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January 18, 2008
Ronin Profile: Sean G
Posted by Frank J. at 08:30 PM
Sean G
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Sean G.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Well, once upon a time I went by the amazingly cool moniker of nuclearboy. This was nod to my profession, and was, apparently, before I discovered women. As an older, more socially functional adult, it hardly seemed appropriate to be called that if I ever wanted to be taken seriously. (Mr. Interviewer--"let me see, your email is nuclearboy@aol.com... we'll be in touch.")

Where do you live? I've just moved to New Brighton, Pennsylvania. I didn't really know what a commonwealth was, until I came here to the Keystone State--er, Commonwealth. I learned it meant that if you had any wealth, they took it away, and taxes are what we all have in common.

My best observations place the final resting place of my money in either the 6 guys standing around watching one guy fix a pot hole or in the back pockets of the socialist academia that are always hurting my kids' education by being on strike. You know, maybe its better if he doesn't learn curricula taught by pinko-commies.

How old are you? I was born the day that Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up views of Jupiter.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Starting life in the frozen tundra of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, I managed to grow up not sounding particularly Canadian, unless I get particularly excited, or spend too much time at home. Tired of shoveling snow, I decided the best way out of the global-warming-needing northland was to join the navy. That, and I didn't want to work at a gas station the rest of my life.

Not content with the secret of fire, I spent 12 years 8 months and 16 days in the Silent Service of the world's finest navy, creating heat by splitting atoms. A feat just now being achieved by the savages in Iran, despite the fact that the how-to has been in your local library since at least the 40's. Perhaps they should consider that Allah just wants them to stay in the stone age.

Anyhow, having seen enough of the world to decide that there is no place better than the US of A, and for that matter, most places could be improved by several weeks of intense carpet bombing (hear that Frenchies?), I had not determined what I wanted to be when I grew up. However, I had eliminated submarine sailor from the list, and moved into civilian life.

A fortune 500 company now pays me to split their atoms here in Pennsylvania. My spare time is spent fixing up a 150 year old house, blogging, hunting, fishing, and making sure my son grows up to be a good American.

I still ended up shoveling snow.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since shortly after Nuke The Moon. My Dad sent a link to it, and I've been reading since.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Definitely a tie between the post that got me reading IMAO: Nuke The Moon, and the more recent, but hilarious lolterizt!

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Ineluctable Perspicacious Persiflage

What's your favorite political issue? Federalism, and the return to Constitutional governance. Our Founding Fathers, if they were around today, would be trying to lead a revolt.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. If you kindly direct your browsers to http://toomuchliberty.blogspot.com you will find a right of center oasis in the desert that is the internet. We (My Dad, a friend from work and I) started the blog last September and have been having a blast with it. We are pro-Thompson, pro-America (but I repeat myself), pro-Hippie Punchin', and we like guns. Oh, and did I mention that we are against Monkeys? Particularly human-ape hybrids. No Humanzees!

Say something nice about Democrats. They almost always blink when hit in the head by a hammer.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.2/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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January 16, 2008
Ronin Profile: Pantera
Posted by Frank J. at 08:18 PM
Pantera
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Pantera.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Well, I choose Pantera because they were one of the few good metal bands in history that never thought they were smart enough to talk about politics. That, and my real name sounds a lot like Pantera.

Where do you live? Chattanooga, TN

How old are you? I was born around the time Clinton was first elected, so that makes me about 15.

[Man, I was entering high school then... and I make other people feel young. -Ed.]

Tell us briefly about yourself. When I was born, we had to move down to Tennessee from Virginia for my own safety. I'll never know why we moved, but it may have had something to do with the fact I was a newborn baby in a 500 mile radius of Hillary Clinton. I don't remember anything else from Clinton's reign except a subtle sense of evil whenever the news came on. I started actually paying attention to politics around the 2004 election. I just couldn't understand why on earth we would elect someone who would want to deliberately lose a war. Since then, I've become slightly addicted to conservative blogs and heavy metal (which don't usually go together) and am a level 18 undead warrior on WoW.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Probably 2 years. I first came here when I saw your T-shirts on thoseshirts.com

What's your favorite IMAO post? Probably the IMW where God comes down from Heaven and proceeds to beat Saudi Arabia with the nation of Syria. That line will crack me up until the day I die.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Funnier than everything-else (that's one word).

What's your favorite political issue? Being an armchair general, I 'd have to say the war in Iraq. Given all the left knows about war is what they see on T.V. ( and barely even that) it's sometimes difficult to understand how mind-numbingly retarded some of the left's ideas about war are. Take for example, the idea that having less soldiers is a better strategy than more soldiers. I'm pretty sure General Robert E. Lee never said he would have won Gettysburg if he just had less troops. Or how surrendering will actually lead to victory.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Regrettably, no. I still have to go to school and I'd probably waste all my time reading blogs instead of posting them.

Name a stance you can't have and be called a Republican. If you watch those Apache gun-camera videos and think of anything other than how awesome they are, you can't be a Republican. Or if you raise taxes for any reason besides to get more funding for the military.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.2/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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January 14, 2008
Ronin Profile: kingaljr
Posted by Frank J. at 05:27 PM
kingaljr
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's kingaljr.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? No real story to tell,when I first set up an ISP account the username I wanted was already taken so I threw together a mess of family names I could remember easily and just kept on using it.

Where do you live? Coon Rapids Minnesota,stop laughing it's a real town.

How old are you? Just a hair over 50.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Not much to tell. I am an Army brat born in Germany who moved to Chicago when I was 7 and lived there for 5 years before moving to Minnesota. I dropped out of high school in 71 and joined the Army, not the brightest thing to do at the time. After doing my 3 years I started driving a truck all over the lower 48 until settling down and getting a local job about 15 years ago.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Just about 3 years, I originally came here following a link the late great Allan at Barking Moonbat had posted and have been stopping by daily ever since. I think it was something to do with Frank being the Devil or something.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Frank the Artist, the Donald Duck hat = Navy line still kills me.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? "our little homosexual"

[You're little! -Ed.]

What's your favorite political issue? How big a twat governor Pawlenty is, sorry fellow Minnesotans but he lost me with the smoking ban, the sniveling to the casino's for more money to spend etc. He's turning out to be another Arne Carlson.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope.

Does fire have mass? Only if FRED says it does. Yeah I know that's a copout but I haven't a clue, remember I dropped out.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.0/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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January 11, 2008
Ronin Profile: Canerican
Posted by Frank J. at 07:29 PM
Canerican
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Canerican.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I was born Canada, and I moved to the US about three years ago, Canerican seemed like a logical combination of the two.

Where do you live? Amherst, NY (which is proudly one of the only places in NY to vote for President Bush in 2000 and 2004)

How old are you? 19

Tell us briefly about yourself. Well, I was born near Montreal, which is possibly the most Liberal city in North America next to Havana. After 17 years of hearing about how bad America was I decided I needed to move there! I graduated high school in NY, and am now attending the University at Buffalo. I have literally
infiltrated two of the biggest Liberal bases! I am hoping that when I graduate that I can move down South (maybe Virginia or the Carolinas), New York may be Conservative compared to Canada, but I want to live in a place where Hillary Clinton wouldn't stand a hope of getting elected.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I'd say about a year, I actually starting reading when you guest blogged for RWN.

What's your favorite IMAO post? There are so many great ones, maybe "Hillary Clinton is the only Presidential candidate mention in the book of Revelations." (my Dad is a minister and I wanted him to quote that before his sermon, but he wouldn't) - probably the one about Ron Paul channeling the ant overlords (I showed that to anyone who would listen, until an angry mod of Paulians smashed my computer)

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Hilarious. Manly. Sledgehammer.

What's your favorite political issue? I really think that killing the terrorists is important to America, or at least making sure that they don't kill us. I think that the economy is also a biggie in my books, as is illegal immigration.

[I assume you support legal immigration. -Ed.]

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope, I leave that up to the experts! But I do moderate a forum called vdrums.com

What's your opinion on the hippie problem? I think it is self regulating problem (see the links below), if Fred Thompson wins in '08 we won't even need to wait for California to float away.

http://science.howstuffworks.com/question567.htm
http://vtcommons.org/node/594

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.0/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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January 09, 2008
Ronin Profile: innominatus
Posted by Frank J. at 10:25 PM
innominatus
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's innominatus.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? As a college student in the '80s (remember 9600 baud modems?), there was a primitive online game called Empire (kinda like a more complicated Risk) and I needed a screen name. Innominatus is a variant of a latin word that pretty much means "having no name." I liked the irony and that it sounded vaguely sinister. Didn't keep me from getting whupped in the game, tho.

Where do you live? Corvallis, OR. Land of Oregon State University Beavers and lots of pock-marked liberals.

How old are you? 38 - just barely old enough to say I lived in the '60s, but I was a commie-chasin' Reagan fan all through high school.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm a nationalist Christian social-con with an occasional libertarian streak.. Married 5 years, 4 stepkids. Two big dogs. I like fast old cars, fast new computers and shiny new guns. Unfortunately my wages don't allow me to indulge in any of those things very much.

How long have you been reading IMAO? About a year, but I've read enough of the archives to feel like an old-timer.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Favorite categories are IMW and I Hate Frank. Specific posts include the IMW where Barney Frank is asked if he is gay or retarded and replies "I can be both." That triggered convulsive laughter. There was also a Guide to Spooky Creatures that suggested the best was to deal with a vampire is to screw with his alarm clock. I still laugh at that months later.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? WOLVERINES! (then it echoes two more times)

What's your favorite political issue? 2nd amendment stuff had been quiet for a quite a while, but now it is time to see what the SCOTUS has to say. This is a big deal for me. Border security/illegal immigration is right up there, too.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes, but I dunno if it really "counts" since I only post new blog updates about once a month. Some of the humor attempts turned out pretty good, (me, biased?) including a IMW inspired story, but the humor muse just doesn't visit as often as I thought she would. Go there and tell me how great I am, maybe it will help.

How should we pick a presidential candidate?
Follow these steps precisely:
1. Exclude Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich.
2. Give each candidate a tacobell spork; allow each candidate 5 minutes to sharpen the spork by grinding it on the sidewalk.
3. Assign a random Gitmo detainee to each candidate.
4. Throw each candidate, one-by-one, into a Thunderdome-like arena along with his/her Gitmo detainee opponent.
5. Time how long it takes each candidate to disembowel his/her opponent. Winner is declared based on fastest time and artistic merit (1-10 scale, three judges, averaged). Democrats would probably talk too long to be competitive, so I think this system should be put into use right away.

; begin function(kobayashi maru) [? -Ed.]

What liberal do you most want to punch in his dumb monkey face? I think I'll have to go with Al Franken, 'cuz he's about as monkey-faced as MFLs ever get. He is so monkey-faced, all he'd have to do is let his beard grow out for a few days and he could cameo in a Geico caveman commercial.

If you had Superman's heat vision, how often would you use it? If it would cauterize Nancy Pelosi's mouth shut, I guess I'd only need it once. But if the Northeast has an unusually cold winter, I'd glare at Ted Kennedy for a while and see if I can get any of that human lard to combust - it would really cut down on regional demand for heating oil.

Do you ever wish you could control fire with your mind? All the time. Especially when our flag is being torched by some "activists." Flag burning would drop in popularity right away. "Gaah! Burning flag attacking me! (sizzling sound in background.)"

If you could shoot a powerful beam out your eyes, do you think you could find the spare time to fight evil? Dunno - been pretty busy reading IMAO lately. I suppose I could fly around in a Blackhawk and use my eye-beams like a doorgunner. That'd be worth it.

If you could wish one politician away to the cornfield, who would it be? Al Sharpton ran for Prez, so I guess he's a politician. Make him go away, please.

Why do you think liberals' faces resemble those of monkeys? I've been told that HIV first arose in African monkeys decades ago, and was transmitted to humans when a human did some "naughty things" with said monkey. Guess the monkey had not been taught how to use contraception. Either that or liberals are born normal looking, and gradually become more monkey-faced as the schoolyard beatings start to take a toll on their little skulls.

What do you recommend should be government policy on monkeys? Tell the monkeys that Fidel Castro is giving out free socialist peanuts to all monkeys. When the hungry monkeys dogpile Fidel, we should drop a MOAB on the whole heap. (MOAB=Monkeys On A**hole Bomb)

If you could control the creatures of the sea with your mind, what would you do? I'd have dolphins and sharks swim upriver to Chappaquiddick. The dolphins to save MaryJo and the sharks to dine on Ted.

Name one use for a liberal. Object of ridicule.

If you saw a monkey faced liberal but had your hands tied behind your back, what would you do? I'd say "Hey, MFL, look at that piece of litter on the ground! I think it's recyclable!" When he bends over to pick it up I'd knee him in the throat and laugh as he writhes in agony.

If you could fire liberals out of a cannon, what would fire them at? Those giant windmills that are used for generating electricity. If you time it right, those giant spinning fan blades will really mess up a liberal as he flies by.

When I draw liberals, I always imagine them wearing pointy hats. Why is that? Liberals spend a lot of time with their heads up their you-know-whats. I think the pointy hat is helpful in some way, but I'm reluctant to think too much more about it.

What's your least favorite type of whale? Rosanne Barr.

Do you think liberals secretly want to be punched? When I feel like punching a liberal, their wants are pretty much irrelevant.

If you could grow to fifty times your normal size, what would you do with that power? I'd challenge fartbreath himself, Michael Moore, to a Sumo to the Death contest. If I win, him and Olberman and Huffington and Kos and that whole crew have to move to North Korea and never be heard from again. If I lose, then all the talk radio and rightwing blog heroes have to move to The Hague and scrub toilets at the Internation Court for the rest of their lives. It would be a rumble for the ages. Now, I'm aware that based on sheer tonnage, me times 50 is still a lot less than Michael Moore, but I'm confident my speed and agility advantages would more than make up for it.

How would you introduce the president of Iran if he were giving a speech at your college? I'd give him a real "Bang" of an introduction. I think .357 magnum is about loud enough.

Juggling: What's the point of it? In case the funny clothes and jester hat don't give it away, juggling is a supplemental warning to passers-by that they are in unsafe proximity to someone who is Profoundly Gay.

What is it about Islamic terrorists that liberals like so much? Osama bin Laden has been in that cave a long time without running water. I've heard that his body odor smells a lot like Patchouli.

If Rose O'Donnell get her own show, what channel do you think it should be on? I don't think Rosie's fat ass would fit on just one channel.

;end function(kobayashi maru)

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.2/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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January 08, 2008
Ronin Profile: Texaspartan
Posted by Frank J. at 08:43 PM
Texaspartan
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Texaspartan.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I live in Texas and I have a deep appreciation for the Spartan way of thinking. The only difference between Thermopylae and The Alamo is that The Alamo didn’t send any messengers

Where do you live? I live in Lubbock… the high ground of Texas. It is also known as “God’s Country. God made it, no one wanted it and God still has it”

How old are you? 37 and a few months, but my wife says I don’t act it. Probably because I can quote the movie “Army of Darkness” verbatim.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Husband, father and dog owner. I like hunting and reading books about martial arts. I try not to watch a lot of TV, mainly because there isn’t much worth watching. I did write a TV pilot and about eight episodes, but no one picked it up. Maybe that is why I don’t think there is much out there worth watching.

How long have you been reading IMAO? About a year. I didn’t mark the date on my calendar so I may have missed the anniversary. Sorry.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Lolterizt. Them guys is funny!!!!

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Tasteful yet unrefined.

What's your favorite political issue? Illegal immigration and gun owner’s rights. I am all in favor of taking the best that other countries can offer and letting them work for a home and happiness here as long as they do it legally. If you come in unannounced and uninvited you just might get shot, just like someone breaking into a home, which of course leads to the rights of gun owners. See how it makes a nice little circle?

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope. I don’t have enough time in the day to spend with my wife and kids so I give them all the time I’ve got.

What state should be first in the Republican presidential primary and why? Texas (knew that was coming didn’t you). Other than Austin, most of the people here are fairly conservative in their mind set. If you really wanted to get the best and most conservative candidate we would be pretty good at weeding out the pretenders. GO FRED!!!

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.6/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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January 07, 2008
Ronin Profile: sackofcatfood
Posted by Frank J. at 09:23 PM
sackofcatfood
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's sackofcatfood.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? It came to me in a vision. A vision involving my four cats try to nibble through my skin to the delicious meet therein contained at three in the morning.

Where do you live? Albuquerque, New Mexico, on holidays and weekends; Socorro, New Mexico during school. (the venerable geekdom of New Mexico Tech)

How old are you? I am one-and-twenty years of age.

Tell us briefly about yourself. As a child, I was abandoned and raised by a roaming pack of wolves, er, I mean, lawyers. The lawyers raised me as one of their own. They taught me to scavenge for old people's retirement funds, to use legal loopholes to my advantage, and to never represent Martha Stewart, even if the jury looks like a complete pushover.

As I grew, the other lawyers began to notice that I wasn't like them, and so did I. While the other lawyer-cubs grew into lawyers, I grew into a human being. So I left my adopted family to find my own path in life.

It was about this time that the Mongols invaded Manchuria. They had a big dog which barked all night. It looked like China would be doomed for sure, then I had a brilliant idea. I told the Chinese to collect all of their unused rocks and pile them in a giant wall around their lands. It worked perfectly: that stupid dog couldn't get in and we all finally got some sleep.

This worked out great until some Japanese guys accidentally threw their frisbee over the wall. The Chinese refused to give it back, so the Japanese decided to invade China like a bazillion times over the next two thousand years looking for it. They never did find it, and on top of that they got nuked TWICE, but then they invented Anime, so I guess that makes them even with the rest of us.

I didn't stick around for all that. I decided to leave for England, on account of the only language I knew was English, and I was getting tired of waving my hands at people like a drunk New York cabbie every time I wanted to have a conversation.

The guy in charge of England was pretty cool. Some chap named Arthur. He had a sword he'd stolen from some lady made out of water, and was always swinging it around and accidentally smashing royal vases and whatnot, especially when we played tag. One time we were playing tag and he ran into his royal knights' table and hurt his side on a corner. I suggested that he should shave off the corners and make it round, which he did.

Also while in England I met some dude named Shakespeare. He was in university and just about ready to fail his English class. I thought he seemed like a swell fellow, so I gave him some old plays and sonnets that I'd written to help him get through the course. Turned out pretty well for him.

A little later, however, some of my friends in the church were having a tough time with the government... you know, outstanding parking tickets or something. I advised them to flee across the ocean on rickety old ships with little food and faulty navigation equipment. Under my guidance, they eventually had a thriving colonial economy. I invented a type of de-carbonated mountain dew which I called "tea." This went over quite well with them, and also our old friends in Britain. Then the British people got all uppity and started charging us money for it and stationing troops in our houses and all sorts of stupid stuff. So we shot them and they left.

About this time, I went into realestate. Property is a great investment to make. I told all the presidents this. "Manifest destiny," I called it. It caught on with the Americans. Not so much with the Mexicans. Hehehe, I tricked some guys who called themselves "Canadians" into purchasing a vast wasteland of ice. They still haven't realized they got ripped off.

Wouldn't you know it, though, those folks in England couldn't stay out of trouble. They got in some huge war with a bunch of other countries. TWICE. The first time I let them handle it on their own. The second time, things got kind of tricky.

This guy name Hitler had allied with this guy named Stalin. They were both dictators (you could tell because they had mustaches). Hitler's mustache was pretty powerful, but midway into the war it became apparent that he would need to supplement its power with many natural resources in order to win. So he foolishly decided to invade Russia to augment his supplies. Unfortunately, Stalin's mustache proved much too powerful, and soon glorious Soviet soldiers were marching on Munich.

Sadly, Stalin's mustache began to corrupt him, and he decided to try to take over the world. I ran back to the United States where I helped them develop a solid nuclear program and deterrent military force. Stalin was like "Ah, crap!" and eventually died and was put in a museum some place.

After that, I hung out, grew a fro, partied through the 90's, and now I'm a college student at New Mexico Tech where I make everybody's day brighter and more merry. :)

Until the day I burn down my dorm.

