About IMAO



Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!

Buy funniest book ever!
Buy funniest book ever!




IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.


If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

Bloggers:
Frank J.
Harvey
RightWingDuck
Cadet Happy
spacemonkey
Laurence Simon
SarahK


Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
lolterizt
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Editorials
Frank the Artist
In My World

Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits



Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery

Search IMAO
Google
Web www.imao.us

Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Blackfive
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Pereiraville
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Scrappleface
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts
Awards

 

IMAO Think Tank Archives

Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
February 14, 2006
IMAO Demands MORE Global Warming!!
Posted by RightWingDuck at 11:38 AM

If you're like me, you're probably getting fed up with religious extremists. That's why I took great joy in hearing that Hollywood bought the rights to Al Gores new documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.” For those of you who don’t know, Al Gore was involved in a movie about global warming. I haven’t seen it but assume it involves the liberal basics: American blame, corporate greed, and a gay love story.

Before I go on, let me be clear on something: I have a high tolerance for religious values – I really do. But it seems like every day one of these whack jobs stops me to share "the good news" that the "end is coming soon" and we have to be "ready" for the "glorious day."

Of course, "that glorious day" refers to the final day of the Bush Administration. After that, they tell us, we can start to address the issues of global warming.

But religious wackos like Gore really get on my nerves. It seems like we keep seeing clips of Al Gore screaming stuff like, “Global Warming is going to kill us”, or “the U.S. Hates Arabs” or “Where’s My Ketchup?!” With the sale of this movie to Hollywood, now maybe Al's influence can go beyond affecting the tides.

This must be stopped! We could do something about Gore and these religious extremists if only we had a greater separation of church and state. Is there nothing we can do? Why must these myopic people force their views on us? Why can't they accept that the theory of Darwin isn't some sort of fairy tale involving half truths, huge gaps in evidence, and wishful denial of a deity?

If they would accept it, then we could move and and enjoy a quiet and peaceful evolutionary process. That is why today I call on IMAO readers to join me in a brand new movement - the kind you have never ever seen before.

Today, I call on us to demand MORE global warming.

I know this may not be a popular request. If the polar ice caps melt and the world ocean levels rise, this could wipe out countless species. If the volcanoes rage out of control we could end up with a world full of muddy ash. And let’s not forget the freezing cold we’re undergoing. There’s nothing worse that being flooded, freezing, and hot. But it would be wrong to stop global warming. Ladies, gentlemen, and undecided - we must allow global warming to happen. It is the only scientifically logical choice. Let me explain.

A few hours before the flood, the IMAO crew was in New Orleans. We were taking a tour, while Lair was off by the levees muttering something about a Zionist conspiracy. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. As the flood waters came, and we tried to get out, I remember telling rescue workers to ignore all those people stranded on rooftops and not to save them. Yet, those "religious wackos" were so focused on saving "precious life" that they wouldn't let the Darwinian evolutionary process take place.

When will this fascism end?

I remember Frank and I taking bets. How long before these stranded roof dwellers would adapt to the environment? What would happen? Would they develop the ability to drink toxic water? Would their digestive systems mutate to be able to eat roof shingles? Gills? Bright orange skin allowing them to be seen from far away?

Sadly, the fascist extremists and the respect for life won out, and we were left to wonder what would have happened to these roof dwellers, and why Lair kept yelling, "I did it. I did it!"

Well - no more. NO MORE!! If we teach this evolutionary process and believe in it, then it is only fair that we let it go forward - none of this "preserve Mother Earth" crap. It's time to Let Go and Let Evolution.

Want to help? I thought you would.

Here are the things that you, as an every day evolving species, can do to accelerate global warming and allow change to happen!

Screw the trees. There are acres and acres of forests out there that do nothing but impede the growth of future Wal-Marts. This is unacceptable. Remember, forests are a good place for all those Bambi and Thumper types to gather and create sinister plots. Besides, Bambi and Thumper can adapt.

Drive everywhere. Sometimes, I call my neighbor and ask for a ride - to the end of my driveway. Helpful hint: hard driving can generate more pollution. I tend to Burn Rubber from stoplight to stoplight. This not only makes me look cool - but should I get lost - I can find my way back by following the tire marks.

Become a celebrity. Take Barbra Streisand for example: her many mansions take a ton of energy to power and heat. If you were to stand on her front porch, you could look up at the sky and practically see the hole in the ozone layer getting bigger. Then you'd have to run, because your survival instinct would kick in saying, "It's Barbra - she's going to eat me."

I'm still investigating other potential steps such as having the US sign the Kyoto Agreements. I strongly suspect that joining the Kyoto is as effective as Al Gore's gym membership. This, however, will require some research - so you'll have to wait for that as a separate post.

We hope you join our cause.

Rating: 3.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (18)
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
 

Buy IMAO T-Shirts


IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!





Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24
American Idol
Aqua-Adventures
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Editorials
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Humor
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
lolterizt
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Superego
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933