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June 22, 2008
Posted by Harvey at 06:57 AM
Pseudonymous troll Acroso asks:
"When will IMAO apologize for not supporting Ron Paul in the GOP primary?"
Well, since I am - rumor has it - just a manifestation of Frank J.'s multiple personality disorder, I can't really act as official spokesperson for IMAO. However, if I were the official spokesperson for IMAO, the answer would be:
When Ron Paul goes back in time, re-runs the GOP primary, and changes his position on the war to winning it instead of running away from it.
Seriously, that was my only beef with him. But it was a deal-breaker.
Anyway, if that happens, someone please drop me a line so IMAO can get to apologizing.
May 29, 2008
Ron Paul, President of Idaho?
Posted by Frank J. at 09:02 AM
In the Idaho Republican primary Tuesday, Ron Paul actually got 24% of the vote -- something that would be quite a respectable showing were it a four way race and not already over. I guess it is kind of a slight against McCain, but I don't know who would really bother to vote in a decided presidential race except those who want to protest the result. And crazy people.
Anyway, Ron Paul now has tens of delegates to match McCain's thousands, and he plans to use them to win himself the presidency and usher on the rEVOLution. Here's the plan:
Phase 1: Secure a meager amount of delegates.
This plan seems a lot more dynamic when Ronulans tell people about it because the replace the '?' from Phase 9 with "RON PAUL!"
May 21, 2008
He's Still In It to Win It!
Posted by Frank J. at 09:00 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ron Paul is basically just a punchline now, but I actually heard a Ron Paul ad on a country music station the other morning. If you're wondering where the millions of dollars gullible losers threw at Ron Paul was going, well now you have your answer.
Seriously, though, if Ron Paul increases his standing and manages to get 10% of the vote in the Idaho Republican caucus next Tuesday, he'll only need to get 10,000% of the remaining delegate to beat McCain.
Say it with me...
If Thomas Jefferson were a creepy looking crank, he'd be Ron Paul.
April 18, 2008
April 01, 2008
Ron Paul: Ron Paul - "Ron Paul"
Posted by Frank J. at 08:20 PM
Ron paul ron paul ron paul? Ron paul ron paul ron paul; ron paul ron paul -- ron paul ron paul. Ron paul ron paul, "Ron paul ron paul." Ron paul ron (ron paul ron paul) paul ron paul?
Ron paul ron paul ron paul:
* Ron Paul: Ron paul ron paul ron paul ron paul.
* Ron Paul: Ron paul ron paul ron "paul" ron paul; ron paul ron paul.
* Ron Paul: Ron paul ron paul ron paul:
RON PAUL: Ron paul ron paul ron paul.
Ron paul ron paul ron paul ron paul ron paul. Ron paul: Ron paul ron paul ron paul?
March 27, 2008
Is Ron Paul Still Alive?
Posted by Frank J. at 03:13 PM
I knew the whole Ron Paul thing would eventually fizzle out, but it seems like its been over a month since we've heard even a peep from a Ronulan. Have any of you had any sightings other than the occasional, fading road-side sign?
February 26, 2008
Everyone Knows Ron Paul
Posted by Frank J. at 10:22 AM
Whatever happened to the Ronulans? Did they catch their comet? Anyway, here's an interesting poll that asks whether people will definitely vote for or against a certain candidate. For Ron Paul, 10% would definitely vote for him while 59% would definitely vote against him. That means 69% of Americans have a strong opinion on Ron Paul (only 67% had such an opinion on McCain). If the Ronulans' goal was to get Ron Paul's name out there, they really succeeded.
February 13, 2008
February 11, 2008
February 07, 2008
February 05, 2008
February 04, 2008
February 01, 2008
Start Your Morning Off with Two Scoops of Crazy
Posted by Frank J. at 09:06 AM
Voter fraud in Iowa and a plot by Mitt Romney to assassinate Ron Paul (which isn't all that unusual since Bush the elder killed JFK and Bush Jr. killed his son) -- it's all laid out by this Ron Paul supporter on a Ron Paul site (hat tip to reader Pantera):
CORRECTED VERSION: Sent via email & fax on Jan. 7th, 2008
January 31, 2008
Posted by Frank J. at 09:09 AM
We should take all the gold we have in Fort Knox and fire it off into space. That way we'll never be tempted to do something as foolish as back our money with it.
