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August 18, 2006
The Round Up - Friday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:35 PM

Hi folks,

As you know, I live in LA. Some people think it's dangerous, mostly because they're afraid the police might attack them. That's not true. Turns out that they're just as likely to attack each other!!!

Funny. As they looked at the numbers they realized there were just as many officers shot by other officers as there were who were shot by criminals.

LA is hoping they can tone down the cop on cop shooting. Maybe we can convince them to start by writing each other tickets, or letting each other off with a warning.

It’s gotten so bad that the police have a new term – Driving While Police Officer.

They also have a new locker room slogan: Just for today, I will not shoot anybody.

Country singer Troy Lee Gentry is in trouble with the law for killing a tame bear and then claiming he killed it in the wild.

They suspect he filmed the thing on video and edited to look like he was on a real hunt. Here are some tips for editing. When you show the bear, and some damaged trees and dead animals - that swath of destruction makes for good video.

Bad video is when you film the bear, and right next to him you can still see the bear’s little tricycle.

Troy Gentry is part of Montgomery Gentry, a singing duo with country hits such as If You Ever Stop Loving Me, My Town, , and I’m Coming to Your House to Shoot Your Hamster.


A judge in Ohio has ruled that two teens can finish out their football seasons before having to serve their jail time. The teens will be doing time for setting up a deer decoy in the middle of the road. The prank led to people being severely injured.

Judge said "I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm going to. I see positive things about participating in football,"


Football doing positive things? I don’t know. It didn’t seem to HELP THEM BEFORE!!!

But maybe a couple of extra games is what they need to really get back on the right track.

This judge is only gonna confuse other people in his court.

Judge: I order you to serve two months as a wide receiver!

Defendant: (pumping fist) Yes!! I LOVE football.

Judge: Who said anything about football?

So the quarterback and his teammate are back with the Wildcats and getting ready for their next game against Sandusky Bears.

Sadly, their game against the bears this Friday was cancelled.

They too were killed by country singers.

Read More...


Rating: 3.1/5 (10 votes cast)

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August 16, 2006
News Round Up - Wednesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 07:42 PM

Welcome,

I'm RightWingDuck, and I'm here to share the news.

Former President Ford has been admitted to the Mayo clinic. Nobody knows why, really. None of Ford's people are sharing any information. Reporters are a bit miffed I tell you. They’re not used to dealing with former presidents who can keep their mouths shut.

Reporters asked President Bush about how he felt about Mr. Ford being admitted to the Mayo clinic. He responded: “I’ve long believed in the healing capabilities of Mayo – and Mustard.”

Here in California the Governator is in trouble. Really. Local Muslim groups were offended that he went to some pro-Israel rallies. He never attended any of the Muslim events.

The bad news for Arnold? They’re so mad that they’re threatening to help his opponent Phil Angelides.

The strange part is they’re offering to give him 1,000 cell phones.

I’m sure you’ve heard about that. Three kids were busted with over 1,000 cell phones in their van. I guess that makes giving out your phone number much easier.

Kid: “Yeah. Call me, dude. My number is 555 – um – just dial any four numbers after 555, I’ll get the call.”

It's a great idea. Really. Until the phone rings.

Dell is in the news lately. It seems that certain laptop models have batteries that catch on fire. Dell hasn’t seen anything like this since they introduced their New Jersey Edition which not only caught on fire but also featured a lack of eyewitnesses. Oddly, it was the only laptop they offered that came with insurance.

Wal-Mart is reporting that they will have lower earnings. This is understandable. Labor is getting harder to find and more expensive now that many of their overseas employees are going back to Kindergarten.

Also, for some reason, sales are down for cell phones.

Some Mexican fishermen were found after having been missing for 9 months and presumed dead. Isn’t that awesome?

They survived by drinking rain water and eating birds and fish.

The good news is that they were found by some Taiwanese fisherman and are doing well. The bad news is that they have a touch of the bird flu.

Wanna hear something really funny? When the Taiwanese workers came up on deck and saw the three Mexicans they yelled, “Damn, where did all these illegals come from?”

The skies aren’t any safer than the water, believe me.

A United Airlines flight had an incident where a woman freaked out. Turns out she had claustrophobia. That’s what you need on a flight, somebody who desperately needs to get out.


All these airline restrictions are wild. It’s a stressful time to fly. People wanting to blow up airplanes, freaked out passengers, crazy “youths” trying to sneak in liquid explosives.

I’m not saying that restrictions on flights are tight, but just the other day they caught an airline pilot sneaking in some powdered Jack Daniels.

In Arizona, they have a brand new state of the art football field. The field is on a tray and it retracts in and out of the stadium so that the grass can get rain and sunshine.

The field takes 1 hour to retract into the building. One hour to move 100 yards?

NFL officials say this is the first time the field covers more ground than the football team.


***

Until Tomorrow...

Rating: 2.6/5 (13 votes cast)

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December 02, 2005
Cindy Sheehan 1-star Book Review Watch
Posted by Harvey at 10:59 AM

As explained in this post, Amazon has been quietly removing 1-star reviews from Cindy Sheehan's new book. Let's examine the history of the 1-star reviews by date:

3:15 pm 11-30-05

1-star reviews dated Nov 29: 5
1-star reviews dated Nov 30: 6

4:15 pm 11-30-05

1-star reviews dated Nov 29: 5
1-star reviews dated Nov 30: 5

7:00 am 12-1-05

1-star reviews dated Nov 29: 3
1-star reviews dated Nov 30: 5

11:00am 12-2-05:

1-star reviews dated Nov 29: 3
1-star reviews dated Nov 30: 1
1-star reviews dated Dec 1: 2
1-star reviews dated Dec 2: 1

You can easily track 1-star reviews with this link to the reviews listed lowest first.

Here's an interesting line from Dec 2, as posted by reviewer Jed:

"I left an honest but critical review of the book and the named author, it was removed. I once again left an honest yet critical review of this book; again it was removed but this time along with every review I have left on other items."

From Dec 1st, reviewer Kenneth:

"why has my review been removed? the book is poorly written and she does her political view a disservice when she espouses hatred. why does amazon censor reviews? does someone on amazon's staff allow their political viewpoint to override free speech?"

Dec 1st, JR Dunn:

"Be advised that somebody is using this page to target virus attacks against anyone who has written a negative review -- which, appearances to the contrary, is several hundred people by now.

(...)(some upstanding, tolerant lefty, no doubt) with the header "Invitation to be an Amazon Friend" appears in your inbox(this may differ from case to case, of course) praising your review and asking you to click a link. Needless to say, don't do it. Delete the sucker."

We'll see where it goes from here.

UPDATE: GOP & College has some more analysis, plus a couple screenshots.

Rating: 2.3/5 (13 votes cast)

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July 28, 2005
The News Round-Up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 08:37 AM

NASA today confirmed that a piece of insulation fell of during the launch of space shuttle Discovery.

Man. Millions of dollars per launch and they can’t keep it from falling apart.


Thankfully, they’ll save money next launch when NASA introduces their Everybody Gets The Employee Discount program.

In Utah, a bunch of guys bought a billboard to help their buddy get more dates. True story. The guy is 31, a Harvard MBA, and – as required by Utah law – a Mormon.

So his buddies buy some billboard space which asks women to date this guy.

You know what I'd like to see?

Lance: Hey, you guys bought me a billboard? You guys are the greatest.

Guys: Sure thing, man. You deserve the best.

Lance: Guys, how come only half a billboard? Not to be ungrateful but why do I share space with an ad for Levitra?

Guys: Sorry, it was either that or Coca Cola.

You know what would be cool? To see a bunch of women buy a nearby billboard saying, “Buzz off” or “Nah, I’m not interested.”

Speaking of which, we need a Shut Up Alec billboard.


did you hear about this? Inspired by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Alec Baldwin wants to enter politics.

Baldwin reasoned that "if the largest, most economically significant state in America could elect a man who is totally unqualified for the job, then they can elect anyone."

Which would be true, except that even by those standards Alec is still under qualified.

What does Arnold have that Alec doesn’t have? Besides successful films?

Hey ALEC! If I want to know what Kim Bassinger looks like naked – I’ll COME TO YOU! Either that – or rent 9 ½ weeks.

Why do actors think they can be governor just because an actor like Arnold did it?

Are there guys out there with one testicle thinking, “Hey, I could win the Tour de France.”?

Read More...


Rating: 3.2/5 (12 votes cast)

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July 25, 2005
News Round-Up Monday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 03:47 PM

Good Afternoon, I’m RightWingDuck and this is your News Round-Up.

Yes, it has been a while hasn't it? So I'll start off easy and work my way up throughout the week.


Do you know what this world needs? Fewer Stereotypes.

On a recent trip to the Middle East, singer Ricky Martin said he wants to help Arabs with their stereotypes.

"I have been a victim of stereotypes. I come from Latin America and to some countries, we are considered 'losers,' drug traffickers, and that is not fair because that is generalizing," said Martin, who was born in Puerto Rico.
He vowed to help them any way he could.

Because nothing helps the Arab image than to get help from a Latino who won't even admit he’s heterosexual.