["Briefly" must mean something different when translated to crazy. -Ed.]

How long have you been reading IMAO? 2003? I know I lamented missing some of your earlier stuff but I was around for Bush running against that French guy.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Definitely your editorial by Allah. The running insinuation that Allah is actually Jewish makes for possibly the best piece of satire since A Modest Proposal.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? sui generis, cynosure, octothorpe

What's your favorite political issue? Free trade. I'm the sort of sadistic person who thinks nothing's funnier than luring a nutroot into a political argument only to transform it into a discussion about differential equations.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. http://sackofcatfood.blogspot.com/

It was mish-mash.info until I became too poor to afford hosting.

It is a silly place.

If you can plant any question in a Hillary Clinton audience, what would it be? Mrs. Clinton, is it true that you are actually too fat for that dress you are wearing, and are, in effect, at this very moment, engaged in an epic battle of will to restrain your pudgy gut from causing an explosion of sequins? DON'T LIE TO ME FATTY!

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.4/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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December 18, 2007
Ronin Profile: Lazlo
Posted by Frank J. at 06:26 PM
Lazlo
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Lazlo.

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What's the story behind your name? I am an illustrator/cartoonist; I Googled my name one day to see if any imposters lurked around the Gore-osphere. Imagine my horror upon finding a ‘movie actor’ with the exact same name. This ‘actor’ was doing rude things to all the other ‘actors’ on the first website I came across. I

Lazlo needed a new name pronto.

I used to go walking with a girl who had a dog that was half coyote, half God-knows-what, and I re-named it Lazlo because it had eyes that were yellow and scary to look upon. I took that name because I want my eyes to be yellow and scary to look upon.

Where do you live? I live in Camp Verde Arizona, about 30 miles from Sedona (just far enough away to escape the New Age vapors that plague those who reside there).

How old are you? This is Lazlo’s fiftieth winter

Tell us briefly about yourself. I grew up in LA, went to art school, got semi-famous in a Psychedelic band in the 80’s. Quit that crap, and moved to Arizona after my eleventh liberal girlfriend (AD 1990). I have since become a building inspector. I now go out with women that will cut you if you don’t behave.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I have visited every day (except St. Dennis’ Day) since I first saw the site about a year ago.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Fred Thompson Facts! You had me at ‘Objects at rest better get moving.’

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Hot. Buttery. Goodness.

What's your favorite political issue? My favorite thing to think about is the sublime and transcendent hideousness of SHE-who-must-be-destroyed.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I had a blog called El Bloggo Lazlo on Townhall.com but my awesome life in the crapper precludes posting a lot.

What are better: Bears or wolves? I like Bears. A bear will dismantle your car for a Fig Newton. That is the spirit of enterprise!

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To be in the running for this, make sure you commented in the last post asking for entrants. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.4/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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December 13, 2007
Ronin Profile: Abigail
Posted by Frank J. at 06:27 PM
Abigail
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Abigail.

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What's the story behind your name? My real name actually is Abigail. I’m named after both my great aunt and my mother. No special story to that, but I used to comment here under the pseudonym “SilverBubble”, which was a name randomly generated by a gaming site because I needed a screenname. I stuck with it for a while, but it’s since been retired.

Where do you live? Lock Haven, Pennsylvania. I go to the university here, though I’m originally from Jersey Shore (not NJ; a town in Pennsylvania).

How old are you? Sweet, sweet 21! Finally, I can own a handgun! I don’t drink, so 21 is no big deal in that regard, but I’ve been looking forward to obtaining my mother’s S&W Model 36 Lady Smith (.38 Special) since I first learned of its existence.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I fell in love with the internets at age 13 when I got my first computer. Now you’d have to drag me away kicking and screaming from my laptop (I can usually be found either reading blogs or playing World of Warcraft). I go to a Pentecostal church here in town (it’s the only thing for which I willingly leave the aforementioned laptop) (Jesus > (everything else)(infinity)). I’m probably the only girl on campus who is a registered Republican. I’m an English Lit. major, which means I’ll never get a job in my field. I love to hunt and shoot. Squirrel hunting is my favorite - just me and my Model 69 Winchester .22 out in the woods, dropping those gray furry-tailed rodents when they hold still a second too long… ah, Paradise!

How long have you been reading IMAO? My earliest comment under SilverBubble that I’ve found in my brief search is from 9/11/05, though I know I’ve been reading longer than that. Regardless, it’s been a while.

What's your favorite IMAO post? “In My World: Rumsfeld Wants Talks with North Korean Leader” – every time I think of the line, “Kill us! Kill us horribly!” I crack up. That happens a lot.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Crazy Sexy Cool

What's your favorite political issue? It’s a toss-up between Second Amendment rights and abortion. The first angers me and the second grieves me, so it’s a question of which emotion is worse, rage or sorrow. Other issues of interest are gay marriage, stupid Commies ruining everything, and how crappy/liberal modern American education is.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. My old blog is dead and gone, so I have created a new one that is much better – Utter Nonsense (http://www.jc4e.com/blog). I try to post consistently, but that doesn’t really happen.

If you had to elect one of the Beatles to be president, who would it be and why? John Lennon, because the stupid Commie is dead and we could quickly move on to a better president, like Fred! Thompson.

[I'd still rather elect a dead George Harrison. -Ed.]

* * * *

To be in the running for this, make sure you commented in the last post asking for entrants. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.9/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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December 10, 2007
Ronin Profile: Ernie Loco
Posted by Frank J. at 07:37 PM
Ernie Loco
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Ernie Loco.

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What's the story behind your name? In the Weird Al movie "UHF", there’s this used car salesman named Crazy Ernie. I thought that sounded like a good screen name, but when I tried to use it at some website, Crazy Ernie was already taken. So I "translated" it to Spanish, and I’ve been using Ernie Loco ever since.

Where do you live? I currently live in West Lafayette, Indiana, but I still claim Fort Wayne as my place of residence.

How old are you? Young enough to have been born during the golden age of the Reagan administration, but old enough to have voted for Bush. (23 to be exact)

Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m just a good old-fashioned, conservative Christian, skinny whiteboy from Indiana. I like playing all kinds of sports, but I really love football. I’m a huge University of Michigan fan, so this season’s been pretty rough. I’m also into computers, so much so, that I got a degree in computer engineering this past May from Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. I’m currently at Purdue University working on a masters degree in Electrical Engineering. I suppose I’ll have to grow up and get a job at some point, but I’m trying
to put that off as long as possible. In addition to all that, I also like: reading science fiction books, Colts football, and hot, conservative chicks. (So if you know any near West Lafayette, send them my way. :-p )

How long have you been reading IMAO? I’ve only actually been reading IMAO for about 4 months, but I’ve read so much of the archives that it seems a lot longer. I was drawn in by the Fred Thompson shirt, and I haven’t left since.

What's your favorite IMAO post? My favorite post is the one where Petraeus talks about reducing troops in Iraq, but a lot of the In My Worlds are great as well. Heck, there’s not much of anything on IMAO that I don’t like. ...Except for trolls. I don’t like them.

[Not even Ron Paul trolls? -Ed.]

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Hmm, either "Brilliant political satire" or more likely, "Mocking retarded morons"

What's your favorite political issue? I don’t know about favorite, but the issue that most sends me into a murderous rage is abortion. That’s the dealbreaker for me because I don’t see how killing babies is ever justifiable, let alone should be supported by my tax dollars. After that, I have very strong opinions about gay marriage, killing terrorists, high taxes, teaching that relativistic liberal BS in public schools, gun control, social security reform, securing the borders, Ron Paul being a looney toon, and pretty much any other issue out there.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yeah, I’ve got a personal blog on Xanga that I update irregularly. But mostly it’s just me talking about football and/or my latest homework/test/lack of sleep. Not particularly interesting, but you’re welcome to check it out if you like.

Do you see any disadvantages to doing away with the environment? Well, with the environment gone, we wouldn’t have any of those stupid environmental protection laws getting in the way of progress. Plus, we’d never have to hear Al Gore open his mouth again, and I’m all for that!

The only disadvantage I see is, with the environment destroyed, all life on earth would perish. But that’s a small price to pay to get Al Gore to shut up, so let’s do it! Nuke the Earth!

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To be in the running for this, make sure you commented in the last post asking for entrants. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.4/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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Ronin Profiles Open Casting
Posted by Frank J. at 04:28 PM

I want to get back to Ronin Profiles, so if you've yet to be featured and want to, just comment to this post and make sure to fill out the e-mail box when you do (only I get to see that, so no worries about spam).

Rating: 2.8/5 (16 votes cast)

Comments (68)
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November 15, 2007
Ronin Profile: Sir Andrew
Posted by Frank J. at 05:07 PM
Sir Andrew
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Sir Andrew.

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What's the story behind your name? I think "Andrew" was taken on some message board somewhere, so I randomly chose "Sir Andrew".

Where do you live? Dallas, TX, USA, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way, etc...

How old are you? 17, 18 in about a month.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I used to be a nerd. A big nerd. Like the Star Trek-watching, computer programming, no social life type of nerd.

But then I found politics, and yet I am still a nerd. I plan on getting at least a Master's in PoliSci and running for office someday, hopefully ending me up in the Senate so I can bring the smack down on these elitists.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I haven't been counting, but I would say about a year and a half.

What's your favorite IMAO post? It's too hard to pick one, but since I have to, I would say it is the "IMAO Condensed: Gun Control" post.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Brash, Off-the-wall, Witty. And yes, "off-the-wall" is only one word. It's hyphenated.

What's your favorite political issue? I would say that the threat of Islamofascism is my favorite issue right now. The pleasure one gets from schooling those smug Ron Paul supporters with their idiotic "blow back" theory is immensely satisfying. Think of the pleasure you get when you've put liberals in a sputtering rage, and multiply that by 100.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. My website is GOPedia.us, which I don't hardly ever update as much as I should. Basically it's a place for the random and funny thoughts I have. Now that these questions have reminded me, I think I'll update.

What's your favorite Fred Thompson fact? "Fred Thompson can shoot a two inch group at 500 yards with a Nerf gun." - Because for some reason, I didn't get it immediately but it flew out of nowhere and smacked me in the face a day later causing spontaneous laughter.

[I still don't get it. -Ed.]

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If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.8/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (41)
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November 13, 2007
Ronin Profile: ZK
Posted by Frank J. at 07:37 PM
ZK
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's ZK.

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What's the story behind your name? It's actually an abbreviation of my old internet handle, Zerokun, back from when I was a huge fan of Megaman X. Since then, my taste in games and whatnot has expanded, but I'll always remember this old handle fondly.

Where do you live? West Milford, NJ. A right-wing sanctuary in the left-wing corruption capital of the country.

How old are you? Old enough to vote and drink, but still not old enough to know better(read: 31.)

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm just a simple man trying to make his way through the universe.

How long have you been reading IMAO? For a few years now. I actually discovered this blog from the Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiller. When I'd read your impassioned plea to nuke the moon, I knew I'd stumbled upon something worth following.

What's your favorite IMAO post? If you're talking about specific posts, it's when everyone's favorite globular mass of socialist agitprop gets a fine how-do-you-do from Mr. S.M.I.T.E. But if you're talking about categories, I'm a particular fan of Fred Facts, In My World, Hate-Filled Lefty, LOLterizt, Adventures of Aquaman, and Know Thy Enemy.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? We Hate Monkeys.

What's your favorite political issue? The war, tax reform, the whole oil thing, immigration reform, the first two Amendments in the Bill of Rights (I don't actually own a gun myself, but definitely wouldn't mind owning one someday,) and any time liberals get figuratively punched in their dumb monkey faces. And literally.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a LiveJournal. (http://zk273.livejournal.com) Does that count?

[No. -Ed.]

Do you have a hanker for a hunk o' cheese? Stinkin' hunka muenster, yeah yeah yeah!

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If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.7/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (6)
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November 09, 2007
Ronin Profile: hadsil
Posted by Frank J. at 06:24 PM
hadsil
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's hadsil.

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What's the story behind your name? My geekiness is exposed. A long time ago I was playing the Ars Magica roleplaying game and my character gave birth to a son. I used the first letters of all party members' names to get his name - Hadsil. It's actually the coolest name, I think, I ever came up with for any character I've played. The father was another party member. We didn't roleplay the consumation, but it would have been interesting.

Where do you live? Bay Shore, NY

How old are you? 37

Tell us briefly about yourself. Single, mostly harmless Jewish guy. I work in market research, so when I read of blogs here at IMAO or elsewhere chastising opinion polls, I have an insider perspective of irony. My company has not done the various polls that were talked about, but we have worked with IPSOS. Anyway, my geekiness is paramount. If it's not D&D, then it's nothing.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Over 2 years. Shameless plug: you can thank Michelle Malkin. I started to read her blog after I read her "Liberals Unhinged" book. She was my introduction to the blogosphere. I use her bloglist to get to my favorites.


What's your favorite IMAO post? It was never anything specific, just the whole thing, but lately the John Edwards digs are getting my biggest laughs. To boost your ego, I was a solid Giuliani supporter but Fred Thompson is looking better all the time. A Thompson/Giuliani ticket would be primo.

[That would make the nutroots squeal in anger. -Ed.]

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Laughing At Liberals, but that's easy.

What's your favorite political issue? There are quite a number that pique my interest, but there is one issue I find that always gets my goat - men's rights. Modern feminism is not about empowering women but rather destroying men.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. None

[A geek without a website? -Ed.]

What do you think would be the best part of a Hillary Clinton presidency? Republicans definitely get back Congress in 2010, the Presidency in 2012, and even then I'll wish I lived in France.

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If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.0/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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November 08, 2007
Ronin Profile: Fuloydo
Posted by Frank J. at 05:33 PM
Fuloydo
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Fuloydo.

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What's the story behind your name? My actual name is Floyd. I spent several years back in the 80's working for a Japanese company and all of the upper management and most of the engineers were Japanese who spoke English as very much a second language, if at all. Fu-loy-do was how they pronounced my name. (They pronounced my last name Ku-raa-ku. You have roll the "r" and give it a teensy bit of "l" for the proper effect.)

Where do you live? A (very) small town by the name of Adrian located about 50 miles south of Kansas City, MO

How old are you? I'm not 45 yet. :)

Tell us briefly about yourself. Disabled, spend all my time either reading or surfing the intertubes, and am a collector. (note: collector=geek....Science Fiction books, DVD's, Movie posters, Fantasy swords, etc.) I also collect guns, as I can afford them, and I studied martial arts off and on for several years prior to my accident, including kendo, and still have all the stuff associated with those. Basically, I'm a geeky packrat. I speak a very limited amount of Japanese, just about sufficient to ask where the bathroom is and please can I have another beer, and I can fluently say "I don't understand, do you speak English?"

How long have you been reading IMAO? Not sure....I first discovered blogs shortly after 9-11 and didn't really get heavily into them until the memogate incident prior to the 2004 elections. I came across IMAO as a link from one of those, probably Ace of Spades though it could have been the puppy blender. Say three-four years.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Split between the Know Thy Enemy posts and the cartoons. You are an incredible artist.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Irreverent, with guns.

What's your favorite political issue? The 2nd Amendment. "From my cold dead hands" is not a bumper sticker, it's a promise. I have a Missouri CCW permit and I never leave my home without my Sig.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I used to host http://www.excelsiornews.com on a server in my basement but got tired of the headaches. The site still exists but I'm no longer an admin and it's no longer on my server. It's an entertainment news discussion forum inhabited by the standard range of internet fanboys.

If Rose O'Donnell get her own show, what channel do you think it should be on? I'd say the Cartoon Network but that would expose our children to her......Bravo is the obvious choice......How about Animal Planet?

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If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.7/5 (8 votes cast)

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November 07, 2007
Ronin Profile: Whitehorse
Posted by Frank J. at 04:58 PM
Whitehorse
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Whitehorse.

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What's the story behind your name? I always liked the paintings of the famous leaders & generals riding on a gallant white horse, drawing the attention of the enemy but smartly staying out of range! Plus, I just thought it sounded pretty cool.

Where do you live? Beautiful Pegram Tennessee, just outside of Metro Nashville Davidson County

How old are you? Most people who've answered this have been really creative; I believe, however, that brevity is the soul of wit! I'm 41 & already a grandfather to the most awesome grandson ever conceived & born!

Tell us briefly about yourself. 41 years old, married for almost 20 years to the same lovely woman. I've really become more interested & involved in the political process at the grassroots level over the last 10 years, though I started college as pre-law. I work for a really good company (which will remain unnamed) in the wireless telecommunications industry. The focus of my job is helping others succeed, coaching them to continue what is right & change that which is wrong. Sometimes I have to be kind of an A-hole, but at least I'm a nice A-hole... Have one son, 19; 1 grandson, 2 months; & one dog, 7 years. When I'm not working, doing whatever my wife tells me needs done around the house, or pontification on the social & political, I'm doing something else... My preferable something else is hunting - venison is good food!

How long have you been reading IMAO? Only about 6 or 7 months or so, however I've gone back through much of the archives - brilliant writing!

[I know! -Ed.]

What's your favorite IMAO post? I came here first for the Fred Thompson facts, & have stayed for it & everything else?

[Ha! You fell for my brilliant plan! -Ed.]

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? This Place Rocks!

What's your favorite political issue? Being honest, my favorite thing about politics is the election process itself. My #1 issue is the war on islamist jihadism, very closely followed by the pantheon of issues encompassing illegal aliens & border security.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes, it's http://www.whitehorsemusings.blogspot.com - I don't update it as much as I've wanted, however I have been told that at least 2 people (other than I) have seen it.

What is it about Islamic terrorists that liberals like so much? Pretty close match, in my opinion, between the smell of stale feces that comes from poor "toilet skills" & the fact that the islamic terrorists can carry a snack along in their unkempt beards...

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If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.8/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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November 06, 2007
Ronin Profile: No One of Consequence
Posted by Frank J. at 05:38 PM
No One of Consequence
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's No One of Consequence.

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What's the story behind your name? Picture two men, master swordsmen, in a grand duel. In the course of the battle, one man, a dark-haired Spainard by the name of Inigo Montoya, asks of his opponent "Who are you?". The other, the mysterious man in black, replies "No one of consequence".

Where do you live? Minneapolis, MN

How old are you? Do you want that in binary, octal, decimal, hexadecimal, or that weird base 6 crap?

[Who ever uses octal, for that matter. -Ed.]

Tell us briefly about yourself. Let's see... My wife and I have been married now for 10 years, and have a wonderful little 3-year-old boy. By day, I am a mild-mannered, computery type guy. By night, I battle vampires in a post-apocalyptic war zone.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Not entirely sure. Since before the t-shirt babe contest, but it's a little hazy beyond that.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I miss The Limey. Are we still supposed to rage against the machine? 'Cause my food processor was getting on my nerves the other day...

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Cause For Termination

What's your favorite political issue? The issue for me that most angries up the blood is personal responsibility (is that a political issue)? I don't much like being told I'm such an idiot that, not only is someone else responsible for the consequences of the decisions I've made, I shouldn't even be making those decisions (because, of course, my political betters know what is best).

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I maintain two websites. One has pictures of my son, the other my wife's pottery. Both are woefully out of date, so no links. I tried blogging quite a while back, but that died pretty quick.

Since you've had a quote on the sidebar of IMAO for a some time now, doesn't that make you at least somewhat consequential? hmmmm...short answer, yes with an if... long answer, no with a but...

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.8/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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November 01, 2007
Ronin Profile: Lily
Posted by Frank J. at 06:08 PM
Lily
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Lily.

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What's the story behind your name? I have a bookmark that says my first name is from the Hebrew word for lily, and lilies are one of my favorite flowers, so yeah. I used to use Lady Lily, because my dear husband is a knight (of Columbus) but then he would say "You're no lady, you're my wife." and that got real old. So now I am just plain old Lily.

Where do you live? Lead, South Dakota. 12 Miles from Sturgis home of one of the biggest Harley Davidson rallies in the US and 12 miles from Wyoming and 40 miles from Mount Rushmore.

