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Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Archives

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December 03, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 03:45 PM

Hillary Clinton is expected to give a major speech Thursday on Satanism to dispel any rumors about the religion that might be hurting her candidacy.

Rating: 2.9/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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November 19, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

One of the better known comedies of a famous playwright shrew is "The Taming of the Hillary."

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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November 18, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

If Hillary Clinton is elected president, her first task for the CIA will be locating Smurf Village.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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November 17, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary's icy demeanor can be traced back to an earlier tragedy when a house fell on her sister.

Rating: 3.5/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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November 16, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Scientist predict that if Hillary were Pinocchio, she'd be in intense pain right now from her nose tip being burnt by Alpha Centauri.

Rating: 3.3/5 (20 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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November 15, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton vows to hunt down and destroy any terrorist organization that hasn't donated to her campaign.

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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November 14, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton wishes the debates would focus less on things she doesn't know like her position on giving driver's licenses to illegal aliens and more on things she does know like the difficulty of setting puppies on fire.

Rating: 2.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 13, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

If even one cough or sneeze in the audience at a Hillary Clinton event is unscripted, she spend the next hour in a back room screaming and tearing chunks of flesh from her staffers.

Rating: 3.0/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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November 12, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Confused by what a soul food restaurant is, when asked for her order at one Hillary replied, "I'll swallow your soul!" She did not leave a tip.

Rating: 1.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 11, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

If America is every attacked by zombies, you can expect Hillary Clinton to be one of the first out fighting them screaming, "Those brains are mine! Mine!"

Rating: 2.1/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 10, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton's touring hospitals to promote her healthcare plan was hampered by the fact that when she is around sick people she can't help but exclaim, "Suffering! Beautiful suffering!"

Rating: 2.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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November 09, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Many Democrats are hesitant about the Hillary candidacy because secretly they wonder if America is ready to elect pure evil.

Rating: 2.5/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 08, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

When Hillary Clinton looks you in the eyes, it's not a sign of respect. It means she's hungry and wants to eat your eyeballs.

Rating: 1.8/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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November 07, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton is for banning all guns and all bullets... especially silver ones.

Rating: 2.5/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 06, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

The chest bursting scene from Alien is based on the delivery of the infant Hillary Rodham.

Rating: 1.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 05, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton doesn't actually have large thighs. The specially tailored pants suits she wears to conceal her harpy wings just make it look that way.

Rating: 1.9/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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November 04, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton is doing research into quantum mechanics so she can more perfectly hold two contradictory political positions at the same time.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 03, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton's main reason for seeking the presidency is she's decided her house could use more furniture.

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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November 02, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary once tried putting on an American flag lapel pin, but it burned her like a crucifix.

Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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November 01, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton's favorite type of evil is chunky style.

Rating: 3.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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October 31, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton always wins "Scariest Costume." She has no idea what Halloween is.

Rating: 2.4/5 (19 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 30, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton likes Midwesterners so much she even has an affectionate nickname for them: "Sky fairy worshiping nobodies I fly over on my way to important places."

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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October 29, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

If Hillary Clinton isn't elected president, she will seek revenge by destroying the world... though probably in a less drawn out and painful way than if she ran it.

Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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October 28, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

If Hillary Clinton supporters are going door to door in your neighborhood, just mark your doorpost with lamb's blood and they'll not bother you.

Rating: 2.9/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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October 27, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton has a twin in the mirror universe named Clillarly Hinton. Oddly enough, she is also evil but has a less pronounced goatee.

Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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October 26, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton regularly breaks all ten Commandments even before breakfast. I don't know how she breaks "keep the Sabbath holy" on a Tuesday, but shes finds away.

Rating: 2.5/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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October 25, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton's parents' last name was actually "Sodom" though they changed it at Ellis Island after immigrating here from Mordor.

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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October 24, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Anthropological evidence shows that ancient man had to deal with a creature similar to Hillary Clinton except that it was ten feet tall, had horns, had a spiked tail, and was only half as scary.

Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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October 23, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

As a hobby, Hillary writes research papers on what animals can scream in pain and how loud.

Rating: 3.7/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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October 22, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton can't visit a maternity ward without pressing up against the window to the nursery and exclaiming, "Mmm... Fresh babies!"

Rating: 3.3/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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October 21, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton has never actually been to Arkansas or any other American state that doesn't touch one of the coastlines.

Rating: 2.2/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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October 20, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton can't tell the truth about anything without having extremely painful headaches.

Rating: 3.4/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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October 19, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary's favorite pastime is drowning puppies while orphans are forced to watch.

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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October 18, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary doesn't smile -- she bares her teeth.

Rating: 2.8/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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October 17, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton lures in new voters with her gingerbread house.

Rating: 3.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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October 16, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Voldemort always insisted that Hillary be referred to as "She Who Must Not Be Named."

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 15, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton's main inspiration in politics is Skeletor.

Rating: 2.7/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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October 14, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Sensing her evil, dogs bark when in the presence of Hillary Clinton... as do toddlers.

Rating: 3.7/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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October 13, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

When people are around Hillary Clinton, they are told to under no circumstances make eye contact with her. It's not because she's an arrogant bitch, though; it's because that will instantly turn you to stone. Also, she's an arrogant bitch.

Rating: 3.6/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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October 12, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

One of the biggest complaints of Hillary's campaign staff is the awful stench that comes from the flying monkeys' cages.

Rating: 2.9/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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October 11, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton is responsible for half the murders in D.C.

Rating: 3.0/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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October 10, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hilery-cleenton is an old Native American phrase meaning "giant-thighed baby-eater."

Rating: 2.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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October 09, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton uses the empty space where her soul should be to keep her change.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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October 08, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

When a pundit suggested that Hillary is in league with Satan, he was sued for slander... by Satan.

Rating: 3.0/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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October 07, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary Clinton is the only presidential candidate that is mentioned in the Book of Revelation.

Rating: 3.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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October 06, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Though Al Gore may have invented the internet, Hillary invented lesbianism.

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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October 05, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

The Chinese have stopped funding research into a neutron bomb so they can pour money into something even more potentially destructive: the Hillary Clinton campaign.

Rating: 3.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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October 04, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Hillary gets all the daily nutrients she needs from the tears of children.

Rating: 2.8/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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October 03, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

The reason Hillary still keeps Bill around is that he's one of her horcruxes.

Rating: 3.2/5 (18 votes cast)

Comments (21)
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October 02, 2007
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

Every time you hear Hillary laugh, you lose one year of your life.

Rating: 2.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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