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Fred Thompson Facts Archives

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January 23, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

One day, America will be awesome enough to have Fred Thompson as president. Until then, we must prove ourselves worthy by punching more hippies.

Rating: 2.2/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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January 22, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When the going get tough, Fred Thompson knocks the going down and makes it his bitch.

Rating: 2.0/5 (33 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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January 21, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If you're dumb enough to not vote for Fred Thompson, Fred Thompson doesn't want your moronic vote.

Rating: 2.1/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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January 20, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The NEA refuses to endorse Fred Thompson in part because he keeps bragging about his gun that's so powerful "it shoots through schools."

Rating: 2.3/5 (35 votes cast)

Comments (30)
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January 19, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Not voting for Fred Thompson can cause your penis to fall off.

Rating: 2.2/5 (33 votes cast)

Comments (38)
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January 18, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

New Fred Thompson slogan: "Come with me if you want to live."

Rating: 2.5/5 (56 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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January 17, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson finds he can get more oil from Saudis if he shakes them very hard.

Rating: 2.5/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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January 16, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is the next American Idol.

Rating: 2.3/5 (52 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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January 15, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson thought amnesty for illegal immigrants meant that if they leave now, he'll forget it ever happened. He's against amnesty.

Rating: 2.2/5 (33 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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January 14, 2008
Kill, Protect, Punch Part 2
Posted by Frank J. at 09:05 AM

An awesome way to start your day from John Hawkins:

Rating: 2.1/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Terminators from the future travel even farther into the future to get that much more distance between them and Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.2/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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January 13, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson knows exactly what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

Rating: 2.1/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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January 12, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson grants clemency, that just means he kills you quickly.

Rating: 2.4/5 (35 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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January 11, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson doesn't have "fire in his belly." He has a supernova.

Rating: 2.1/5 (31 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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January 10, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson doesn't decide who lives and who dies; he just makes it so.

Rating: 2.3/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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January 09, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Only one percent of New Hampshirites slept soundly last night.

Rating: 2.1/5 (30 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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January 08, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Some people are homeless because of their financial situation, others are homeless because of substance abuse, while still others are homeless because they looked at Fred Thompson funny and he destroyed their home.

Rating: 2.3/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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January 07, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Who would win in a fight between John Wayne and Chuck Norris? Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.2/5 (31 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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January 06, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can always easily identify pod-people, Cylons, Skrulls, users of a polyjuice potion, replicants, people who are actually the Thing, and RINOs.

Rating: 2.0/5 (31 votes cast)

Comments (27)
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January 05, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Death lives in fear of Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.2/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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January 04, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Like most Americans, Fred Thompson has no plans to ever set foot in Iowa ever again.

Rating: 2.0/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (21)
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January 03, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson will not only beat expectations, he will kick and stomp expectations before running over its neck with his truck.

Rating: 2.2/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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January 02, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The Klingon word for "awesome" is "Fred Thompson."

Rating: 2.0/5 (33 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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January 01, 2008
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If Fred Thompson is an auld acquaintance, there is no chance of forgetting him.

Rating: 2.0/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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December 31, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If you watch this and decide not to vote for Fred Thompson, you can legally be committed.

Rating: 2.1/5 (33 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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December 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Hell plans to add a brand new tenth circle specifically for those who don't vote for Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.1/5 (31 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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December 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If you try to fast forward past a Fred Thompson campaign commercial, your Tivo will erase all your favorite programs.

Rating: 2.1/5 (31 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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December 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

There was a legend of the Old West of a gunfighter who could outdraw and outshoot any man and would ride from town to town dispensing justice. He was known as "The Man with No Name (Other Than Fred Thompson)."

Rating: 2.2/5 (33 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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December 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson isn't some hippie that worries about his "carbon footprint." He has twenty-five gas-guzzling cars that can combine in groups of five to form five giant gas-guzzling robots that can all combine to form one even bigger, even more gas-guzzling robot which then transforms into a car which Fred Thompson drives to the corner store to pick up a quart of milk.

Rating: 2.2/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (21)
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December 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

While Romney has been stuffing mailboxes in Iowa with negative facts about Huckabee, Fred Thompson stuffed into a mailbox the most negative thing about Huckabee: Huckabee himself.

Rating: 2.2/5 (30 votes cast)

Comments (34)
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December 25, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If a child is naughty, Santa leaves him a lump of coal in his stocking. If Santa is naughty, Fred Thompson beats him with a shovel.

Rating: 2.2/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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December 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson will be spending Christmas Eve this year the same as he traditionally does: Managing a crisis at Washington Dulles International Airport.

(research help from Jim Geraghty)

Rating: 2.4/5 (52 votes cast)

Comments (20)
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December 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is a fantastic breakdancer.

Rating: 2.2/5 (32 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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December 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson remembers not seeing Mitt Romney's father march with Martin Luther King.

Rating: 2.1/5 (24 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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December 21, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If Fred Thompson used but a fraction of his energy on the campaign trail, he would destroy the Eastern seaboard.

Rating: 2.1/5 (22 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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December 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Every single blog has endorsed Fred Thompson that isn't secretly run by Communists.

Rating: 2.1/5 (21 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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December 19, 2007
The Official IMAO Republican Primary Endorsement
Posted by Frank J. at 11:08 AM

IMAO has long been a revered conservative institution, and we thought it would be neglectfully of us not to weigh in on who the Republicans should nominate for president. Surveys show that most Republicans are not certain of their current choice and a whole 53% of them are waiting for IMAO to tell them more.

So, looking at all the facts, here is who IMAO thinks should be the Republican nominee:

Read More...


Rating: 2.1/5 (46 votes cast)

Comments (81)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson used to be quite the ladies man before he married Jeri. In fact, there's a fifty percent chance he's your real father.

Rating: 2.2/5 (23 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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December 18, 2007
Most Awesome Video Ever
Posted by Frank J. at 12:47 PM

From John Hawkins:

Now if only that could get air time in Iowa.