Martin attended the silver jubilee of the Arab Children's Congress set up 25 years ago by Jordan's Queen Nour, King Hussein's widow, to promote creativity, peace, cross-cultural understanding and tolerance. He said he would like to promote a similar youth congress for his native Latin America.

Provided he can rustle up enough kids who weren’t working as mules.

Ricky Martin is determined to make a difference. In fact, in their honor, he will launch a new hit single – Living La Vida Jihad.

Does it leave you a bit dizzy? You should take something.


In London , Mars, the company that made its fortune satisfying chocolate cravings, announced plans Monday to develop medications that use a component of cocoa to help treat diabetes, strokes and vascular disease.

Wow, help with vascular disease. I can just hear the jingle now…

Bom bom bom bom

sometimes you feel like a stroke.

Bom bom bom bom

Sometimes you don’t.

Read More...


Rating: 2.7/5 (12 votes cast)

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June 01, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Tuesday Evening
Posted by RightWingDuck at 02:18 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Vive La France!!

The French have rejected the EU constitution. Incredible!

Every citizen could cast a vote for one of two choices: Yes or no. Maybe this caused confusion. After all, their normal ballot choices are: Yes, no, or surrender.

People wonder where Chirac could have gone wrong. How can the man end up with so much egg on his face? Personally, I believe it’s an issue of sincerity: I just don't trust that phony French accent!

Does this spell disaster for the EU? Maybe not. Thankfully, they are united by a mutual geography, a strong sense of history, and a mutual contempt for America.

Heh heh heh.

People are really shocked by this outcome. 53 percent voted “non”. So now the losers are walking around being snotty and rude. Or were those the winners? I lose track.

So France has a lot of work to do if they ever hope to get this EU constitution back on track. They will work all day long – 20 hours a week if the unions let them.

Read More...


Rating: 2.0/5 (11 votes cast)

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May 27, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:50 PM

Hello,

I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.

I’ve been away for so long that I feel a bit nervous. But as my speech teacher used to say, “Whenever you feel nervous, it's helpful to imagine Saddam Hussein in his underwear.”

Buwahahahaha

In England, a newspaper published photographs of Saddam Hussein in his underwear, folding his clothing . Authorities have no idea who snapped the picture and are investigating. One thing for sure, it wasn’t taken on a Saturday. Saturday is thong day.

Good News for Saddam. He will be filing a lawsuit against the paper.
Bad news. The court date is set for three days after his execution.

I’d like to offer this observation about the Saddam picture: I always thought the word dictator was one word.

People always talked about the man’s meanstreak. Turns out it’ll come out with a little bit of Clorox bleach.

Ironically enough, it may be the last picture of Saddam that has him with clean underwear.

I don’t mind the picture of Saddam. But did they have to snap 50 pictures of him putting on body lotion? shiver::


Read More...


Rating: 2.8/5 (14 votes cast)

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May 18, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Wednesday Night
Posted by RightWingDuck at 10:35 PM

Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Guess what? Los Angeles has a new mayor. It’s Antonio Villaraigosa, the first Latino we’ve had running the city in over a century.

He beat the incumbent Mayor - Mayor Hahn, by being able to connect with the minorities here in LA. Or as we call them – White People.

Not much of a choice. We had a liberal Incumbent versus a liberal challenger.

Personally, I’ve never voted Democrat, but maybe one day before I die – I will. Or in the Dems case, maybe I will AFTER I die.


The race got a bit hot at the end. Accusations, attack ads. I felt Mayor Hahn went over the line when he tried to have Villaraigosa deported.


LA has to get used to a Latino running things. At the celebration dinner, it took Antonio too long to get up the podium. Latinos and whites kept stopping him.

Latino: Excuse me, sir?

Mayor V: Yes?

Latino: I’m very proud. I’d like to shake your hand.

Mayor V: Sure thing.

Lady: Excuse me, sir?

Mayor V: Yes, ma’am?

Lady: I can’t find my waitress; can you get me some ice water?

Read More...


Rating: 2.1/5 (20 votes cast)

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May 16, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Monday Night
Posted by RightWingDuck at 10:21 PM

Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Sorry I’m late today. There was this huge scandal I needed to investigate. If it’s true, it could create a tremendous backlash from the Democrats. Rumor has it that the Republicans flushed the Democrat's Donkey down the toilet.

So let’s talk about the lead story.

Newsweek reported that interrogators at Gitmo had flushed a Koran down the toilet. Of course, it turns out that this anonymous source cannot confirm that it really happened. However, this didn’t stop the magazine from running the story. The Middle East has seen rioting, and yes, even deaths.


Serious stuff though. In some Middle Eastern countries, if you desecrate the Koran, they can apply the Death Penalty. Of course, they also apply the death penalty for not shaving, jay walking, and having a sassy mouth.


Bad News for Newsweek. They lost all their recruiting advertising from the U.S. Army.

Good News. They sold those full page ads for a martyr campaign for Al Queda.

Al Jazeera seems to very interested as well.


They desecrated the Koran? What, is there only one copy? Was it an original?

Here in America they take pages from the Holy Bible and use them to wipe their butts. Do you know what THAT’S called?

Modern Art.

Sure Newsweek caused rioting and a couple of deaths – but the main question about the article is: Did It Make You Think?

Hopefully, the retraction will help all of this blow over. We can work with our allies and get the word out that the story was false. In time, feelings will subside and they can get over their feelings of pure American Rage and get back to their old feelings of pure American Hatred.

Poor guys at Gitmo. We didn’t mean to deprive them of their religious freedom – just their Due Process.

Read More...


Rating: 2.3/5 (12 votes cast)

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May 12, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up
Posted by RightWingDuck at 02:13 AM

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.

There was quite a scare in Washington today. A small Cessna airplane violated restricted air space and endedup getting an F-16 escort out of the area. The Secret Service and the police evacuated the White House and nearby buildings.

Man, you haven’t seen that many people scramble out of the White House since the time Hillary unexpectedly came back from her vacation.

The small Cessna had a pilot and a student pilot onboard. They were not charged with anything. Student pilot? There’s a lesson you won’t ever forget!

“Hey, teacher. Why are those fighter jets shooting flares at us?
“Well.. (Long pause) It means there’s an accident up ahead. I have an idea.Why don’t we change course?”

In all of the chaos, security rushed people out of the building. In fact, a couple of officers lifted Nancy Pelosi right out of her shoes.

It got confusing for people afterwards. They came back and saw her shoes out in the middle of the floor. No matter how hard they looked, they couldn't seem to find the yellow brick road.

.

Read More...


Rating: 2.0/5 (14 votes cast)

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May 09, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Monday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 01:52 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Did you watch the Kentucky Derby. The winner was the longshot of the race - Giacomo.

Nobody was happier than the owner and the Giaci who rode him.

The Kentucky Derby just goes to show you - no matter how much money you have you just can't BUY a winner. As George Steinbrenner should know by know.

Things didn't go well for Steinbrenner's horse. Right, out the chute, it was surrounded by so many horses rear ends - it's like he was a member of the Yankees.

Haha. A little "I wish the Yankees would die" humor.

In a new strategy, Steinbrenner bought every horse in the country. His chances for next year look pretty good, if the horses can stay healthy.


Read More...


Rating: 2.6/5 (12 votes cast)

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May 05, 2005
RWD's News Round Up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 02:00 AM

Hi gang,

This is RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.

I’m sorry I missed yesterday’s roundup. I was.. um. Um.

Kidnapped by an Hispanic and a white lady.

Jennifer Wilbanks is still in the news. You know, sometimes you get tired of the joke writing, and along comes Jennifer and you find your second wind.

The Hispanic community is upset that Jennifer thought to blame them for her abduction. She owes them an apology. And the police, and the rescue workers, and the volunteers, and the people who donated products and services to the volunteers, and her guests. .and..

You know what? It’s a sad day when the only person NOT clamoring for an apology is Al Sharpton.

And the fiancée.

Yes, the fiancée still wants to have the wedding. Or as he calls it “Best two out of three.”

I’m not saying the guests are distrustful. But I believe it will be the first time they run the bride to the altar on a rail.

It's very sweet. The minister is trying to accomodate the emotional needs of the bride.

We are gathered today to join this man and woman in holy matrimony. The exits are located to their side and to the rear…Next bus leaves in 10 minutes.

Read More...


Rating: 2.4/5 (13 votes cast)

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May 03, 2005
RWD's News Roundup-Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 02:05 AM

Hello everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Still in the news is the runaway bride, Jennifer Wilbanks. Her fiancée was on TV saying that he would still marry her because he gave her a ring and had made a promise before God. Which is probably why she flipped out. Okay, at what point in time did he think they were actually married?

John::Do you want something to drink?

Jennifer:I do.

John: Oh, sweetheart. Me TOO!!! Forever and ever!!

They make a cute couple. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I saw a picture of them. Well, they weren’t actually together. His picture was in the USA Today, and hers was on my milk carton.

Will they make it as a couple? I don’t know. We'll see.

Mary Kay Latourneau is set to marry her bo- boyfriend. If you recall, Mary Kay was sent to prison for having slept with her then 13 year old student.

As is becoming the pattern, they have sold the rights to their wedding photos. The amount is up for speculation however I'm told it involves a substantial amount of dollars and arcade tokens.

