…yet another Special Edition of the original Star Wars films.

Actually, that describes a McCain presidency. An Obama presidency will be a 4-year-long Star Wars Christmas Special II.

... Leonard Nimoy singing a live, acoustic version of "Bilbo Baggins"

ABBA reforms and tours to promote their new CD.

...like a toilet that won't stop running.

...CSI Berkeley

... a little pebble in your shoe that you can't shake out

...a shi-tzu with chronic flatulence

...that mole that is turning purple

...at best, ineffectual and doomed to medicority

...at worst, the awakening of the Twelfth Imam

...the moment I realize that the Montana Militia might be on to something.

Brokeback Mountain: The Opera. Oh wait...

...A land war in Asia.

Wait, we already have that. Then voluntarily losing said war.

An Obama presidency would be as slow and painful as ....

5. having your Mom stay at your house 'til the flood waters subside (this one is for my sister; Hoosiers will get the joke);

4. having to write a term paper expounding on An Inconvenient Truth;

3. watching an Al Gore film produced/directed by Michael Moore;

2. a date with Bill Clinton;

1. a date with Hilary!

* Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem

* Jimmy Carter as malaise analyst on MSNBC

* The Iranian hostage crisis all over again

* Wage and price controls without Richard Nixon

* Soup kitchens at Wal Mart with Chinese guards

* The UN Flag flying in every city.

*Health care resembling the movie "Saw".

*Neville Chamberlain + Jimmy Carter + Steve Urkel.

*4 years of droning about "Obscene profits". Which is also what we'll get if we elect McCain. Yay!

What'll it be?

Comedy gold.

Of course, FrankJ's IMW series would die a quick death as it will be the death of irony and satire. How do you satirize today's left when they do a much better job? Fiction at least has to be believable. (Go to 1950 and tell some random American that one candidate for president is running on a platform of purposely losing a war and raising taxes and he's ahead in the polls and I bet you a dollar you get punched in the face).

Of course that will also destroy Scrappleface, (shakes fist), so there is an upside.

...a vegetarian steak dinner.

...a season of the X-Files without Mulder or Scully.

...a day-care center staffed by pedophiles.

...less competently run than the current Congress.

...the begin of Satan's reign on Earth.

Jar Jar Binks.

An Obama presidency will be like...

A four year long trip to see Dr. Longfinger the proctologist

AN OBAMA PRESIDENCY WILL BE:

...calling a fax machine from your home phone.
...like a 4 inch long paper cut. On your face. Then pouring salt on it. And lemon juice. Then gasoline. Lighting the gasoline. Tabasco sauce next.
...a vacation to Chernobyl of Pittsburg
...watching a Keith Olbermann marathon.
...a great time to put your company logo on buckets.
...absolutely wonderful in a "Kill Whitey" sense.

The Carter years all over again.

Helen Thomas in a bikini.

an endless recording of Hillary's voice

living downwind from a rendering plant

taking every sociology and women's studies class in college

A sulphuric acid enema

A hot day with only a skunky beer for relief

Having to watch a four year long rant from Robert Byrd.

Or Harry Reid.

A sandpaper condom

Watching and endless loop of "West Wing"

Going to a French Circus you can never leave

New commercials for Free Credit Report.com & E-surance

Promoting Olbermann to the booth with John Madden

Oh man, forgot my favorite:

Hippie scented soap

the 2008 Edsel

a 28k modem

a production of Troilus and Cressida starring Steven Segal and Paris Hilton

Velveeta cheese

* President Obama with the power of Executive Order.

* The John Warner Defense Authorization Act of 2007 which gave the President control of the National Guard instead of the Governors.

* $10 gas, 10% inflation, 10% unemployment, 10% interest rates. The end of Bush tax cuts; higher taxes. Food shortages.

* Mass exodus from the US military; accelerating exodus of American industry; massive cuts in US military and missile defense spending.

* New hate crime laws; fairness doctrine; bloggers controlled as lobbyists.

* Amnesty for illegal aliens; new protections of Sharia Law in the United States.

* National health care.

Oh, I'm in a dandy mood here.

Jimmy, you forgot to mention the Greenshirts patrolling your neighborhood to enforce environmentally correct behavior and attitudes.

* Like working for Dilbert's Company.

* Like the complete plays of Shakepeare performed by professional wrestlers.

* Like being forced to sit through Wagner's entire Ring Cycle, sung by Elmo, Roseanne Barr and William Hung.

#20 - Posted by: Raving Lunatic on June 10, 2008 01:09 PM

Oh, and banning motorsports to fight climate change.