It's a great idea, though I hear Ron Paul opposes it. He's a nut.
January 30, 2008
"Now Martin Is Scoring Off Me!" *UPDATED With Response from Colmes*
Posted by Frank J. at 11:56 PM
I've always kinda liked Alan Colmes even though I disagree with him on everything and he is basically the FOX News whipping-boy liberal. I guess he just seems more reasonable sitting next to the very yelly Sean Hannity. Anyway, after the President's State of the Union Address Monday, FOX News had a text message poll on on whether the speech was good, fair, or poor. When they had the results, Colmes announced, "And the winner is... Ron Paul!"
And did you hear how Giuliani made fun of Ron Paul in his concession speech? You're never so down and out that you still can't make fun of Ron Paul and his nutty supporters.
Got an e-mail from Alan Colmes:
See what you idgits did? You made me look bad in front of the people at FOX News. Luckily Alan Colmes seems to have a sense of humor.
Anyway, let this be a reminder that anytime you write something bad about someone on the internet, he could be reading it. So be nice... unless you're talking about Ron Paul.
January 26, 2008
January 24, 2008
Ron Paul Is Awesome
Posted by Frank J. at 09:11 AM
Come to think of it, Ron Paul is an awesome candidate. Now that Fred Thompson is out of the race, we really should take a second look at him. If we want a good change in America, the way to go is Ron Paul. Just look at his positions on the issues and see how they match those of the Founding Fathers. Especially his flank two position. I repeat: His flank 2 position. Let's all talk about how awesome Ron Paul is.
January 23, 2008
I Don't Know If I've Said It Before, But Ron Paul Supporters Are Nuts
Posted by Frank J. at 09:31 PM
And then there is this video of a Ron Paul supporter and his sign:
I think these people would be better off playing dungeons and dragons in their basement and pretending to save the world there.
But are we sure there are actual Ron Paul supporters and this all isn't some huge performance art? It's easier to buy both of these pieces as parody rather than actual people. Do you think these people will disappear after the election, because at some point I'll actually start missing them.
January 18, 2008
Parody of an Over-Zealous Supporter Was Eighty Miles Back; They're Well Beyond That
Posted by Frank J. at 09:22 AM
I've noticed we've had a bit more Ronulans lately in the comments, and they've inexplicably seemed to have gotten even dumber to the point of basically shouting, "Ron Paul rulezzz!!! All others suxxors!!!" over and over no matter what is the post's subject. I'm tempted to think these are just people pretending to be Ron Paul supporters so as to (further) defame them, but how exactly can you tell someone pretending to be a social leper with the IQ of 60 from an actual sub-moronic, neo-Nazi Ron Paul supporter?
January 10, 2008
January 09, 2008
Ron Paul Loses Among the Anti-War?
Posted by Frank J. at 12:26 PM
McCain had a huge advantage among anti-war voters -- even over Ron Paul -- despite him being perhaps the most solid candidate on the war. I don't know what to read from that other than apparently the fact that if someone is anti-war doesn't mean he wants to lay down with neo-Nazis (and that maybe McCain would do better at picking up independents in the general election than Republicans).
Exit Question: At what point will Ronulans have to face reality that their candidate won't win the nomination? Will it be sometime before the convention, at the convention, or will they continue their impotent scheming even after that?
January 08, 2008
December 24, 2007
I Fear Ron Paul
Posted by Frank J. at 07:13 PM
I just realized that the reason I make fun of Ron Paul is that, being a neocon, I secretly fear him and know I'm in trouble when him and his supporters inevitably take over. When Ron Paul wins the nomination (which I know will happen though I pretend to believe the poll numbers that the media use to try and marginalize Ron Paul and his supporters), I know that will be the end of me when the Americans turn on me and the rest of my neocon friends.
Also, he has the neo-Nazis and Twoofers behind him, and them guys is scary.
Ron Paul: Crank Isolationist or Just Plain Crank?