It’s weird, she’s so much older than he is. And he seems so tiny. But they’re happy and he’s legal now, so I guess its okay. Now, some people gossip about the huge age difference. “What’s going to happen when they’re both 20 years older?” I don’t know.

I don’t know – what do you think? Do you think she'd find somebody younger?


Read More...


Rating: 2.6/5 (9 votes cast)

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April 28, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 11:06 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

In England, Channel 5 has announced plans to air a hip, edgy reality series – LIVE plastic surgery.

Do they mean live-live? Yes, as in the coverage features real plastic surgery in action!!

Imagine having to be the play-by-play team on THAT one.

“What’s he doing now, Jim.”
“Well, Bob, Dr. Smythe appears to be using the number 5 scalpel”
“Why do you think he’s doing that?”
“Well, Bob. If you recall, he hurt his shoulder in the Johnston liposuction.”
“Indeed.”

In yet another ground-breaking move, Channel 5 launched an even edgier, hipper new series. “Live Plastic Surgery- Bloopers.”

“What’s he doing now, Jim.”
“Well, Bob, Dr. Smythe appears to be using the number 5 scalpel”
“Why do you think he’s doing that?”
“Well, Bob. If you recall, he left the number 4 scalpel inside Mr. Jones.”
“Indeed. Ha ha. Let’s watch that footage now”

Speaking of surgical bloopers…

The Michael Jackson trial is still just too much fun to watch.

Debbie Rowe, Michael’s ex-wife took the stand today. She was artificially inseminated. And Michael might not even be the father!!

Oh my goodness.

We should have known. Those young kids don’t resemble a young Michael Jackson at all.

On second thought – even Michael doesn’t resemble a young Michael Jackson.

Read More...


Rating: 2.0/5 (10 votes cast)

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April 26, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 01:43 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck, and I'm here to share the news.

Two reporters were dismissed by their paper for drinking on the job. Really, they were doing an article on drinking on college campuses. They covered the parties. They covered the Beer-Pong tournaments. They didn’t cover that they themselves joined in on the drinking.

Which makes sense. When a reporter covers a baseball game, I expect him to give me the score. I don’t expect him to get an ‘at-bat’.

Editors just know these things. Besides, the reporters left behind too many clues. The bad spelling. The run on sentences. The accurate facts.

These are signs that an editor looks for.

So the guys are sad to be fired – but excited to be in the semifinals of Beer-pong.

Russian President Vladimir Putin is making headlines. He was quoted as saying that the collapse of the Soviet Union was a "genuine tragedy”. This really shocked the people in the audience.

He then went on to discuss other sad tragedies – such as running water, electricity and the discovery of the Polio vaccine.


You know things are bad when you're missing the old day. The days when your power was absolute. The spreading of your message to neighboring states everywhere, the leading of people through false propaganda – the rule with an iron fist. Now you know how the Democrats feel.

Read More...


Rating: 2.6/5 (10 votes cast)

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April 21, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 01:16 PM

Hello,

Yo Soy RightWingDuck, y vengo a compartir las noticias.

Merry Christmas ... Oops. I meant good afternoon. Curse my horrible English as a Second Language!!

Arnold Schwarzenegger today apologized for a remark he made where he said that California should close the borders to Mexico because it was creating a big mess.

He apologized to an offended state congressman saying that "English is my second language and I meant SECURE not CLOSE the borders, you bitch - I mean -sir."

Arnold is so spineless when it comes to taking a position. How pathetic.


Oh, sorry. My English is not so good. It’s a second language for me, too.

What I meant to say is that the governor is doing a great job and he should just keep it up.

Read More...


Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

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April 19, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:31 AM

Woohoo! I’m back.

I’m done with doing taxes. Things got a little “iffy” there at the end. I’m not saying I was desperate for deductions, but if anyone asks, Harvey and Spacemonkey are my dependants.

Okay. So let’s see what’s been happening.

Personally, I was shocked at the latest developments in the Michael Jackson trial. The accuser’s mother took the stand and yelled, 'Michael Jackson has fooled the world."

Then I thought about it long and hard. She might be right. I’ve never really notice it, but now that I stop to think about it – it’s all very clear.

I think Michael Jackson has had some sort of plastic surgery.

Man, he had me fooled. It just looked so natural. I always assumed that as you got older – your face melted.

You know what I thought about the other day? I was watching MJ walk into court. He's got a melted face – he dresses flamboyantly, and he talks funny. I don’t think he’s a child molester. He's a super villain looking for a midget sidekick!!!

MJ: To the laboratory, McCauley! Our plan is almost ready!

McCauley : (Playing video game) Huh?

MJ: I said, my plan is almost ready. Soon, the whole world will think I had to sell my Beetles catalogue.

McCauley: (Playing video game) Huh?

MJ: But now, when they hear it, my subliminal suggestions will guide them to buy even more Michael Jackson records!! Bwu hahahahah.

McCauley: (Playing video game) Huh?

MJ: Screw this! Do you have a brother?


Read More...


Rating: 2.4/5 (9 votes cast)

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April 13, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Wednesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:40 PM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Sorry for the late posting today. I got home late last night and never had the chance to catch up. You know, it's tough juggling all these responsibilities. I struggle to be a good dad, a loving husband, and a hard working “little Eichmann.”

I’m working later hours just so I can afford the essentials of life- gasoline!!

Gas is getting expensive and it's starting to hurt an already aching airline industry. I'm lucky. I recently bagged a bargain airfare.

Of course, there was a catch. Half of us had to distract the neighboring American Airlines plane by doing the "chicken dance" on the tarmac, while the other half siphoned out its jet fuel.

In all fairness, we were given extra mints. Distracting is hard work.

Some students from Purdue have scored a major prize for the third year in a row. The Rube Goldberg contest this year had a goal: to create a device that changes the batteries in a flashlight and do it in as many steps as possible. Their winning project had 125 steps to it!!

It was touch and go at the beginning; when they realized their kit didn't include the batteries.

So they went to neighboring MIT team and started doing the "chicken dance"....

Amazing. 125 steps to complete a single task, or as the IRS would call it – the Short Form.

Interestingly enough, that is not the world record. The all time record is held by John Kerry who took 759 steps to explain if he supported the Iraq War.

Well, 760 if you count yesterday, but he’s on crutches – so that might call for an asterisk or something.


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Rating: 3.6/5 (10 votes cast)

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April 12, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:22 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck, and I'm here to share the news.

I continue to be awed by the power of science.

Scientists have figured out how to control a fly by remote control.
http://asia.news.yahoo.com/050411/ap/d89dbiro2.html

That is so cool. They can use lasers and other stuff to actually control the fly’s brain.

Now. You’re probably wondering what value there could be in being able to do this.

You probably would imagine two researchers controlling a fly around the room.

“Man, this is so cool.”
“Yeah, I know."
"Oooh! Why don’t we make it crash into the garbage cans?”

However, they hope that by studying the brain impulses, they can figure out the brain process of people, in particular those who commit acts of violence and those who overeat.

“Look at that guy over there. That’s his third trip to the buffet.”
“What a pig.”
“Yeah, I know. Why don’t we make him crash into those garbage cans?”

Operating the brain of a fly? Those scientists have an inspirational project.

They got the idea from watching the New York Times guide the Democrats on social issues.

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Rating: 2.1/5 (6 votes cast)

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April 11, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Monday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:21 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck, and I'm here to share the news.

In Virginia, a man was sentenced to 9 years in prison for sending unsolicited Spam.

It was really a very weak case. That’s what he gets for hiring a lawyer from a pop up ad.

So NINE years. The worst part is the guy won’t have any access to a computer. The good news is he’ll still get pop ups. Every day huge men will pop up out of nowhere saying, “Hello, would you like to have hot steamy sex?”


In other news, its being reported that Martha Stewart made $1.2 million dollars in 2004 despite being locked up for part of the year.

Of course, you hav to factor in that a lot of that was paid out in Marlboros.


In other news, Martha has announced her newest book: Cooking With Cigarettes.

So you go to prison and you just make more money? It’s just not fair.

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Rating: 2.8/5 (8 votes cast)

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April 08, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Friday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:15 AM

Hurray! You came back for another day of round-ups!!

I just know we’re going to lose readers once the new Britney/Kevin show gets going.

Are you excited? Britney Spears and her husband, Kevin, have penned a deal to make a reality show based on their daily lives.

Hooray. I was worried about that. We just don’t see enough of this woman.

She’s really excited. If all goes well, she could become the next Jessica Simpson, or Paris Hilton.

He’s excited too. If all goes well, people might stop seeing him as a freeloader.


Personally, I think we have too many celebrity shows. I miss the old celebrity reality videos – Security Cameras.


I’m not sure Britney is too familiar with this type of performing. She’s secretly mentioned to friends that she’s worried about having to coordinate 22 minutes of lip synching.


They’ve signed on for six episodes, or the length of the marriage – whichever comes first.


The United States is looking at requiring passports for Americans traveling back and forth between Mexico – Canada too.

In fact, they say if you go to Mexico and you don’t have your passport, you won’t be able to get back in. You know what this could lead to? That’s right – Illegal AMERICANS.