I doubt there will be any of those where I live, Raving. But if there are, the Greenshirts are likely to turn red from 300 yards and assume a more pleasing horizontal 'attitude.'

On the other hand, Seattle has "garbage police." No $hit. They examine your garbage and see if you have too much "recyclable" stuff in it. Then they warn you. Then they stop picking up your garbage and issue a citation. Years ago when I lived there, I put a dead cat in mine.

Whoa! What do you have against Wings and System of a Down?

Maybe I'll let you slide on Wings, but come on.

AN OBAMA PRESIDENCY WILL BE-

* Potentially tragic. He'll get killed somewhere along the way, and the racial tension & riots of the past will seem like a thumb-war in comparison.

Sorry to be such a downer, but that's all I can see with him in office. That, and the erosion of American pride from within, as he, his lovely wife, and his Godly pastor have already demonstrated numerous times...

Less exciting than the prospects of an Al Gore presidency!

As anticipated as a remake of Beaches starring the original stars of Beaches

As much fun as a vat of hot boiling asphalt to stick my head into

Less fun than listening to an angry lesbian screech about sexual liberation

Not as cool as Rosie, Ellen, Paris, Katie, Shep, Matthews, Russert, or Olberman

Less fun than a cotton swab up your wiener to see if your wiener was put somewhere your wiener shouldn’t have been

They're a little tough on garbage around here too, but not as bad as when I lived on base (SJAFB). I circumvent the whole thing by throwing my garbage out at work. F'em.

* Less exciting than a sigmoidoscopy.

* More challenging than a Barium Obama enema.

* As much fun as a stomach tube.

* About like lancing a boyle with no local.

(you started it ussjc with your cotton swab)

"lancing a boil" - I was thinking of someone else.

...brutal and short.

About as much fun as going in for a sigmoidoscopy, going to sleep, waking up with a sore butt and then you realize that it's Barney Frank grinning at you from the Doctor's chair...

* Convenient "no wait" abortion booths on every high school/college campus
* Financial support for GLSEN taken directly from our paychecks.
* GLBT indoctrination of kindergarten children at ALL schools (not just those in CA and MA).

UGH. I'm not in a good mood either Jimmy. My liberal college professor neighbor's words are still ringing in my ear - "Let the best man win!" This after coming to my door recently to gloat and see if I had "changed my mind" about "getting on board" with Obama. If I wasn't a lady, well.....

Obama Abortion Kiosks - that's LOL right there.

Ah, Sulamie, you should have slammed the door on his damn nose or something accidental like that.

"Oh, did I do that. I'm sorrrrry. Oh too bad."

I'd rather have the cotton swab than Barney Frank in my no fly zone.

Sulamie

Next time your neighbor comes over to “gloat”, here’s a suggestion. Bend him over, rip his head out of his ass, rip it off his shoulders and then stuff it back up his ass really hard! He will still have his head stuffed up his ass but you will have the satisfaction of being the one that placed it there personally! That sounds to me perfectly lady like!

* Convenient "no wait" abortion booths on every high school/college campus

Nah. They just have the abortion pill liquified and pumped into the water system so no one will ever be punished with babies again. Well, except the knuckle-dragging clinging rednecks who live off of a well. Ignorant bumpkins!

ussjimmycarter-

You seem to forget that the guy is a liberal, and therefore already has his head up his ass.

Actually my first instruction was to rip his head out of his ass... Regards...

Excellent thread; I'm laughing to keep from crying because it's all true.

* $10 gas, 10% inflation, 10% unemployment, 10% interest rates. The end of Bush tax cuts; higher taxes. Food shortages.

And it'll STILL be BOOOOOOOsh's fault!!!1!!!

President Obama will be the promoter of the Ramones reunion tour. We will be the investers of the tour.

I fear that an Obama presidency will be the beginning of the end of days. Wake Up America!

- open season on whitey [just legislation to take his stuff, BEFORE he dies. and if that doesn't work then 4 long hot summers that George Mitchell promised/threatened]

- a perpetual economic stimulus for unemployed unwed teenage mothers on crack who watch oprah

- providing iran with nuclear fuel and the technology to mirv their warheads. and a promise not to retaliate against a first nuclear strike.