Rating: 2.2/5 (20 votes cast)

Comments (32)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The snowman Fred Thompson made last winter defeated Godzilla.

Rating: 1.7/5 (20 votes cast)

Comments (20)
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December 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson says, "Have a merry Christmas," that's not a meaningless platitude -- it's a command -- so you better have a Christmas so merry blood is shooting out your eyes because Fred Thompson is coming to town.

Rating: 1.8/5 (20 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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December 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

On Christmas Eve, Fred Thompson leaves milk and cookies out. Santa dares not touch them, because he knows how much Fred Thompson loves his milk and cookies early on Christmas morning.

Rating: 2.5/5 (18 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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December 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

God created man in His image. Fred Thompson was the first copy, and they all sorta degraded after that.

Rating: 1.9/5 (18 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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December 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can fly if he wants to. Even gravity won't dare touch him without permission.

Rating: 1.6/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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December 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson leaves his house, he doesn't lock his door. Criminals lock their doors.

Rating: 1.9/5 (18 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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December 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has been unable to attack Spider-Man because any time he tries, Spider-Man's spider-sense immediately overloads Spider-Man's brain, putting him into a week long coma.

Rating: 1.8/5 (18 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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December 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fidel Castro keeps a loaded gun by his bed at all times in case Fred Thompson becomes president so he can immediately blow his own brains out to avoid Fred Thompson's wrath. He won't be quick enough.

Rating: 2.2/5 (23 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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December 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

There are already plans for the supercarrier the U.S.S. Fred Thompson. It will carry and launch other aircraft carriers.

Rating: 2.5/5 (18 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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December 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Today's Fred Thompson fact is a lovely poem written by Exurbankevin:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.3/5 (20 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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December 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When God created the first man and woman, He told them, "Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die since it's Fred Thompson's and he does not like people messing with his stuff."

Rating: 2.3/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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December 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In a debate, Fred Thompson follows up any rhetorical point he scores with an awesome guitar solo.

Rating: 1.9/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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December 06, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

Some people become measurably smarter just by breathing the same air Fred Thompson does. Others become measurably deader.

Rating: 2.0/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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December 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If it's ten o'clock and you don't know where your children are, don't worry; Fred Thompson knows.

Rating: 3.1/5 (15 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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December 04, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has never used a brake pedal.

Rating: 2.4/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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December 03, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

While Fred Thompson has always had a merry Christmas, he's never had a happy holiday.

Rating: 2.2/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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December 02, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

From an airplane, people look like ants... except for Fred Thompson. He still looks like Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.9/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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December 01, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 03:20 PM

Fred Thompson has never needed to move. Weak towns flee him while strong towns naturally grow near.

Rating: 2.9/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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November 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:45 AM

Fred Thompson changes channels using a 12 gage.

Rating: 3.0/5 (16 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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November 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:07 AM

Fred Thompson takes a bite out of criminals.

Rating: 2.2/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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November 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson opens up whupass in lot sizes no smaller than a gross at a time.

Rating: 2.5/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson enjoys racing cars. To make it fair he usually gives the cars at least a 100 foot head start.

Rating: 2.8/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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November 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's house is easy to find. Just turn off the main road, go two blocks and when you see the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night, you're there.

Rating: 3.1/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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November 25, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

When they are in season, Fred Thompson enjoys hunting, killing, skinning and preparing fresh Balrog.

Rating: 2.7/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

The shortest distance between two points doesn't go near Fred Thompson if it knows what's best for its lazy, shortcut seeking self.

Rating: 3.3/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (1)
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November 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson never needs to take questions from plants. Though a New York Times reporter tried to interview him and ended up a vegetable.

Rating: 2.6/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

In the Fred Thompson Presidency every day will seem like Thanksgiving, partly because there'll be so much to be thankful for, but basically, if you value your life, you won't even act like a turkey.

Rating: 2.1/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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November 21, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson's wireless call gets dropped, he drops the phone, the phone company and a vanload of hippies into the Sun.

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson often gets a fresh hot Egg McMuffin after 10:30AM.

Rating: 2.5/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (19)
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November 19, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

There's a sucker born every minute... which is a bit below replacement rate considering Fred Thompson's dislike of suckers.

Rating: 2.1/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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November 18, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.0/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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November 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is the only candidate with a plan to fight volcanoes or any other type of mountain that shows hostility to America.

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (21)
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November 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

While visiting Africa, an enraged Fred Thompson charged and killed a rhino. He hates rhinos.

Rating: 2.8/5 (24 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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November 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Children like to lay pennies in the path of Fred Thompson and then keep the flattened remains as good luck charms.

Rating: 2.8/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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November 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

At a speech at the Citadel, Fred Thompson called for a larger military, more modern weaponry, and smarter, less smelly enemies to fight. Sorry, hippies, he'll kill you last.

Rating: 2.2/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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November 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The reason the National Right to Life Committee is endorsing Fred Thompson is that they figured the best way to preserve life is to not piss off Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.4/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson once took out an entire swarm of bees with a pair of chopsticks.

Rating: 2.0/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

You know how the old saying goes: "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a gorilla if that's what Fred Thompson says it is."

Rating: 2.6/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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November 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has released a comprehensive plan to save Social Security: Kill old hippies.

Rating: 2.7/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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November 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Taxes get so depressed when they hear Fred Thompson is in charge that they cut themselves.

Rating: 1.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Bullfighting doesn't work with Fred Thompson as a matador because, instead of charging, the bull flees in terror. The audience, too.

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Why it a bad idea to anger Bruce Banner? Because he's a friend of Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.8/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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November 06, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The best way to save the planet is to make sure it never gets in the way of Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.0/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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November 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Matter cannot be destroyed (unless it pisses off Fred Thompson).

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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November 04, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can shoot a two inch group at 500 yards with a Nerf gun.

Rating: 1.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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November 03, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's plan for the U.N. is to wait for a big conference and then melt down the entire headquarters, uniting leaders from all nations into a nice little paperweight for his desk.