I say make them run across the border at midnight. This way we find out who REALLY loves this country.

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Rating: 1.6/5 (5 votes cast)

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April 07, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:17 AM

Hello,

I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.

I’d like to start today by doing a rewrite of a joke and offering an apology to anyone who was offended. Typically, I don’t care about offending people, especially if they’re liberal- but when it’s another Army dude, and a faithful reader – then a correction is in order. (Full Disclosure, Duck is a veteran of the US Army)

Old Joke: Army Sgt. First Class Paul Ray Smith died defending his men and saved many lives. His 11 year old son was honored to accept the award on his dad’s behalf.

And following the long standing Army tradition, the young boy then stepped out to celebrate by getting stewed, screwed, and tattooed [The intended humor was in the age. I like the idea of the young boy stepping in to do his dad’s celebrating]

New Joke: President Bush today awarded the first Congressional Medal of Honor of the Iraq war. It is only the third such award given since Vietnam.

The other two were awarded last year to John F. Kerry (with a combat “V”)

Sergeant First Class Paul Ray Smith died defending the lives of his men. His courage is an inspiration to all who have worn, and will wear a United States Military Uniform.

His 11 year old son accepted the award on his behalf. It was a bittersweet moment as they missed their loved one – yet were very proud of what he did.

It was also an odd moment – Dubya kinda lost track of what he was doing and urged all 11-year olds to go out and join the Army.

The young man will be going out to tell the nation his dad’s story. In fact, he’s been so inspired by his dad’s bravery, that he’s telling his story in some very dangerous places: Chicago, Philadelphia, and Neverland.

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Rating: 2.6/5 (9 votes cast)

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April 06, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Wednesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:07 AM

Hello,

Welcome. Welcome.

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

President Bush will be attending the Popes funeral along with Bill Clinton and George Sr.

Why no Jimmy Carter on this visit?

There was no room on the plane, even considering that he offered to bring his own peanuts.

That’s sad. Was Jimmy snubbed?

“Hi Jimmy. It’s Dubya. No, I’m not calling to invite you to the funeral. We already have a token Democrat. Hey, the Oval Office needs some new sheetrock. Can you help us out?”

Some speculate that Carter was snubbed, but really -it was for security reasons. Jimmy is 2,478th in the line of succession.

They didn't want to take any chances.

In New Jersey, the government held a massive Terror Training exercise.

It was totally realistic.

Rescue people practiced removing people from rubble, paramedics trained on emergency procedures, and the press practiced blaming President Bush.


It was so realistic, Osama made another video claiming credit.

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Rating: 2.2/5 (7 votes cast)

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April 05, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 08:51 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck, and I'm here to share the news.

The passing of the Pope has touched millions worldwide. Now, the funeral preparations are getting underway as they prepare to receive leaders from around the world.

President Bush will be attending, because he’s President. Bill Clinton might attend because he met the Pope several times, and John Kerry wants to attend because he served in Vietnam.

The interesting part is that the College of Cardinals will be voting for a new Pope. It should go smoothly, provided things don’t get screwed up by the Cardinal from Ohio.

Thankfully, Jimmy Carter will be there to ensure that no funny business takes place.

There are no leading candidates at this point.

However, Zogby Polling stated that in order to win the office, the winning candidate must poll well among Cardinals who are Catholic.

Normally, the voting is done by secret ballot. This election, they’ll be using voting machines from America. So I guess if the machines really are rigged, our next Pope could be George Bush!! (With 1% for Ralph Nader)

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Rating: 2.3/5 (5 votes cast)

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April 04, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Monday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:24 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck, and I'm here to share the news.

Some sad news. Pope John Paul II died this weekend.

Catholics around the world mourn the loss of this religous leader.

I'm not Catholic anymore, but I respect any person who dedicates his life to serving the Lord.

I was watching Spanish TV when they broadcast the announcement. The man on the street interviews had people saying things such as, "He made a difference", "He served God his whole life" and "I hope he's in a better place now.

I thought - You HOPE he's in a better place?

Man, if he can't get in, I am so royally screwed....

Seriously...He was a leader who made an impact and I hope his soul is at rest.

Inother news, a man assaulted Pat Buchanan by throwing salad dressing all over him at arecent speech

The young man was arrested on a minor charge as Pat refused to press assault charges.

Man, that is so stressful. In fact, to help ease the stress, Pat will be going away on a vacation... to the Thousand Islands.

Just kidding, I mean to his RANCH DRESSING hahahahahaha.

Ahem. anyway...

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Rating: 2.3/5 (12 votes cast)

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March 31, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 02:09 PM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck. And I'm here to share the news.

I’ll start today’s Round-Up with some sad news.

Terri Schiavo passed away this morning. There was a lot of controversy over this case. Her parents stated that Terri wanted to live. Her husband, Michael, said that she really wanted to die.

Rest in peace, Terri.

In other news, the Pope is getting nutrition through a feeding tube placed in his nose.

Michael Schiavo today announced that the Pope once told him he wouldn’t want to be kept alive through artificial means.

The ACLU is filing suit at the Vatican to ensure religious extremists do not get involved.

The Minuteman project is almost underway in Arizona.

A group of 1,000 or so volunteers will sit across a stretch of the Arizona Mexico border and watch for illegal alien crossings. They will be there with radios, cell phones, and their vehicles.

Think about it: Over 600 cars, in a line, for over a month.

So it’s just like the LA commute, only faster.

The ACLU is fiercely opposed to all of this activity. They feel it is not fair to turn anyone away, unless they’re wearing a a t-shirt with the Ten Commandments.

The Minutemen insist that they are only there to observe. They will call for Border Patrol to come pick them up. In the meantime, they’ll report and track all those crossing into the US.

“Yep, I see one crossing. Yep, I’m following him.”

Later…(on the phone)

“Okay. He found a job and is staying with friends.”

Later…(on the phone)

“Yep, he found his own place. Hurry.”

Later…(on the phone)

“He’s getting married. She’s illegal too. We’ve got ‘em both. Hurry up and grab ‘em.”

Later…(on the phone)

“I’m still watching. Hurry up, she's going into labor.”

Later…(on the phone)

“I’m passing this one off. I’ve been arrested for stalking. They say I violated their rights. No, I can’t escape to Mexico. I don’t have a visa.”

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Rating: 2.0/5 (16 votes cast)

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March 30, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Wedesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:19 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWngDuck. I'm here to share the news.

The report is out on the UN Oil For Food Scandal, and Koffi Annan is faulted but not blamed for the actions of his son.

Makes perfect sense.

President Bush gets blamed for the actions of our Abu Grahib soldiers, but that doesn't mean that Kofi should be blamed for the actions for his own son!!

They should blame his parents. Oh.

Kofi's son, Kojo, was paid thousands of dollars by Cotecna to help mismanage the Oil for Food program. Of course, trouble quickly followed.

Kofi should give him a job that keeps young Kojo out of trouble. Like, working with the UN troops. He should visit the Congo.

The Congo. Where the UN helps makes every night, ladies night.

"Although Tuesday's report found no wrongdoing by Kofi Annan, it clearly faulted the secretary-general's management of the world body and his oversight of the oil-for-food program."

So, he's not officially blamed. But that's just a Cotecna-cality.

BTW, I do believe it's the first UN Report to have 10 pages of Annan family pictures.

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Rating: 2.4/5 (16 votes cast)

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March 29, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:54 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

I have some sad Easter news, unfortunately.

A boy may face charges for smacking the Easter Bunny in the face.

This is what happens when kids are allowed to smack elves around. It just escalates, people!!

Give the man in the bunny costume some credit, he felt it was not right for the Easter bunny to hit back.. Funny though, it’s the first time kids heard a bunny squeal like a stuck pig.

But watch yourself kid, the Easter Bunny knows people, if you know what I mean.

This will lead to father-son conversations such as:

"Daddy, what's that Elf doing out here at this time of year?"
"Well son, it appears to be a half-nelson."


A Wendy’s restaurant in Northern California, served a customer a special surprise!!

(hat tip to reader Gaskar – who had this to me long before Drudge posted it)

Yep. A customer found a part of a severed finger in her bowl of chili.

Worst part? They advertise it as TWO finger chili!!
She was robbed man. She was robbed.

Sales of chili were down. Way down.

It's sad to see chile in single digits. And vice versa.

Police are looking for the owner of the severed finger - but as of yesterday, they hadn’t fingered anyone.

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Rating: 2.8/5 (16 votes cast)

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March 24, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:45 AM

Hello, I'm RightWingDuck,

I'm here to share the news.

Good stuff going on.

A Catholic school in South Australia has suspended one of several teachers who, believe it or not, attended an LSD party.

At first, Catholic officials were furious. Then they realized they misread the invitation - they thought it had said, LDS party.

They were returned to duty and were ordered to drink lots of Coca Cola.

LSD is fine. Especially when the flashback comes in the official school colors.

In Boston, a man who escaped prison twenty years ago was captured by police. The man was a poet of the month, and spent a lot of time in front of microphones reciting his poetry.


Police suspected something was wrong when he won a prize for his last poem, "I can't believe it's been twenty years since I escaped prison."

