personal Barak Obama.

That stomping on puppies is frowned upon by most americans.

Most women squat to piss.

She can't see why socialism wouldn't work here; just look what it did for the people of the USSR!

Can't figure out if Chelsea's actually hers.

Kept getting oddly excited anytime someone mentioned "Hubble's telescope".

*Those villagers with torches and pitchforks? They probably aren't campaign volunteers.

*An income tax rate structure of 110/120/130% is not likely to be a popular solution to funding your health care proposal. And, yes, I realize that your initial proposal involved tax rates of twice that, but that's no reason to call me an ignorant peasant.

*Just because John McCain hates conservatives as much as you do, it doesn't mean he's going to accept your offer to be your running mate. Probably.

*No, I don't need a copy of my FBI file. Why do you ask?

*"Carpetbagging b*tch" is not a term of endearment.

*I would reconsider accepting the offer to provide campaign security extended by the Black Panthers and the Nation of Islam. They may have ulterior motives.

*The "Red" in Red Bull is not a reference to Communism, so don't assume you'll like it.

*In your case, there's nothing wrong with wearing a burkha.

*Sending Bill out to seduce superdelegates isn't really a strategy - he was going to do it anyway.

Presidential.

Most stores won't accept a refund on a perfectly good mirror just because Hillary can't see her reflection.

Most tailored pantsuits won't hide the growing bulge when Janet Reno enters the room.

Champagne glasses shatter every time she laughs.

Since Hillbillary left Arkansas, the funeral industry has been in a serious decline.

I honestly don't remember the last time I was upstaged this badly by commenters.

Kudos all around, and please don't stop.

Harvey, don't you think it's because Hillary inspires creativity? She's the politician conservatives love to hate - in new creative ways.

* EVERYONE has noticed that Chelsea looks more like Web Hubbell than Bill.

That is just...CREEPY. I mean the gif at the link you posted.

Basic Economics - Taxing things (like oil/Savings) is a sure way to get less of it. Subsidizing things (like healthcare spending) is a sure way to get more of it...it's a democrat thing, you wouldn't understand.