CHICAGO (AP) - After 20 years of membership in Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, where bashing whites was a weekly way of life, Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama announced that he was quitting Trinity and joining the Creativity Movement (formerly World Church of the Creator) in order to give equal time toward hating the black side of his heritage.

"I've disowned Reverend Wright. It's time to disown the black community."

"After listening to ministers in my church spew hatred and racism against whites for the last 20 years," said Obama in a recent press release, "I realized that I could not, in good conscience, continue to be associated with such an organization. This was a deeply personal decision, not based on political expediency. Except maybe a little, or possibly mostly."

"Still," continued Obama, "I realize that skipping church for a few weeks after 20 years of wallowing in anti-white racism is as feeble an act of atonement as Ted Kennedy giving a swimming lesson at the YMCA. Therefore I will balance all my previous hating of my mother's side of the family by joining a church that hates the inferior mud-races of my father's side."

Speaking from prison, Creativity Movement Reverend Matt Hale praised Obama's decision. "It's good to see a presidential candidate embracing the white, white light of truth. Although some of his ancestors have tried to sully this fine nation with crack, rap, and Affirmative Action, we in the Creativity Movement will assist him in embracing his superior white nature, and promise to never burn more than half a cross on his lawn."

Although some speculate that Obama will eventually throw the Creativity Movement under his campaign bus just as he's done with other inconvenient friends, family, and campaign workers, Obama assured reporters in a statement that "I could no more disown Reverend Hale than I could disown working, hard-working Americans. White Americans."

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