Posted by Frank J. at 12:40 PM
So Ron Paul not only wants to immediately pull troops out of Iraq, he wants to remove troops from every single foreign country such as Germany and Japan. He also wants to remove them from Hawaii just to be on the safe side.
Apparently Ron Paul also has a big bone to pick with President Lincoln and spent time on Meet the Press denouncing him. Ron Paul sure knows how to pick his battles. He really is cranktastic; I expect after this is all over he'll live in shack in the middle of the woods with a bunch of canned food and muttering to himself. Probably the woods in Canada, because Ron Paul sure hates America (have you even seen a liberal denounce America and its actions this much?).
So what do you think Ron Paul will spend all his campaign millions on? I'm guessing gold and then his people will try to form their own country on a platform floating in the Gulf of Mexico.
December 17, 2007
Proof the Economy Is Great
Posted by Frank J. at 03:59 PM
If the economy wasn't doing awesomely, would people have six million dollars to waste in this fashion? I mean, donating to Ron Paul is only one step above just burning the money (which I think a lot of Ronulans would like to do since worthless, evil American money isn't backed by the gold standard).
BTW, Ron Paul has gotten the coveted Andrew Sullivan endorsement if you needed any more proof his supporters are primarily crazy, hysterical people.
December 10, 2007
Ron Paul Doesn't Translate Well
Posted by Frank J. at 12:52 PM
Here's Ron Paul at the Spanish debate in Miami saying we should restore ties with Castro's Cuba. My favorite part is when they pan over to McCain who is cracking up:
BTW, at the beginning they're cheering the vote rejecting Hugo Chavez, not cheering for Hugo Chavez (it may be a Spanish language debate, but it's a Republican Spanish language debate).
(hat tip Hot Air)
From the same debate:
Asked what he would do with Castro, who has reigned through nine different U.S. presidents, Fred Thompson said, grinning: "I'm going to make sure that he didn't survive 10 U.S. presidents."
Fred Thompson is awesome.
(hat tip Devil_Dog)
December 06, 2007
Posted by Frank J. at 08:46 PM
I just realized I've been so down on actual Republicans running for the presidential nomination today that I forgot to mention Ron Paul.
Ron Paul is a nut who is only out-nutted by his supporters, the super-nuts. That is all.
December 03, 2007
American Foreign Policy: Pick Your Movie Analogy
Posted by Harvey at 01:00 PM
If I read correctly the Ronulan Rapid-Response Task Force postings in the comments to this post (and no, I don't know why the comments are broken, but I'm sure it involved some sort of conspiracy between the CIA, the Jews, and the Stonecutters), Ron Paul wants to bring home our troops, close the borders and just hunker down, hoping that no one attacks.
We'll call this the "Panic Room" foreign policy, after the insipid Jodie Foster movie. So, like Jodie, we'll just squat down in our thick metal box with our closed circuit TV's waiting for trouble to come to us.
Of course, trouble will NEVER come to the USA, because we're protected from violent Arab nutjobs by two big oceans, not to mention TSA agents with a near-psychotic hatred of half-filled Evian bottles. Until terrorists develop an ICBM, we needn't fear Muslim fanatics.
Besides, just like killer bees, pirahnas, the Ebola virus, and a long list of other things over which the extinction of I would not shed even the crocodilest of tears, they've proven time and time again that they'll ALWAYS leave us alone as long as we leave them alone.
I'm quite positive there are no exceptions to this rule. "Religion of Peace", you know.
On the other hand, some people prefer that we deliberately infiltrate the sleaziest, most run-down areas of the globe, find swarthy-looking gangs of young men with guns and bad attitudes, wait for them to ask us for our wallets, then gun them down without mercy or remorse.
"Death Wish" foreign policy at its finest.
"Hey American! Give up your freedoms and live under Sharia Law so we can rape your women, enslave your men, and eat your babies!"
Then again, there's always the "Dirty Harry" foreign policy where you pop off with some cool, witty line before killing the bad guy. Which is pretty much how I picture a Thompson administration.
November 30, 2007
Ronulans Riot Over Blasphemous Bear
Posted by Harvey at 11:00 AM
WASHINGTON (AP) - Supporters of Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul have led protests and riots all across America after hearing the news that a Florida man recently named his teddy bear "Ron Paul", which they say is "an incitement to hatred".