Beatniks thought it was a metaphor for marriage!


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Rating: 3.3/5 (15 votes cast)

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March 23, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Wednesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:46 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Man, there is just so much happening out there.


Sad news. A young man in Minnesota killed his family, then drove to his school and started shooting people at random.

I get upset over this for two reasons (besides the victims). One – it's always some kid who was a loner and had troubles. And two, the gun lobby works itself into a frenzy.

Why does this always seem to happen in some tiny town – why not here in Los Angeles?
Here in LA, at least the kids are packin'. That whack job would have gotten some serious return fire.

"I am the angel of Death. I am here to kill all of yo..(bam, bam bam) aaaieee. Stop, no, stop.Aah. I was just kid..."

Maybe if we get rid of guns, students can find a more humane way to knock each other off – like starvation!!

Terri Schiavo is running out of time. I'll be writing more about this later on so I'll just say this.. wouldn't it be funny if somebody tried to kill Michael Schiavo – but they missed his vital organs, but he was mostly brain dead – and his family said, "Well, we know he wouldn't want to live this way." So they pulled the plug.

Sometimes, I just hate that life isn't like a Hollywood movie.

In real life, Terri dies, Michael sues everyone, and the Left blames President Bush.

You need cheering up? Just open a paper and read what's happening at Harvard. It's all good.

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Rating: 2.9/5 (14 votes cast)

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March 21, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Monday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 10:03 AM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Unless, you live in Dallas. Then the news is bad. Have you read this?
Dallas is the top city for crime.
This explains the newest trend in street slang – "gimme your money, partner."

Crime is so bad, the only safe place for visitors in Dallas is on the football field.

Dallas has drive by shooting just like all the other cities. Finding the criminals can be tough - all the cows look so much alike.

Do you know what criminals really want? A North Face jacket!

True. Police are noticing that the expensive jackets are often the target of street crime.

Now this can make for a very interesting mugging.

“That’s right man. This jacket is mine, punk. Ha. Mine, mine, mine!!!(Pause) Say, man, do you have this in an Extra large?”

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Rating: 3.2/5 (10 votes cast)

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March 17, 2005
RWD's News Round-up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 08:31 AM

Hello all,

I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news!!

Well, everybody’s talking about it. Robert Blake has been found “Not Guilty”.

Blake was surprised but happy. Outside the courthouse, Blake was so overcome by emotion that he almost dropped his gun.

He’s so excited he’s going to throw a party. He’s going to invite family, friends, and people who refused to kill his wife.

In fact, you’re all invited!! Remember, Los Angeles is a great place to visit. Come on out, get a tan, and knock off your wife.

In other big trials, Scott Peterson was sentenced to death.

So, if you’re going to kill your wife – remember these three secrets: Location, location, location.

Scott Peterson’s lawyer is seeking a new trial.
And why wouldn’t he - the first one didn’t end too well, did it?

So now he’s gotten the death penalty. Or as Scott would call it – “Gone Fishin’”

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Rating: 3.4/5 (11 votes cast)

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March 15, 2005
RWD's News Round-up, Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 03:39 PM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Robert Iger has been chosen to replace Eisner as the Disney CEO. He’ll be stepping into the position in October.

Hmmm. He needs a catchy nickname. What rhymes with Iger?

Iger. Iger.. I know…

How about "Iger the Lion"?

Disney is getting desperate for real leadership.

It’s was so bad; Disney was interviewing people who came in wearing Mickey Costumes.

Executive: So, Mr. Um. Oh, yes. Mickey. Are you ready for this job?
Mickey: Mimes a thumbs up gestures, Jumps up and down like cheerleader..
Executive: The competition is intense. We need to rediscover our Disney roots and make more hits. Can you do that?
Mickey: Gets up and silently waltzes around the room and then sits back down.
Executive: We need to stick it to the competition. Do you think you could stick it to them?
Mickey: Gets up, performs a series of hip thrusts.
Executive: That’s the spirit that we need. How reasonable are your pay requirements?
Mickey: Gets up. Hip thrusts.

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Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

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March 14, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Monday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 02:50 PM

Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Michael Schiavo rejected it.

Of course, I don't blame the guys. He has a much better offer. He has 1.6 million dollars plus a wife to be named later.

Sorry, that was harsh. She's been named. She's just waiting for a slot in the rotation.

That businessman didn't do anybody any favors. That offer only makes Mr. Schiavo look good. "Look at me, I'm not about the money."

Of course it's a bad deal all around. If he accepted the million bucks Michael would have to turn around and buy Terry's silence.

BTW, a better proposition: Offer him the money for allowing 90 days of rehab for Terry. Think it through.

Jose Canseco is going up before Congress to give testimony on the use of Steroids in baseball. He's also going there to plug his new book, "Getting rich and famous with steroids (foreword by Arnold Schwarzenegger).

He's asking for immunity and some clean needles.

He doesn't want a lot of immunity - just 65 cc's.

Ball players are getting nervous over this whole issue. I say just embrace steroids. It's the perfect solution.

The pharma companies can sponsor new stadium construction.
The tax payers don' have to pay for it.
And if the stadium is built on the wrong spot - the ball players can get together and PUSH!

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Rating: 2.6/5 (11 votes cast)

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March 11, 2005
RWD's News Round-up, Friday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 03:57 PM

Hello Everyone, I’m RightWingDuck here to share some news.

There are so many interesting characters in the news lately.

Embattled professor Ward Churchill is now being accused of plagiarism.

Amazing. And the man seemed so genuine.

Let’s see.

He faked his Indian credentials…

Inquiry Board: Are you sure you’re Indian?
Churchill: Of course I am, look at my long hair.

He faked his writing…

Interviewer: Are you sure you’re an author?
Ward: Of course, here’s my book – Das Kapital.

And he faked his humanity…

Co-worker: 3,000 dead at the World Trade Center
Ward: They had it coming.

So, students, remember - it’s okay to write vile, hateful statements about the death of innocents - but the writing must be original.

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Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

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March 10, 2005
RWD's News Round-up, Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 02:12 PM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

Dan Rather is off the air. Awwwww.

He signed off with the word –“Courage”.

Which is better than what he had originally planned- “Gotcha!! See you guy’s tomorrow.”

Now CBS News faces a major challenge.

Seriously, it’s going to be very difficult to find somebody willing to sit and read from a TelePrompTer while getting paid millions of dollars.

Best of luck to CBS.Courage!

In a funny note, CBS is now getting sued!

It was an odd moment – when the subpoena was served – the executives sniffed, “Yeah, official documents. Like we’re gonna fall for THAT one again.”

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Rating: 2.8/5 (9 votes cast)

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March 08, 2005
RWD's News Round-Up, Tuesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:19 PM

Hello,

I'm RightWingDuck and I'm here to share the news.

USA Today reports that most small cars miserably fail side impact crash tests.

Let me make sure I understand this experiment. You ram this big vehicle into the side of a small vehicle – and then you’re shocked that it sustained so much damage?

In other news, Consumer Reports details which cars can’t handle being hurled off a bridge.

The only car that passed the test was the Mini-Cooper which bounced off a passing turtle and skipped to shore.

I also just discovered that my Hanes t-shirts aren’t bullet proof!! Curse you Michael Jordan!!

What is up with that?

I assume that if you buy a small car, you’re aware of the fact that it might not be as safe as a big car? I personally enjoy driving my Hyundai Death Casket GT.

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Rating: 3.5/5 (11 votes cast)

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March 02, 2005
RWD's News Roundup -Wednesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:06 PM

Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck, here to share the news.

The Supreme Court is hearing arguments regarding the display of the Ten Commandments.

The court is reviewing the commandments? If all goes well, the court might just go ahead and approve 4 of them.

Of course, the separation of church and state is something they take very seriously. If you want to display the commandments, you'll have to follow the constitution, and display them in a jar of urine.

Lots of celebrity trials going on right now.

It’s always said to see a talented black pop star might be going to prison. Not Michael – I’m talking about Lil’ Kim.

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Rating: 2.0/5 (12 votes cast)

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February 25, 2005
RWD's News Round-up - Friday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 06:54 PM

Hello Readers,

I'm RightWingDuck, here to share the news.

A few days ago, I talked about the poll that said America was ready for a female president. I told you not to take it too seriously because the other question was, “Would you vote for somebody whose name rhymed with nillary hinton?”

I hate being right. I think it's one of the signs of the end times.

There’s an article that shows that the poll in question was taken at
the First Woman President symposium

So, in other words, at a female president symposium, 63 percent said they were ready to see a woman in the Oval office.

63 Percent!!

What about the other 37 percent of attendees? Were they only there for the food?

Man, don’t you hate it when the polling is tainted?

In other news, 4 out of 5 Jackson’s feel Michael is innocent.

Read More...


Rating: 2.4/5 (10 votes cast)

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February 24, 2005
RWD's News Round Up - Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 06:06 PM

Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck with today's news roundup.

President Bush has just finished his trip meeting with foreign leaders.

Not the way John Kerry meets with foreign leaders; these people weren't imaginary.

The president met with European Union leaders asking them not to sell weapons to China.

Jacques Chirac smirked, “What harm could they possibly do with such a small purchase of Taiwan Busters?”