Rating: 1.9/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 02, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson was initially confused by conservatives' opposition to "the Fairness Doctrine" since that's the name of one of his guns.

Rating: 3.0/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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November 01, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Climate change is inevitable. Except around Fred Thompson, where the climate stands very, very still.

(research of this fact done by No One of Consequence)

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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October 31, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If your children go to Fred Thompson's house on Halloween night, make sure they don't say, "Trick or treat!" Fred Thompson does not respond well to threats.

Rating: 2.8/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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October 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Global warming is afraid of increasing Fred Thompson.

Rating: 3.5/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson owns one gun so awesome that it violates California state firearms law to even look at it.

Rating: 2.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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October 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

It only takes one lick for Fred Thompson to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

Rating: 2.5/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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October 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson once fought fire with fire. Fire was admitted to the hospital with third degree burns covering eighty percent of its body.

Rating: 2.3/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can get blood from a stone. He calls it "stone blood."

Rating: 2.3/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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October 25, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is a master of all sports. He once batted a football into a basket hoop located on the green of a par 5 hole that was being guarded by the world's best goalie (hockey, not soccer).

Rating: 2.2/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (26)
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October 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson once shoved a camel through the eye of a needle. He didn't find it that difficult, though it was a bit messy.

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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October 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson plans to beat the charge that he's "lazy" by running around the country at super-speed killing anyone who would slander him so.

Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can absorb political adversity and channel it into powerful blasts from his hands which he uses to disintegrate his enemies.

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 21, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The original last line to King Kong was "Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was Fred Thompson that killed the beast. Fred. @#$%. Thompson."

Rating: 2.0/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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October 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's method to veto wasteful spending bills will be to shove the bill down the throat of the Democrat who authored it and then throw him into the sun. Such a veto can not be overturned.

Rating: 1.8/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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October 19, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson in no way resembles a chimp and has painted a barn with the blood of those who implied otherwise.

Rating: 1.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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October 18, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has promised to fight and win at least one world war within his first one hundred days.

Rating: 1.6/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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October 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If strangling Socialists with their own intestines is wrong, Fred Thompson has no desire to be right.

Rating: 2.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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October 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If your cellphone rings during a Fred Thompson speech, he will kill you and your Fave 5.

Rating: 1.8/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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October 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

For the eighth year in a row, Fred Thompson has won the Nobel Violence Prize.

Rating: 1.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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October 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is above any law, even those of thermodynamics.

Rating: 1.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 09:38 AM

There will be no natural disasters during the Fred Thompson administration; the earth is too scared of him to pull that crap.

Rating: 2.2/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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October 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's campaign song is Drowning Pool's "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor."

Rating: 1.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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October 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

While Fred Thompson was Senator, the Ultimate Fighting Championship lost viewers to C-SPAN.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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October 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Scratching Fred Thompson's car is classified as an extinction-level event.

Rating: 1.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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October 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Debate organizers decided there has to be at least a week between debates involving Fred Thompson to allow sufficient time to clean the blood off the walls.

Rating: 1.1/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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October 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If you even attempt to question Fred Thompson's patriotism, you will die instantly.

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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October 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Once Fred Thompson became enraged while visiting Disney's Animal Kingdom and stampeded through the park, accidentally trampling and killing six elephants.

Rating: 2.2/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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October 06, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has never been beaten at Candy Land.

[Am I getting these confused with John Edwards facts again? -Ed.]

Rating: 2.6/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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October 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If Fred Thompson sees any flag flying higher than the American flag, he will rip it down... even when visiting a foreign country.

Rating: 1.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 04, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When an episode of Law & Order was lost just before airing, Fred Thompson quickly constructed a new one out of nothing more than a paper clip, a piece of string, and an episode of MacGyver.

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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October 03, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has a plan to simultaneous reduce the number of nukes and countries.

Rating: 2.6/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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October 02, 2007
More Fred Thompson Principles
Posted by Frank J. at 12:06 PM

Fred Thompson has a list of some of his principles at his blog, the Fred File. It's not a complete list, though, and here are some more principles exclusive to IMAO:

The Environment. For too long, we have yielded to the forces of natures. Instead, the nature should bend to our will. We must tame it like a beast as use it as yet another tool to destroy our enemies. If nature will not yield to us, then it must be destroyed starting with the sun.

Space Exploration. We lay claim to all the universe. We must continue to explore space to see if any life forms are occupying our property and punish them.

Border Security. America deserves a giant wall on both borders made from human bones.

Military Technology. We need weapons that launch fireballs at our enemies. Enemies of America deserve to be hit with fireballs.

Foreign Countries. Foreign countries are an affront to our sovereignty. Their mere existence suggests that someone would prefer to live somewhere else than the U.S. For this blasphemy, we must destroy all foreign countries and punish those who support them.

Education. Children are stupid. Someone needs to do something about that or I will destroy them.

Terrorism. We must make our enemies know that Allah is not nearly powerful enough to protect them from our wrath.

Rating: 2.0/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson beats rock, paper, and scissors. He also beats Jimmy Carter every other weekend.

Rating: 1.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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October 01, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is the only candidate with a realistic plan to destroy the sun.

Rating: 1.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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September 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The House recently voted on a resolution expressing their fear of Fred Thompson. It passed 427 to 0 with 8 not voting since Fred Thompson had killed them.

Rating: 2.9/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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September 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's favorite toy as a toddler was electrified barbed wire tied to a grizzly bear.

Rating: 2.8/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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September 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can swallow a pig and some wheat and crap a ham sandwich.

Rating: 2.4/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (24)
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September 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Primitive cultures revere Fred Thompson as the god of death and destruction. It's believed the cause of this is that many cultures end up primitive after Fred Thompson has destroyed them.

Rating: 2.5/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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September 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor giant meteor will keep Fred Thompson from giving someone a needed whup'n.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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September 25, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can talk to fish but chooses not to.

Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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September 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is so pro-American that when he places an ad in the New York Times, they charge him four times their normal rate.

Rating: 2.5/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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September 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is not your "bro" and he is going to tase you.

Rating: 3.0/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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September 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can bowl a perfect game using a tennis ball.

Rating: 3.2/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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September 21, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In the Fred Thompson administration, there will be no need for the leaders of terrorist states to visit Ground Zero; Ground Zero will be wherever they live.

Rating: 2.5/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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September 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Ironically, hecklers are the quietest people at a Fred Thompson speech... since they're dead.

Rating: 2.5/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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September 19, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson speaks at a college, all the hippies are pre-tasered.

Rating: 1.8/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (21)
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September 18, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Know who has never voted for Fred Thompson? Nazis.

Rating: 2.1/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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September 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can wrestle a grizzly bear and pin it to the ground for a three-count in two seconds.

Rating: 1.7/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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September 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can be told what the Matrix is.

Rating: 2.2/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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September 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If you look up "Fred Thompson," the dictionary says, "How the hell do you not know who Fred Thompson is?!" Then the dictionary gets so mad that it clamps on to your face and smothers you to death.

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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September 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson does all his own political stunts.

Rating: 2.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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September 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The outgoing message on Fred Thompson's voicemail is, "How dare you try and disturb me! I'm not here right now; instead, I'm behind you with a shotgun and you won't live to hear the sound of the beep!"

Rating: 2.1/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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September 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson beat Ghosts 'n Goblins for the NES his first time playing it without losing a single life.

Rating: 1.7/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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September 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson remembers 9/11 by stabbing a terrorist to death with a broken pig femur.

Rating: 3.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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September 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson plans to keep a big pile of dead terrorists on the front lawn of the White House as a testament to fighting ability of American troops. He'd do it at his current home if it weren't for the HOA regulations.

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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September 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson doesn't make threats, he prophesies future occurrences of extreme violence.

Rating: 2.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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September 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The reason Osama looks odd in his new video is because he's wearing a fake beard. When he heard Fred Thompson's announcement, all his hair fell out.

Rating: 3.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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September 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's plan to reduce health care costs is to spend more time warning people not to make him angry.

Rating: 1.7/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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September 06, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson will be elected president in 2008.

Rating: 2.3/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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September 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson supports the troops by beating liberals with a crowbar.

Rating: 2.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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September 04, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's announcement on Thursday could affect oil prices since entire countries in the Middle East are expected to go into hiding.

Rating: 3.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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September 03, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's bank is open on Labor Day.

Rating: 2.1/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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September 02, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's long term plan to secure our borders is to destroy all other countries. He destroyed two this morning using only a six iron.

Rating: 2.7/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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September 01, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson uses Mount Doom as a hot tub.

Rating: 1.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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August 31, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Silver Age Fred Thompson could easily destroy mountains with a single punch, but the current Fred Thompson, while still the world's most powerful politician, is considerably depowered.

Rating: 3.0/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (25)
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August 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson once punched out the entire state of Massachusetts.

Rating: 2.1/5 (19 votes cast)

Comments (20)
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August 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Before Fred Thompson can announce his candidacy for president, his campaign has to file an environmental impact statement.

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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August 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson knows the airspeed velocity of a unladen swallow (African and European).

Rating: 2.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (23)
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August 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

You know all those great quotes attributed to anonymous? That was Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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August 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Sharks must keep swimming to breathe and for any hope to escape Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.1/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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August 25, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's comprehensive education plan: Be smart or get a whup'n.

Rating: 1.7/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (24)
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August 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Knowing is half the battle. The other half? Fred Thompson.

Rating: 1.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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August 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

It's a common belief that, no matter how well-trained, Fred Thompson will eventually snap and violently attack a pitbull. In reality, every time Fred Thompson has attacked a pit bull he's had a very good reason.

Rating: 2.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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August 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Quotes from Sun Tzu's Art of War:
"He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot, will be victorious."
"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting."
"If you pick a battle with Fred Thompson, can I have your stereo?"

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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August 21, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 09:33 AM

Fred Thompson gets three scoops of raisins in every box of Kellogg's Raisin Bran.

Rating: 2.5/5 (18 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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August 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's fine Italian shoes are made from real Italians.

Rating: 3.3/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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August 19, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Every time Fred Thompson's PC crashes, Bill Gates calls him and apologizes.

Rating: 2.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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August 18, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Ways to kill a vampire:
1. Sunlight.
2. Stake through the heart.
3. Tell Fred Thompson that the vampire called him a sissy.

Rating: 2.2/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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August 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Four our of five dentists agree: You should avoid getting punched in the mouth by Fred Thompson. The fifth dentist hates you.

Rating: 2.6/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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August 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

People say they never forget the first time they voted for Fred Thompson. For most people, it was at a voting booth.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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August 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The most commonly known English phrases worldwide are "Hello," "Thank you," and "Please don't hurt me, Fred Thompson!"

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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August 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Cars should stop and look both ways for Fred Thompson before driving through a crosswalk.

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

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August 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Harry Reid once got a black eye from a memory of Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.0/5 (11 votes cast)

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August 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The lobby scene in The Matrix is loosely based on final poll results from Fred Thompson's reelection to the Senate.

Rating: 3.5/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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August 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Harry Reid was once beaten up by Fred Thompson's shadow.

Rating: 2.9/5 (5 votes cast)

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August 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Warning on cars' side view mirrors: "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, and if you can even glimpse Fred Thompson, you're already dead."

Rating: 2.8/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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August 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson promises that his foreign policy will be like a good action movie: Full of cool one-liners and explosions.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

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August 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can pickpocket a ninja.

Rating: 2.9/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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August 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is dishwasher safe.

