Some Operation Helpful Idiot suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.

You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.

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Hi, This is excellent! WE should really help us environmentalists make a difference! I was recently elected vice president of the "Green Action Organization". (It's a student group at Old Dominion University.) In past years, we had trouble figuring out which issues we should fight for. I mean, there is global warming, forest fires, windmills killing eagles. We were spreading ourselves too thin. I hope that by making my club an official part of WE, we can better coordinate our efforts. I should note that we lost our official status a couple years ago. The school revoked our charter after we ran a year-long campaign to educate people about the environmental dangers of Republicans. They want to drill more oil, make everyone drive SUV's, build nuclear plants, and use dirty coal for everything. If it were up to them, America would keep generating even more power every year! We need to conserve, not build! Republicans don't believe in sacrifice, which we need right now. The school told us that we can't "campaign against Republicans". It might "hurt their nonprofit status". It's not like we were making anything up. Facts are facts. Republicans are bad for the environment. After a lot of hearings, the school revoked our charter. But we still keep the club going. We have 24 active members and many sympathetic students. Please help us spread the message about Republicans. They really should be illegal. That's the best thing WE can do for the environment. WE should spend our money to change the laws that make it illegal for groups to use school money to campaign against republicans. I mean, unions can do it, right? Why not universities? Why not us? Why not the Salvation Army? It's not campaigning, really. It's just spreading TRUTH. What good is an environmental group if we don't explicitly go after meat-eating, SUV driving, oil-drilling, eagle-killing, deer-hunting people in the GOP? Regards, Sandra Positano

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Hi, WE!

I luv that sumone is finaly doing sumthing to keep us all from burning to deth in the next cupple of yeers do to the evils of glowbal warming, four witch we only haf ourselfs to blame!!! Thank Gaya for WE!!!

First, I want to no that I am doing enuff to halp stop this cumming trajety, so I was wundering if sumone cood pass a law or sumthing reqiring evryone, me inclooded, wood haf to haf there carbin footprint mesured. Do I like haf to wauk threw carbin and than step on sum speshul paper or sumthing?

Also, as a typecal wite person, who, thanks to my lite skin tone, halps to reflekt more of the suns dedly heet back into space, my other idea is that all peeple with darker skin, who are sucking in the suns killer rayz and halping speed us all to are impending doom, volunter themselfs to be culled in a mass (voluntery) jenoside to save the planut.

But I'm not rasist or anything.

Vote Obama!

See?

After all, he can leed by exampull after the elekshun and hurl himself off a clif or sumthing anyway to halp save the planut. That wood be so totaly cool!

Sincerely,

Adolf "Duke Moonbeam" Duke

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I just thought of a way to stop global warming but I don't know who to share it with. I'm sending it to you so that hopefully you can like forward it to the proper authoriteis.

Since Carbon Dioxide is like the worst pollutant in the world, can't we just put it in big tanks and then shoot it into space on huge rockets? I realize that means we're now polluting space but if we like shoot it towards the sun, it'll just burn up anyway so there won't be any like earth germs and stuff left on it to pollute other planets and stuff.

I know your thinking that a problem with this is how to make the rockets go since they use like rocket fuel anyway and that's just going to put more CO2 in the atmosphere. But I heard that they're like collecting cow farts (i know it's really gross!) and that it's methane and that methane burns.

So we would have a renewable resource that would power those rockets to shoot the Carbon Dioxide into space to get it off of Mother Earth - that's like a double-smack in the face of Global Warming.

Do you know who I could talk to to start working on this?

Sunshine Campbell
"Earth needs a friend - are YOU available?"

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Finally, people are starting to apply their minds to preserving our increasingly
scarce resources instead of finding faster ways to consume them.

Bucky Fuller once said that the problem wasn't scarcity but distribution (Oh to
have lived back when that was true - before energy consumption doubled every 4
years, depleting all the accessible oil on this continent). Air conditioning
could be made efficient if we simply used a nationwide set of underground
cooling tubes to connect heat pumps in the south to heat pumps in the north.
Even during summer people up north need heat for swimming pools, cooking and
commercial applications. Heck, New York City still has steam pipes for powering
businesses. By taking the output of the air conditioners in the south and
pumping the excess heat, they won't have to burn nearly as much fossil fuels for
power.

Keep up the good work, there are a lot of great plans that require only that our
government invest in infrastructure the way it invests in attacking other
countries.

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Like those? Say so.

Think you can do better? Then do so.

Submit your Helpful Idiot suggestion for stopping evil climate change to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn't suck too terribly bad).