People who back the Libertarian-turned-Republican-for-electability's-sake gathered in vast numbers to protest the "blasphemous outrage", with crowds in larger cities easily reaching into the double digits. Believers in Ron Paul - or "Ronulans", as they prefer to be called - claim that the man with two first names is a prophet of radical political reforms whose tenets are not to be mocked in any fashion by "unbelievers, socialists, and the subhumans who've never heard of Ayn Rand".
The Florida man, Frank Fleming, seemed mystified by the violent response. "I don't get it. I named the bear after my favorite Christian saint, Paul, and my favorite male porn star, Ron Jeremy. All of a sudden, I've got crowds of freaks standing on my lawn, screaming that my bear is a sacrilege against the second coming of Benjamin Franklin. Or something. I had Rage Against the Machine on my iPod, so I didn't catch it all. The point is, these people are weird and they smell like a mix of rancid butter and flop-sweat."
Ron Paul '08 campaign spokesman, Jesse Benton, argued that the protests were necessary to keep Dr. Paul's name from besmirchment by the impious. "We believe in the one true Ron Paul, and live to serve his greatness, defending his glory from all enemies, both foreign and domestic, as it is written in the Holy Constitution, which Saint Thomas of Jefferson brought down on stone tablets from the sacred altar of Monticello. Besides, have you SEEN this bear? It has GLASSES! Ron Paul doesn't wear glasses! He sees with a more perfect vision - through the lens of the Holy Constitution!"
Mr. Paul could not be reached for comment, as he was otherwise engaged in a whirlwind tour of Iowa giving his signature speech, "No, I'm NOT the husband of that lady who makes all the fish sticks."
November 13, 2007
For the Heck of It
Posted by Frank J. at 02:38 PM
Ron Paul is dumb. I'm glad no one is voting for him. Who wants to bring currency back to the gold standard like a bunch of cavemen? I guess people with simple minds who like shiny things. Not Americans though. Certainly not people who respect the Constitution.
November 12, 2007
A Winner Supported by a Giant Gaggle of Losers
Posted by Frank J. at 10:05 AM
Got this as a late comment to a post about Ron Paul, and I thought I'd share. It was posted under the name "Ronald Reagan":
I like Ron Paul. He is a Vetean, and he will be a fine President.
From context, I assume a Vetean is either a type of benevolent space alien or a member of a mystical suborder of the high elves.
November 09, 2007
Ron Paul Rumor of the Day
Posted by Frank J. at 05:23 PM
You know what they say about Ron Paul: First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they ridicule you, then they ridicule you, then they ridicule you, then they ridicule you, then they ridicule you...
Just to Clarify...
Posted by Frank J. at 04:52 PM
I know I seem really pro-Fred Thompson here, but I just want it to be known that in the end I'll support whoever is the Republican nominee... unless its Ron Paul. In that case, I'm going to seek out Morpheus so I can take the red pill.
Ron Paul Hasn't Read the Constitution!
Posted by Frank J. at 12:09 PM
I saw Ron Paul at a rally the other day, and he was all talking about how important it is to follow the Constitution, but where he finally cited something from the Constitution, he said, "The Constitution clearly states that hitting your ball into a water hazard is a one stroke penalty!"
That's not the Constitution! This whole time he must have read the official rule for golf and thought it was the Constitution! All of his supporters just cheered, though, but maybe they didn't hear him because they were wearing underwear on their heads.
I can't believe a whole one percent of people want to vote for Ron Paul. Those are crazy people.
November 08, 2007
Ron Paul, Anarchist
Posted by Frank J. at 10:13 AM
Dean Barnett, who was one of my favorite bloggers until he recently left Townhall, has an article in the Weekly Standard that is perhaps the best explanation I've seen so far of Ron Paul's inexplicable popularity among crazy people. It also includes some nice photoshops that illustrate his point nicely. Go read it and come back here to make fun of Ronulans in the comments.
I think people who think Ron Paul is a great candidate should be removed from society and put into forced labor camps where they can make us wallets (as prescribed by the Constitution). What do you think?