Meeting with Vladimir Putin, they agreed that Iran shouldn’t develop nuclear weapons. No mention of the word PURCHASE! But it’s a step in the right direction.

Vladimir said that Russia would do Democracy their way. A new Democracy, where each gives according to his abilities, and all receive according to their needs.

A Virginia man has been charged in a plot to assassinate President Bush.
The young man is a Valedictorian graduate from a Saudi School here in the United States.

Are we surprised by this?

It was probably on his college application!!

"You have a very impressive application."
"Yes, my goal is to assassinate President Bush."
"Very impressive. Can we help you with anything? Scholarship? Transportation? Bullets?"
"No, I just need to a different job."
(Picking up the phone) That much hatred for Bush - I know just the person to hire you- Hello, Eason?"

President Bush insisted there was nothing to worry about. As a gesture of goodwill, he even signed the young mans book, “How to Assassinate The President – for dummies.”

I think it’s important that we take our security seriously.

We should start by renaming stuff.

Representative Charles Rangel Tuesday that it was an act of discrimination to label groups like Hezbollah "Islamic terrorists."

Here’s my favorite part… "When we had the Ku Klux Klan we didn't call them Baptist terrorists. When Hitler was killing Jews, we didn't call it Christian terrorists."

I love it! Hitler was a Christian? I guess it’s all relative..

I mean, somewhere in America there’s a 900 pound man that looks at Michael Moore and says, “How does Michael keep such a trim figure?”

I can understand how ultra-liberals could confuse Hitler with a Christian. Sure, he murdered 6 million Jews, but he buried the bodies. “What a Christian”, they say.

When they pull the feeding tube on Terri Schiavo, and let her starve, I’m sure they’ll roll her carcass onto the street for street cleaning day.

I’m sure Rangel would admire this Christian act.

BTW, we still have the KKK, and we don’t call them Baptists – we call them Senator.

Time is running out for Terri Schiavo.

You know, I actually thought of a great solution!

Maybe the best answer is to accuse her of a crime and then have her arrested.

Sounds cruel, I know. But at least this way, she might get some healthcare – and at least a minimal amount of therapy – how else could she answer the charges?

Now, the ‘victim’ would have to be a black person. This way we’d have Al Sharpton there saying that a black person’s rights were violated by this woman pretending to be vega-tose. He'd be careful not to call her a Vegatose Christian.

Hurray, maybe finally there would be a liberal organization that gave a crap!!

Oh, man. I’m doing it again.

Think about puppies. Think about puppies.

In India, two little boys and two girls were each married off – not to each other – but to puppies. It was a special ceremony to ward off evil.

They were all happy with their puppies except for one boy who cried because - “My puppy is coyote ugly.”

Besides, how often do you hear a toddler ask, “How did I get stuck with this bitch?”

According to the Daily News of Pakistan, “neighbors and relatives of the four children danced to music performed by the band before the marriages were solemnized with puppies of the opposite sex.”

What song do you play for something like this? “Who let the dogs out?”

“I need to ward off evil. How much is that puppy in the window?”


Reports are showing that a chemical found in rocket fuel is being detected in breast milk.

Yes, it is being found in quantities that are not considered safe.

Evidently, they had always suspected something was wrong.

"Sweetheart, do you have to go potty?"
"Yes, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. ooops. Blasting off!"

Of course there were other hints as well.

"Is everything coming out okay?"
"Uh, Houston, we have a problem."

This is wild. We have a chemical from rocket fuel in a mother’s breast milk!!

Authorities are stressing that this doesn’t mean that a mother should automatically turn to baby formula. Yep, that’s right. Baby formula normally has too much diesel!

Wild, huh? Hopefully we can get those rocket fuel chemicals down to a healthy level. Man, you never know what can get you sick.

Careful out there. There is a new cell phone virus going around.

If you have a phone with BlueTooth wireless technology, you can get it if you walk within 100 feet of an infected phone. Basically, the virus puts weird messages on your screen.

Be careful, if you get the virus twice, you end up with pictures of Paris Hilton.

Authorities are worried. They’re concerned that the virus might mutate and affect the population of IPODS!

Well, why isn’t congress doing something? We need Nationalized Phone Healthcare!

**

Folks, I have a special request. My time schedule doesn't allow for to much web surfing. So- it's IMAO reader involvement time. If you read a newsblurb out there that might interest people - pass it on to me. It doesn't have to be funny to be newsworthy. Anything can be made funny. If you're a blogger, make sure you include your blog address for proper linkage.

You can reach me at rightwingduckatyahoocom. Include the word "Roundup" in the subject line.

As always, please post your favorite joke in comments. I'll try to tone it down, hopefully with other news stories I can get away from being too political.

Rating: 2.7/5 (10 votes cast)

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February 23, 2005
RWD's News Roundup - Wednesday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 08:57 PM

Hello, I'm RightWingDuck

Let’s talk about the news and what is going on in this happy little world.

A judge ordered an extension of the stay in the Terry Schiavo Right-To-Die case. He is considering ordering tests to see just how damaged her brain really is. At stake is whether or not they will pull her feeding tube.

A right-to-die case? Calling the Schiavo case “A right-to-die case” is like calling the Scott Peterson trial a 'domestic dispute'.

The husband, Michael, won a court settlement and said he would use the money to take care of his wife. I guess we misunderstood the phrase “take care of.”

The only thing he’s done with the money is pay for lawyers to let her starve. I’m reminded of that great Simpsons’ line. “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of options.”

The media insists on calling this woman brain dead, except for her ability to recognize people and smile at her loved ones - she's a total vegetable.

Not that we see that too much because her parents aren’t allowed to see her, she’s not allowed to have pictures on the wall, or even flowers.

Ironic, if she were at Guantanomo - being starved would be considered cruel.

Hollywood should make a movie about this!!!

Oh, wait, they did. And it’s up for an Oscar.

Michael Schiavo will star in "Sugar Baby II, I Finally Killed My Wife - and Married My Lover".

Of course, the Oscars are coming up and Hollywood is getting ready to address all of the important social issues – like Bush Bashing!

The LA Weekly is reporting that comedian Chris Rock will be going after Bush. Wow, how original. The report also shows a strong repertoire of Mother-in-Law jokes.

Oh, Hollywood. You kill me! Or you would if I was on a feeding tube!

Okay. Enough about that.

Los Angeles has been devastated by the rainstorms. City officials are seeking to have Los Angeles declared a disaster area.

See, growing up, my mother would always say, “This room is a disaster area!”
I didn’t know you could get money because of it. Man, I wish I could go back!

“This room is a disaster area! Do you know what that means young man?”

“That I qualify for low or no interest federally subsidized loans?”

The rains have flooded freeways everywhere. The other day, Governor Schwarzenegger toured the devastation – in his yacht – the I Hate Girlie Men.

In the Michael Jackson case, the jury selection is now complete. Funny. No black people on the jury: 4 men, 8 women, 7 whites, 4 Hispanics, and 1 Asian.

I forget – is Michael white or Asian?

I have to ask: Is that a good sign from your lawyer?

“No blacks? Why are we doing that?”
“When we lose, Michael– we want to blame racism.”
“What do you mean- WHEN we lose?”
“Did I say when? I meant IF. IF we lose. By the way, can you pay me in advance?”

Michael faces Child Molestation charges Or as the media calls it – A Freedom-of-expression case!!

In lighter news, Miss America has no network sponsor.

AWWWWW.

It seems that they might try their hand at making Miss America into a reality show.

Fake boobs, capped teeth, packaged answers.… yep,your either watching a reality show -or the Oscars.

They already have two sponsors lined up: Duct tape and Vaseline.

I could just see it now: Reality TV rules with Beauty Pageant basics:

“Miss North Carolina, what would you do to promote world peace?”
“What? Screw you, that’s a stupid question. I won the immunity challenge!!”
“Uh, no. That was Miss South Carolina.”
“Really? Oh, I mean, I would make sure all the orphanages had warm milk.”

Jessica Simpson was hospitalized briefly with a stomach virus.

Doctors speculate she may have contracted the virus after listening to her own music.

Just kidding.

I love Jessica Simpson – very pretty lady. She may not be a great singer, but I am looking forward to her duet with William Hung.

Thank you, Jessica. “Take My Breath Away” was one of my favorite songs before she ‘catterwalled’ it - or as they say, gave it a right-to-die.

In Florida, a boy was suspended from school over a rubber band incident. According to the boys mother, a teacher demanded the boy turn over a rubber band, which he had been wearing on his wrist. He disagreed, but tossed the rubber band onto the teacher’s desk.

They said if he would have aimed it a little more and he would have gotten it closer to her face he would have hit her in the eye," mother Jenette Rojas said.

Does that mean she can sue the school for sexual assault? Sure, all they do is hand out condoms, but if used in the wrong way - you never know what could happen!!

**

I know you’ve heard about this one.. A teacher has apologized for having students send hate mail to GI’s overseas.

Can you imagine that? You’re in South Korea, you get this packet of mail with these cute little crayon drawings and you open the first one…

“Dear Soldier, my name is Billy. I’m six years old. Will you be over there long? I’d like to live to be seven! Don’t come back.”

