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August 07, 2008
Obama To Release Sex Tape
WASHINGTON (AP) - With Paris Hilton now leading Barack Obama in the polls after releasing her first campaign ad, the Obama campaign has decided to boost his celebrity status by "leaking" a series of sex tapes featuring Barack and Michelle.
"Hilton is a badly-aging, horse-faced, empty-skirt, spoiled-rotten, rich-bitch celebrity with no discernable singing, acting, or modeling talent," said Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton, "yet she's now crushing Obama in the polls within 24 hours of throwing her hat - or in this case, her chihuahua - into the ring. Although this technically gives her both more political AND foreign policy experience than Obama, we suspect the true cause of these discomforting numbers is that Ms. Hilton has a sex tape, while Mr. Obama does not." To ensure that Obama regains his position as "biggest celebrity in the world", staffers have been taping Barack & Michelle's nocturnal romps, and plan to release clips anonymously to the internet throughout the fall campaign at the rate of about one a week. Videos expected to be released this month include "YES! YES! YES WE CAN!", "Inflating the Tire, and "A Little Offshore Drilling". "Unlike the Hilton tape," said Burton, "these won't be grainy, badly-audioed, night-vision images. We've spent over $30 million on post-production - written off as a 'campaign expense', of course - to make these movies HD quality. You'll be able to actually count the hairs growing out of the mole on Michelle's... well, you'll be able to count them." Many campaign contributors who got wind of the planned video releases were angered by their high cost. "We had to explain that we needed to hire Pixar to, uh, enhance some of Barack's shortcomings as an actor in these films," Burton said. "Yeah, he's half black, but unfortunately it's the top half, if you know what I mean." 28 Responses To "Obama To Release Sex Tape"
I...uh...er...uhhhh...did not...er...uhhhh...have sex...er...uhh...er...with...uhhhhh...er...uh...that woman. #1 - Posted by: Barack Obama on August 7, 2008 10:30 AM"Videos expected to be released this month include "YES! YES! YES WE CAN!", "Inflating the Tire, and "A Little Offshore Drilling"." ROTF ~P&B~ #2 - Posted by: Pork & Beans on August 7, 2008 10:30 AMOh, Harvey! No you di'int! In a weird bit of synchronicity, I happen to have an exclusive pic from the tape. #3 - Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on August 7, 2008 10:42 AMMichelle just loves it when Barack whispers "Death to whitey" in her ear. #4 - Posted by: MarkoMancuso on August 7, 2008 10:48 AMEWWW! I used to love newsish fakery. Now I'm just grossed out. #5 - Posted by: I'm with Stuppid on August 7, 2008 10:55 AMHarvey (or Frank or whoever you are), they are going to burn down your house for this much racism. They'll be having peace rallies where they burn you in effigy for all this racism. Make sure you have a pair of .45's loaded to the gills wherever you go after being so racist as to post all this racism. This has to be the racismist racism ever perpetuated in the history of this or any other planet. It's also some of the funniest racism I have ever read. #6 - Posted by: cptnmoroni on August 7, 2008 11:19 AMHow about a new motto - IMAO - The Racismist Place On The 'Net! #7 - Posted by: cptnmoroni on August 7, 2008 11:21 AMoh! You already had the picture! It didn't show up in the reader. Sorry. Please ignore previous. Still, you're a bad, bad, blogger! #8 - Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on August 7, 2008 11:36 AMEeeww! Where's the eye soap? But I can't help noticing that Michelle looks a lot like Sigourney Weaver in black face in that creepy, creepy photo. #9 - Posted by: PaleoMedic on August 7, 2008 11:47 AMWow, that's the funniest post I've read in quite a while. Totally gets 5 stars. Now if Obama's spokesman actually said all that stuff, I might just say screw America and vote for Obama in the fall. #10 - Posted by: Ernie Loco on August 7, 2008 12:31 PMWow. Barak could do something that would help the country and National security. We could use the tape to soften up the detainees at Gitmo. After that they'll be begging for a good water boarding. #11 - Posted by: BigRichardSmall on August 7, 2008 01:57 PMHarvey/Frank, Isn't newsfakery supposed to have a fantastic element to it in order to let the reader know it is fake? #12 - Posted by: Al Dente on August 7, 2008 02:46 PMThat was awesome. I'm going to be laughing for days about this one. "If you know what I mean." #13 - Posted by: Gabe on August 7, 2008 03:02 PM"But I can't help noticing that Michelle looks a lot like Sigourney Weaver in black face in that creepy, creepy photo."
"Oh, Barack. Wrong hole again." #15 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 7, 2008 04:28 PMIs that a tire gauge in Your pocket, or are You just thinking about Paris Hilton again? #16 - Posted by: Michelle Obama on August 7, 2008 04:40 PM"Is that a tire gauge in Your pocket, or are You just thinking about Paris Hilton again?" That was a good one! Inflate to 35 PSI! (cold) ~P&B~ #17 - Posted by: Pork & Beans on August 7, 2008 06:09 PM"Inflate to 35 PSI! (cold)" Damn her teeth are white, must be that special Osama protein rinse. #19 - Posted by: Bandit on August 7, 2008 06:42 PMI had the same idea, except it was about Barack and Paris. Now tell me that's not more racist. Please, tell me I'm not racist, Sweetie. #20 - Posted by: klrtz1 on August 7, 2008 07:55 PMMy eyes!!! My Eyes!!!! Wonderful work, Harvey. As for Paris, what's worse - the fact that she did this (when McCain's age she reaches, look that good, she will not), or the fact that she has a more sensible energy policy than Obama? ...we needed to hire Pixar to, uh, enhance ... Who in hell would want to watch this.??? PS -the election 08 jibjab video really sucked. Boring with a capital O #24 - Posted by: Cincinnati_Bob on August 9, 2008 12:06 AMBarrack: Hey honey do not forget to wash the strap-on Michelle: No! doing you with a dirty strap on makes me feel more like a man. Barrack: I love strong black "ladies" #25 - Posted by: Freemon Sandlewould on August 9, 2008 12:50 PMJust the thought of those two going at it makes me want to hurl. I mean, they might procreate or something. But then maybe they will do a video of the sure to come disposing of the "burden". #26 - Posted by: PatriotRider on August 10, 2008 09:38 AMI can't believe I didn't think of this before. Considering what Chicago south side politics (and street upkeep) is like, it wouldn't be much of a shift from Kazakhstan. #27 - Posted by: Kent on August 10, 2008 02:42 PMHarvey, Harvey, Harvey. You are a very bad man. Mheh. #28 - Posted by: physics geek on August 11, 2008 02:55 PMPost a comment
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