How old are you? Well it's like this, as a newly minted Democrat, I voted for Ronald Reagan in my first ever Presidential election even though my Grandmother-in-law-to-be tried to make me promise to vote for Jimmy Carter. She said he had vowed to open up the 7 freezers in the basement of the Whitehouse so the American people could finally see the Space Aliens they had in there, on ice, for ourselves. Grandma Margaret always did hate a cover up. She was the first moonbat I ever knew. But not the last. God rest her soul.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I am happily married to a great guy and we have 6 trophy children. Our oldest is a Mandarin Chinese Linguist for the Air National Guard. Next we have a son who is a plumber in Wyoming. (He makes more than all the rest of us combined.) One son works for G.E. Financial and is going to school full time for Industrial Engineering. These guys are all married and are parents to our four grandsons and two granddaughters. Our oldest daughter is a junior at the University of Arizona. She is double majoring in Linguistics
and Japanese with minors in Spanish and Arabic. One daughter is a junior in High School and is a talented musician who plays flute, alto sax and sings and who plans to be a Chemical Engineer but hasn't yet chosen a college. Our
youngest is 12 and also plans on being an engineer. A roller coaster engineer, that is. I home schooled them all until I had to go to work to pay off some massive medical bill debt. I am a certified Catechist for the Diocese of Rapid City and I teach the Confirmation Class at my parish. I trained under Archbishop Chaput who is one of the best bishops I know and a great and holy man. I also work with our parish high school and middle school youth groups. I do actually have a paying job too and work in the local Middle School as a one-on-one paraprofessional (a type of teacher's aide) teaching severely emotionally disturbed and academically challenged students. Since most of my own kids are now gone, I have lots of free time on my hands, so I am also going to school to finish out a degree in Computer Network Administration. I hope to be done before I am 50 and definitely before one of my students knifes me in the halls.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since the just before the infamous T-shirt Babe contest. I just had to keep reading to find out how it all turned out. At first I was really annoyed when you hired on other bloggers, but I guess they aren't quite as lame as they seemed at first. Now I wish you had hired me too. You don't have any girls at all which is totally uncool. SarahK doesn't count because she has her own blog and never posts here.

What's your favorite IMAO post? This one.

[heh -Ed.]

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? To quote the immortal words of a Nobel Peace Prize Judge.......Not entirely accurate.

What's your favorite political issue? Once I realized that no administration is ever going to come clean on the frozen alien conspiracy, I have turned my attention to the life issues. All of them. I really believe that we can do better for women and children and old people than to kill them off if they seem to be inconvenient. I can
really get into Nuking the Moon and Terrorists, but the young, the sick and the elderly, not so much.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a Facebook page that I use to keep up with my kids and grandkids who are far away. I also have a Myspace page that I use to keep in contact with my youth group kids. They really work great for that. Otherwise, I just post lame comments on the sites of others.

What's your solution to the monkey political assassin problem in India? I would collect a select handful of the emotionally disturbed students that I know best, give 'em some weapons and ammo, some picture IDs (they can't read) of the assassins in question, the promise of some M&Ms for hitting the right targets and a good tazering if they miss, and turn 'em loose. Believe me, these kids can really work hard at a job if given the right incentives. I don't think people give emotionally disturbed, retarded kids enough credit or let them use their talents to their best advantage. It's a win, win I tell you.

[That idea would make a great, inspirational after-school movie. -Ed.]

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If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.9/5 (9 votes cast)

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October 31, 2007
Ronin Profile: Marvin
Posted by Frank J. at 05:58 PM
Marvin
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Marvin.

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What's the story behind your name? It was my grandfather's name and is my middle name.

Where do you live? Roswell, GA, where there are no aliens and no water

How old are you? Old enough to know better, young enough to still do it anyway.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I am a former Surface Warfare Officer, US Navy. After I told my wife about my blog, she immediately asked if I received any death threats. (not yet, but I am trying for some.)

How long have you been reading IMAO? A couple of years

What's your favorite IMAO post? Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths "If Hillary Clinton supporters are going door to door in your neighborhood, just mark your doorpost with lamb's blood and they'll not bother you."

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Medication Required Daily

What's your favorite political issue? Global War on Terror

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. www.wordofmarvin.blogspot.com is my site. It is just my rantings and ravings. But please visit and support Project Valour-IT (Voice Activated Laptops for Our Injured Troops) The annual interservice fundraiser is on, till Veterans Day.

How would you combat wildfires? By conscripting illegal, oops I mean undocumented, laborers to clear out the underbrush so that when fires start there is less fuel for them.

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If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.8/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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October 30, 2007
Ronin Profile: joby10095
Posted by Frank J. at 04:34 PM
joby10095
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's joby10095.

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What's the story behind your name? I moved to a new school in the end of 8th grade, and was named Joe, my last name starts with B. There was already a Joe in the group of friends I made, so they started calling me Joby to differentiate. Then, in 1994, my dad got AOL 1.5, and, I made a screen name joby10095. Ever since then, I have been too lazy to change it.

Where do you live? I currently live in the VERY small town of Black River, New York. 30 miles from the Canadian border, and right outside Fort Drum, home of the 10th Mountain Division

How old are you? 28

Tell us briefly about yourself. Grew up an Army Brat, my father was an infantryman who moved us all over the country, he won the Bronze Star in the Persian Gulf before he retired. Then, to his everlasting disgust his only son graduated and 3 days later left for Parris Island to become one of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children. I spent 5 years traveling the world on Uncle's dime, visiting fun and exotic places where people ran around with guns trying to kill each other, and the rest of us. I then decided to forgo a trip to Afghanistan so that I could go to college and become an officer, so I could lead even more Marines than I did before. This turned out to be a bad call and a good call, because two months after I got there, I got into a car accident that wrecked my back and got me medically retired. The good part was that I met a beautiful, smart, talented and amazing girl, who was also trying to get a commission. She succeeded, and is now an officer in the United States Army, and I am now an Army dependent for the second time in my life. My wife is now in Iraq, 6 months into a 15 month deployment. I work part time at a local library. Funny how things work out, huh? So now I work part time, and hang out at home with our deaf albino cat, who is secretly the spawn of Satan.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since Monday, September 30, 2002. I was pissed off at some hippies at the college I was attending, and I was googling, and discovered a blog that had the heading "Everytime Someone Punches a Hippie, Baby Jesus Smiles", and I knew I had found someplace great, and I have been reading ever since.

[Wow. How many here can claim to have been reading this site longer than that (i.e., how many of you remember the original blog on blogspot)? -Ed.]

What's your favorite IMAO post? Well, obviously, Buck the Marine

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Out - Freaking - Standing.

What's your favorite political issue? Right now, it is dirty hippie pricks who trash the soldiers that are serving overseas, mainly because my wife is there right now. My other big problem is border security. We need to keep our borders shut to ILLEGAL immigrants, particularly those who don't plan on assimilating into American culture, but instead want to keep their own. Amazing how much "Mexican Pride" a lot of these people have, considering that they DON'T WANT TO STAY IN MEXICO.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I was a Government and Political Affairs major in college, and before that I was a low browed Jarhead. I'm lucky I know how to turn the computer ON.

What's government best at solving? Ummmmm........
well, give it a while, I might come up with something. I guess maybe blowing things up, but probably because they won't let private citizens own heavy weapons and explosives, so that isn't really fair. I'm sure I would be much better at it.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.7/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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October 29, 2007
Ronin Profiles Open Casting
Posted by Frank J. at 06:13 PM

It's time again to round up everyone who wants to participate in Ronin Profiles but haven't yet. Just comment here, make sure to fill in the e-mail address box (only I get to see that, so don't worry about spam), and you'll be in the running. Sorry if you've commented in these before and haven't got picked yet, but stick to it and you'll have your chance eventually.

Thanks to everyone who has participated.

Rating: 3.2/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (88)
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October 23, 2007
Ronin Profile: Luipaard
Posted by Frank J. at 07:45 PM
Luipaard
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Luipaard.

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What's the story behind your name? I write a lot of fiction; “Luipaard” is a name I gave one of my characters. I ended up liking it so much that I decided to use it online!

Where do you live? I live in...A CITY...in the state of Texas. (TEXAS, YEAH!)

How old are you? I have aged a specific set of years, set at a point in the space-time continuum.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Oh, there’s not much to know about me. I like to write books, read books, chew books.... Oh, that was the Terry Pratchett in me, sorry. As stated above, I live in Texas -- and I probably suffer from an overdose of pride, in that area. Sorry folks. *sweatdrop*

I have yet to complete my secondary education; take from that what you will.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Hmm. It was in fact my father who discovered it; he read out loud a post concerning ninjas that gave the whole family a giggle. I think that was about five or six years ago.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Know Thy Enemy; Fred Thompson Facts; Frank Reads the Bible; and Frank on Guns.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Hmm, this one’s tough.... Ah! Energetic, Awesome, and Kewl. (Yes. Kewl. Not Cool. Kewl.)

What's your favorite political issue? Just one? Well, my top one is the Iraq war; then its gun control, and then gay marriage. (Which, actually, I’m in favor of; I think gays should be allowed to get married. I’m sorry. That’s just the way I feel.)

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a blog/journal, but it’s rather personal, so I don’t think it would be a good idea to give it out.

What do you think is the best way to kill a monkey? Trap it, and then shoot its head off with my Mateba auto-revolver! Disgusting creatures, monkeys, grrr....

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (19)
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October 22, 2007
Ronin Profile: dRoast
Posted by Frank J. at 06:53 PM
dRoast
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's dRoast.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Well, it was given to me by my college friends, and is one of those stories that begins "well, we were drinking...". Let's just say that it involved a large quantity of adult refreshments, a steep hill, and an attempt to re-create Monty Python's "Ministry of Silly Walks" skit at 3:00AM. At least, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Where do you live? Beautiful Lake Mills, WI. Close enough to Madison to go to the UW sporting events, but far enough away to avoid the hippies.

How old are you? 38, so old enough to know better but young enough not to care.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm a native born cheesehead, have lived my entire life in southern WI. (Go Packers!! Bears Suck!!) Went to school at the UW-Madison and actually managed to get an education without succumbing to the siren song of hippie chicks and tenured leftists. I am married to a wonderful woman, with three boys (8, 5 and 2) and am a proud gun-owning conservative capitalist, working in the financial industry to help further enrich the exploiters of the masses. I also teach business classes part time, doing my part to keep capitalism alive.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since early 2003, I think. I believe I was first directed here by one of the Puppy Blender's comments on your Filthy Lies (which we all know were really true).

What's your favorite IMAO post? Man, that's a hard one. Right now it is a toss up between LOLTERIZT and Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths. I've always been a fan of Know Thy Enemy and Frank Answers as well.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Monkey shredding infidels.

What's your favorite political issue? Bias in the media, because it affects all of the other important issues (national security, illegal immigration, taxation, et cetera). I am a firm believer that given full information, the American citizen will make the right choices come election time. There is just such a lefty bias and lack of patriotism the media today that it is hard for the average citizen to be objectively informed. I therefore propose that all journalists who claim to be objective should have to have their stories vetted by a committee consisting of John Bolton, Donald Rumsfeld, and Buck the Marine. If bias is found, they will have one chance to amend their copy. If they fail at that, they will get tasered in the 'nads. If that doesn't cure them, well, I can't be held responsible for the consequences.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have three kids, 1.5 jobs and a house to take care of. I have no time for blogging, so I will have to count on you to keep the truth flowing. Don't let me down, Frank!

What irrational number do you most identify with? As a conservative, I do not identify with any irrational numbers, only rational ones. People who identify with irrational numbers are usually liberals, as in "You only create more terrorists by fighting them!" So lets see, you have 10 terrorists, and you kill 9 of them, leaving one. How is that creating more? My son is in 3rd grade and he is more mathematically rational (and better groomed) than over 95% of the Kos crowd.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.0/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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October 17, 2007
Ronin Profile: Bob the Doc
Posted by Frank J. at 06:18 PM
Bob the Doc
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Bob the Doc.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Actually, my name is Bob. I kept seeing Son of Bob posting all the time and since I am a doctor, I went with Bob the Doc to keep the two of us distinct. I go by Dr. Bob everywhere, but too few people remember the Muppets anymore, so times they are a changin'.

Where do you live? Fabulous Branson, Missouri: home of Yakov, Shoji, and me.

How old are you? 37.

Tell us briefly about yourself. MN born, still recovering. Can't lose that darn accent, don't cha know. College in WI, med school in MN, residency in IL, Air Force in MT. Now living the American dream in MO. Wonderful wife, great kids 12 and 14, lots of pets and guns. In my dreams, I would like to start a secret society of snipers to rid our fine country of some of its "less desirable" humans. We would specifically not go for head shots to increase their suffering. I would probably start with OJ, but there's lots of released child molesters that would be good too. Then I wake up and see the news and want to go sleepy again. Sweet sleepy land...

How long have you been reading IMAO? About 3-4 years ago my wife said to me: "Honey, there's this website you should look at..." The rest is history, it seems to be one of the few sites not blocked by the filters at most worksites, so you win by default and I read every day I am at work and most days not.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I would have to go with LOLTERIZT, but the Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact also keeps me peeing myself regularly.

If you had to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? "Loves Gay Porn". I used to teach for Kaplan Testing and one of my more genius students wrote that on my review...and it's always stuck with me, it just seems to work.

[LOL -Ed.]

What's your favorite political issue? Socialized medicine. Oh boy. We have that already people, it's called MEDICAID. Talk to your local medical providers and ERs about how well that works for us. There's another program out there even more socialized (and worse) and that's called IHS. I once had to go into the ER to see an IHS patient because they didn't have a thermometer at home, literally that was the reason for their visit. That's great health care delivery there. People that read this mostly know but the Dems need to pull their heads out: medicine is not free. Gas is not free. Electricity is not free. Somewhere along the line people really got it in their heads that medicine shouldn't cost anything. What? My favorite is the young, able, MEDICAID smoker that has a cell phone more expensive than mine. Now that makes for a tough visit to cope with. I could go on and on, but I will shut up like I must before I get in trouble.

[But you had a good rant going! -Ed.]

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No, I am just not that cool...yet.

When is it best to play God? Playing God is like playing doctor...it seems really fun until you have the job. I would love to play God for a couple days, then when everything is really screwed up and going to hell, hand it back over and know just how difficult the job really is. Plus then you get the bonus of actually meeting God and maybe hanging with Jesus, which would really be cool to tell the story of at dinner parties. Plus it would really help me out in knowing that He is really out there watching out for us and the hippies are all wrong and will be going to hell.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.4/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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October 16, 2007
Ronin Profile: XMariner
Posted by Frank J. at 05:37 PM
XMariner
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's XMariner.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I used to sail as a Merchant Mariner (not a Marine) and gave up the sea when I met my lovely wife (turned out to be the best decision I ever made!). Plus, I’m on the outer cusp of being a generation “X”er (at least, that’s what the Times Magazine story said). Hence, X (or ex) Mariner became my AOL screen name in 1994 and it has hung on ever since.

Where do you live? Suffolk, Virginia, in a small suburb a half hour away from the largest Navy base in the U.S. (Norfolk, VA). Lots of gun nuts and guys with short haircuts here (in other words, Hippies are scarce).

How old are you? I am as old as Star Trek and Speed Racer! So I’m in good company. I think 1966 was a damned fine vintage. Except the best song that year was Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Were Made for Walking” and the best movie was “A Man for All Seasons”.

Tell us briefly about yourself. White. Male. Traditional. (Oh, that’s the answer to the three word question coming up’). I started off in the ‘Nati in Ohio (where my Dad started as a Lutheran Minister), made a left turn at New Jersey, and wound up staying in Virginia. So I went from saying “Youse Guys” to saying “Y’All” -- I’m not sure when the transition happened. I went to an all-Boys Episcopal high school, then through the least known federal service academy (U.S. Merchant Marine Academy, Kings Point, NY) and was a Marine Engineer on research vessels (saw a lot of dolphins but no Aquaman). Somehow I found a wife through all those female-deficient environments, and returned shore-side in more computer related jobs (some logistics, some programming and a sprinkle of graphics design and mad Photoshop skillz, yo). Through some freak of nature, I have three super-kids, known as ‘The Freight Train’, ‘Power Princess’, and ‘Monkey Boy’. I recently came back to working with the big diesel engines and steam turbines on ships again. Hooray! However, as a necessary evil, I work for the Government. Boo!

How long have you been reading IMAO? I’ve been reading on almost a daily basis for about two years. I got here after another blog (I think it was Rightnation.US) was featuring your Simpsons Trivia. Since I’m an old SCTV, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and Space Ghost C2C devotee, the satire here fits me like a glove. Umm, that may or may not be a compliment…

[Who couldn't love MST3K? The highlight of my college career was when Mike Nelson gave a speech at my school. -Ed.]

What's your favorite IMAO post? The one with the Democratic debate where Dennis Kucinich had to explain he wasn’t a garden gnome. I literally laughed for a day afterwards and sent the link to every like-minded conservative I know (what’s that, three people’). And I normally don’t forward links.

[Thank you. So few people give a specific post as an answer instead of a category. -Ed.]

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Crotch-grabbingly Good Fun (Thanks to my younger brother for the hyphenated adjective).

What's your favorite political issue? It’s usually the Global War on Terror, because I’ve been over to Dubai and Bahrain and know first hand how nutty those camel jockeys are. A close second is Government spending. That might sound strange to someone on the government dole, but we’re one of few organizations to actually produce something that’s needed and cost-effective (cargo transport, usually for shipping heavy equipment for the Middle East effort). For example: www.phantom-planet.com/marad/duke

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have my own domain name (phantom-planet.com, from the old Sci-Fi movie) but I haven’t really done much with it except post pictures, especially after I found out that there is a stupid band also called Phantom Planet. However, my HTML pride is that I completely designed and run the entire website for our local little league organization. Go ahead and click so our Google ranking goes up, and then decide for yourself whether it’s the best looking little league website you ever saw: www.bennettscreek.org.

Who would you give a Nobel Peace Prize to? Big Bird and the Snufalufagus. In the last three years, two ‘entities’ were given the peace prize, one completely outrageous and one was so worthless that it’s just about a figment of the imagination (http://www.nobelprizes.com/nobel/peace/peace.html).

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.2/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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October 10, 2007
Ronin Profile: GrannyBoo
Posted by Frank J. at 04:37 PM
GrannyBoo
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's GrannyBoo.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? My given name was a mouthful for my nephews. The first one called me Biffer (which I liked), the second one called me Boo (which stuck). Now that I'm a (step) granny it continues. If I had had children of my own I would be Mommie Dearest. It crossed my mind to require the grandbabies to call me Grandmother Dearest but I guess I'm wimping out in my senescence. I tried to get the stepson and -daughter to call me StepMonster Dearest but they laughed at me. Does this mean I'm not as intimidating as I like to think I am?

Where do you live? (city, state) No city, thankyouverymuch. Rural Greene county, Indiana, aka God's Country. About 35 miles SW of that oozing cesspool of liberal political correctness that is Bloomington, home of I.U. If we have to go there I fantasize about tipping over all the Mini Coopers with "Defeat Bush Again" and Darwin fish bumper stickers. Someday I'll do it. Will IMAO readers collect money for my bail?

How old are you? Old enough to know better/Younger than springtime, depending on my mood. Born during the Eisenhower administration, on the first day that Armistice Day was called Veterans' Day. (Quick! Everyone to wikipedia! But open a new tab so you can keep IMAO up.)

Tell us briefly about yourself. I used to have a sweatshirt which read: "Christian, American, Heterosexual, Pro-life, Right-wing Conservative. Any questions?" That about sums it up, except for the outdoors woman part. Hunt, fish, hike, water ski, garden, just generally play outdoors. Also, let sarahk know that I am a migraineur and so I understand her trials. (In fact I have one today. I'd be funnier if I could see out of my right eye and wasn't so nauseated.)

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since the first Frank Facts About Fred Thompson. I followed a link from somewhere-- maybe The Corner? I liked it so well I immediately dropped a bookmark into my toolbar. (High praise indeed. Not just everybody makes that slot.)