(hat tip Conservative Grapevine)
November 06, 2007
R for Ronulans
Posted by Frank J. at 12:31 PM
Wow. 4.2 million in one day. Let that be a lesson for politicians: You can have a huge online presence if you just get the insane conspiracy theorists, neo-Nazis, and other assembled losers energized by your candidacy.
Still, that won't be enough money to cover up that Ron Paul is a crank supported by people who make the Heaven's Gate cult look rational, and I wonder if all the donors are going to have a bit of buyers remorse when they think of what a rocking Star Trek convention $4.2 million could fund.
Another Wired article on Ronulan shenanigans. Expect more freaking out from them.
November 05, 2007
November 01, 2007
Wired Reporter Paid Off by Giuliani Campaign to Defame Ron Paul!
Posted by Frank J. at 06:45 PM
Biggest scandal ever! The writer of the Ron Paul spam article I linked to earlier has admitted in a Rudy Giuliani forum to having been bribed to write the phony article! Here's video evidence:
I just can't believe, though, she'd admit to being paid off in an open Rudy Giuliani forum. That's seems kinda sloppy.
Wait a second... where did we see the URL RudyGiulianiForum.com before?
Am I the only one who finds this clever for Ronulans? I mean clever in how you'd call a dog clever for figuring out how to work a door knob but you wouldn't say the same for a teenager. Anyway, it takes more brain power than their usual cutting and pasting statements in every blog comment section they can reach.
Ron Paul Supporters Are Made from Spam! SPAAAAM!
Posted by Frank J. at 09:38 AM
Just when you'd think Ron Paul supporters couldn't be any more annoying, it ends up they're using illegal spam to pester people about their screwball candidate. So that makes the Ron Paul base now twoofers, neo-Nazis, and spammers -- every societal reject hated by the average American.
So now we know where Ron Paul got all those campaign contributions from: He just sent out e-mails pretending to be a Nigerian prince until he could scam the money out of some people. If you get any e-mails from Ron Paul or his supporters make sure you don't give them any personal information!
October 26, 2007
Something Fishy About Ron Paul
Posted by spacemonkey at 09:00 AM
It's a well established fact Ron Paul can perform literal acts of magic that wow and woo his avid/rabid followers. His supporters, By and Large, (their actual names) have sworn to give their very lives at his command. They both work tirelessly to spread the troof about the wonderland a Ron Paul led free world would be. They also adjust internet polls to correct for the silent majority.
Ah, the crisp smell of a freshly restored U.S. Constitution is quite an enticing idea. We all bicker about those idiotic amendments and the Bill of rights anyway. They weren't in the original document so they really have tainted the Republic. Any present day Thomas Jefferson would tell you that.
That's not what's got me bothered. It's his voice. With every sentence he speaks the pitch rises. For a 2 minute debate answer it doesn't get too terribly painful. But can you imagine what would happen towards the end of a State Of The Union address? Don't bother, I can. T.V. tubes shattering, dogs howling in pain, vermin of all sorts running for their lives, eardrums bursting, bridges failing, the crust of the earth cracking in half. Is it worth it to destroy the planet, just to save the Republic? That's a question we'll need to answer.
Plus he was a gynecologist, which doesn't necessarily make him a pervert, but it's not so easy to wash your hands of that sort of activity. I'd like to think that the era of a having a resident of the White House who has been up close and personal with hundreds of hoohoos, chichis or whatever the technical term is, ended when Hillary moved out.
July 09, 2007
Ron Paul Commands Evil Ant Overlords to Attack!
Posted by Frank J. at 09:55 PM
No joke! Watch this clip (it's only twenty-two seconds) and listen to the sound Ron Paul makes right after George Stephanopolous tells him he has no chance of becoming President ("That's not going to happen."):
Tell me that's not some sort of alien insect language! I think it's pretty obvious that it's probably orders to the evil ant overlords waiting in orbit to attack the earth. Would the Thomas Jefferson of our time really sell us out to toil away in underground sugar mines simply because he's finally realized he has no chance of becoming President? I think all the evidence of that is right there in front of you.
Ron Paul TV Ad
Posted by Frank J. at 11:26 AM
IMAO EXCLUSIVE: We have this new TV ad for Ron Paul made by one of his supporters:
Probably the most coherent case for Ron Paul I've seen one his supporters make thus far.
