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August 12, 2008
To Inifinity and Beyond!
Scientists think they have figured out how to make a warp drive, which is good because I've always said we need to find other planets with life on them and drill there for oil. Also, people won't care so much about ruining "pristine" wilderness here by drilling if we have like infinite other planets to choose from. The problem with doing warp speed has always been Einstein. I don't know if this has happened to you, but often I'm watching something like Star Trek and say, "Wow! That's cool!" when the ships zoom off faster than light. Then Einstein bursts into the room and yells, "It's impossible! Theory of relativity! It would take infinite energy to get mass to move at the speed of light, bitches!" And I'm like, "SHUT UP EINSTEIN AND LET ME DREAM!!!" The idea here, though, is to completely bypass that jerk Einstein by not having the ship move at all and instead just fold space by manipulating the 11th spatial dimension in front of and behind the ship. It's like super simple. I know what you're thinking. "That would take like more energy than there is in the universe to do!" Uh-uh. It would only take about as much energy as if you converted all the mass of Jupiter to energy through E=mc^2. It's totally doable... as long Einstein doesn't try and figure some way to stop us. But he's currently lost his dimensional anchor and is concurrently existing it all dimensions at once, fluctuating between them so fast as not to exist at all. As long as some mad scientists isn't foolhardy enough to try and return Einstein's stability, we'll all be fine. So let's get working on that warp drive. It will take a lot of oil to power it, so we better start drilling now. 26 Responses To "To Inifinity and Beyond!"
Dream while you can, honkey! #1 - Posted by: Barack Obama on August 12, 2008 11:35 AMI like it: oil-powered, warpdrive spaceships whose mission is to search out new life and new oil. The Earth and Titan (the enthane planet) are already carbon toast under this plan. Just don't tell Al Gore (the "carbon sasquatch"). #2 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 12, 2008 11:42 AMI can hear Kirk screaming: EEEEEEIIIIIIIINNNNNNSSSSSSTTTTTEEEEEIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!! #3 - Posted by: PaleoMedic on August 12, 2008 11:42 AMI think we should find a way to power the new warp engine with alternative fuels, like coal or wood. We're THE SAUDI ARABIA OF COAL. And since space is infinite, we can pollute it for like a gozillion years and still have plenty of vacuum left. Problem solved. #4 - Posted by: Socrates on August 12, 2008 11:53 AMWill the real "carbon sasquatch" please stand up. #5 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 12, 2008 12:30 PMThat Einstein is a real pain in the ass. He's probably also the reason I can't have a cool Star Trek holodeck. The next time he interrupts my Star Trek watching pleasure I'm gonna lay a world of hurt on him. DRILL! DRILL! DRILL! #6 - Posted by: Proud Infidel on August 12, 2008 12:49 PMI am planning to restore Einstein's stability by simply reversing the polarity on the impulse drives to end his current state or quantum and temporal flux! #7 - Posted by: beez on August 12, 2008 01:24 PMSpace ships? Warp drives? Please. I used to fold space all the time. And you don't need "infinite energy" you just need the right energy source - alcohol. Many was the Saturday night I would sit down with a bottle of rocket fuel and...SNAP...just like that...I would find myself in a city far away. Often, as much as 2 weeks of earth-time had passed in what was to me, the time/space traveler, only a blink of the eye. Oddly, for some reason, my money and shoes did not usually survive the journey. #8 - Posted by: DamnCat on August 12, 2008 01:24 PM"God does not play dice!" said Einstein. What he really meant was, "God cuts his loses when he's in Vegas." This has nothing to do with oil. #9 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 12, 2008 02:14 PMdoesn't the whole folding space thing lead to Hell? or passing through or something? either way, its not somewhere I wanna go. Let's just drill here... #10 - Posted by: HKpistole on August 12, 2008 02:21 PMDo you think I'm going to listen to a racist cracker like Einstein? When you all abase yourselves and elect Me your God-King, I shall give you My warp drive. Of course, My warp drive will not be used for something as petty as drilling for oil! Instead, it will be used to send you racist crackers as far away from My planet as possible. I could just leave you here, but why would I want to clutter up My planet with a bunch of dead honkeys when I could just shoot you into the supermassive black hole at the center of another galaxy instead? #11 - Posted by: Barack Obama on August 12, 2008 02:53 PM#7 - "reversing the polarity on the impulse drives" That's noot possible. We joost doon't have the power! Now if you inverted the phase inducers and routed them through the EPS conduits, you might have a chance. #12 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 12, 2008 02:55 PMlink? #13 - Posted by: Scooter on August 12, 2008 04:19 PMAre you talking an Alcubierre type warp drive? If so then, meh, power it with flubells (not the super explosive kind). #14 - Posted by: Unistat on August 12, 2008 04:28 PMWhat's the big deal about a working warp drive, the prototype is sitting on a shelf in the Chrysler R&D lab. The only reason they haven't put it on the market is Ford won't release the matter/anti-matter reactor design. Of course neither of those are worth their weight in oil shale until somebody at Standard Oil leaks the blue prints for the solar powered anti-matter generator. Oh one more thing - Tesla trumps Einstein everytime. #16 - Posted by: Wild Bill Kelsoe on August 12, 2008 05:28 PMDiscussion of Einstein, Star Trek and oil should (repeat, should) generate lots of goofy stuff here. Select all that apply: (a) I'm on vacation; (b) I'm glued to the Olympics; (c) I'm under 30 and Star Trek sucks; (d) Frank's right and Einstein's a jerk; (e) I hate Frank. #17 - Posted by: Jimmy on August 12, 2008 07:43 PMWe don't need infinite energy if we can steal it from some other dimension (kind of like stealing basic cable).
5 of 7, 7 of 9 called to report that 4 of 7 has been trapped in an Einstein-RosenFleming bridge. #19 - Posted by: on August 12, 2008 08:39 PMTry to summon up the ghost of Isaac Newton. He's probably still pissed at him for overturning the stable universe idea and is just itching for a way to get back. Or try to get Edward Teller - I'm not sure what he would contribute, but if there's a physicist who'd be gun-ho for building a warp drive to drill for oil on foreign planets for the United States, you know it's Edward Teller. #20 - Posted by: WAL on August 12, 2008 09:25 PMthe best thing about this article is not just that it proposes the mechanism for warp drive, but it was published by two professors from my alma mater. Who said Christians can't do science? #21 - Posted by: staplegunkid on August 13, 2008 10:21 AM# 20 That's what I've been saying! #22 - Posted by: HKpistole on August 13, 2008 02:24 PMThat's how Dr. Farnsworth's ship works in Futurama. They're TOTALLY ripping that off. Also: "THERE'S NO SOUND IN A VACUUM!" #23 - Posted by: Beo on August 13, 2008 02:59 PMI'm OK! besides, I don't even know how to play bridge! #25 - Posted by: 4 of 7 on August 13, 2008 07:35 PMThe spice must flow. #26 - Posted by: Room 237 on August 13, 2008 11:11 PMPost a comment
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