What's your favorite IMAO post? lolterizt, IMAO Condensed, the Daily Fred Facts, Edwards Fabulous Facts and the new Hillary Terrible Truths. Actually, it's all good. That's how you made the toolbar.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Snarky, snarkier, snarkiest

What's your favorite political issue? My heart belongs to state's rights and limited government. Also protecting my right to own several firearms and go into the woods with a compound bow to shoot Bambi, Thumper, and other tasty woodland creatures.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I am the web servant (I maintain the website) for my church, but I don't even have a current essay up right now. Since its a church website I only write about spiritual issues there, anyway. Can't get political or the IRS will come take Pastor away.

What's your third favorite color? What a girlie, wussy bonus question! I was hoping for "what would you do with x superpower" or "whom should we nuke next". Oh well. Okay-- probably Mossy Oak Shadowgrass. Obsession is my favorite, but most of my stuff is in Break Up. The grey in the bark really brings out my hair....

[I can ask whatever questions I want! -Ed.]

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (23)
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October 09, 2007
Ronin Profile: Forensicator
Posted by Frank J. at 07:01 PM
Forensicator
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Forensicator.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? In both high school and college, I've been active in the speech and debate community, which often goes by the name of Forensics. It also sounds a lot cooler than my actual name, and if you want street cred, you've got to have a cool name.

[That's why I go by Frank J. The letter 'j' is the coolest letter. -Ed.]

Where do you live? I attend college in Bowling Green, KY

How old are you? Sadly, I'm but a wee lad of a mere eighteen years.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I was born and raised in Indianapolis, IN until my family moved to the People's Republic of Seattlestan. I went through my "stupid young years" when I was a liberal (we're not going to go there, okay?), and now go to the University of Western Kentucky on a debate scholarship. I love studying economics, because anybody who takes that course becomes a conservative. It's almost as though education makes you smarter. After I graduate from here, I'm going to be attending a Presbyterian Seminary. Haven't decided where I'm going to go yet, but I'm really excited.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I started reading IMAO shortly after Bush's 2004 re-election after seeing one of your tee shirts, so about 3 years.

What's your favorite IMAO post? All the Know Thy Enemy posts are absolutely fantastic. Frank's Editorials (along with Frank Advice) comes in a close second.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Superior to Kos.

[Damning us with faint praise? "IMAO: Better than a sack of crap!"]

What's you favorite political issue? What isn't my favorite political issue? As a member of the right-wing conspiracy, I'm required to care about immigration and national security. One of my professors actually was an adviser to the pentagon and helped develop the modern counter-insurgency strategy in Iraq, which is a very engaging issue.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Sadly, no. I don't have the follow-through to actually make a blog. I have a facebook, if that counts.

Why do you think liberals hate the troops? Honestly, Frank, I don't know why anybody would hate the troops. I mean, they're sympathetic, intelligent leaders who shoot ter'ists. Every friend of mine who has served has been an outstanding example of not only a soldier, but of a human being. What's not to like? So I believe that the liberals' hatred of the troops could only possibly be traced to a mental disorder of some kind. Probably the same one that makes them liberal.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.4/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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October 08, 2007
Ronin Profile: Gunny
Posted by Frank J. at 05:38 PM
Gunny
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Gunny.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? The name comes from two things, a love of guns and a love of the USMC. If I am lucky enough, I hope to one day be able to rightfully claim the title of Gunnery Sergeant.

Where do you live? I live in south west Connecticut, and my Congressman is a an excellent RINO named Christopher Shays. The Gov. also claims to be a Republican but she keeps talking about raising taxes so...

How old are you? I am old enough to join the Marine Corp but young enough to need my parents to sign, (which mean no Infantry for me)

Tell us briefly about yourself. I used to be fairly politically ignorant, I only had a general sense that liberals were evil and/or stupid. I then read a book by a very fine woman named Ann Coulter, through her talents as a witch... err writer, I have become infused with a great hatred for all things of the left. In fact just the other day my history teacher was commenting how I seem to think that everything left of center is communism. Which it is of course. Oh and I like to shoot things, I am not sure if this is due to being conservative or Itailan but either way it is a lot of fun.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Sadly it has only been about three years but I am here to stay.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Any In my World that has Donald Rumsfeld or Buck the Marine, and the Fred Thompson facts.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Right-wing comedy, & news

What's you favorite political issue? I would have to say either 2nd amendment rights or National security, I feel that both are extremely imporatant to the continued survival of this country in the way in which it was intended by the Founding Fathers.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No

[Fine, then. -Ed.]

How much lead should children toys have? I think that this is directly related to how liberal the children's parents are, liberal people tend to raise liberal children, therefore the more liberal the parents are the more lead their kids toys should contain.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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October 05, 2007
Ronin Profile: howlsatmoon
Posted by Frank J. at 06:19 PM
howlsatmoon
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's howlsatmoon.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? My Grandfather gave it to me, along with the Wolf totem as my "spirit guide". Seems I was a Loud baby. When finally deciding to give Blogging a try, much to my joy, it was available. Most people refer to me by my Christian name, [redacted]. Old days compatriots use a variant of Wollf.

Where do you live? One of the "safest" cities in the States, Thousand Oaks, Cali. Of course it's safe. I live here. Heh.

How old are you? I am exactly [redacted]. Ok, old enuff to be a fan of Nixon for getting us out of 'Nam before I would have deployed there, but young enuff to Really enjoy doing "stuff" with a ten year old son, a fifteen year old son and an eighteen year old daughter.

Tell us briefly about yourself. [redacted]. Ok, real short. The truth is that I'm a new "semi single" guy after twenty years, dealing with the ups and downs of divorce, the ups only of being the best Dad that I can to three "at home" kids, re-inventing myself, learning about adult ADD recently diagnosed, and learning that life is brand new an fun again.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I've lurked around the periphery,(college word), for about three years. Just since the beginning of my evolution have I begun joining in the fray.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Oh, actually anything that includes monkeys, Fred Thompson, Silky Pony, Aquaman, Harvey, punching hippies, large explosives on our nearest celestial neighbor, stupid people being shot, kos kids, Billary, Bushitler, or the advantages of Miracle Whip over Mayonnaise. (that last one destroys marriages)

[I nearly got in a fist fight with my college roommate when he told me he couldn't tell Miracle Whip from mayo. -Ed.]

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Daily "Snortmycoffeeoutthroughmynose" Moment.

What's you favorite political issue? National Security. Yup, I know that's broad, but I'm ADD, remember? It includes illegal immigration, the war on terror, Second Amendment rights and Military and Intelligence funding. Everything else is useless tripe if we all go "boom".

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes, I do. What it's about is whatever direction I let my mind go any given night. You never know what you're gonna get. Evolution of the Spirit, Rants, Relationships, Kids, Love, Rage, Humor, Opinion…….It's a work in progress, but it's been Great for me. http://howlsatmoon.blogspot.com That's where I tell everyone and yet No one about me.

Should we let the Chinese land on the moon? Absolutely !! In fact, All of them. Hmmm…except for the Chinese that live in the States 'cuz they're "Mericans and I really like mu shu chicken, and Jackie Chan, (except his latest movie kinda blows). And the fact that with all those Chinese people up there, the moon might spin out of control and off into some distant galaxy and Frank wouldn't have anything to go "boom", and I wouldn't have anything to Howl at.

Screw it. Tell 'em to stay where they are. We got there first and it's Our flag up there. Besides, I have a financial stake in this. I seem to remember getting drunk and buying a square foot of "Luna Terra" back in the early eighties. Better Dead than Red on My real estate, Commie.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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October 04, 2007
Ronin Profile: Spunkdanger
Posted by Frank J. at 05:37 PM
Spunkdanger
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Spunkdanger.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Well at the risk of reveling myself to be a total dork, back in high school my friend and I came up with the concept for a penguin secret agent. Said agents name was "Spunkdanger."

Where do you live? Jacksonville, FL (formerly Cowford, b/c that's where the cows ford the St. Johns river)

How old are you? 25

Tell us briefly about yourself. I hold a degree in education but gave that up when I couldn't carry a side arm to defend myself. I now work for a large multinational corporation. It may or may not be Halliburton. It probably isn't.

How long have you been reading IMAO? About 1 year. I swear I was lead to your site from something Rush said, but I can't remember what.

[Is he talking about me behind my back now? -Ed.]

What's your favorite IMAO post? My favorite post is the one that quotes Benjamin Takeshi Franklin: "It's all about the me's, baby!" I also really enjoy IMAO Condensed. And the Podcast.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? It's teh funny.

What's you favorite political issue? Fair Tax

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I do not, thank you for rubbing it in.

What's your third least favorite country? France (the utter distain in which I hold all things French demand it hold multiple positions on my list, including the #3 slot)

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.5/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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October 02, 2007
Ronin Profile: Brian the Adequate
Posted by Frank J. at 06:43 PM
Brian the Adequate
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Brian the Adequate.

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What's the story behind your name? Brian is my first name. I started commenting at IMAO and Wizbang as simply Brian, but then a stupid liberal troll started commenting at Wizbang, besmirching the good names of Brians everywhere with its poo flinging idiotcy, and I added the The Adequate to distinguish myself from it. I figured no libtard would go for self- depreciative humor and I can also hope one day to deserve a promotion to Brian The Somewhat Nifty.

[Win some High Praise and you'll get the promotion. -Ed.]

Where do you live? Lafayette, Indiana

How old are you? As of 2:00 PM, October 1, 2007 I am 36 years, 360 days and approximately 10 hours.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I am a conservative Christian, married for 13 years, proud father of 2 beautiful daughters ages 11 and almost 9. I have a BS in chemistry from Rose-Hulman and an MS in physical-organic chemistry from Colorado State and work for a large Pharmaceutical company supporting manufacturing. I don't have any guns currently, but recommendations with respect to the best brand of shotgun would be appreciated as I will need to acquire one in the next few years (see age of daughters above). Other than the time at CSU, I have never lived outside of Indiana (Granger, Terre Haute and now Lafayette)

How long have you been reading IMAO? About 4 years.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Of all time I don't think anything can beat the original Nuke The Moon post though the fun facts about the fifty states comes close. Currently Franks editorials and the LOLTERRITZ.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Proverbs Twentysix three

What's you favorite political issue? Not my favorite, but the only issue that is a deal maker/breaker for me is Judicial appointments. With the messed up system we have now, bad judges are a pox for years to come. More selfishly I am interested in ensuring that Big Oil remains (or someone else becomes) the whipping boy de jure for the socialist instead of the pharma industry.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No, I am far to lazy.

[Me too! -Ed.]

What would you find more useful: A wheelbarrow full of rocks or a bucket of mud? Depends on the situation, if there is only one monkey faced liberal around, definitely the bucket of mud. Much more portable when running down ones target. If one is unfortunately confronted by a horde of code pinkers or moveon.morons then you need the greater number of shots allowed by the wheelbarrow of rocks.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (24)
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October 01, 2007
Ronin Profile: No-L
Posted by Frank J. at 07:01 PM
No-L
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's No-L.

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What's the story behind your name? A friend in high school said that I should write my name No-L instead of Noelle. And for some reason it stuck.

Where do you live?I live in the "People's Republic" of Portland Oregon, where it's not normal if there are no protests in Pioneer Square blaming Bush for something or other.

How old are you? 26.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I have a bachelor of science degree in theatre arts from Portland State University, I'm getting married on November 4th, I love animals, I love Baja Fresh, I love Brit Pop, I am counting down the minutes until they release Fable 2, and someday, I hope to write a book about Tom Stoppard.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since 2003 I think. I think I Googled "conservative blogs" and found it. I had checked it out everyday since. It makes my workday so much more pleasant.

What's your favorite IMAO post? It's hard to pick a favorite, but the ones that really tickle me are the ones that piss off Monkey Faced Liberal or someone like Laff Riot. They're just so entertaining when they're seething with rage!

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Whimsically, delectably, satisfying.

What's you favorite political issue? Hmmm, hard one. Probably illegal immigration, or rather, that big hullaballoo over those omnibenevolent undocumented workers.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I don't. But if I did it would look something like the Friday Cat-blogging only with cockatiels.

How would you introduce the president of Iran if he were giving a speech at your college? I would say:

"Can you believe that we have such a government full of pansies that would let this douche-bag come here and speak as if he had any interest in anything other than jihad? For God's sake people! This guy probably held Americans hostage when he was a "politically active student" in the late seventies! C'mon! Iran is the number one sponsor of terrorism! Can we skip the speech, taser the bastard and ship him to Gitmo?"
But at the college I attended, it would probably sound more like this:
"Today we introduce a true hero and role model, the democratic frontrunner for the 2008 election, a great intellectual mind, a man who rules with a just hand, a man that can talk truth to Chimpy McHalliburton, a tireless advocate for women, a just crusader against the eeeevil Joooooooooooos, I mean Zionist conspiracy,that warm ball of fluff, the most reverend, sexy as all hell, John Edwards' first kiss, the democratically elected (if only we could say as much) president Iran (that bastion of freedom), Jedi master Mahmoud..............."

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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September 27, 2007
Ronin Profile: K T Cat
Posted by Frank J. at 06:23 PM
K T Cat
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's K T Cat.

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What's the story behind your name? K T is a pleasant, little tuxedo cat who has lived with me for years. I’m not one of those catbloggers who thinks cats can talk, but I can tell you that we are very close friends. When I started blogging, I decided I wanted an anonymous name and so I used hers. Now I use it for everything on line. She doesn’t seem to mind.

Where do you live? Sunny San Diego!

How old are you? My first vote was for President Reagan in 1980. It was glorious.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m a single dad who likes to work on cars, coach sports, suffer along with New Orleans Saints football and blog.

How long have you been reading IMAO? For years! I was bored one day and started checking out the blogroll on Scrappleface. I came across yours, something like four or five years ago, and got hooked. Thanks for the laughs, all of you.

[You're welcome! -Ed.]

What's your favorite IMAO post? Anything with the Rumsfeld Strangler. I got to brief Donald Rumsfeld once and he was a sharp and funny guy. There were reporters present and only a few of them ended up strangled. I got to give interviews to the remaining ones after he left.

[You're the coolest person ever! -Ed.]

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Buy Papal Indulgences. Really, Frank, we’re all going to need them. After what you’ve written? Better see if we can get a bulk rate. (Hint: violence, for the most part, is a sin. Funny, but still a sin.)

What's you favorite political issue? It’s not a political issue but a social one. As a single parent, I am trying to raise two children with about 60% of the money and 40% of the time as a married couple. I can’t do it as well as they can. Try doing anything with that much less time and money and see what you get. Roughly speaking, single parent households have $40,000 and 2000 labor hours less than two parent households, annually. The Democrats want to replace this with a $1000 raise for my kids’ teachers and the Republicans want to give me a $500 tax credit. I’m out $40,000 and 2000 labor hours and you think your proposals are going to make a difference?

What we need from our politicians is for them to say, “We’re not going to waste everyone else’s tax dollars on something we can’t do anything about. You’ve screwed yourselves and you need to take care of it on your own.” One of the reasons I like Fred so much is that he seems to get it. Every social pathology in the country correlates more strongly with single parent households than anything else and it’s not even close. It’s not a debatable statement, it’s a mathematical fact. If you want a smaller prison population, less crime, less poverty, more literacy and all the rest, the solution is your family, not politics.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I blog at The Scratching Post. I started blogging because I had time in strange increments and at odd hours and I couldn’t think of any other way to make a little cash. It’s been a total wash financially, but it’s been a lot of fun. The ‘Post is now my motivation for learning and discovering.

If you could grow to fifty times your normal size, what would you do with that power? That sounds horrid. I’d get a gastric bypass and quick. I’d probably be washing myself with a sponge on the end of a stick, too. What was that? It’s a super power? What kind of a super power is that? I’d see if I could trade it with Aquaman. Talking to fish would be more useful than crushing my house every time I wanted to check the mailbox. Could you imagine what that would do to your insurance premiums?

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.6/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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September 25, 2007
Ronin Profile: Rubeus
Posted by Frank J. at 05:36 PM
Rubeus
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Rubeus.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? There was a story behind it a long time ago--WELL before Harry Potter--but I forgot it. I like it though--it's unique. I do know it means "red" in some language.

Where do you live? Woodstock, a little town right near everyones favorite hippie-city, Chicago. What? A conservative in Chicago you say? Theres more than you think! There's 2 of us!

How old are you? 22. It's a good age. It's like 21, but without everyone pestering you about going to a bar just-because-you-can.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I am one of the coolest people ever. When people first meet me, they are like "That guy is nuts!!" Then they think I am awesome after a while. I enjoy doing pretty much everything: sports, hunting, video games, harassing war protesters, airsoft, harassing war protesters with airsoft.... etc.

How long have you been reading IMAO? A while now. I came across a link, read some posts, and thought "That guy is nuts!!" Then I thought IMAO was awesome. Go liberal-monkey-face punching!

What's your favorite IMAO post? I like them all, but the 'facts' are great one-liners. The taser posts had me laughing pretty hard, too.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Ridiculous, genius, and funny-because-there's-truth-in-it. (I'm sure there's one word for that, but I don't know it.)

What's you favorite political issue? Terrorism and illegal immigration, if you mean "favorite to make jokes of"

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I went through a couple, but I keep finding other things to do instead. They aren't worth anyones time anymore.

Given paper clips, eight feet of string, and toothpicks, how would you solve the problem of Iran proliferating nuclear weapons? Use the paper clips to erect a tank, the toothpicks to make a post with an arm, and the 8ft of string should be long enough to hang Ahmadinejad from the arm so you can use him as target practice with said tank while he hangs there. They'd get the idea.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 3.1/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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September 24, 2007
Ronin Profile: charski
Posted by Frank J. at 06:32 PM
charski
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's charski.

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What's the story behind your name? It's a mixture of my given name and my favorite legal escape of all time. No friends on a powder day, right?

Where do you live? Longmont, Colorado. We're about to get our second Wal-Mart/Sams Club, so you know we're on someone's map.

How old are you? I feel like 25 thanks to staying in shape, but was born in '64. That hurts just to write, but I've been told that a man isn't worth a damn till he's 50, so there's hope for me yet.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm a cube monkey (don't hurt me), I swing both ways (road AND mountain biker) and in my past I have been involved in some not well intentioned shooting contests. I've never shot at a monkey, but only because of location. My most painful memory is having to sell an unused Remington 7mm mag that my adopted dad willed me to pay rent. Arrgghh...

How long have you been reading IMAO? Unfortunately, only about 6 months, but I tell my friends about it.

[First rule of IMAO Club: Tell everyone about IMAO Club. Second rule of IMAO Club: Tell everyone about IMAO Club. Third rule of IMAO Club: If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, the humor post is over.]

What's your favorite IMAO post? It has to be your response to that peacenik about why we are really in Iraq, where you didn't pull any punches. It was about 2 months ago, if that's not clear enough to link to, the daily Edwards facts consistently make me spit milk through my nose.

[Those are both by Harvey. Why do I even bother to show up to work each day? -Ed.]

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Second favorite escape.

What's you favorite political issue? Illegal immigration. It gets very played down in Denver papers even though a couple Illegals have killed and tried to kill some of Denver's finest officers in the past couple of years. That and school vouchers since I have kids now. (But letting people who try to kill cops out on low bail? Please...)

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I am shocked to say that I do. It's hosted at http://finerworks.com/gallery.asp?U_ID=charski&offset=0 It's a collection of some photographs I have taken over the years, none of which show deceased monkeys, and have nothing to do with politics.

Aquaman can talk to both fish and aquatic mammals. Do you think he can talk to penguins? That's a tough one. I would imagine that Aquaman is an enemy of penguins because Opus (from the comic Bloom County) is a penguin, and somewhat of a left leaning peacenik. Aquaman would certainly take vengeance on Opus's mother for raising such a softy, and in doing so would almost have to break the penguin code of communication. So, yes, Aquaman can talk to penguins, but chooses not to.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.8/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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September 21, 2007
Ronin Profile: Powered by Guinness
Posted by Frank J. at 08:09 PM
Powered by Guinness
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Powered by Guinness.

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What's the story behind your name? We all get our power from something, Popeye has spinach, Superman has kryptonite, yuppies have Starbucks, I have the magical elixir from St. James Gate in Dublin, Ireland.