“Dear Baby Killer. You kill babies. That makes me sad. Do you like apples?”

"What the heck is this?!!"

To make up for it, the class will now be sending letters of apology.

"Oh, look! Apology letters."

Dear Soldier, I’m sorry you’re a baby killer.

Awww. How sweet. How can you be angry with that? Don’t you just love little kids?

News reports show that that little Aiko, the three year old princess from Japan, could in fact one day become queen.

Well, it wasn’t an official statement, but it came through informal channels.

Her grandma and her grandpa were sitting by the fire.
Her grandpa said to her grandma –
hey now, hey now
It could be Aiko, Aiko one day!!

Jackomo fino anane

Hahahahhahahahahaha.

Sorry. It was funny at three o’clock this morning!!

Patience please.

The Queen of England will not be attending Prince Charles’ wedding.

This made the front page of all the British papers.

Everything has been smoothed over. Turns out, she thought Camilla Parker Bowles was really a man!

She still won’t attend the civil wedding. In her defense, do you know how HARD it is to get that hair appointment with Andre?

Is that how we see weddings?

"I'm sorry to miss it, son. I'll make it up to you. I'll catch the next one."

**

Thanks

As always, I appreciate your time. Please take a moment and list your favorite joke in comments. Remember, I can't hear you laugh.

Rating: 3.1/5 (12 votes cast)

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February 21, 2005
RWD's News Roundup - Monday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 06:10 PM

Welcome readers to IMAO!

I'm RightWingDuck with today's monologue on the world and what's happening.

Before I begin, I’d like to offer an apology to IMAO readers.

Last week, I made a comparison of the National Hockey League to the Democratic National Committee. This was inappropriate and I’m sorry if people were offended by this unfair comparison.

One is an organization filled with gap toothed goons who whack each other in the head when their backs are turned – the other is a professional sports league.

The good news is that so far, not a single Democrat has blamed the NHL cancellation on global warming.

Again, my apologies, I just haven’t been myself lately with all this rain!!!!

Here in Southern California we have had a record amount of rainfall.

It’s so wet – if it keeps up at this pace my wife and I might relocate to someplace warm and dry – like Seattle.

Authorities here rushed to the Los Angeles River to investigate reports that some unknown substance had been spotted. Turns out it was just WATER! (Sorry, that’s an LA joke – funny mostly to locals)

The top news story today –it was revealed that author Doug Wead secretly taped George Bush during an interview for his book. On the tape Dubya states, "Do you want your little kid, to say, 'Hey daddy, President Bush tried marijuana; I think I will?'" said Bush on the tapes. "That's the message we've been sending out. I wouldn't answer the marijuana question."

Folks, I believe we have found the real reason that schools nationwide are canceling their spelling bees. Bush is making education seem unnecessary.

"Son, you won’t succeed in life without good spelling!"

"Not true, dad, you're always misunderestimating me."

I’m concerned about this news report, of course. I hope this doesn’t affect his chance at reelection!

Bwu-ha-ha-ha. Bwuhahahahahahaha. Oh, sorry

Today was President’s Day!

Hopefully, some of you celebrated with a day off, a nice family gathering, and a trip to see your local Pride Parade.

An organization came out today insisting Lincoln was not gay, as a soon-to-be-released book alleges..

The organization protesting this accusation is made up of descendants of Lincoln’s closest friends: A construction worker, an Indian chief, a police man, and a biker dressed in leather chaps.

CIA Chief Porter Goss announced the other day that Al Queda just might sneak across the Mexican border.

Might?

That’s like saying that Paris Hilton might like being in front of the camera.

Paris Hilton had her cell phone hacked and a complete list of all her celebrity friends and their phone numbers was published for the entire world to be able to call.

Police report that some of her friends have received as many as sixteen phone calls.

So the question has to be asked – what made these celebrities think that Paris can keep anything private?

Anyway, the Bush team took a close look at the Porter Goss statements and then came out with a memo emphasizing the need to add private accounts to Social Security.

So the big question is this; Are these smuggled Al Queda taking jobs from honest American terrorists?

Man, I’m so glad we have a border patrol.

On a personal note, I used to worry that terrorists would smuggle a nuclear warhead and detonate it in Los Angeles. Then I realized – this is where all of their allies live and work. Hollywood is like the Al Queda Green Zone.

But I do worry about the rest of you.

George Bush is embarking on a trip to meet with our allies. He wants to mend fences and convince countries to help us rebuild Iraq. He’ll be meeting with France very soon. If all goes well, they’ll sign on to help us restore order.

No really. Stop laughing. In actuality, it’s really a good idea.

The American troops can help train the Iraqis and the French troops could help train the insurgents.

We’d have them licked in no time.

Philadelphia has announced its plans to create one of the country’s largest Wi-Fi spots.

This will provide a tremendous amount of convenience. If you wanted to protest homosexuality you could protest, pray, and get arrested – all from the comfort of your own home.

Man, this could really help Philadelphia move into the twentieth century.

Great slogan idea: "Philly: the City of Brotherly love – no not you.”


A teacher is in trouble for teaching his students how to make bombs.
When told of this news Ted Kennedy was livid. Are our tax dollars paying for this Madrasa?

What’s education coming to?

As Mary Kay Latourneau would say, “Make love, not war.”

Of course, the teacher is in trouble. A shame too, his next idea showed so much promise - a METH lab!

A woman sold her pregnant belly for use as ad space to the highest Ebay bidder.

True, the woman is pregnant and sold her belly space for the highest bidder to use as advertising.

I wonder if that kind of advertising works at all.

“Quick, Doctor. I need help. My wife is in labor”
“Just one minute, I have this sudden urge for a Pepsi!”
“D’oh. Darn advertisement.”

So this is a growing trend.

One day, a guy will drop his pants to moon the crowd – and he’ll be ticketed - for spam!

A bit of controversy though. She decided to sell her space to the second place bidder. The winner says they may now sue. They mean it too. They got the name of a good lawyer from a guy’s forehead.

You know what would have been great? A tourist ad!

“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas- most of the time.”


New York has dropped the moniker – the Big Apple.

Now the new slogan is "The World’s Second Home."

Today John Kerry commented, “Not a bad second home, but it’s a bit cramped.”

I liked the other proposed slogans:

“Come home again and get mugged all over.”

“Every 12th visitor gets a contract with the Yankees.”

“Just like home, but with hookers on your sofa.”


Former ball player, Mike Greenwell of the Boston Red Sox came in second in the 1988 MVP race. He says that he deserves to have the MVP because he played clean that year.

No offense to Mr. Green, but that’s ancient history. Besides, how do you track advantages and disadvantages?

“Sure he hit 38 home runs, but 10 of were off pitchers that were hung over!”

I don’t know about this.

If you find out the Playmate of the Month has breast implants – does Playboy owe you a refund?

Or does it owe you a refund if you find out she doesn’t?

That would change the way young men look at magazines.

“Wow, she’s hot. What’s that on her breast?”
“I don’t know, dude. But I need a Pepsi.”

**

That's it folks. Have a good evening.

One last request. I'm sure at least ONE of these jokes made you chuckle. Please post your favorite one in comments. Remember, I can't hear you laugh.

Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

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February 18, 2005
RWD's News Roundup - Friday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 01:33 PM

Hello Everyone,

I'm RightWingDuck and it's time to talk about the news and what's been going on!

In politics...

Hillary Clinton is proposing that felons be allowed to vote. It is estimated that 4.7 million Americans are barred from voting.

This can’t be good for Republicans. Studies show that for every 3 felons – the Democrats get 4 votes!

Might not be all bad, though. If you show up at the polls and the lines are long – you can always find a good game of Three Card Monte.

“How did it go at the polls today, honey?”
“Not bad. The lines were long, but I won $40 and picked up a new car stereo.”
“Best Buy? Circuit City?"
“Better: This guy was holding an Election Day sale, right from his trunk!”

The good news to this legislation?

They want to make election day a holiday! That would be awesome. The way Republicans are winning elections, we need a day to celebrate. Dancing in the streets would also be allowed and encouraged. Maybe even legal fireworks day!!!

Even though Kerry lost the election by 3 million votes (and by 118,000 votes in Ohio), they’re saying it’s not an attempt to gain an edge in the next election.

In other news, John Kerry introduced legislation encouraging minorities to relocate to Ohio.

“If we can get another 120,000 people to discover the joy of living in Ohio – well that would be good for America too.”

Congress is starting to talk about reviving the Fairness Doctrine for broadcasters.

If this is passed, broadcasts of all kinds would have to air both points of view. The downside is that the media isn't always clear on how to represent both sides.

“On today’s show we'll talk about an important topic: Is President Bush much worse than Hitler, or only a little worse than Hilter? We’ll talk to people from both sides of the issue.”
“Plus, tune in later for our closing comments – is the Media too Conservative and what can we do about it once and for all?”

Some legislators in California are floating the idea of taxing automobiles by the mile.

This might not be a bad idea. Ladies, you know how you could tell if your date is low on cash? Everywhere you guys go - he‘s driving backwards.


Lindsay Lohan, now has a doll made in her image! Wow a Lindsay Lohan doll! What little girl wouldn’t enjoy something like that?