Rating: 3.4/5 (6 votes cast)

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August 06, 2007
Jeri Thompson Facts
Posted by Frank J. at 12:29 PM

Fred Thompson's wife Jeri Thompson has started to be the focus of more news coverage since she is very involved in the Fred Thompson campaign (well, word is it will officially be a "campaign" on September 5th), so I thought I'd do some research on her. Facts about her aren't as easy to come by as they are about Fred Thompson whose actions are stamped throughout history, but here is what I found:

JERI THOMPSON FACTS

* Jeri Thompson's favorite scented candles are ginger peach, cinnamon vanilla, and blood of her enemies.

* Jeri Thompson has been called a "trophy wife" just because she's pretty, but the other candidate's spouses never get called "honorable mention wives." Double standard!

* Jeri Thompson appeared on the O'Reilly Factor in 1999. It's the only time in recorded history that O'Reilly didn't interrupt a guest.

* As a Republican strategist, her main contribution to the Republican Party was the "Don't Be a Bunch of Whiny Wusses" strategy. Unfortunately, that's fallen out of favor in recent years.

* Jeri Thompson always clearly states what she is thinking and doesn't expect someone else to infer her thoughts.

Okay; I made the last one up. No woman does that.

Rating: 3.2/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

New scientific theory gaining ground against evolution: Species turn into other species to try and hide from Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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August 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The Death Star is loosely based on Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.9/5 (6 votes cast)

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August 04, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

You'd have to eat eight crowbars to get the amount of iron that's in one bowl of Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.7/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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August 03, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When will Fred Thompson enter the race? The day after what from then on will be known as Fred Thompson Eve.

Rating: 3.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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August 02, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

One day Fred Thompson went to Vegas with only one dollar in his wallet. After three hands of blackjack, he owned the entire city.

Rating: 2.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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August 01, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Greek mythology suggests that Fred Thompson is the son of Zeus... or was it the other way around?

Rating: 2.6/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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July 31, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

During a brisk swim in the Atlantic, Fred Thompson once collided with an iceberg. No penguins survived.

Rating: 2.2/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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July 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

To help Fred Thompson get to sleep, he has a white noise machine at his bedside. The settings on it are the ocean, a babbling brook, and the dying screams of his enemies.

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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July 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Newton's Three Laws of Physics:
1. Object's in motion tend to stay in motion.
2. For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.
3. Don't mess with Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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July 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Dogs do their best to act calm when around Fred Thompson since they know he can smell fear.

Rating: 3.0/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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July 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Early maps labeled uncharted areas "Here be Fred Thompson." The practice was soon stopped because Fred Thompson prefers to be unlisted.

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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July 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 10:53 AM

Fred Thompson has never heard of soccer.

Rating: 2.0/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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July 25, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson never says, "More Ovaltine, please!" If you value your life, you will anticipate his Ovaltine needs.

Rating: 2.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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July 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In the original version of the tale "The Three Little Pigs," Fred Thompson successfully blows the brick house down, turns the three pigs into BLTs, and makes a hat out of the big bad wolf.

Rating: 2.5/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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July 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can improve a floundering economy simply by glaring at it menacingly.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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July 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has an extensive library of thousands of scholarly books on every topic... and each one has been hollowed out and had a gun placed inside it.

Rating: 2.0/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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July 21, 2007
Special Harry Potter Edition Fred Thompson Facts
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

* Fred Thompson's glare has the same effect as a Cruciatus Curse.

* Dumbledore was the only wizard Voldemort ever feared. Why? Because Dumbledore was friends with Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson can transform into the most powerful Animagus form of all: Fred Thompson.

* If you call Fred Thompson a Muggle, he'll cast a spell on you where you spit out all your teeth. He uses his fist to cast the spell.

* A Quidditch game ends when either the Golden Snitch is caught or Fred Thompson becomes bored.

* Fred Thompson has killed more Death Eaters than any Auror... and that was just this morning.

* Even an Imperius Curse can't make you vote against Fred Thompson.

* SPOILER!!! At the end of Deathly Hallows, Fred Thompson kills Voldemort. With a ping pong paddle.

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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July 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's home alarm system automatically calls the police, but it seems kinda useless since they'd never arrive in time to save the burglar.

Rating: 2.4/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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July 19, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson once wrote a poem that was three times as lovely as a tree.

[Wait... I think that one might actually be a John Edwards Fabulous Fact. -Ed.]

Rating: 3.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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July 18, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Every day, Fred Thompson beats up eight times his weight in hippies.

Rating: 2.4/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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July 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If Fred Thompson watches paint dry, it makes itself entertaining.

Rating: 1.3/5 (2 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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July 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson always keeps his eyes on his enemies... even when he sneezes.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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July 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 10:04 AM

Fred Thompson's sheer willpower is so strong it can microwave a burrito.

Rating: 1.8/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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July 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has never had to discipline his dogs. If they ever feel they have disappointed their master, they commit seppuku.

Rating: 1.7/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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July 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has exactly the right amount of cowbell.

Rating: 2.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (19)
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July 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson visits San Francisco, it's temporarily the straightest city in the country.

Rating: 2.8/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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July 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's TV records all the shows he wants to watch. There isn't a DVR connected to it; the TV's just scared of making him mad.

Rating: 2.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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July 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Once Fred Thompson played such a great game of Monopoly that the Federal Trade Commission got involved.

Rating: 1.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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July 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has such self-control that he has only laughed once during the entire five year history of IMAO... and it was probably at something Harvey wrote.

Rating: 2.5/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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July 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Even annoying yip-yap dogs are reverently silent in the presence of Fred Thompson.

Rating: 1.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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July 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

A video game company was working on a Fred Thompson simulator where one gets to experience the awesomeness of being Fred Thompson, but they had to shut it down because everyone who tried it had his face melted off.

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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July 06, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson doesn't take "No" for an answer... unless the question was "What don't I take for an answer?" Then you better correctly respond with "No" before Fred Thompson rips out your spine and beats you with it.

Rating: 2.4/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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July 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Kids, don't be scared of the monster in your closet; it's only trying to hide from Fred Thompson.

Rating: 3.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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July 04, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's backyard fireworks display for Independence Day is so awesome, it often causes several European countries to surrender.