[I'm Strong to the Finish, 'Cause I Drinks Me Guinness; I'm Frank J. the Blogging Man (toot) (toot). -Ed.]

Where do you live? Issaquah, Washington

How old are you? I'm at an age that puts me between "old enough to know better" and "young enough not to care".

Tell us briefly about yourself. I recently moved to the liberal side of Washington after spending almost 10 years in the gun-toting redneck east side of the state. I've live in many locations, Utah, England, Washington (twice), California, Alaska. My dad was in the Air Force (Pararescue, the toughest job in the world). I enjoy riding my bicycles (both road and mountain), shooting my long guns (I still love 30-06), double tapping my GLOCK 17 with hi-cap magazines, and generally avoiding large crowds.

How long have you been reading IMAO? A couple of years.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Daily fabulous facts.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Unfair. Unbalance. Unmedicated. Oh wait, those are yours, so I guess mine would be... Unhinged political humor.

What's you favorite political issue? Gun rights, because I love my guns and the anti-gun crowd is fun (and easy) to torment.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No, but I used-ta-could have one.

How should close elections be settled: Recounts, kung fu fight, or pistols at dawn? Pistols at dawn sounds good, but we need some something a bit more scientific and secrative. Sniper rifles at 500 yards minimum, no set time only a 1 week window to "win" your election. And think about it, this would also eliminate excess politicians.

* * * *

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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September 20, 2007
Ronin Profile: khart208
Posted by Frank J. at 07:36 PM
khart208
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's khart208.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Once upon a time, when there were bad Germans (the communist kind) and bad Russians (the Evil Empire kind) it was left to young, upright, highly trained and super- top secret cleared individuals, such as myself, to keep an eye on their twisted communist minds as they raced to complete the hush-a-bomb. After a while, they became nicer and our friends and I had to go do something else that involved blowing up huge tracts of desert with Iraqi tanks in it. So, it’s a combination of my name and a job code I once held.

Where do you live? Pretty much as deepinthehearta as you can get, just south of the People’s Republic of Austin, TX. ‘Course, we just string up any hippies and communists we find in these here parts.

How old are you? Hmm… when I played with G.I. Joes, they weren’t any part of some international global crime fighting team. Mine were American fighting men, killin’ for’ners, ooh-rah! The Twilight Zone premiered the day I was born. That might have been an omen. Or maybe not.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Born in Oregon, raised in Colorado, ended up in Texas. I’ve seen a greater part of the world, courtesy of the US Air Force. Even the sandy, blown up bits were cool, but I really liked Germany (the good Germany, not the bad one). For a brief time after I got out, I was a network engineer for a couple of CLECs, and then I turned into a teacher.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Not as long as I should have, mea culpa. Probably about a year now, though it’s taken that long to get up enough gumption to post anything.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Wow… there are so many! I’d have to say any of the “In My World” posts, followed closely by Ronin Profiles.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Take no prisoners. I find those are pretty good words for anyone to live by, but it’s the attitude I feel most when I read a particularly stinging IMAO post.

What's you favorite political issue? Illegal immigration. I’m not quite willing to see this country surrender to a permanent peasant class sprinkled with crazy Muslim imams and terrorists. If I wanted to live someplace like that, I’d move to France.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. The only website I have is the one I have to clean up every time Spiderman holds one of his wild parties out in the back yard. Talk about a sticky, fly-specked mess…

Birds: What do you think they're up to and why do they think they're too good for the ground? Birds, man, don’t get me started. Flapping their wings, staring at you with those oh-so-superior “we don’t need engines and properly machined lifting bodies to fly” beads they call eyes. If they’re so great, why don’t they carry AIM-9’s and 20mm cannon? I’d like to see some swallow outrun a heat seeker. Go ahead, land on the ground… you’re on my turf, now, Tweetie. Honey! Let the cat out! Sorry… got a little worked up their. My therapist tells me birds are our friends, but he looks kind of like a vulture to me, when the light’s right.

* * * *

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 1.9/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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September 19, 2007
Ronin Profile: Strnj1
Posted by Frank J. at 07:42 PM
Strnj1
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Strnj1.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Old blue collar worker with a degree whose been investing since his late twenties. Hence, a lot of the "Do you know who I am ?" White Collar crowd have a very hard time trying to comprehend my "Doesn't impress me." attitude.

Where do you live? Richmond, VA ( Ya know, still fightin' the Civil War till we realized we were, now, being invaded from the south.)

How old are you? Throwin' away AARP mailers...

Tell us briefly about yourself. Ol' Computer geek... I've been building my own since Bill Gates was an IBM contractor.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Seems like a several years... Time flies when you're having fun.

What's your favorite IMAO post? The Chronicles of W when they were around... (Bought the book.) Now, it's "lolterizt!"

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Either the obvious, "Nuke the Moon" or the more subtle but to the point, "Punch Monkey Faces."

What's you favorite political issue? My "favorite" is the Flat Tax. The one that irritates me the most is the blatant illegal population and those that exploit them.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope, somewhat of a recluse unless drawn out.

Given a choice between Order and Chaos, what would be the name of your rock band? That's easy. Chaos. You should see my house.

* * * *

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.4/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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September 18, 2007
Ronin Profile: AR
Posted by Frank J. at 07:38 PM
AR
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's AR.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Well on my favorite website, Newsbusters.org , I go by AtheistRepublican, and they started calling me AR, I thought it sounded cool so I've been using it since then.

Where do you live? I live just outside of Stillwater, Oklahoma

How old are you? 18

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm a college student majoring in Computer Science, and a renowned hippy hunter, who has disguised himself as one of the enemy, I have long hair and an unruly beard, but I bathe regularly, which kind of ruins the whole disguise. I'm also an amateur musician and DJ, my DJ name and Stage name are the same, DJBeatless. I love taking jokes past the point of funny to the point where people wonder if I'm being serious, also I love dancing, dance dance, I love dancing... One last thing, Hazel, you are my true love, for eternity and beyond!

How long have you been reading IMAO? Hard to say, first time I read it was a couple years ago, though I only started reading it regularly 4 months ago or so.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Frank the Artist, your some kind of Picasso man!

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? An internet site.

What's you favorite political issue? Socialism, its funny how the liberals believe that a system that has never worked in the last 100 years will magically start working if we just believe hard enough, or whatever the fairy dust they are offering is. Also, anything that lets my crazy libertarianism loose, I love it when people look at me like I'm crazy, yes I do think that we should legalize heroin, and no it isn't entirely because I like watching druggies get high, though that is awfully fun.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes, I do have a website. http://jimmyscript.bravehost.com/website.html , its a temporary site I set up just a day or two ago because I've been having trouble getting my music to my friends. Eventually I'll set it up to be all fancy and stuff and put more music up, but right now its fairly minimalist, and be warned my music is fairly second rate.

Also I have a facebook, http://okstate.facebook.com/profile.php?id=692651743 , feel free to send me a friend invite, but make sure you send me a message saying your from IMAO or I'll reject it, I get alot of random friend invites so I just auto-reject if I don't get a message or I don't recognize your name.

When do you think it's appropriate for police to use a taser? When isn't it? Zzzzt!

* * * *

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.7/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (23)
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September 17, 2007
Ronin Profile: Hazel
Posted by Frank J. at 07:52 PM
Hazel
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Hazel.

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What's the story behind your name? Taken from The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (and, I guess, other Heinlein books, but I haven’t read those yet). I had trouble deciding between her and Ludmilla. Admittedly, I’m probably more like Milla, but Hazel’s just cooler. Plus, I like having a “z” in my name.

[That's a great novel; I stole it from my brother. -Ed.]

Where do you live? I’ve been noticing shurikens flying by my head lately, so I’d rather not give an exact location, but I will say it’s in central NC, where any boyfriend I find gets, “If anything happens to my daughter, I have a .45, a shovel, and a large back yard. No one will miss you,” from my father. Funny how they think he’s kidding.

How old are you? Old enough to be able to vote for Fred Thompson next year, but young enough that I’m still celebrating being able to watch R-rated movies.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I went to public school until the middle of my sophomore year when I got sick of the lack of learning and decided to home school. I intend to graduate in December and hope to go to NCSU in the spring to probably major in chemistry. I like shooting, writing, action movies (despise chick flicks), working on my car (’82 240D), and other fun stuff. I’m also currently a 3rd gup in Tang Soo Do, which is sort of like Tae Kwan Do, but 1,000 times better.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Probably only since this past spring. The first post I remember reading was the State of the Frank Report where it was decided that you had to kill Aquaman. When I finished, I said, “This man is a genius!” and added the site to my favorites.

[I might have to get back to the State of the Frank Report eventually; I wonder whatever happened to Aquaman? -Ed.]

What's your favorite IMAO post? I would probably say one of the IMW’s like everyone else, but I’m waiting until I get the book to start going through all of them (asking for it for Christmas since I don’t really have any money). As things stand, I don’t really know; none are really jumping out in my mind at the moment, except perhaps the Ode to Violence, but that’s probably just because I just read that today. I’ve really been enjoying the Ronin Profiles though; it’s nice to learn about other people who read the site.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? “Nuke the moon,” obviously.

What's you favorite political issue? It’s a pretty close race between guns and schools. Guns because they are a blast to shoot (pun intended) and are great for self-defense if you can carry, but people are trying to take them away from the good citizens (Myself included, and I can’t even own one yet!). Schools, because learning is also really fun, but the public school system just ruins it for everyone simply by being a government-run system.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Bad day to ask that. Just this morning, I started this: http://insertrandomaddresshere.blog.com/, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with it yet. I may incorporate a little myspace page that I made a little while ago (one of my many sad, sad, sad attempts at humor) into it and delete the myspace. Here’s the current myspace, if you’re curious: http://www.myspace.com/theonepartyhq

What's your favorite country that isn't America? Ameri- Oh, that isn’t America? In that case, I’ll have to say Japan. Without them, we would all be without ninja, Ronin, sushi, kimono, katana, anime, and many other great things of that sort.

* * * *

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.6/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (20)
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September 14, 2007
Ronin Profile: Francesco Poli
Posted by Frank J. at 06:36 PM
Francesco Poli
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Francesco Poli.

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What's the story behind your name? My mother took one look at my face when I was born, and said "Oh, he looks like a Francesco!" This sounds less weird when you remember that this happened in Italy. Interestingly enough, Francesco is a variation of Franco, which is italian for Frank. Unfortunately, both seem to be related to France.

[That's a lie and you know it! -Ed.]

Where do you live? A little town called Santa Maria Maddalena (St. Mary Magdalene), all the way across the world in Italy. It's very near the museum-city of Ferrara, which is probably the town that has the closest contest between number of monuments and number of communists in the whole world. It's got a castle with an actual moat, and an administration that's deviating traffic from the once-rich city center to the outskirt mall, which is owned and run by the maf- errr, the cooperatives (which are the capitalistic branch of the communist party).
You can't beat that.

I'm also about a two hours' drive from Venice.

How old are you? I'm a roly-poly 27, which is just a fancy way of saying I'm fat and getting older, which is a fancy way of saying I'm becoming an even more flawless stereotype of an American conservative.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm one of the incredibly rare self-described US-style conservatives that isn't actually a creepy libertarian or the usual leftie claiming to follow America's example. (For crying out loud, our politicians can't even get laid like Clinton, let alone drop taxes like Reagan.) I'm currently studying for my first University diploma, to be possibly followed by a second in the US, and after that a smoking-hot career in videogame design. Watch out for my stuff... it's coming and you're going to like it or else!

I'm of course a gun owner (S&W mod 686, CZ 452, Colt Government Model), and I shoot regularly so don't piss me off just because I'm in Europe. Also in the plans: fixing that last little issue.

How long have you been reading IMAO? About three years I think.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Filthy lies. Puppy Blender™ is a narrative the level of which no liberal organization can ever aspire to invent. Plus I can't stand dogs (CAT CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER!!), so that probably helped.

If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Nuke The Moon. Originally I'd have gone with "fun, outrageous, surprisingly useful", but that's four words and Nuke the Moon conveys all that and more anyway.

What's you favorite political issue? Politics in videogaming. It's becoming as radicalized and leftwing as in Hollywood, and nobody on the right is doing anything. Just look at the bushitler troofer conspiracy theories in the soon-to-be-released BlackSite: Area 51 game.
http://www.gamespot.com/xbox360/action/blacksite/news.html?sid=6168483
Read that and tell me that the designer doesn't sound like a Kos Kid!

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I used to have a blog, centered mostly on videogaming and politics, but got tired of it. I still managed to piss off at least one of the ignorant wannabe analyst that plague the gaming industry with their rants ungrounded in reality and facts, and that was accomplishment enough for the time being.

What's the biggest advantage of not being an American? Besides being able to punch anyone I meet and justify it as a valid "monkey-faced liberal punch", and being able to get anyone I want to piss their pants simply by mentioning firearms, it's got to be being able to look across the ocean and seeing an example for the rest of the world. With a little guts and the right ideas things can get dramatically better and fast; such a shame that Europe doesn't have a shred of either.

* * * *

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you're still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you're interesting doesn't mean we won't enjoy your story.

Rating: 2.9/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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September 13, 2007
Ronin Profiles Open Casting
Posted by Frank J. at 05:51 PM

I needed to take a break for a day on Ronin Profiles, but I plan to keep it up as long as there are people to profile. If you wanted to be in Ronin Profiles but haven't been featured yet, just comment to this post. Make sure to fill out the e-mail field (only I get to see that) so I know where to send the questions to.

Rating: 3.0/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (90)
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September 12, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Suihei Deloi
Posted by Frank J. at 05:33 PM
Suihei Deloi
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Suihei Deloi.

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What's the story behind your name? It roughly translates to 'dirt sailor'. Half of it's Japanese, the other half's from a series of novels I used to read. As for why, that would take a few pages. We'll just say I've been to some strange places.

Where do you live? San Diego, CA. No house right now though. My crackerjack box apartment literally was the beginning of a little sinkhole a few months ago. Any good housing lawyers out there?

How old are you? When I started high school, Microsoft Office wasn't around. Nor was the Internet. I learned programming in Basic on a Commodore 64. I still get carded though, so I guess I'm aging well.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I worked in the service for nearly a decade. Now I work in communications engineering while getting my degree. I'm also studying acting. Not sure what I want to do next - either do acting or go back in the service.

What cabinet position would best suit an extremely angry dog? The Secretary of Transportation. Especially if said dog were trained to chew anyone who pushed for more carpool lanes instead of normal ones.

How long have you been reading IMAO? A few years now.

What's your favorite IMAO post? In order - anything making fun of Hillary, Meet Tulio & Nuke the Moon.

What's you favorite political issue? Immigration. I'm for deporting the radio host Piolin first as an honorary illegal - he's earned it.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Not at this point - need more hours in my day first.

If you had to pick another color for the sky than blue, what would it be? Bright red-orange, like on Thundar the Barbarian reruns (gold star for whoever remembers what year that cartoon came out).

* * * *

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you're still in the running. Eventually I'll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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September 11, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Humble Servant
Posted by Frank J. at 05:08 PM
Humble Servant
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Humble Servant.

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What's the story behind your name? I humbly serve humanity by explaining the truth behind liberalism. Also, as I abuse liberals on other websites, I always sign my posts "As Always, Your Humble Servant," and this drives the hippies nuts.

Where do you live? Parts unknown.

How old are you? 43

Tell us briefly about yourself. I enjoy candle lit dinners, and walks on the beach...oh, sorry, wrong website. I am part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. My BFF, Jose Cuervo, is my main inspiration in abusing liberals, and my uncontrollable urge to punch hippies.

Do you think economic and political ideas should be tested on monkeys before they're used on humans? That would be cruel to animals. I think we should test them on liberals first, and then move to higher forms of primates like monkeys and baboons.

How long have you been reading IMAO? About 1 year.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Fred Thompson facts, and Nancy-boy Edwards Fabulous facts.

What's you favorite political issue? My hot-button is liberal aristocracy...that they think they are smart enough to tell everyone else how to live, yet they do not want to live that way. Nancy-boy Edwards wants to talk about two Americas, yet he lives in a 20,000 square foot home in NC.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. My site is titled: Liberal Hypocrisy--but, then again, I repeat myself. I like to point out the blatant hypocrisy of liberalism. I have an ever growing page devoted to "You Just Might Be a Liberal Hypocrite."

What do you do with a drunken sailor? Give him 3 Purple Hearts and let him run for president in 2004.

[My answer is: Make him post daily on my site. -Ed.]

* * * *

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you're still in the running. Eventually I'll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.8/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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September 10, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Derek
Posted by Frank J. at 05:16 PM
Derek
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Derek.

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What's the story behind your name? Well Derek means “Ruler of the People” and my parents had a keen sense of irony. However if I ever witness a mob killing and have to testify I have already picked out my witness protection name, Miguel Javier Escobar Sanchez.

Where do you live? Kissimmee, FL or as I like to call it Orlando Jr.

How old are you? 418 months

Tell us briefly about yourself. I was born in Florida, graduated High School and joined the Marines. Got to hang out in Japan on Uncle Sam’s dime for a year, came back got a job, got married, and had 3 kids all boys (A 5 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old. We have cable now so we are not as bored at night so that should be the last of the kids) I work a full time job and my wife and I work a part time travel agency from our home. This way she can stay at home with our kids and home school them (yeah we are one of those kooks that don’t believe that you should turn pre K children over to the government for book learnin’) If you would like to know more you can read my upcoming autobiography called, “Kiss My @$$, A Love Story.”

Do you think liberals secretly want to be punched? Yes, I do. Nature hates a vacuum and the hollowness of their words causes a vast, sucking vacuum that needs to be filled. Normally their foot will fit in their nicely, but sometimes you have to shove your fist in there. A really good liberal will be able to accommodate not only their foot but both of your fists as well.

How long have you been reading IMAO? About two years now.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I love In My World also I was a fan of Fun Facts of the 50 States

What's you favorite political issue? Explaining to dumb hippies how it doesn’t matter how much you raise takes on evil corporations it is the consumer that ends up paying them when they pass the cost on to them. That was part of the reason we started doing a home business, the tax write offs are insane and the less I have to give to the government means one less free ride for dumb hippies to go to college.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I don’t not have a website. It is so much easier to leave brilliant and snarky comments on other peoples sites. Plus I really don’t think this Internet thing is going to catch on.

What's your least favorite type of whale? The Beluga whale. You know the lumpy white ones. They creep me out every time I go to Sea World. They are like the creepy kid from Powder. The only way to make them more creepy is to give them freckles and red hair. Lumpy, white, freckly, red haired, creepy whales. (shudder) Now if they had a cool horn sticking out of their head like a Narwhal that would be a different story.

Thanks for participating! You are welcome and thank you for having me. It is not often that I get to share my insights with a fine gentleman such as yourself and your enlightened readers. I look forward to seeing you and all the contributors at next year’s IMAOcon. You guy’s will get a kick out of my Karl Rove costume.

[You weren't supposed to respond to that. -Ed.]

* * * *

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you're still in the running. Eventually I'll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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September 05, 2007
Ronin Profiles: B4B
Posted by Frank J. at 05:04 PM
B4B
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's B4B.

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What's the story behind your name? It derives from a screen name ( Bonkers4Boobies) I used on an old (and crappy) game / chat site. As you can probably guess, it has nothing to do with aquatic birds found in the Galapagos Islands.

Where do you live? I live in Plainville, Connecticut. It's a small town and the name is befitting. Here on the "right coast" we are awash in liberal based political correctness, but at least we make Nu-cler submarines.

How old are you? Old. So very old. I just turned 41. My bones aren't even good for soup.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Nothing extraordinary. I'm married ( 20 years), have 3 kids. The lil one (7 yo ) we call The Camminator. My two oldest are "Bart and Lisa Simpson". "Lisa" at 14 is a gifted young lady entering high school while "Bart" nearing 19 has matured into a selfless young man who will be entering basic training this October. All signs point to him being "over there" at this time next year after he completes his M.P. and K-9 training. God speed son. I work in Physical Therapy. The wife works for some french store .. Target I think.

