(In My World Fan Fiction by Harvey)

Fresh from single-handedly saving the state of Illinois from the ravaging flood waters of the Mississippi, Barack Obama arrived in Detroit in search of more hapless victims of seven years of Bush-McCain policies to rescue. Passing Wayne County Community College, damsel in distress Marilyn Pace cried out in anguish, causing the presumptive Democratic nominee to leap into action.

"There, there, photogenic white girl."

"Help me, Obamessiah!" cried Marilyn, "I've spent all my money on clothes, shoes, jewelry, vodka, Red Bull, piercings, and back tattoos! I've no money left for tuition! How will I pay for school without getting a job like some fat, unpopular girl whom the national media's cameras love not?"

"Fear not," declared Obama, striking a puffy-chested super-hero-like pose while patting her on the shoulder in a way that he hoped would be difficult to construe as sexual harassment, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you. I will shower you with thousands of previously unavailable tuition dollars. All I ask in return is that you do a good job, keep hanging in there, and make good choices. Like voting for me to prove you're not racist," he added with a "maybe I'm kidding, maybe I'm not" grin that glinted under the glare from the press's light like an Orbit gum commercial.

"But how will you pay for it?", sobbed Marilyn.

"Same way I'll pay for everything I promise - by stealing money from someone who has more of it than you but less than me. Like from kid over there who looks un-fair-sharingly wealthy."

"But I'm not wealthy!" objected the target of Obama's accusation. "My clothes aren't Old Navy faux-raggedy, they're Salvation Army REAL-raggedy!"

"Questioning me is racism!" Obama snarled, poking a menacing - yet impeccably manicured - finger into the boy's chest. "Now stop showing antipathy towards those who are different than you and pony up!"

"Like most of today's youth, I'd gladly give my life to support your hip & trendy multicultural neo-welfare state, but I spent my last dollar at the Friends of the Earth bake sale. Would a tofu brownie help?"

"Won't cooperate, eh?" frowned Obama. "Very well... YOU!... uh... Secret Service guy... uh... what's your name?"

"Tom"

"That's way too complicated for me to remember without a teleprompter," scowled Obama, "I'll just call you Whitey. Ok, Whitey, dangle that guy by his ankles & shake him until he dewealthifies. This white female demographic representative needs tuition money."

Tom's shaking produced nothing, save vaguely effeminate mewlings of protest, an unused-but-optimistically-kept condom, and a clearly not-empty crumpled plastic sandwich bag.

"ALLLL RIIIIGHT! WEED!" shouted Obama, stuffing the baggie's contents into the bowl of a colorful glass pipe which had traveled from his jacket pocket to his hand with eerie ninja quickness. "Time to inhale... frequently."

"But... but...", wept a befuddled Marilyn, "you said in your book that you'd given up drugs YEARS ago!"

"Change happens," whispered Obama hoarsely, exhaling as little as possible.

"I don't understand how this helps me pay my tuition," Marilyn blubbered as she turned a bit to her left to allow a CNN cameraman to capture her good side.

"Hope will pay your tuition. Hope for change. And change is me. Vote Obama '08. But now I must go."

"Don't leave me!" wailed Marilyn, pausing to make sure a New York Times reporter spelled her name right. "Only you and your blessed fountains of government revenue - which will NOT be gouged from the nearly-empty pockets of those who work hard and play by the rules - can save me from my undeserved and completely unavoidable fate which I couldn't possibly have seen coming or planned for when I first decided to attend college several years ago!"

"I'm sorry, but I must. I have to go vet the vetter who's vetting my Veep vetter. UP, UP, AND AWAY!" shouted Obama as he thrust his clench-fisted arms in the air, leapt towards the sky, and landed chin-first onto the ground a moment later.

"Heh" chuckled Obama, standing up and dusting himself off, "forgot that I can't fly. DAMN that's some A-Prime smoke! Hey kid - still got that tofu brownie?".

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Morgnet continues Buck Wild at the UN:
Part 4: UN Security Boogaloo.
Part 5: Fear the 'Stache! (Caution: some mental imagery may cause permanent damage to your mind's eye)
Part 6: When Lime Green Ninjas Attack! The Final Chapter

The Order of the Blue Square has a slice of D.C. life:

No, silly, that couldn't be the president. He always travels with lots of bodyguards and things called 'motorcades,' honey."

"But he looks lost and confused, just like on TV!" she responded.

Think you can write better In My World fan fiction than these drunken monkeys? Prove it, and leave a link in the comments.

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Morgnet has more Buck Wild at the UN. Part 2 - Bush consults the Oracle, while the Snowman learns his place; and part 3 - Buck gets the go signal. Pity the baby raccoon.

Brèves proves that the French ARE good for something - being strangled. Although I hope Rummy makes an exception for Woland, the guy at Brèves who wrote the piece.

Meanwhile, The Rumsfeld Strangler keeps us updated on blogging, interviews, pets, and his opinion of the movement to make English the national language.

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The Order of the Blue Square has President Bush (who does NOT look fat in that suit) sending in the Marines. Or *a* Marine, as the case may be.

Morgnet follows Tony Snow as he gets initiated into the inner workings of the White House. Personally, I want to download the files on Bush's PDA.

The Moxargon Group is right - it IS fun being an illegal alien! Also, I had no idea that the White House had an official Oval Office poking stick. Hope Frank J. doesn't get one of those.

Fmragtops has Rummy taking a more "hands on" approach to troop training. Considering his deep and mystical understanding of the martial arts, I have to say that this would be a good thing in the real world, too.

Think maybe I should make a weekly carnival out of this?

Might help out with that "you guys never post anything on the weekend" problem.

Meanwhile, keep 'em coming and drop a link in the comments.

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Things inspired by the Frank's "In My World" category:

* The New Chainik Hocker's story of Condi gone wild.

* A 2005 Rumsfeld press conference.

What else do you Frank Worlders have for fan fiction? Isn't ANYONE going to give Buck the Marine some foreigners to kill?

Nothing more dangerous than a Marine who ain't out kill'n stuff, ya know.

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So... aside from The Rumsfeld Strangler, has anyone else been posting "In My World" fan fiction?

It makes Frank happy, as long as there's linkage giving IMAO credit for the inspiration.

Anyway, if you have an IMW fan fiction post, drop a link in the comments.

If you haven't been writing IMW fan fiction, get started. I mean, it's not like Frank is gonna get around to giving Buck the Marine a new mission anytime soon.

By the way... if Star Trek fans are called "Trekkies", then what are In My World fans called?

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