“Sweetheart. I hadn’t seen you with your Lindsay doll in a while. Where was it?
“I put it in the dolly hospital for exhaustion.”
“Sweetie. Your dolly’s boobs have really gotten much bigger.”
“Well. Hmm. Maybe that’s why she was so exhausted – from holding them in so long. Take a look.”
“Wow, you can barely see the scars.”

The doll will come with a fur coat and a director’s chair. That’s all well and good, but not really accurate. I mean, what has she directed?

Wouldn’t it be better if it came with a drink, a cigarette, and a daddy doll being hauled off to jail?


The NBA has come out with new policies limiting beer sales

All of this came from that huge fight between the fans and players. It started when a fan threw a beer at one of the Pacers. So now they want to regulate beer sales.

Isn't that like controlling sex assaults by restricting room service!!


New rule. The fans will no longer be able to order beers after the third quarter!
Oh, and the players get cut off after the first half!

I’m glad the NBA is so in touch with modern medicine.

“Dad, it’s the end of the third quarter and you’re drunk!”
“I’ll be fine, son. Just give me that 15 minutes and I’ll be okay.”

Restricting beer sales is unfair. What if your team really sucks?

Yes, in Miami you can enjoy the game and have fun. Alcohol would be nice but you don’t really need it.

But here in Los Angeles – man – we need an open bar! That would enhance the fan's experience!

“How’s Kobe doing?”
“Is he the one with the pom-poms?”
“No, idiot. He’s on the court!”
“I don’t see anything!”
“Well, get off the floor!”

Jose Canseco is still in the news. His book is selling well. Why wouldn’t it – the book states clearly that George Dubya knew about Jose’s use of Anabolic Steroids. I don’t think that Dubya will catch heat for it. The book is very specific:

“Did you know Jose’s powerful swing came from anabolics?”

“No, you mean like the Six Million Dollar man? Wow, are BOTH arms anabolic?”

In other news…

The district attorney has decided that no charges will be pressed against Bill Cosby for the alleged groping incident.


Asked about how he’ll celebrate he sang, “I’m going to go hoooooome, get some frieeeeeends, and celebrate with some jellooooooooo gelatin – wrestling.”


A dog made the news when he was playing Frisbee in the park. The cops came by and the retriever -having nothing to do – went and fetched the owner’s bag of marijuana.

What do you say when that happens. Is there a way to play it off?

“Rover, you can’t keep doing this. It’s time for an intervention! You have a problem!"

Or how about...

“Ha. Citizens arrest. Officer, I’ve been watching this dog for two weeks now. I knew he was up to no good.”

Wow. Your own dog gets you busted by the police. What would that conversation sound like?

“Sorry officer. It’s for medicinal purposes. It helps me with my ADD.”
“How long have you had ADD?”
“What ADD?”

Microsoft has announced that it will recall many of the X-box power cords. Turns out that many of these cords are defective and have been known to shock people and start small fires.


I can just picture two teenagers playing the Xbox.

“Man, you’re doing great. Oh no. Fire!”

“I AM firing”

“No, fire extinguisher!”

“Which button is that?. Which button is that? X, Y, A?”

Bill gates recently had announced that Microsoft will focus on better security.

Today, he also announced the new company motto: Stop, drop, and roll!

**

That's all for today gang. Keep tuning in to IMAO where the fun never stops.

Rating: 3.3/5 (8 votes cast)

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February 17, 2005
RWD's News Roundup - Thursday
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:05 PM

Hello everyone.

Welcome to IMAO the group humor blog.

I’m RightWingDuck and I’d like to take a few minutes and talk about what’s happening in the news lately.

The BBC is reporting that use of the Pill can change a woman’s taste in men.

Hmm. How long does this take? Could this change the dating scene for ugly men?

“Lisa, we’ve been working together for a year now. Would you like to go out with me?
“No, I’m sorry. I’m just not attracted to you. Can’t we just be friends?
“Sure thing. Here, taste this pill for me. How do I look now?”
“Better”
“Try this one.”
“Better yet”
“And this one.”
“Hey, you look a little bit like Russell Crowe. Would you like to go out to dinner?”

Now THAT would be a great invention. Not for me – but for you ugly guys- heck yes.

In other news, the Geneva Motor Show will be displaying a car that can sense your mood.

I don’t know if this is a good idea. Some guys are already having a hard time accepting GPS. Now we have something that senses our mood?

GPS System: “Driver, you should have turned left back there.”
Mood System: “He’s not listening. He’s in a bad mood.”
Driver: “I’m not in a bad mood, leave me alone. I meant to miss that turn.”
Mood System: “See, I told you he was in a bad mood. I just know these things. Let me shut down the car.”
Driver: “Hey, you shut down the car. What the heck is wrong with you?”
Mood System: (Long pause) “Well, if you don’t know – I’m not going to tell you.”
Driver: “You’re shutting me off? In the middle of nowhere?”
GPS System: “Well you wouldn’t be ‘nowhere’ if you had listened to me. He never listens.”
Driver: “I AM NOT IN A BAD MOOD!”
Mood System: “He’s yelling. I told you he was in a bad mood. You want me to take over?”

I think that’s what John Kerry’s role will be in the next 4 years: The irritating back seat driver.

Try this one. Mr. Kerry is now saying that Dubya is finally implementing the Kerry plan. I don’t know what to say about this. Some things just fry the brain. I can imagine what those conversations are like.

Kerry: You should tell the Iraqis that our goal is to leave as soon as we can.
Dubya: I told them that already.
Kerry: Good, you’re following my plan.
Dubya: What do you mean, YOUR plan? This has been the plan from day one!
Kerry: Ooh, you’re in a bad mood. You want me to take over?

In Other Kerry News, Teresa Heinz Kerry dropped the Kerry part of her name. It was a silly idea to begin with. It was disrespectful of the man she truly loves – Mr. Heinz himself.

I guess it’s only fair. After all, now that the election is over, John no longer has to hold her hand in public.

A lot is happening in the art world.

At a recent auction, a bidder paid over $500,000 for a painting of dogs playing poker. The auction house is really excited. Next week they’ll be auctioning off: Elvis on Black Velvet. And the pottery people thing that the Shrek Chia Pet should fetch a pretty sum.

Ashley Olsen is suing the National Enquirer for $40 million dollars. In her suit, she contends that the Enquirer ran a false story about her involvement in a drug scandal.

The Enquirer is standing by its story and has said, “We’ll see you in court.”

Oh, man. Do you know what this means?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

The Enquirer has more guts than CNN!

No retraction. No resignation. No accusations of a mob rule by salivating celebrities. They stand by their story.

Ashley contends that the tabloid is trying to ruin her career.

Poor thing. It might get to the point where she won’t be able to make any more of those crappy movies.


With $40 million dollars, she could finally make “New York Minute, Part II”. That should be good for another $5 million dollars in revenue.


The Enquirer has also hired Anna Nicole Smith to write a weekly column. What about? I don’t know. I guess what she knows best: nudity, weight loss, and how to marry a rich guy.

She beat out the other contestant – John F. Kerry.

Said Kerry, “She’s following my outlines. I outlined a plan a long time ago. If she follows my plans she’ll be fine.”

J-Lo is has cancelled her latest tour because of illness.

Wow, you know it must be really bad when you don’t even have enough strength to lip-synch.

J-Lo is developing a new fashion line. It is conceivable that her next movie review would be a clean sweep.

I would love to see that movie review. “This movie was awful. The soundtrack was pathetic, and the costumes they wore were gaudy and tasteless. The good news, J-Lo found the man of her dreams while filming. She’ll be getting married right after divorcing her current husband and breaking up with her last fiancé.”

No concerts? I hate when good entertainment gets cancelled.

Which I guess why I’m not so affected by the loss of the National Hockey season this year.

No more body slamming? No more swearing? No more vicious brute force? Thankfully, NHL fans can get a special Cable TV subscription to Howard Dean and the DNC meetings.

The NHL reminds me of the DNC - nothing really there to see, but still quite a few fans.

Have you heard the latest?

Howard had requested a media blackout for a meeting with a top Pentagon advisor. He wanted no reporting, no recording, no record of anything.

Hey, who does this guy think he is – Eason Jordan?

Thankfully, he changed his mind.

Meanwhile Wednesday, ‘Dean called on the head of New York's Republican Party to apologize or resign over remarks linking the Democrats to a civil rights lawyer convicted of aiding terrorists.’

Yes. I agree. That remark was very offensive. Amazing, Dean is already becoming a good influence on the DNC. Under his leadership, they just might become the party of the guys with Confederate flags on their pickup trucks.

I'd like to close out today's roundup with a bit of sad news.

Sad news really. Pop Singer George Michael has said “Good bye” to the pop music world. Yes, he's done. He's said, "Good bye."

The pop music world responded, “George who?”

He’s leaving the music industry!?

Oh no! Who’s next? Bobby Brown?


**

That’s it for today. Remember, I post from the West Coast (hey that rhymed) so check in late each evening where I should be posting the monologue for the day.

It’s an honor to be one of the IMAO bloggers. My site at www.rightwingduck.net will still be up and running with a couple of fresh humor posts each week.

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