- drug tests for everyone who works, free drugs for everyone who doesn't

- 90% flat tax, 50% pension tax, 100% death tax [you can't take it with you, or give it to anyone, and you'll be rounding up shopping carts at walmart until you stroke out]

- free tequila for illegal aliens, and free cars for drunken ones

- the 51st state will be the United Nations

- free aluminum foil hats from ramsey clark for the 1st 10 million dead voters' next of kin

- an apology to france for wwII and reparations for nazi collaborators' descendants

- $40/gallon gas after maxine 'stalin' waters gets to socialize the oil companies

- hugo chavez becomes an honorary citizen and secretary of state

- all banks but one fail and to buy or sell you need a barcode tattooed on your forehead

- he finally admits that he is the mahdi and we must worship his image [1st the singularity {combining of man and machine}, then his assassination and apparent ressurection]

- the ark of the covenant is found in Jerusalem and he demands to sit on God's throne on earth

- the mayan calendar ends on december 23, 2012 and the earth passes over the galactic equator, reversing the poles and leveling all mountains. japan and california sink into the ocean and the earth is struck by a comet

have a nice day
-

Sulamie. Offer him a warm glass of unsweetened grape Kool-aid with just a drop of almond extract added and see if he drinks it.

The Obama Presidency will be like:

* Watching an endless loop of "The View"

* Waking up with a hangover and finding Rosie O'Donnal next to you in bed.

* Having a meaningful debate with the BOD of the ACLU.

* Having a neighbor that plays Rap "Music" (or that accordion music that illegals blair from their cars) at top volume 24/7.

* Being the sole conservative in a town full of hippies.

* Riding a city bus in Seattle, Portland or San Francisco.

* Being in the same small room with Michael Moore and Ted Kennedy an hour after both have raided a Mexican food buffet.

* Having to attend 12 more years of public school.

* Having to live in Berkley.

* Being skinned alive in a salt factory.

* Owning a radio with the dial stuck on "Radio Free America" and it won't shut off or unplug from the socket.

Umm, I got nothin except System of a Down didn't break up. They're just doin side projects for a bit. They have enough songs written for 2 more albums.
That is all.

Dang #40, I was only terrified about November before; now I think I've soiled myself after watching that.

Hold me.

"Nowhere to run baybee..."

it will be like a large steaming pile of _____ (fill in the blank)

* Carter Reloaded

* a Cop Rock marathon

* fat-free Oreos

explosive diarrhea on a cross-country flight

A chance for America to begin fixing all the problems caused the stupidest man to ever be President?

Monkey Faced Liberal Turd.

One more:

Less painful than trying to read a chapter of "Hellraiser"?

Of course, what isn't?

Peace,

Monkey Faced Liberal

MLF- (Is that like MILF?) Your premises are invalid, therefore your conclusions are nonsense. It's all a problem of mind over matter; I don't mind, therefore you don't matter.

Thank you for taking the time to go out of your way to pour lemon juice on our collective, metaphorical paper cut. That's so adoreably petty of you. At least you've stopped killing our buzz when we're in a cheerful mood.

Misery loves company, they say. Someone as persistantly miserable as yourself must be in great demand. Somewhere. By Someone. For some reason. Good luck with that. Don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on your way out!

May you find as much respect, honor, good fortune and love as you clearly deserve.

Sincerely,

I fear that an Obama presidency will be the beginning of the end of days. Wake Up America!

#40 - Posted by: compugor on June 10, 2008 08:10 PM

On the other hand, we could say it is a new beginning. Right after the first shot is fired to mark the beginning of the revolution that gives birth to a new saner America. Individualists and sovereign citizens rule the day in the America I envision.

$40/gallon gas after maxine 'stalin' waters gets to socialize the oil companies
#41 - Posted by: jake ace on June 10, 2008 08:33 PM

More likely, it will be $4/gallon, but you can only buy 1 gallon every other week.

#49-

Perhaps you meant most stupid; "Stupidest" isn't actually a valid term, like "ain't" and "irregardless".

Good try though.

I love to use ain't just to make haughty asses pucker! Now, irregardless, that is a double negative. Why say more than you have to?

Hey guys thanks for the advice w/regards to my neighbor. I will keep those suggestions in mind next time he shows up at my door wearing his Obama pin (especially the kool-aid one - always have plenty of that on hand w/kids!)

A funny...our 7 year old sons play together. Back when Hillary was still in, I overheard something that made me chuckle....my son, out of the blue, asked theirs who they are voting for. He said Obama, of course. Then he asked my son who we're voting for. My son said, "Not Obama!" Their son said, "Ohhhh you're voting for the lady!" and my son replied (in a most disgusted fashion), "No way! We're Conservative!!!"

I kid you not.

He done made me proud!

Anybody see Hitchhikers Guide? I imagine it would be just like what happened to the earth. BOOOOOOM! After that the ultimate answer just doesn't matter much.