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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July 03, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If Fred Thompson pardons you, anyone who even thinks of your former crime will be instantly struck dead.

Rating: 1.3/5 (3 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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July 02, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Objects in motion tend to stay in motion and objects at rest better get moving before Fred Thompson kicks their lazy ass.

Rating: 3.1/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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July 01, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

How does the Flash run so fast? He just imagines that an angry Fred Thompson is behind him.

Rating: 1.9/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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June 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If Fred Thompson punches you in the nads, not only will you never be able to have kids, any kids you already had will die.

Rating: 1.5/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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June 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Common last words for terrorists: "I tawt I taw Fred Thompson! I did! I di... gerk...uerg..."

Rating: 1.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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June 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In 1994, Democrat Jim Cooper nearly came within twenty points of beating Fred Thompson in an election. Fred Thompson ripped out Cooper's still beating heart for that audacity. Hopefully the Democratic nominee for President in 2008 will be wiser.

Rating: 0.8/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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June 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Acceptable legal defense in every state: "Fred Thompson told me it was okay."

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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June 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Anytime Fred Thompson opens a can of fruit cocktail, he gets two cherries.

Rating: 1.9/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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June 25, 2007
FredOn
Posted by Frank J. at 09:14 AM

Expect to see this ad played over and over at every single commercial break:

Rating: 2.4/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson once crocheted a working firearm.

Rating: 3.2/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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June 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson carries a .44 magnum at all times. He calls it his "veto pen."

Rating: 2.1/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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June 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson is elected President, he'll be the tallest American President ever, beating Abraham Lincoln by an inch and Jimmy Carter with his fist.

Rating: 1.8/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (19)
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June 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Many say that Fred Thompson is just an urban legend made up to scare liberals, but Harry Reid claims to have seen him.

Rating: 2.0/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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June 21, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson is President, he plans to open up the federal government's strategic reserve of whup-ass.

Rating: 2.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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June 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The only possible threat to Fred Thompson is his evil, goateed nemesis from the Mirror-World: Ted Frompson.

Rating: 2.1/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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June 19, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The most scientifically accepted unified field theory is Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.9/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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June 18, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson easily caught the Road Runner on his first try.

Rating: 2.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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June 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's casual southern drawl actually slows down time.

Rating: 1.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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June 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 07:56 PM

The two solid rocket boosters used to launch the space shuttle each provides three million pounds of thrust, a force approximately equivalent to Fred Thompson socking you in the gut.

Rating: 2.2/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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June 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

To protect their e-mails, Fred Thompson's staffers use TES (Thompson Encryption Standard). It's a block cipher with the added protection that, if someone other than the intended recipient tries to read the message, Fred Thompson rips off the eavesdropper's leg and beats him with it.

Rating: 1.5/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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June 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Scientists theorize that Fred Thompson is composed of a super-dense element called "Thompsonium." It's highly unstable and has a half-life of 0.4 nanoseconds -- which is still more than enough time for it to kick your ass.

Rating: 3.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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June 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The Qur'an says that if you touch pork you will be unclean and if you touch Fred Thompson you'll be dead.

Rating: 2.7/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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June 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If you say the U.S. government is responsible for 9/11 and end up with your head ripped off and shoved up your ass, it will be no conspiracy who did it. It was Fred Thompson.

Rating: 1.9/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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June 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 10:52 AM

Fred Thompson has never needed a hug.

Rating: 1.5/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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June 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson doesn't get sunburned; the sun gets Fred Thompson-burned.

Rating: 2.5/5 (3 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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June 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson doesn't believe in myths such as Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, and extraterrestrials -- and he knows their existence is myths since he killed them all with his bare hands. Also, he knows for a fact that Elvis is dead since he strangled him in a shopping mall in 1987.

Rating: 2.9/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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June 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson preferred way to kill a bill in the Senate is the shotgun.

Rating: 3.1/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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June 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Scientists believe the reason for the sudden extinction of all the dinosaurs is either an asteroid or that they crossed Fred Thompson.

Rating: 1.8/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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June 06, 2007
Get Your Fred On
Posted by Frank J. at 10:54 AM

New Fred Thompson shirts from ThoseShirts.com!

Look how awesome it is! You must have one!

I came up with the slogan, and Doug from ThoseShirts.com came up with the design. He also has a "I'm with Fred" shirt that goes well with Fred Thompson's new campaign site and a "Better Fred than Dead" shirt.

Anyway, make sure you get a Fred Thompson shirt now to show everyone you support his candidacy. Otherwise, people might think you're still on the fence and waiting for Chuck Hagel to enter the race.

Rating: 2.0/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Scientist predict that the giant BOOM! that will occur when Fred Thompson officially enters the race will not only be heard worldwide, but will also be heard in other galaxies and possibly cause their stars to explode.

Rating: 2.9/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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June 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Terrorists hate us for our Fred Thompson.

Rating: 1.9/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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June 04, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In case it one day needs a backup, Fred Thompson has memorized the internet.

Rating: 3.2/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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June 03, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Since they know they can't outrun Fred Thompson, grizzly bears will often try and play dead.

Rating: 2.8/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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June 02, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

One lazy afternoon, Fred Thompson felt like whittling. The result: Mount Rushmore.

Rating: 1.3/5 (3 votes cast)

Comments (19)
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June 01, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Many claim that support for Fred Thompson is only because he acted like a gruff DA on TV. In reality, though, gruff DAs are all trying to act like Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.6/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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May 31, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

With Fred Thompson departing from Law & Order, it's now being renamed The Cops and Lawyers Fun Hour.

Rating: 2.8/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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May 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

They say that after a nuclear blast, the only things that will survive will be cockroaches and Fred Thompson... except that Fred Thompson doesn't like cockroaches. So the only thing that will survive will be Fred Thompson.

Rating: 1.9/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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May 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson had never considered anything a monkey has done to be funny. Even those with roller skates on.