What's your favorite Bush nickname the left uses (e.g., "Chimperor")? I don't have a favorite. But I do enjoy the fact that the libs still can't agree on whether he's simply a bumbling idiot, or an evil dictator bent on world domination through planetary destruction.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Just a few months.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I admit that I do enjoy reading the Daily John Edwards Fabulous Facts, or anything pertaining to firearms ( I love my Para Ord P-12 .45 , got rid of my Walther PPK/S because the slide on that little bastard likes to attempt spontaneous amputation of my thumb due to the high thumb position I use... no such problem with my Glock 26 and zero malfunctions after 3k rounds makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.) My problem is that I don't frequent the site enough, so by the time I read anything it's near archive material and posting seems pointless. I was the last to post on, "Just Something I've Noticed" 8/12 , the list of liberal propaganda code words .... just seconds later it went to archive.

What's you favorite political issue? Always the 2nd Amendment, but lately it has to be all of this self-important, nonsensical rambling about "global warming". Key fact here... sometimes the earth gets warmer, and sometimes the earth gets cooler. This has been going on since the dawn of creation, and will continue until the evil USA blows it all to hell. Get a life people. I'll sit patiently waiting for the "global cooling" hysteria thank you.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No.

If you could shoot powerful beams out your eyes, how often do you think you could actually find a use for that? I honestly can't think of any situation that wouldn't call for it's use.... from simplifying meal prep, un-clogging a drain, reducing lines at the DMV, would also be a big hit a children's parties I'm sure.... It would be the closest we mortals could get to being Fred Thompson.

* * * *

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you're still in the running. Eventually I'll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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September 04, 2007
Ronin Profiles: JamesT
Posted by Frank J. at 05:52 PM
JamesT
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's JamesT.

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What's the story behind your name? Well. My first name is James. And my middle name starts with a "T." The "T" stands for "Thaddeus", a proud and stately name that comes with a mint. Of course, according to my parents, I was almost named either "Rasputin" or "Osgood." If that had happened, I prob would have wound up a serial killer from the repeated playground beatings from my peers.

Where do you live? Overland Park, Kansas. And contrary to rich effette poo-flinging monkey faced liberals from Mission Hills there is nothing the matter with Kansas. We are doing just fine, so piss off you Mission Hills snob.

How old are you? I quote Chiun, Master of Sinanju, "For a plum, I am old beyond my time, for a mountain, I have not begun my years, for a man, I am just right."

Tell us briefly about yourself. Well. I live in Kansas. I am a lawyer for a mid-sized engineering firm. I came to Kansas to go to college and pretty much stayed. I, am, of course, a gun owner, a TV fanatic, avid video game player, reader of all things sci-fi and have a Barry Goldwater figure on my desk. Despite all this, I am married, and even have a daughter who turned two over the holiday weekend. I plan on raising her to be The Ultimate Living Weapon, and at 18 unleash her upon an unsuspecting world as my vengeance. My wife is provisionally on board with this plan, as the alternative is the raising of an army composed of my clones. We have three cats. All are mean. Two live indoors, and the one that is a whirling dervish of white hot feline rage and fury lives in outside where she attacks our neighbors pugs on a regular basis. One consistently craps on my shoes. I think there is a message there. I am your typical neo-libertarian leaning Kansan who thinks Sam Brownback needs to shut up and get back to work and put down the dream pipe.

What do you think was made first: The can, or the can opener? Support your argument. Thats an easy one. The can opener. Rocks, tree branches, jawbones of your slain enemies have been around much longer then cans. The can opener just made it easier to eat the contents out of the can, rather then licking the spatter off the walls.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since, I dunno, 2002? 2003? Long time. I first started when I had a state job and had lots of free time as a result.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Anything with Buck The Marine. My brother is a Marine, and he kinda talks, and acts on occasion, like Buck. Which makes the Buck segments all teh funnyer as I imagine my brother saying those lines. A close second are the In My World Posts. Those at times have been so funny, I have cried. Which sounds kinda wussy, but they were tears of mirth, and it is far more manly then peeing my pants from laughter.

What's you favorite political issue? Eminent domain. I view this as an assault on the basic and most important underpinnings of a free society, the ownership of property. If you own property at the sufferance of the government, then you are no longer free. This has been a long held issue for me. I almost married a girl from law school because of her views on Hawaii Housing Authority v. Midkiff (1984) (well, ok, all I did was try to sleep with her, and thus creating among my law school peers the "Hawaii Housing Authority Dating Standard") and started a near riot in my Constitutional Law class advocating armed resistance in Wickard v. Filburn, (1942) and calling FDR a "big fat socialist stooge." Of course, after that only members of the Federalist Society would talk to me anymore.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. A website? Nope not me. Mainly because I am really, really lazy. And because I have no website, that allows me to criticize the websites of those who do with impunity and authority.

Who do you think would win in a fight between a ninja and a Shaolin monk? According to the documentary, "Ninja vs Shaolin", the Shaolin monk would win. Of course, this does not take into account a ninja who was Lee Van Cleeff. In either case, Chiun could kick both they asses.

* * * *

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you're still in the running. Eventually I'll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.9/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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August 31, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Estella
Posted by Frank J. at 05:21 PM
Estella
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Estella.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Some of my friends said I was a modern-day version of Estella, from Great Expectations. I'm not exactly known for my empathy, I suppose. Thus, "Modern Day Estella"

Where do you live? Just a small town in central Louisiana ... but I'm one of those Katrina exiles from New Orleans. Most of my family moved back, but I opted out of living in a coastal bowl. Instead, I chose a nice little town where gentlemen carry your groceries to the car for you, and almost everyone has a gun rack and a hunting dog.

How old are you? 25

Tell us briefly about yourself. Wellllll, I'm a lawyer, and a former competitive rock-climber ... fiscally conservative but socially libertarian ... and a die-hard metalhead. I've played in several bands you've never heard of, and are probably glad not to have heard of.

For my 25th birthday, I got myself a s&w model 640 .357, and it's my baby. My boyfriend's dad is an instructor at the range, and I love going with him to shoot. There's little better than bonding over revolvers!

I'm a member of the Federalist Society. I've read the Federalist Papers in their entirety several times.

And I want to start a movement to bring fun, excessively violent games back to P.E. in grammar schools. Life without dodgeball, melting candles freeze tag, tackle kickball, medic, and Death Soccer simply isn't worth living. Do we really want the upcoming generation to be total wimps and hippies?

When I draw liberals, I always imagine them wearing pointy hats. Why is that? It takes a pointy hat to cover a pointy head I'd assume said pointy hat is made of tinfoil?

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since sometime around early 2005

What's your favorite IMAO post? I love "In My World" and anything with Aquaman. Especially Aquaman having a bad day. And I like any about guns.

What's you favorite political issue? Political corruption, specifically politicians who claim to be in it for the "little man" getting caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. I also get pretty passionate about constitutional law debates. I've been involved in some Second Amendment cases.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope, I don't have a website. I'm somewhat of a luddite. My computer is a glorified typewriter with spotty internet access.

Where have all the flowers gone? Wherever they are, hopefully the so-called "flower children" will follow them, and never ever come back. Damn hippies. We need to come up with a way to use hippie-stench as a renewable energy source if they won't simply disappear of their own accord. Nah, it can be a non-renewable energy source. Like the human goo from The Matrix ... or Soylent Green! Yeah! A new use for the Green Party!

* * * *

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you're still in the running. Eventually I'll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.7/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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August 30, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Pork & Beans
Posted by Frank J. at 04:56 PM
Pork & Beans
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Pork & Beans.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I wrote a practice on vernacular for my writing instructor in college that had to do with eating pork & beans. She loved it and most everything else that I wrote. I signed all my homework with that name. At the end of the term she suggested I read Twain’s and Patrick McMannus’ books; she said they have that “pork & beans” flavor. Kinda stuck.

Where do you live? I live on a wide spot in the road in rural western Oregon called Kings Valley.

How old are you? 51, but I feel older most times.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I grew up in the area where I live. I worked as a logger for many years (that’s why I hate those filthy stinkin’ hippies!). After my body started to break down, I worked for a major printer manufacturer as a technician for 11 years. Now I’m laid-off and looking for work. My wife and I breed Siberian Huskies and that helps a little.

Who would win in a fight between Wolverine and Aquaman if the fight were underwater (remember that Wolverine can't breathe underwater)? Also, Wolverine's claws are broken, he's hung over, and he put his mask on backwards. Who would win? I can’t breathe underwater, don’t have claws, I’m extremely hung over, put my pants on backwards, and even I could probably kick Aquaman’s butt. Wolverine, hands down!

How long have you been reading IMAO? Three or four years I think.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I have to say “Frank the Artist” is my favorite. You are an artistic and comic genius! I love Newsish Fakery (my photoshop work was posted there once).” There was a post by Lawrence Simon about your’s and his trip to the Olive Garden that was great. And, anything by Harvey.

What's you favorite political issue? It’s all so maddening, but too important to ignore. The things democrats do to win just boils my blood. My state is “vote by mail.” My mail carrier is a stinkin’ hippie with Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers on her old Volvo station wagon. Our county (Benton) voted for socialized medicine when this blue state voted it down by 70%. I’m sure my ballot hasn’t been counted since 2000.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes I have two. One is for our dog breeding business(it was built using MS Publisher so it needs to be viewed in IE) and the other is a blog I just started. I aspire to write like Patrick McMannus and thought I’d start writing funny stories about growing up here along with other things that come to mind. It’s pretty lame and only has one real post on it, but it’s a true story (I’ll embellish later). http://skipnrocks.blogspot.com. Be kind!

How would you protect the borders? Personally, I’d have the oil companies build several refineries in Mexico first. Then I’d launch a full scale invasion on Latin America and conquer everything to the Columbian border. Panama would be broken into two states separated by the canal. The state of South Panama would become our largest military base. Our Southern border would be less then one hundred miles and a ten mile strip to the north would be firing range for all weaponry. Otherwise, I’d utilize S.M.I.T.E or the Mexi-Cannon.

* * * *

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you're still in the running. Eventually I'll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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August 29, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Hebert
Posted by Frank J. at 05:30 PM
Hebert
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Hebert.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? My parents named me Hebert. It's from the Bible.

Where do you live? Tacoma, Washington.

How old are you? 22 years old

Tell us briefly about yourself. I have a hilarious job (well…the disconnect between what I imagined my job would be when I was a kid and the job I ended up with is hilarious) that pays much more than I'm worth because I have a degree from an expensive school which I couldn't afford. The system works!

I don't think I like you. Why is that? There are lots of possible reasons. You might resent the fact that I'm funnier than you. And smarter. And that I'm better looking than you and that my girlfriend is prettier than your wife. Or, you may just resent my malignant narcissism.

However, if any of those are the reasons, then an additional reason would be that you're crazy, because most of those aren't even remotely true.

Maybe the reason you don't think you like me is that you just don't think about me at all. Which is fine. Nobody else does either.

Whatever the reason, should I assume that you do think you don't like me? (Gets out pen and list of names…) Just curious…

How long have you been reading IMAO? Umm…two years, I think.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I like Frank the Artist. Also, whenever the crazy monkey posts (not spacemonkey, the dumb monkey.)

[Not spacemonkey? -Ed.]

What's you favorite political issue? Imperialism! For fun and profit! Like this:

"Everything looks good from here... Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive."

( Stegosaurus) "We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... 'This Land'."

(T-Rex) "I think we should call it...your grave!"

(Stegosaurus) "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

(T-Rex) "Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!"

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes, I have a myspace page that I put together in High School. At least, I think I do, but I can't find it.

If you could fire liberals out of a cannon, what would fire them at? Uhhhh....Helen Hunt, maybe. Or the Bahamas. Probably the Bahamas.

* * * *

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you're still in the running. Eventually I'll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.6/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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August 28, 2007
Ronin Profiles: George guy
Posted by Frank J. at 06:05 PM
George guy
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's George guy.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I was named George after my grandfather, and I'm a guy.

Where do you live? State College, Pennsylvania. It's basically the armpit of Penn State
University.

How old are you? 21.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm an artist for the most part, even though I didn't get through art
school. I blame the evil socialist public school system for squelching my ambition. I was going to get into animation, but it was really hard, so until I can try again I'm cleaning houses.

If you were to condense IMAO into one word, what would it be? Plausible.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Close to 3 years, I think.

What's your favorite IMAO post? This one: http://www.imao.us/archives/001840.html. I think it's the
first really funny one I read.

What's you favorite political issue? Education, if that can be called a political issue. I rather like the idea of having kids some day and it's rather depressing to see all the crap going on in the schools these days. I don't think education should be a political issue. The fact that politicians have a say in what goes on with schools is itself a problem.

If education doesn't count, I'd go with federalism. Keeping government localized is a good way to keep the liberals and their insane policies contained before we get to the point where we can seize power and punch them all in their dumb monkey faces.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. http://thinginess.comicgenesis.com It's a sort of surreal serial adventure comic strip. Among other things, it has environmentalists getting slaughtered. I should have another page up by the end of the month.

The bomb will go off in three more seconds. Red wire, black wire, blue wire, green wire: Which do you cut? I'd rule out the blue one because that's nobody's favorite color except for the UN, and they don't use bombs so much as stern condemnations. Red's the favorite color of communists, but they're all environmental now and bombs make too much carbon dioxide, contributing to global warming. Green would be out too in that case except that it's also the Muslims' favorite color, so I'm inclined to go with green. They could just as easily choose black, but I don't think they'd want to be associated with emo punk kids, as that lifestyle is a form of devil worship invented by the Jews and Americans in the 19th century, so they say.

[I think you used up your three seconds. -Ed.]

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.0/5 (9 votes cast)

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August 27, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Patriot Xeno
Posted by Frank J. at 05:26 PM
Patriot Xeno
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Patriot Xeno.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Nothing exciting. I adopted (stole from Orson Scott Card) Xenocide as my name for Counter Strike, which was shortened to Xeno, and added the Patriot when I started blogging just because it sounded cool. I'm pretty sure Grim suggested it - I probably was thinking something like "Xeno the Impaler" or something.

Where do you live? Just a small town in northern Indiana that nobody's ever heard of. 2 stoplights - it's fantastic. If I could live there the rest of my life I would.

How old are you? 26.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Just your typical ultra conservative Christian Marine nerd. I shoot guns, despise hippies and wish Batman was real.

If you saw a monkey faced liberal but had your hands tied behind your back, what would you do? Well not bite him, that's for sure. There's no telling where he's been.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since late '04 - Grim emailed me one of your articles saying "dude, this guy is you, only funny"

What's your favorite IMAO post? Probably this one "http://www.imao.us/archives/002843.html ", but there are some other great In My Worlds, and I'm pretty partial to Know Thy Enemy and the Aquaman bits.

What's you favorite political issue? Tough call, with all the big ones out there I get fired up about, but I'd have to with either taxation (it's out of control) or the ridiculous regulations they keep imposing on legitimate businesses ( i.e. no smoking in restaurants, no trans fat, osha, etc)

Are you aware that Batman is by far the greatest superhero? Yes.

[I don't remember asking that. -Ed.]

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes, rhog.blogspot.com. It's pretty awesome - we went to war with China a while back and totally thrashed them because they banned our site (but no more!) My buddy from college (Citizen Grim) started it with me a couple years back, largely influenced by IMAO. We used to post a lot more but we've gotten a lot busier. Which is ok, since I will never again write anything as good as my older stuff - especially the eHarmony saga.

You met my brother at Marine OCS; is he as dumb as he looks? He's good people, I'd have no qualms about him watching my back.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

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August 24, 2007
Ronin Profiles: brandEn
Posted by Frank J. at 06:07 PM
brandEn
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's brandEn.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? It is my name. Just with an emphasis on the part that people misspell. I hate it when people misspell my name.

Where do you live? Coral Springs, Florida (but I'm currently in Orlando for college).

How old are you? 19.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm a 2nd year computer engineering student at the University of Central Florida (go Knights!). Sometimes I like to pretend I can take really good pictures. I don't show them to many people, so my bubble never gets popped. Other times, I like to pretend I'm a superhero. I'm very complex.

I think the moon has been getting closer lately. Does this trouble you? Yes. It means the man in the moon is finally exacting his revenge on the peoples of Earth. God save us if he unleashes his zombie/android/pirate monkeys (he's had a lot of time to combine things). The only good that'll come of this is that nuking the moon should become even more popular.

How long have you been reading IMAO? For about 3 years.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Any that talk about Aquaman getting his butt handed to him by something mundane.

What's you favorite political issue? Affirmative Action. It's really easy to taunt it's supporters. Them: "We support Affirmative Action" Me: "Why? Do you think minorities aren't good enough to get jobs on their own? RACIST!" And then I laugh and punch them in their dumb monkey faces.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No, I'm not cool enough.

[Few are. -Ed.]

If space aliens land in D.C., should we wait to listen to their message of peace or should we kill them immediately? We let them live, but make them replace the current Congress (anything would be an improvement). We, of course, could still hold the threat of death above them to make them perform more to our liking.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.4/5 (17 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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August 23, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Andrew
Posted by Frank J. at 06:08 PM
Andrew
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Andrew.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? One day I was walking along and was blinded by a brilliant flash of light. As I stumbled around in a blind stupor I heard a booming voice declaring, "I am Fred Thompson. From this day forward you will work toward advancing my political goals under the name Andrew. No go forth and punch liberals in their dumb monkey faces." Oh, and that's also the name on my birth certificate.

Where do you live? Scottsbluff, Nebraska

How old are you? 18

Tell us briefly about yourself. I am a freshman at the University of Nebraska majoring in broadcasting and political science with plans to become a sportscaster. I'm also very proud to say that I have a number of family members who have served in the military, including a cousin who will begin his second tour in Iraq beginning sometime around November.

What do you think made John Edwards such a little sissy? My theory is that when he was young he was taunted constantly for having a name very similar to that of known scam artist Jonathan Edward and was regularly beaten up for his lunch money by Rosie O'Donnell

How long have you been reading IMAO? About three or four years. I first became interested in the sight when I saw the Fun Facts About The French t-shirt on Thoseshirts.com and loved it.

What's your favorite IMAO post?
There are so many, but I'll have to say Know Thy Enemy, Fred Thompson Facts, and IMAO Condensed are my favorites.

What's you favorite political issue? I'm not sure I really have a favorite, but the one I talk about the most is winning in Iraq, which in a sane world wouldn't be political at all it would be common sense. Other than that, I'm a big fan of anything that leaves liberals in a sputtering rage.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. www.andrewexmachina.blogspot.com Basically I post about whatever is going on in my life that I feel the need to write about or that annoys me. I try to post regularly every Friday and whenever I have something to talk about during the week. As much as I wish I could take credit for the clever Latin title that makes me sound smart, I must confess I ripped it off from the Dennis ex Machina segments that Dennis Miller sometimes does on his radio show.

You are being attacked by zombies. Which weapon do you choose: shotgun or flamethrower? A shotgun that uses flaming shells. That way I can have the best of both worlds when killing zombies. However the most effective way is still to tell Fred Thompson the zombies want to raise his taxes.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.2/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (21)
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August 22, 2007
Ronin Profiles: G Fresh
Posted by Frank J. at 05:59 PM
G Fresh
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's G Fresh.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? This bar I used to hang out at all the time back home in Indiana had one of those 25 cent touch screen gaming systems, or as I liked to call it, "The Crack Machine". I had a huge Crystal Balls rivalry with a friend of mine who worked at the bar. Whenever you got one of the top 3 scores you got to put your name on the high scorers list. Unfortunately, there were only 7 characters allowed so rather than trying to do a personalized license plate version of my full name, my friend suggested that I use G Fresh because I am the whitest and un-hip-hoppiest person ever. It just kind of stuck. I actually have friends in real life who call me G Fresh pretty much exclusively.

Where do you live? Nashville, TN

How old are you? I just turned 30 on 07/07/07. It's not too late to send me presents. Hookers and blow or Frank J's book are always a good way to go.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm 30 years old, single and childless which I suspect makes my parents think I'm either gay, which I'm not, or that I'm just retarded when it comes to relationships, which is a distinct possibility. I'm a singer/songwriter who shamelessly plugs himself constantly (and not in the weird, creepy John Edwards kind of way, but more along the lines of www.myspace.com/matthewgates ) and I like beer...and waffles.

