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July 30, 2008
Congress Apologizes to Blacks for Affirmative Action
Posted by Harvey at 12:00 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (25)

WASHINGTON (AP) - Immediately after issuing an unprecedented apology to black Americans for the wrongs committed against them and their ancestors who suffered under slavery and Jim Crow segregation laws, the House of Representatives issue another apology to black Americans for the wrongs committed against them by Affirmative Action laws.

Justice Thomas says, "Be a qualifier, not a quota-filler."

Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick, (D-Mich.), chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus, called it "long overdue".

"No matter how hard I've worked for the positions I've earned," said Cheeks, "people automatically assume that I'm not really qualified, that I've been promoted over more-qualified whites to fulfill an Affirmative Action quota. It's insulting and degrading."

Both resolutions, passed by voice vote, were the work of Tennessee Democrat Steve Cohen, the only white lawmaker to represent a majority black district. "Slavery & Jim Crow were bad enough," said Cohen, "but at least you knew they were out there. They were solid barriers you could fight against. Affirmative Action is more ethereal and insidious. It's the soft bigotry of low expectations. It's saying 'Hey Negro, since you're too inferior to ever make anything of yourself on your own, Whitey will just have to hand it to you, because you could NEVER earn it.' It's reprehensible and demeaning. It cheapens the American Dream by saying 'all men are created equal, except for worthless, inept colored folk'".

The Affirmative Action apology states in part that African-Americans forced into the system "were brutalized, humiliated, dehumanized and subjected to the indignity of being stripped of their pride and reputations" and that black Americans today continue to suffer from the consequences of Affirmative Action and racial quotas.

As a positive example of shrugging off Affirmative Action's stain, Cohen pointed to the Congressional Black Caucus. "I represent a majority-black district in Tennessee, but when I asked to join the CBC, they told me I 'wasn't black enough'. Some of my friends thought I should be angry about that, but, you know what? If I'm not qualified, then I'm not qualified. Frankly, I'd rather be honestly rejected than taken in as a quota-filling token honky."

Rating: 1.5/5 (3 votes cast)

Newsish Fakery
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25 Responses To "Congress Apologizes to Blacks for Affirmative Action"

if it sounds like exactly what they -should- be doing, is it still parody?

#1 - Posted by: r2streu on July 30, 2008 12:20 PM

I love Newsish Fakery!

#2 - Posted by: I'm with Stuppid on July 30, 2008 12:24 PM

I know, this sounds like a practical idea. I was getting real excited while reading the first paragraph,then I thought " Frank must be foolin' me, dang!"

When we take over congress, can this be one of our first issues on the agenda...please?

#3 - Posted by: PammyV on July 30, 2008 12:48 PM

I still can't believe any self-respecting black person would want affirmative action.

#4 - Posted by: Lurker on July 30, 2008 12:53 PM

Martin Luther King was a Republican for a reason. If he read your post today, Harvey, I think he'd applaud and agree with you and PammyV.

#5 - Posted by: Jimmy on July 30, 2008 12:54 PM

The codification of the permanent victim class. How long before we hear "press one for ebonics"

"Slavery of the soul is far more deady than mere physical servitude" a famous quote made up by me.

#6 - Posted by: Don L on July 30, 2008 12:55 PM

Perfect story. Too bad some republican doesn't apologise for this. You see that a lot of high achievers in the Republican Party. You have to be the a Mensa member/Provost Marshal of Stanford, or a General that came up with a brilliant policy of laying opposing Army's to waste as national policy, or Self starting Entrepreneur from a very economically depressed part of Oklahoma to make Republican Standards. No quotas there, as it should be.

#7 - Posted by: BigRichardSmall on July 30, 2008 12:59 PM

A neighbor of mine with the unlikely name of Kenyatta ( black ) once told me she thanks her lucky stars one of her ancestors was brought over here for slavery as she sure as shite would not like to be stuck in Africa..... its a direct quotish paraphrase of what she said. Unfortunately the rest show gratitude typical of humans who always want more more more.

#8 - Posted by: Vivid Unicorn on July 30, 2008 01:00 PM

Oh, sorry Harvey, confusing your post for Frank's....note to self: read the line between the headline and text!

And aren't quotas something the socialists like?


I swear, if only the lot of us could be senators for a term, fix this country and get on with our lives. Heck, we'd only need a year cuz there would be only practical solutions, no whining, and no time spent on media interviews, etc. We'd just send out a press release every couple hours because we'd have another great solution.

We could let Vermont seceed from the country then if we had any problem people protesting, they could just move there. I was going to let them have California, but the economy is too big and I do like the movies..so they can have Vermont, I'm sure we can find syrup somewhere else.