Rating: 2.5/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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May 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson honors the fallen on Memorial Day by setting fire to hippies. Burn long and hard in their remembrance, you filthy hippies.

Rating: 1.9/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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May 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 02:35 PM

The grass is always greener on Fred Thompson's lawn. Always.

Rating: 2.5/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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May 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has enough strength to throw Rosie O'Donnell ten feet.

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (20)
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May 25, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 03:30 PM

Fred Thompson has a cameo appearance in the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He plays the force of nature.

Rating: 1.7/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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May 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In a Fred Thompson administration, there will always be room to disagree with him. That room is called the morgue.

Rating: 2.0/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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May 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In the series Law & Order, Fred Thompson plays the title character.

Rating: 1.9/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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May 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is immune to fire, bullets, and your sarcasm.

Rating: 2.6/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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May 21, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In times of trouble, Fred Thompson activates the secret gamma accelerator hidden his watch and powers up and transforms into... Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.1/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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May 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 10:08 AM

Usually for a bill to become a law, it has to be passed by the House and the Senate and signed by the President, but once Fred Thompson made a bill into law by saying, "This bill is now the law" and punching Bill Clinton in the nads.

Rating: 2.0/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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May 19, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 10:07 AM

When Fred Thompson had to watch Sleepless in Seattle with his wife, somehow that version had ninja attacks, gun fights, and explosions.

He still thought it was gay.

Rating: 1.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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May 18, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The chupacabra is in fact the physical manifestation of Fred Thompson anger over illegal immigration. If Mexicans don't want their goats sucked dry of blood, they better respect our border.

Rating: 1.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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May 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson was originally considered for the lead to 24, but then the producers realized that, with how long it takes Fred Thompson to solve any national crisis, they'd have to rename the series 0.2.

Rating: 2.8/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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May 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Unbeknownst to Michael Moore, a documentary was made of the last time Fred Thompson debated a liberal blow hard. It was called Faces of Death.

Rating: 2.2/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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May 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

There's a UN council that focuses on finding ways to protect countries from the wrath of Fred Thompson. Their solution: Nuke selves.

Rating: 2.0/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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May 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson throws a cat, it always lands on its head.

Rating: 1.9/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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May 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 11:32 AM

Fred Thompson not only doesn't add cream or sugar to his coffee, he doesn't add water.

Rating: 2.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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May 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 10:36 AM

Rumor has it that Tom Bombadil is in fact an early Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.1/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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May 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has never been confused by anything that has happened on Lost.

Rating: 2.3/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (20)
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May 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions solved problems like Maria.

Rating: 3.7/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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May 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson understands women.

Rating: 2.5/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (29)
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May 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 09:32 AM

Fred Thompson kills at least one terrorist every day before he even has his first cup of coffee. You don't want to be the terrorist he kills before he gets his first cup of coffee.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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May 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can pat his head, rub his belly, and kill you all at the same time.

Rating: 2.0/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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May 06, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If all the computers in the world worked together, it would still take them six quintillion years to calculate exactly how awesome Fred Thompson is. In fact, computers will never be able to calculate that since Fred Thompson's awesomeness increases faster than Moore's Law.

Rating: 3.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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May 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 10:22 AM

Fred Thompson's response to the debate question "What do you dislike most about America?" would be to rip off Chris Matthew's head and shove it up his ass.

Rating: 3.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (28)
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May 04, 2007
Fred Thompson Facts T-Shirt
Posted by Frank J. at 10:32 AM

By popular demand, I've made a Fred Thompson Facts t-shirt over at the IMAO Store. It has a Fred Thompson for President logo on the front and these facts on the back:

* Fred Thompson often fills in for Paul Harvey and Batman.

* Physicists say nothing can escape a black hole or Fred Thompson.

* Why does Iran want nukes? Fear of Fred Thompson.

* Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn't stopped wetting his pants.

* Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.

* Every night, Osama checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson is a prime number.

* Actual cause of global warming? Fred Thompson's burning rage.

* Fred Thompson appears human size because he is actually standing a million miles away.

* Not only does Fred Thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.

Maybe later I'll make some stickers and magnets with individual Fred Thompson facts. If there are some facts you like that I didn't include, put them in the comments.

Rating: 2.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can win any presidential debate by answering "I'm Fred Thompson" to every question.

Rating: 2.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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May 03, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's favorite color is the blood of his enemies.

Rating: 2.7/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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May 02, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's favorite book is a battered copy of The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress which he used to beat a hippy to death with.

Rating: 2.1/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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May 01, 2007
Unverfied Fred Thompson Facts
Posted by Frank J. at 12:57 PM

People have been e-mailing me Fred Thompson facts even though I've never made a claim to be the repository of Fred Thompson knowledge. I'd thought I'd share them with you, though I must warn you that these facts have not been triple verified like all the other Fred Thompson facts I've told you. Thus there is the possibility they are false and Fred Thompson will kill us all for reading them.

UNVERIFIED FRED THOMPSON FACTS

* Fred Thompson never has to stop at a traffic light because of a Homeland Security directive requiring all lights to turn green whenever he approaches.

* Fred Thompson eats shotgun shells for breakfast and craps 44 magnum bullets in the afternoon.

* Rosie O'Donnell insulted Fred Thompson so he morphed her into a reasonable, intelligent human being. After
that she joined the Republican Party, took Simon Cowell for a lover and replaced Michelle Malkin as a contributor on Bill O'Reilly show.

* Does a bear @#$% in the woods? Only with signed notarized permission in triplicate from Fred Thompson.

* When Fred Thompson empties his pistol at the firing range, it reloads itself out of respect.

I'm starting to think some things said about Fred Thompson are actually urban legends.
* When Fred Thompson gave blood in Alaska, it fulfilled the Red Cross's entire quota for 6 months.

* Fred Thompson is part man, part machine. Underneath, he has a hyper-alloy combat chassis - micro processor-controlled, fully armored. Very tough.