What's worse: A monkey or a liberal? Whew, that's a tough one, but I think I'm gonna have to go with a liberal on this one. The intelligence level is about the same between the two, but liberals tend to have an adult human digestive tract which produces far more poo for flinging than a monkey's.

How long have you been reading IMAO? A couple of years I think. I "Stumbled" on it one glorious, life-changing day and finally found a place where I could freely express my (until then) hidden desire to nuke the moon.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I'm a big fan of Frank the Artist as well as In My World.

What's you favorite political issue? Currently it's illegal immigration and the always popular Global War On Terror.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I've got the obligatory musician's Myspace which I plugged earlier, but I've also got a youtube site with some of my musical performance videos at www.youtube.com/mattygfresh.

What would you rather have: A star destroyer or a death star? I think having a death star would be a little bit scary because that would mean that the moon could in fact nuke you. I'm gonna have to go with the star destroyer. The mere thought of the carbon footprint I could create by flying that thing around makes my giblets go all-a-tingle. It's like the ultimate SUV!

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.0/5 (8 votes cast)

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August 21, 2007
Ronin Profiles: CCHEMuse
Posted by Frank J. at 07:21 PM
CCHEMuse
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's CCHEMuse.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I wish I had some mystical reasoning behind my choice of handle....in actuality it's my old blog alias & it defines who I am: Conservative, Catholic, Home Educating, Muse. Yes, "Muse" - as in GODDESS!! Okay - not really goddess --- just "Muse" because I ramble about nothing in particular from time to time, but in my own private world it all makes sense....have I ever told you I think the guy that invented the Pringle's canister was a genius?!

Where do you live? Well, in the old Beetle Bailey comics, they called it Camp Swampy, but we call it Fort Stewart, GA....pretty area, about an hour west of Savannah where Paula Deen makes a mean pot pie!!

How old are you? Ouch.....according to the calendar, I'm just starting to squint towards 40......but according to the way I feel, I'm easily 92.....

Tell us briefly about yourself. Well, I'm a proud, Proud, PROUD ARMY wife of a deployed soldier who is serving again in the sandbox over there.....I'm also momma to four --- 1 college double major (Culinary / Psychology - not sure HOW that happened!), 1 USMarine, and two cute blondes - 1 just started high school & the other just started fifth grade....hmmmm - maybe the calendar is right....we've also got a shepherd (Yo Adrian), a lab (Zoe), and a psychotic cat (Peyton) to round out the brood........Okay - if I tell you the rest, you still have to let me play here, alright.....I'm a vegan, I do believe in Roswell, and I don't believe we ever walked on the moon --- other than that, I'm perfectly conservative!!

Name one use for a liberal. Gosh - only ONE?? Ummm.....target practice readily pops to mind.....or IED shield......either way works - oh - only one - yeah - target practice for sure...

How long have you been reading IMAO? Actually, GW (that's my hubby - yes, his name is GW, yes, the rest is the same too, and yes, we're actually related....) found you guys about 2 years ago while searching for conservative t-shirts, but I didn't start reading faithfully until he deployed, so, about a year......

What's your favorite IMAO post? That's a tough one....I love the IMAO Condensed series....Harvey's the bomb.....and the Fred Thompson facts are a riot.......but honestly, I think I'm most looking forward to the Ronin Profiles when I tune in each day now --- it's kindda nice to see the 'real people side' of the world renown IMAO blog - you've got your own cult following...I might start selling 'IMAO Groupie' t-shirts or something....

[I find it's nice to put a little something behind the screen names. Everyone has a story worth hearing. -Ed.]

What's you favorite political issue? Right now it's a toss up between the War on Terror and Illegal Immigration.....I still think we should flatten everything that doesn't say USA and say to hell with it.....

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Website, no --- blog that drones on & on about nothing, YES! Nothing much of any real interest to anyone other than my soldier - it's the way I kept him linked to the girls....but now he can only access it from certain areas within that place with the airport, so - yeah - just a bunch of 'what matters most to me' stuff! But, if you're so inclined, be my guest! http://peytonsmom.blogspot.com/

Do you think flamethrowers should be used by the U.S. military again? While I won't answer that directly, I will say that I think the Geneva Conventions & the Law of Armed Conflict are a little too restrictive - what's the point when WE'RE the only ones upholding the standard.....and in some of the close arms combat we've seen recently, I can see where the revival of the flamethrower idea has merit....Gives a whole new meaning to 'fight fire with fire!' Plus our guys can roast marshmallows in their down time!

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 1.8/5 (6 votes cast)

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August 20, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Da Coyote
Posted by Frank J. at 07:09 PM
Da Coyote
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Da Coyote.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I joined a group trying to keep Space Above and Beyond on the air many years ago. The group was organized as a fighter squadron that had a canine theme. I selected Coyote (sort of doggish) and soon after the show was canceled. I kind of liked the nickname, rather fitting for me if you've ever seen a Road Runner cartoon, and so I began to use it as my online alias other places. But Coyote was, more often than not, already taken. As was "The Coyote". So I threw a "Da" in front of it. That makes it different enough that it is usually not already taken. So now in many corners of the net I'm known as 'Da Coyote'

Where do you live? Beaverton, Oregon

How old are you? 34 years and change.

Tell us briefly about yourself. 34, married, one kid, employed, in debt up to my hairline (which is receding), concealed handgun permit bearer, gun owner, voter, and though such titles are too vague to properly describe the range of issues involved you might call me a 'Libertarian Federalist'. Maybe it's just easier if I say that I haven't read anything from Thomas Sowell that wasn't right on the money.

Trolls: Do they make comments more or less entertaining? Depends on if it's a Ron Paul supporter or not.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Off and on for about 1 1/2 years.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I'd have to go with the Fred Thompson Facts.

What's you favorite political issue? Not a 'favorite', but I'm most passionate about the right to bear arms. Federalism is a close second, but I truly believe that the day the government goes for the guns is the day America, and the world in general, will fall into a new dark age.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a 'space' with the MSN network that comes with my net access called "Blatant Plagiarism with a smile" but I've never got around to putting anything there. One of these days perhaps I will post a tome of wisdom there for the betterment of humanity. Probably not though.

If you had enough strength to throw someone across a room, how often do you think you would do that? I do have enough strength to throw someone across the room- but my two-year-old hasn't quite eroded my sanity that far yet.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.1/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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August 17, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Katablog
Posted by Frank J. at 05:31 PM
Katablog
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Katablog.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? It starts with Katsuey, which was a word my hubby invented to describe what he was threatening to turn one of my cats into (It involved Chinese food). I took the name as an Internet nick and from there came katsuey.com, a free legal research site, my web site design business, katsueydesignworks.com and finally my blog katablog.com.

Where do you live? Someplace no one has ever heard of : Lansing, KS

How old are you? Older than dirt, but not quite as messy when I get wet.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm an Accountant turned Paralegal turned Website Developer. I guess I have a problem making up my mind, but I'm not sure about that.

Do you believe that trees are evil? Only certain trees. Like the ones that give off that cotton fluff and of course all trees that provide refuge to illegal immigrating squirrels.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Probably about 1 year.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I love the John Edwards fabulous facts and I enjoy reading the reader profiles. Many of the take-offs you do on current news stories are really funny but because the world is so screwy I sometimes can't figure out which part is true and which is fiction.

What's you favorite political issue? Hmmm, favorite? I'm not sure about that, but illegal aliens (now called immigrants by MSM and NutRoots) really gets my blood pressure boiling along with learning just how my tax money is being spent this year.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Katablog.com is written through the eyes of my very politically savvy kat, Cowkitty. He's too lazy to actually write it so I end up having to pen his thoughts.

What would you do for a Klondike Bar? More appropriate of a question would be, what wouldn't I do for a
Klondike Bar.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.2/5 (6 votes cast)

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August 16, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Dick
Posted by Frank J. at 07:00 PM
Dick
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Dick.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I was involved in a rather nasty argument a few years back with a crazed, tree-hugging, liberal broad. In the midst of the furor, she stopped what she was doing, then began to scream out that I was nothing but a big dick.

I thanked her for the beautiful idea, smiled pleasantly, and walked away.

Where do you live? Dallas, Texas, where I was born and raised. Sorry, no habla. Should I?

How old are you? Somewhere around seven in dog years. What about yourself?

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm one of the growing number of people who've met the love of their life through blogging and I couldn't imagine a life without her.

I freely admit that I was a Liberal when I was young. Fortunately, by the age of six, I learned to read and write, resulting in my political leanings changing dramatically.

I spent six years in the US Army Infantry, leaving as a Buck Sergeant. Most of my time in the service was spent far down South or in Europe. My drink of choice is Cuervo Black tequila straight, three fingers at a time. I was spit at, and called a baby killer back when it was fashionable.

My first novel is going to press as I type.

What is it about terrorists that makes us love to kill them? What's not to love? Every time a terrorist is toasted by one of our guys, Rosy gains another pound. Other than that, it has to be the crunchy sound they make when they go.

How long have you been reading IMAO? A couple or three years now, but that all depends on how much I've had to drink.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Me? I enjoy your quick quotes. The Fred Thompson and John Edwards facts are usually priceless. Notice I said usually. Sometimes you drop a turd, but I pretty much let those slide.

[Hey; no one bats a thousand. -Ed.]

What's you favorite political issue? Anytime Charles Rangel screws up and opens his pie hole. That gravy sucking bottom dweller cracks me up with the ludicrous crap he spews.

Also, I'm one of the few who wouldn't mind a civil war, but only if we could get the geographical boundaries sorted out.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. http://bigdicksplace.blogspot.com/

It's small in comparison to this joint with only 800-1000 readers a day, but I have fun with it. My Fattie Fridays are not for the weak of heart.

How do you cheer yourself up on a rainy day? It's the middle of August. I'm in Texas. We're begging for rain.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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August 15, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Devil_Dog
Posted by Frank J. at 07:23 PM
Devil_Dog
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Devil_Dog.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? It's a nickname for United States Marines-- of which I am one. It comes from WW-I when the German officers said the American Marines fought like "Teufel-hunden," which were the vicious, wild, and ferocious mountain dogs of Bavarian folklore.

Where do you live? Currently in Reno, Nevada (from Colorado, though).

How old are you? Forty-three... chronologically, that is.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Retired from USMC. Currently working in national nuclear security, teaching all manner of death-dealing (armed and unarmed fighting skills). All "free" time spent with family and writing my novels.

Do you think ninjas are underused in foreign policy? There is no way to overstate just how underused they are in foreign policy! Imagine the instant respect (and cold, stark fear) from the world if Condoleezza Rice had appointed a ninja to a high-level diplomatic post... instead of Cal Ripkin Jr. Now THERE'S a press conference for you!

How long have you been reading IMAO? Since 2003.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Hands down, "In My World: Career Day": http://www.imao.us/archives/000602.html - You've never written anything funnier than that one!

What's you favorite political issue? Probably national defense, since nothing else matters unless we're safe from the bad guys.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. For two years, I posted on Right Equals Might (www.rightequalsmight.com). I just put that site on hiatus in order to concentrate on my books. Just published one about Guardian Angels called "Guardian Dear" (here's the trailer for it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=j8ckPtJwz28 - and the web site for it: http://www.guardiandear.com/ ), and I'm finishing another on a completely different subject.

BTW, you would like "Guardian Dear," since it deals with lots of violence (swords galore!) and the Book of Tobit figures prominently in it. Non-Catholics will like it, too... maybe just not as much.

What kind of person do you imagine dislikes IMAO? Probably the standard, prototypical, drooling, dumb, monkey-faced drone who sacrificed a sense of humor for "speaking truth to power."

Also probably werewolves... what with the whole moon thing and all.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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August 14, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Rick
Posted by Frank J. at 08:05 PM
Rick
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Rick.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? What can I say but that it's the name Karl Rove assigned me when I was born. I just noticed recently that there is another Rick on here, so I will be changing my name to Raving Lunatic. How do I come by that? Because my raving lunatic ways. They keep the crazies away. Or maybe it's the guns...

Where do you live? Goldsboro, NC. Home of Seymour-Johnson Air Force Base and the freakin' awesome F-15E Strike Eagle

How old are you? A psychotic 38. Some days I feel like I'm 11, others I feel like a salty old codger who's discovered young punks on his grass.

Tell us briefly about yourself. NC Native. Former musician. Private Pilot. NRA Life Member. Math Wizard. God's gift to Structural Steel Estimating. Super Stud (okay, I made that up). Brief enough?

Name a situation in which you'd expect someone to exclaim, "This looks like a job for Aquaman!" I dunno, I've never been that drunk.

How long have you been reading IMAO? About 5 months (thank Michelle Malkin). I came over once before, a little over a year ago, read a couple of posts, and said "This crap is stupid." It must have been an off day for us both!

[We don't do smart crap. -Ed.]

What's your favorite IMAO post? Know thy Enemy and In My World are pretty dang good

What's you favorite political issue? Isn't that sort of like asking which limb you enjoy having amputated? I care most about 2nd Amendment rights, National Security, and reducing that monstrosity we call the Mafia... oops, I mean the Federal Government. Illegal immigration ranks up there, too.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yuppers, I'm one them there amateur bloggers. It's at 360.yahoo.com/rwoolard69 and it's called the Bodega of Babble. Of particular interest to you Frank, in all your worthy ninja worship, would be the entry Baby Ninja Strikes. The blog mostly consists of me being a smartass about politics and vainly attempting to be funny, plus political cartoons. And the occasional raving lunatic rant.

Do you think IMAO is balanced enough in its opinions, or is it too balanced? I think it's a little too balanced. We here at the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy are beginning to think you aren't a real right winger. As per the recent Republican fundraising letter I received, "We're beginning to doubt your credentials." You're beginning to sound an awful lot like a monkey-faced liberal, and quite frankly, we're tired of it. Get it together, son!

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.8/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (10)
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August 13, 2007
Ronin Profiles: ChrisA
Posted by Frank J. at 06:23 PM
ChrisA
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's ChrisA.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I was originally posting as Chris, but then another Chris started posting, so I decided to copy FrankJ and use my last initial. I'm not very clever at inventing nicknames for myself.

Where do you live? Winnebago, MN. And yes... we have a Dairy Queen here... not much else, though. My wife and I moved up here a year ago from Phoenix. You can shoot guns out on the farms! All I have to do now is finally get my own gun.

How old are you? 27

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm married, work in a factory, go to church as a part-time aspiring Catholic. My hobbies are BBQing, playing with power tools, and making fun of hippies. I'm also looking at going to school to become an engineer.

Humor is fascist. Explain. I would've almost said it wasn't. But, maybe it is in the sense that it causes you to laugh uncontrollably, have difficulty breathing. After having experienced real humor, you'd have even more trouble being able to tolerate hate-filled lefties. So could it be fascist for having forced a change?

How long have you been reading IMAO? I've been reading for a few years now. I'm not sure how I found it anymore, but it made me laugh.

What's your favorite IMAO post? In My World has been a favorite along with some of the Don't Be a Hate-Filled Lefty. Fabulous Facts of John Edwards have been fun, too.

What's you favorite political issue? I like anything that exposes corrupt politicians or debunks the mainstream media. Crushing the immigration bill has been a real 'power to the people' moment.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a dorky blog at http://bitofterrific.blogspot.com/ I don't post very often, and it's usually about food when I do.

What would you do with a million pesos? I would ask my wife for a quarter, then I'd combine it with the million pesos and go to Burger King to get a value meal. Or, I could convert it all into Canadian money and be one of the richest people there!

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.0/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (19)
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August 10, 2007
Ronin Profiles: GEBIV
Posted by Frank J. at 06:41 PM
GEBIV
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's GEBIV.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? It's my initials... plus my number. I'm the 4th GEB.

Where do you live? Just outside of Buffalo, NY. And no. It doesn't snow here year-round.

How old are you? 33. But I'll be turning 35 about 2 weeks before the next Presidential election. If Fred Thompson doesn't throw his hat in the ring, I'll give some serious thought to running, myself.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm not tall. I'm single. (Coincidence?)

When people compliment me for this hilarious things Harvey wrote, is okay I take credit? I'd be careful about that. I'm pretty sure he knows where you live, and has a working understanding of radioactive materials.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Long time. I think, since about when the whole Puppy Blender thing started.

What's your favorite IMAO post? Hard to pick a real favorite, although some of the "In My World" episodes have made me laugh so hard I saw spots.

What's you favorite political issue? Global Warming. And it really is political, more than scientific.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I've had There's One, Only! for a while. It used to have lots of humorous stuff about politics and Evil Glenn, back when I was posting stuff for The Alliance roundups. But lately, it's been mostly rants.

If you could ask one questions at a Republican presidential debate, what would it be? "Are you going to stand up to Congress and the MSM, and represent Conservative ideals after you're elected, or are you going to stab us in the back like a RINO?" -or- "Boxer's or briefs?" It's a toss-up.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.0/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (19)
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August 09, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Wacky Hermit
Posted by Frank J. at 06:25 PM
Wacky Hermit
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Wacky Hermit.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I don't get out much, I just stay in with my kids a lot of the time, and it makes me kinda wacky. There's a bit of a Coleridge poem on my blog's sidebar about a hermit who loves to meet travelers. Mostly I just like to meet people who aren't hanging from the chandelier, demanding snacks, or sticking Legos down their pants. It makes a nice change.

Where do you live? I live in Tooele (pronounced too-WILL-uh), one of Utah's many rural towns, about half an hour's drive from Salt Lake City. It is a very boring hick town where the best shopping is at Wal-Mart.

How old are you? I have a brother. 22 years ago, he was half my age. Our combined age now is 62. You do the math.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I am married with four children; two have Asperger's Syndrome (a kind of autism) and two have multiple food allergies. My husband works for a very nice software company. I have an M.S. in mathematics and I am a part-time adjunct professor. I like all sorts of geeky things. My laptop has Linux. I can make my own cheese. I've done about half the things on Lazarus Long's list already. And any minute now, I'm going to die of exhaustion. :)

What do you recommend should be government policy on monkeys? Monkeys should be trained to operate graphing calculators so that high school students can be relieved of that responsibility and get on with learning some real mathematics.

How long have you been reading IMAO? A few years; I can't keep track of time anymore. I had to get out a pencil and paper just to figure out how old I am now!

What's your favorite IMAO post? I love the editorials, Know Thy Enemy, and In My World. Anything by Harvey is good for a laugh too.

What's you favorite political issue? Education. I can rant on and on about education (particularly math education) until somebody yanks the soapbox out from under me, or until my baby starts flinging his poo, whichever comes first. Usually it's the poo.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a blog, Organic Baby Farm (http://organicbabyfarm.blogspot.com), which I update every whenever-the-hell-I-get-a-minute-to-have-a-stray-thought-and-write-it-down.
I also sell my fabulous needlework and tie-dyed baby onesies at http://curiousworkmanship.etsy.com .

If you could ask one question at a Democratic debate, what would it be? "When is it over?" I really have no interest in listening to pie-in-the-sky weasel-talk. I've already had to replace the needle in my bull$#!^ detector several times during college. It's a pain in the butt and I don't have time to do it again.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.0/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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August 08, 2007
Ronin Profiles: hwy93
Posted by Frank J. at 06:31 PM
hwy93
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's hwy93.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Hwy93 is the main street of Liberty.

Where do you live? Liberty, South Carolina. Not sure what the population is but the whole town can fit in the high school football stadium.

How old are you? Just turned 43.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Recently remarried, just celebrated our 2 month anniversary. It was both of our second time around. She had three boys and a girl and I had three girls and a boy, so now we have four of each. Only six are still at home but four of them are teenagers. Fun Fact: Our Moms set us up. So naturally I had to stalk her before our first date to make sure she wasn't heinous. You do NOT want to trust your mom's opinion on whether or not a girl is hot.

Why do you think liberals' faces resemble those of monkeys? My theory is that it's due to the amount of time liberals spend looking at the monkeys on the evolutionary ladder one rung above them.