BTW, the Paul-bots already found the ad when I uploaded it last night and have been leaving comments. I think they liked it.
June 20, 2007
Fun Facts About The Ron Paul Supporter(s)
Posted by spacemonkey at 05:12 PM
Ron Paul supporters are easy to recognize, their signature headgear, when properly applied also keeps fat from dripping on your grill and flaring up. Also his name is Barry.
Ron Paul supporters not only appear when his name is invoked 3 times, it drives them crazy, an admittedly short trip.
The Federal Reserve killed most of Ron Paul's supporters puppies.
If you're bitten by a Ron Paul supporter if you don't become one, you do become a carrier.
Where do Ron Paul supporters have their meetups? A house of mirrors.
Ron Paul supporters never get sick and can only be killed by decapitating them. There can be/is only one.
When Ron Paul returns to the Earth, his followers believe he will restore the constitution so well that the ink will smell wet and also miraculously restore the moat around America to its pre-civil war glory.
To a Ron Paul supporter the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution are collectively known as the Bill of WRONGS!
Every time a bell rings a Ron Paul supporter get his mouth very salivated.
Ron Paul supporters think everyone who doesn't support him fears him like they fear getting abducted by aliens, again.
When the feces found in the U.S. Capital was determined to be Ron Paul's, his supporters were quick to hail it the best idea, anywhere, ever and also delicious.
If Ron Paul falls in a forest, his supporter(s) will claim it's because gravity is inherently unconstitutional.
Some claim Ron Paul supporters spam online polls, the truth is they just all have the same I.P. address because... Hey! LOOK kittens!
The most ardent of Ron Paul's followers think the US government is too big when it has more people than the secret number Ron Paul has written on his magic anti-alien hemp underpants.
Time to Face the Facts About Ron Paul
Posted by Frank J. at 01:19 PM
Some people seem to be fervently for Ron Paul, but maybe this will finally convince them away from him...
That's right; photographic evidence that Ron Paul is in fact a villainous pirate. He doesn't seem so Jeffersonian now, does he?
June 19, 2007
More Ron Paul Fun
Posted by Frank J. at 05:31 PM
Ron Paul is awesome; I can't get enough Ron Paul.
I should mention that John Hawkins recently had a column, The Conservative Case Against Ron Paul, which was great. Here are the e-mails he had from Ron Paul's supporters trying to convince him of his folly.
What's a good name for Ron Paul supporters? Ronulans? Pauloons?
The Last Hope for Hilarity
Posted by Frank J. at 11:17 AM
Another possibility is that Ron Paul supporters spend all day scanning all blogs looking for a chance to spew their thoughts of Ron Paul greatness that builds up inside them until they feel like they're about to burst. This is not to say they think of nothing but Ron Paul; by their comments they also care about how the government caused 9/11 (though I thought Ron Paul said we made the terrorists attack us... which doesn't make any sense if we attacked ourselves) and the problem of the Jews and minorities.
The last most disturbing explanation of how apoplectic Ron Paul supporters seem to appear out of nowhere is that they are amongst us as we speak. Right next to you could be a Ron Paul supporter just waiting to be awoken like a sleeper agent. If this is true, your best bet is to try and lure them out. Every so often say, "Ron Paul is a nutter," and, if anyone around you says anything other than "Yes" or "Who's Ron Paul?", kill him and burn his body.
I'll end this dire warning with a fun exercise. Let's all try to come up with effusive praise of Ron Paul that matches statements of him being the last hope for America. Here's my attempt:
"Ron Paul is the only man who can get the international hot dog eating title back from the foreigners."
Try your own in the comments.
June 18, 2007
Was Ron Paul Behind 9/11?
Posted by Frank J. at 05:36 PM
I notice some Ron Paul supporters think the reason we make fun of Ron Paul is because we're threatened of his extreme political relevance. Of course, I tease chimps at the zoo, but that doesn't mean I'm contemplating voting for them.
Then again, I am threatened by the possibility of monkeys doing some sort of political takeover... while I don't fear any such thing with Ron Paul.
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