#9 - Posted by: PammyV on July 30, 2008 02:05 PM

"I'm sure we can find syrup somewhere else."
#9 - Posted by: PammyV on July 30, 2008 02:05 PM

That is what Canada is for.

#10 - Posted by: AR on July 30, 2008 02:37 PM

#10 - Posted by: AR on July 30, 2008 02:37 PM

Not to mention the oil.

Come to think of it, I like the sound of an illegal war for oil and maple syrup.

#11 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on July 30, 2008 03:07 PM

#7 - Posted by: BigRichardSmall on July 30, 2008 12:59 PM

Could you rephrase that? I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. I would probably agree with the point, if I could figure out what the point was.

#12 - Posted by: echo5a on July 30, 2008 03:19 PM

#9 - Posted by: PammyV on July 30, 2008 02:05 PM

In November, vote NO on Congress and President. That'll show 'em!

#13 - Posted by: echo5a on July 30, 2008 03:23 PM

No Problem Echo5a,

The point was comparing Black Republicans to Black Democrats. I am usualy impressed with the histories and background of those in the Republican Party Vs. the Democrats.

The Republicans I was refering to were Collin Powel, Condi, And J.C Watts. (I'm biased for Watts be cause he's from the the same area I'm origionaly from. His home town is on the other side of Lake Eufalla from where I was born.)

When I think Black Democrat I think more of Cynthia McKenny. I know thats fair to women, Blacks, Democrats, Americans, Other Humans.

I know there are some other impressive Black democrats out there. I am impressed that Jesse Jackson has skirted the IRS for so long.

#14 - Posted by: BigRichardSmall on July 30, 2008 03:52 PM

Come to think of it, I like the sound of an illegal war for oil and maple syrup.

#11 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on July 30, 2008 03:07 PM

I normally stand against the North American Union idea, but I suppose we could just annex Canada. We could do lots of drilling up there, they already come here for their healthcare, and it would give us more land mass at the artic cirlce to keep an eye on Russia. Heck, I'm thinking it might be a great place to have some bombs and stuff ready to go....(I feel an awesome blog post coming on!)

#15 - Posted by: PammyV on July 30, 2008 04:05 PM

In November, vote NO on Congress and President. That'll show 'em!

#13 - Posted by: echo5a on July 30, 2008 03:23 PM

Sorry, can't do that...too afraid of what an Obama persidency would do to this country.....I live in NV and it looks like it will be a close race here and I do believe there is a such thing as a wasted vote. Better to go the grass root route to make changes...

#16 - Posted by: PammyV on July 30, 2008 04:09 PM

I like the News Fakery.
I liked this article.
I clicked on the star to give it a 5 out of 5.
I got the message "Ron Paul!"
WTF? (e.g. Wasn't That Funny?)

No.

#17 - Posted by: ss396 on July 30, 2008 07:03 PM

#15 - Posted by: PammyV on July 30, 2008 04:05 PM

We can't annex Canada! If we annex Canada, it would become part of the US, and no REAL American would want that. We should just send some raiders, viking style, then demand tribute.

#18 - Posted by: AR on July 30, 2008 08:36 PM

Yeah, AR, like: "Your oil or your queen." Wait...

#19 - Posted by: Jimmy on July 30, 2008 08:41 PM

Obama has taken to warning people that should he give them a woody for more than 4 hours they should consult their doctor.

#20 - Posted by: Vivid Unicorn on July 31, 2008 12:30 AM

Our site takes a more supportive view on affirmative action. But yours is certainly defensible. Thanks for adding your voice to the blogging universe.

#21 - Posted by: Burr Deming on July 31, 2008 07:39 AM

#14 - Posted by: BigRichardSmall on July 30, 2008 03:52 PM

Much better. Told you I would probably agree, and I do.

And PammyV,

I still say vote NO and send them all home. We deserve better than them.

#22 - Posted by: echo5a on July 31, 2008 09:58 AM

"I'm sure we can find syrup somewhere else."
#9 - Posted by: PammyV on July 30, 2008 02:05 PM

That is what Canada is for.
------------------
I was wondering

#23 - Posted by: Thomas on July 31, 2008 05:40 PM

Affirmative Action: "Lowering Standards Without Raising Expectations for Over Thirty Years."

#24 - Posted by: RogerCfromSD on August 4, 2008 12:16 PM

Great post but...Affirmative Action is a hate crime against whites and Asians.

#25 - Posted by: RA on August 4, 2008 12:33 PM
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