* Fred Thompson uses a .357 Magnum as a remote control.

* Fred Thompson's carbon footprint is the size of the Yukon.

* Fred Thompson once opened a stuck jar of pickles by winking at it.

* Nuclear reactor coolant fills Fred Thompson's hot tub.

* There are only 2 things in life that are certain - Death and Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson flosses his teeth with a straight razor.

* Fred Thompson eats lightning and craps thunder.

* Fred Thompson uses a machine gun as a back scratcher.

* If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Fred Thompson loading his shotgun.

* Waldo is hiding because of Fred Thompson.

* The Ultimate Fighting Championship is based on Fred Thompson's playground history.

* Fred Thompson reheats leftovers by staring at them.

* Fred Thompson uses high octane gasoline as mouthwash.

* Fred Thompson can see the American flag on the moon.

* Fred Thompson can throw a 95-mph fastball . with his foot.

* Fred Thompson uses the St. Louis Arch as a hand exerciser.

* Fred Thompson's steely glare will soften steel.

* Fred Thompson's gravely voice will often start brush fires.

* Fred Thompson runs a 4 minute mile in 42 seconds.

* Any stop signal that turns red when Fred Thompson approaches is immediately sent to the factory for reprogramming.

* When Fred Thompson goes fishing, fish swim to the dock and volunteer to fill his limit.

* Tides flow in and tides flow out unless Fred Thompson wants to take his kids to the beach.

* Harry Reid insulted Fred Thompson and was instantly transformed into a one dimensional cartoon cutout
poster.

* A Homeland Security directive requires all Airlines to keep a First class seat available to every city in the United States just in case Fred Thompson wants to go there.

* Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can never fool Fred Thompson."

BTW, here's an editorial by Fred Thompson at National Review on how America doesn't care what others think of us. If you have any new facts about Fred Thompson, put them in the comments... but try to verify your facts first.

Rating: 2.5/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (94)
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Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Marvel Comics has an upcoming event to chronicle the Fred Thompson campaign entitled "World War Hulk."

Rating: 3.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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April 30, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

In an election, it costs ten dollars to vote for Fred Thompson since voting for him is a privilege, not a right.

Rating: 2.7/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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April 29, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

You can safely view Fred Thompson using a shoe box with a pin-sized hole in one end.

Rating: 2.6/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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April 28, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

To save tax money, for a while Tennessee reduced it's police force to just Fred Thompson armed with a claw hammer. During that time, there was no crime in Tennessee or any contiguous state.

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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April 27, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Winner of the first Democrat Presidential Debate: Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.1/5 (23 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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April 26, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 10:40 AM

In the presence of Fred Thompson, terrorists prematurely explode... even if they don't have explosives strapped to them.

Rating: 1.3/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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April 25, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson's wit is so sharp that it can split apart atoms.

Rating: 2.1/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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April 24, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Fred Thompson appears out of nowhere and beats the crap out of both of them.

Rating: 2.2/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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April 23, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

What would prove that the United States of America is the greatest nation to ever have existed? If Fred Thompson decides were worthy enough to have him as our leader.

Rating: 1.4/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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April 22, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 01:49 PM

New plan for future space launches: Have Fred Thompson stand by the launch pad and glare angrily at the rocket so it will reach escape velocity out of necessity.

Rating: 2.0/5 (19 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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April 21, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 12:07 PM

Fred Thompson's firearm collection is so awesome that it's illegal in all fifty states and received a condemnation from the U.N.

Rating: 2.0/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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April 20, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The temperature of Fred Thompson's icy gaze is negative twenty degrees kelvin.

Rating: 2.1/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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April 19, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson plans to make it an allowable interrogation technique to rip out a terrorists spine and beat him with it.

Rating: 1.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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April 18, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Why does Dr. Gregory House need a cane to walk? Because he once cut Fred Thompson off in traffic.

Rating: 1.9/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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April 17, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can shoot beams out of his eyes so hot they can burn through Superman.

Rating: 2.0/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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April 16, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The original ending to In the Line of Fire had Fred Thompson stand between the assassin and the president and deflect the bullet off his chest. This was deemed to unrealistic, though, since no one would ever have the courage to pull the trigger on Fred Thompson.

Rating: 2.6/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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April 15, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson is a prime number.

Rating: 1.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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April 14, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson often fills in for Paul Harvey and Batman.

Rating: 1.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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April 13, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

When Fred Thompson found out a Senator had added pork to a bill, Fred Thompson ripped off the man's leg and beat him with it. The leg was later returned to the Senator as part of a bi-partisan compromise.

Rating: 1.8/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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April 12, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The U.S. Military once created a Fred Thompson submachine gun. They were unable to use it since firing it on the battlefield violated every single article of the Geneva Conventions (and common sense).

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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April 11, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Why does it rain? Because God is crying. Why is God crying? Because Fred Thompson punched Him in the arm.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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April 10, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Unlike fire, Fred Thompson can melt steel.

Rating: 2.0/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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April 09, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

If you took Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, Optimus Prime, a .50 caliber Desert Eagle, a samurai sword, nachos, the lobby scene from the move Matrix, the computer game Doom, and a DVD set of the complete A-Team series and somehow took all their awesomeness and compressed into one thing, you'd still only have something half as awesome as what Fred Thompson flushes down the toilet after taking a crap.

Rating: 2.4/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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April 08, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson washes down his morning steak and eggs with a big mug of jet fuel.

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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April 07, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Polls show that, in a presidential race between Hillary Clinton and Fred Thompson, the result would be that Hillary would vomit up her own heart and die.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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April 06, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

The myth about the twelve labors of Hercules is loosely based on Fred Thompson Boy Scout career.

Rating: 2.7/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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April 05, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Fred Thompson can kill you just by thinking about you. Luckily, you're far too insignificant for him to think about.

Rating: 2.6/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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April 04, 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Posted by Frank J. at 08:00 AM

Physicists say that nothing can escape a black hole or Fred Thompson.