How long have you been reading IMAO? approx 4 to 5 years.

What's your favorite IMAO post? "SuperEgo" and "In My World." SuperEgo would make a great movie.

What's you favorite political issue? Since Lindsey Grahmnasty is my senator it's illegal Immigration the GWOT and getting rid of Lindsey Graham.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I've toyed with the idea, but I'm really just too lazy.

If you had flying battle armor like Iron Man, how awesome would that be? It would be the most awesome ever! I would however have a bottle opener and a sound system installed. That way when I wasn't doing pointlessly vicious things to bad people like terrorists or Lindsey Graham, everyone would want me to come to their parties.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.2/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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August 07, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Bob in Feenicks
Posted by Frank J. at 06:52 PM
Bob in Feenicks
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Bob in Feenicks.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? My name is Robert but most people call me Bob. The city where I live sounds like "Feenicks". I spell it phonetically to be different, and to confuse any monkeys who might be out to get me. The monkey threat, which I learned of from IMAO, is the reason I prefer my location to remain undisclosed.

Where do you live? Oshkosh. (weren't you paying attention to the answer to the previous question?)

How old are you? 39.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I was born in Queens, NY and my family moved to Pho...I mean, Oshkosh when I was 13. I'm a civil engineer and I am still single. I'm also Catholic, and a member of the Knights of
Columbus. If you're familiar with the KofC, you know about the first four degrees, but I'm also a member of the secret fifth degree, which is the militant wing. It's our duty to behead all who insult our Religion of Peace, because Jesus, the benevolent, forgiving and merciful wants us to. Jesus Ackbar! (I have a sword too, but it's really dull, so it hurts more)

If you couldn't nuke the moon, what other celestial body would you want to nuke? If possible, I'd launch Michael Moore into orbit and nuke him. He's big enough to be mistaken for a moon.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I've been reading IMAO for a long time. I was around for IMAO's first blogiversary and the Great Blog War. Although, it was a while before I posted my first comment.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I really enjoy In My Worlds. I'm amazed you were able to get a bug in the Oval Office, and that the Secret Service hasn't found it yet.

What's you favorite political issue? Whatever crazy, wacky antics the left is up to in which their actions blatantly contradict their words, such as 'supporting our troops' or creating 'the most ethical congress ever'. It makes it so much easier to mock them. And fun.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No, I refuse to have anything to do with the internet because AlGore invented it.

-Oh wait a minute.

If you could wish one politician away to the cornfield, who would it be? Just about the entire democratic party, but if it's only one, it would be...John McCain. Mavericks like corn, right?

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.6/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (25)
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August 06, 2007
Ronin Profiles: FormerHostage
Posted by Frank J. at 06:05 PM
FormerHostage
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's FormerHostage.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name (didn't I have a post on that?)? Iran, November 4, 1979. Google it.

Where do you live? Second townhouse from the left.

How old are you? I forget and it's hard for people to guess my age because I have the body of a 20 year old (and he's gonna be real pissed when he sees what I've done to it!)

Tell us briefly about yourself. Born in a small town. Joined "The Suck" to get away. Re-enlisted twice, got accepted to a commissioning program. Retired as a Captain. Conservative but not rabidly so. If you have different views, that's cool just don't bother me with your sillyass ideas. I'm a math wiz, a programming demi-god, and a damn fine woodworker...I made all my son's furniture in his room along with several bookcases and end tables. My wife once bought a pair of brushed silver star shaped door knobs and told me to "build something for them!" The result was a "ship locker" style armoire for my son.

Iran: Is it as fun as it looks? Only through a bomb sight.

How long have you been reading IMAO? A few years. If you need a more specific date you'll have to contact NSA and get a FISA warrant.

What's your favorite IMAO post? The "Know Thy Enemy" posts tickle me.

What's you favorite political issue? Killin' territz.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. whitehouse.com...no...wait!

Have you ever fantasized about being a Scanner (i.e ., able to make people's heads explode by staring at them)? Ahem...I was a Marine Mustang (prior enlisted commissioned officer), that's one of the tests you have to pass before you get your bars! Actually, I was on active duty when I got my degree through the commissioning program so I had to wear my USMC uniform all the time along with the appropriate "war face." When my future wife told a friend that she was dating me, he remarked, "Oh. He's the one that always goes around looking like he's ready to kill someone."

No, my fantasy is to be able to become invisible. Then I could sneak onto the stage at the Democrat debates and eek some nasty poots and see if anyone would say anything.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.1/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (25)
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August 03, 2007
Ronin Profiles: NMUSpidey
Posted by Frank J. at 06:13 PM
NMUSpidey
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's NMUSpidey.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I earned my BA at Northern Michigan University and I like Spider-Man.

Where do you live? Currently, Toledo, OH. But in less than 5 days, Osaka, Japan.

How old are you? More than 25, less than 27.

Tell us briefly about yourself. Well, I am engaged to a ninja, I will be teaching English in Japan, and I love comic books.

What's the most suspicious thing you've ever seen a monkey do? Wear The Man's big yellow hat.

How long have you been reading IMAO? Something like 5 years, maybe? 4? They all run together, you know.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I really like "IMAO Condensed." But I also like "Know Thy Enemy" and anything that is like "Fun Facts About."

What's you favorite political issue? Hm. I would say shrinking the government. They should be worried about bombing small countries filled with sand while we worry about our lunches.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have started a couple blogs, but I'm horribly unmotivated and find myself never updating. EVER. Also, a myspace page. Just try and guess the address!

[I guessed it! -Ed.]

Who would win in a fight between Aquaman and Spider-Man? What if it were underwater? While it is possible that Aquaman could summon flying fish to throw at Spider-Man, the reality is that he would probably see the black spider on the red and blue costume (or the big white spider on the black costume: my favorite) and run screaming in terror, John Edwards style. Underwater, the costume may just be obscured by the water and lack of light to allow Aquaman a few quick punches before he trips over himself and Lex Luthor and the Legion of Doom capture him and Spider-Man has to come to the rescue.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.1/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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August 02, 2007
Ronin Profiles: AlanABQ
Posted by Frank J. at 06:02 PM
AlanABQ
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's AlanABQ

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? The story behind my name is trivial, at best. ABQ is just a freight abbreviation for Albuquerque; I used to do a lot of loading dock work here in North Mexico, before I realized that it was a job that Americans don't want to do...

Where do you live? I think the previous answer pretty much summed that up.

How old are you? I am chronologically 36 years old, but mentally I shift between a 13 year old & a 70 year old with Alzheimer's.

Tell us briefly about yourself.I used to be a stagehand & got to work on a lot of really cool stuff, but due to some really bad experiences with day care providers, I now stay at home during the day with my two little gifts from God. I love to read, play guitar, spend time with my beautiful fiance, hang out with our children & drink copious amounts of coffee.

What's the most exotic thing you ever punched?The most exotic thing I ever punched was a hole in a crowd of antiwar protesters in '03 at the university where I worked at the time. And I almost got arrested for it!

How long have you been reading IMAO? I've been an IMAO fan for a mere year & a half, but I have enjoyed every day of it.

What's your favorite IMAO post? One in particular I found hilarious was under "I Hate Frank", titled 'Eating Habits in the Ghetto' where you responded to an especially vulgar email. Other than that, it varies from IMW to random daily posts.

What's you favorite political issue? Illegal immigration. Bill Richardson for president. This country could do without either one and be a better place for it.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I have a MySpace page, but let's face it; MySpace sucks. Anyway, myspace.com/AlanABQ

What would you do with an army of ninjas? What wouldn't I do with them? They'd be good for yardwork, slicing pizzas, getting to the front of the line at the DMV, rounding up liberals & "guest workers", etc.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (21)
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August 01, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Dr. Phat Tony
Posted by Frank J. at 06:34 PM
Dr. Phat Tony
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Dr. Phat Tony.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Stupid army nickname. My army buddies and I were sitting my room watching the Simpson (the episode that Bart was a bartender for the mob) and since my last name shortened is Tony they all thought that having someone named Phat Tony would be cool. I'm sure that it was Fat at one time but the name was modified after people saw the caliber of women I dated. I added the Dr. in front after some weirdo in your comment section (here) claimed to have a doctorate in some miniscule scope of science to give his wacko ideas more weight.

Where do you live? I live in North Alabama. About 6 hour drive from Spacemonkey land.

How old are you? 29

Tell us briefly about yourself. Just a guy who joined the Army as an infantryman and got lucky enough to serve as a long range surveillance soldier. I had to go all the way to Germany and be stationed there to meet my Polish wife.

Exactly how phat are you? It depends on how cold the water is.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I've been reading IMAO since 2003. Had seen an ad for your Know thy enemy t-shirts and looked you up.

What's your favorite IMAO post? I really loved the IMAO Podcasts. Whatever happened to those things? I bet it's Spacemonkeys fault, or the token Jooooooo.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Who doesn't have a blog now days? http://drphattonys.blogspot.com/ My archives are probably much better than my current stuff, Lately it's just been a left hand writing blog. I broke my first bone on Sunday and did this whole interview with my left hand. All that lefty stuff and I still don't want National Healthcare.

Ever wish you had claws like Wolverine? I always thought Beyonder was the coolest Marvel character. I'm all about being omnipotent.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.4/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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July 31, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Laura
Posted by Frank J. at 06:34 PM
Laura
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Laura.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? According to my father, my mother wouldn't let him name me "Shithead". I know it's vulgar, but it's the truth.

Where do you live? Craphole (AKA Spokane), WA.

How old are you? 25. Old enough to know better, young enough not to care.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I was birthed by a jackal and raised by a troll. After 12 years of preliminary education, I decided to follow my lifelong goal...To take over the World, and eat pancakes galore!

Ever killed a chipmunk? Ever wanted to? Unfortunately, no. Although, I heard they splatter when you hit 'em with a .50 cal.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I'm a "new" subscriber. Only four short months of readership.

What's your favorite IMAO post? lolterizt, and any of the "In My World" posts.

What's you favorite political issue? Illegal Immigration, gun rights, local/national/international terrorism. Oh, and Fred Thompson.

Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes I do. It's my vile little hole of spite and cookies on the intraweb. http://conservativedreaddie.blogspot.com

If you could shoot a powerful beam out your eyes, do you think you could find the spare time to fight evil? Only if evil is defined as Cindy Sheehan, Michael Moore, John Edwards, Barack Obama, and anyone with the last name of "Clinton".

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.0/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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July 30, 2007
Ronin Profiles: ussjimmycarter
Posted by Frank J. at 06:32 PM
ussjimmycarter
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's ussjimmycarter.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? I like the irony of an attack US nuclear submarine named after a dufus like Jimmy Carter who I loathe.

Where do you live? Mound, MN which is a suburb of Minneapolis in occupied territory of
the People's Republic of Minnesota.

How old are you? 54

Tell us briefly about yourself. I didn't do very well in college (Party Time) so I became an IT
guy. I am a Program Manager by trade. I married my high school girlfriend and I ride motorcycles.

Do you know thine enemy? Hippies, Hillary Clinton, Harry Reid and Al Franken who will probably get elected as our next Senator here in Minnesota (sigh).

How long have you been reading IMAO? 3 years, it's my favorite blog since I discovered it!

What's your favorite IMAO post? In My World! They are the best!

What's you favorite political issue? Right now it's Republican stupid! When I watch the Democrats and what they have to offer it's truly amazing that the Republicans ever lose to these guys on any issue in any election in any state period!

Do you have a website? No!

Why are there wars? We've spent a lot of money on our military and how much fun would it be if they never got to kick someone's ass?

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.1/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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July 27, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Jonag
Posted by Frank J. at 06:21 PM
Jonag
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Jonag.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Total inspiration. My first name is Jona (pronounced "John-uh") and my last name starts with G. [Still more clever than "Frank J." -Ed.]

Where do you live? I live in Gilbert, Arizona (about 20 minutes from Phoenix). We've been her 12 years and really hated it the first 5 years but now realise it's a great place to raise kids so we're staying put. One day I will meet Bob in Feenicks and DesertElephant for a beer in Tempe (whilst wearing our Nuke the Moon shirts) and much hippie bashing will ensue.

How old are you? 42

Tell us briefly about yourself. I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon. I have been happily married to Joey for 20 years and we have been blessed with 5 brilliant Rabid Reagan Republicans in the making. I have been homeschooling for over 11 years (including 3 hours of Rush Limbaugh 5 times a week, except when he talks naughty and we have to turn the radio off. I don't want to hear "Mommy, what's a Gorbasm?" just yet.)
I engage in a little bit of capitalism from my home which supports my sewing addiction and coffee habit.

How much do you hate hippies? A hippie once told my mom to go eff herself. Unfortunately for him he did it in front of my dad and sisters. They seriously effed him up. I wish I had been there.
Portland was once a beautiful town but the hippies have ruined it's beauty and reputation (and odor). Another reason we're not moving back.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I have been a FrankJ fan since the letter to Michael Moore of April 2003 (although it seems like forever really)

What's your favorite IMAO post? My most favoritest post ever is this one: http://www.imao.us/archives/000882.html The IMW: The Duke vs Stalin. Everybody should go read it. (oh, and #20 on this one: http://www.imao.us/archives/001438.html)

What's you favorite political issue? It's a toss-up between the war on terror and border security. I'm concerned that the flood of illegals will undo all my well laid (no pun intended) plans to destroy the democrat party by outbreeding them. I've already produced enough voters to undo all of my liberal sister's family's votes and still have 3 conservative votes left! Everyone should be doing their part.

Do you have a website? Not yet. When I get one it will be a pretty periwinkle color.

Do you ever wish you could control fire with your mind? Only when I'm flying over San Francisco.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 3.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (25)
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July 26, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Motopolitico
Posted by Frank J. at 05:40 PM
Motopolitico
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Motopolitico.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Motopolitico is an amalgam of what I thought my blog would be about when I established by Blogger account way back when. Moto= Motorcycles. I like motorcycles. Let me be more specific. I like good, practical motorcycles, not those chrome plated toys ridden by lawyers and doctors on weekends. Politico= politics. I studied Political Science and History at the University of Vermont, which was pretty much like someone who smokes opium progressing to heroin, at least for me. Lots of monkey-faced liberals on that campus. Ward Churchill received a hero's welcome when he spoke on campus.

Where do you live? For the instant, I am living in Louisville, Kentucky attending The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. I am in the process of relocating back to the Peoples' Republic of Burlington, VT, the city that gave a voice to Bernie Sanders. I'm gonna miss this red state.

How old are you? I will be 28 next month.

Tell us briefly about yourself. My mother immigrated LEGALLY from Canada, and has now been naturalized. That makes me a dual citizen. I went through the phase of pretending to be Canadian when I lived in the UK for a year, but living there really made me appreciate life here in the United States. I repented of my sins and believed in Jesus Christ at the age of 22, a few weeks after 9/11. At the University of Vermont, I brought a 100 dB air horn to a "2 minutes of silence for peace" protest, and worse. This was before I had heard of Protest Warriors. Another interesting fact about me is that during the mandatory Race and Culture class at the University of Vermont, I quit attending, went into the exams assuming white male heterosexuals are the scum of the earth, and got a B+. I think every conservative should attend a liberal college. It helps to make you strong, and also weeds out the RINOs. Oh, and I'd like to take the chance to personally apologize for the fact that I voted for Jim Jeffords in 2000. Truly, at the time I thought he was much better than the alternative.

Do you think punching can be a constitutionally protected form of expression? Yes, but it should be well-regulated, so that it is limited so that only monkey-faced liberals are the target. Monkey-faced liberals should be permitted to punch each other. We should do all we can to promote monkey-face on monkey-face violence. Thank you Cindy Sheehan, DU, and the Kos kids for helping to make my dream a reality.

How long have you been reading IMAO? I'd say since at least 2003. Back before it was uncool to post a comment FIRST!

What's your favorite IMAO post? The one during the Terry Schiavo incident when it was suggested that we should allow folks in Africa to starve and dehydrate to death. It was a good mix of dark humor, an amazing point, and a serious issue.

What's you favorite political issue? That one is a trick question. What I get most fired up about are my least favorite political issues. Lately, I've been thinking we need to get rid of open primaries and go back to the smoke filled room. That would make conventions far more interesting! I am socially conservative, so I strongly support pro-life and anti- gay marriage initiatives. I also think the resurrection of the "fairness" doctrine is going to be the next major political battleground.

Do you have a website? Having a blogger account these days is an awful lot like having an aol account used to be. It makes me the target of derision. But it is free, and allows me to blog as a hobby. My blog is located at http://motopolitico2.blogspot.com and uses a bog-standard blogger template. It is almost never "moto" since I sold my motorcycle before coming to seminary, nor is it especially "politico" anymore. It is really a seminary blog, where I post some of my better papers for classes and comment on the theological issues of today. A lot like a theological version of the Puppy Blender, only I don't say "heh". I hosted (and censored) the Carnival of Comedy once. My blog is usually not intentionally funny, although stay tuned for a piece of satire I am still carefully crafting.

The latest outrage on which I've done anything approaching groundbreaking is a prominent Southern Baptist pastor who, the week of the Southern Baptist Convention in San Antonio promoted his website where he sells complete sermon manuscripts in .pdf format for pastors to preach word-for-word for five dollars. He doesn't believe that to be encouraging plagiarism. You can read the incredible details here. I've bought the domain name seminarian.us, and if I can get my act together, I might actually get it off the ground as a legitimate seminary blog, complete with podcast interviews of any theologian I can get my hands on, about current theological issues. This blog would also have google ads to fill my empty pockets. I don't know if I can approach the awesomeness of the whatever Number One prize pack, when it comes to scamming fund raising potential.

If you could control the creatures of the sea with your mind, what would you do? I would command the dolphins to go back in time and rescue that young woman from the waters of Chappaquiddick so she could be prosecution witness #1, and Ted Kennedy would be living off the taxpayers in an entirely different way. He would share his cell with Bubba.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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July 25, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Shimauma and Moonbunny
Posted by Frank J. at 06:31 PM
Shimauma and Moonbunny
Let's meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it's Shimauma and her daughter Moonbunny.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name? Well, my comic company that I'd started with my friends as a fifth grader was nameless. I, being the only one to notice this, came up with Moonbunny comics co. like 'Marvel' and 'DC comics' and it's based on the ancient belief that there's a bunny in the moon. I didn't use it as an online name until my mother started doing so on IMAO. Shimauma adds: It's also to do with Watership Down stories of Elhahara. That's how we got the name for Moonbunny's little sis, Hlaoroo.

[I still have no clue where "Shimauma" comes from. -Ed.]

Where do you live? I wanted to say Mordor, Middle Earth, but my mom says we live in a crappy blue state as ussjimmycarter can vouch for.

How old are you? Mom says I'm not allowed to tell...she's really old though...and hits really hard.

Tell us briefly about yourself. I'm an observer/witness in the subtle (not) dramas of some highschool buddies, teetering on the edge of insanity, gaming, drawing, hitting things with sticks and writing ..............BALLOON!!!! Shimauma adds: She's got a little sister and a cool dad that passed on all his gaming knowledge with the same reverence of a Mafia boss handing over the family dynasty.

Is your kung fu strong? My mom says no, she uses deodorant, but so far I've mastered the Katana, Wakizashi, Streetfighting, Archery, and I know how to shoot a gun and hit the target thingy.

How long have you been reading IMAO? ?__? Can't 'member, but Mom says she found it about 3-4 years ago when she was looking up mean things to say about Michael Moore.

What's your favorite IMAO post? In My World because of Chomps eating hippies, and Rummy strangling hippies and Dubya's being funny and beating up of that Reid guy. Mom likes Frank Art because it reminds her of stickfigure theater on something called liquid television.

What's you favorite political issue? Lemon......
shimauma butting in: per the answer of a smart alecky teen, Socialized(government run) Education is a sore spot with me; give me a voucher for a charter school of my choice any day

Do you have a website? If so, briefly tell us about it. Shimauma answers: Our webpage is www.moonbunnyscomics.blogspot.com and was initially meant to just feature Moonbunny's Zombie Squirrel comics, but I've been known to highjack it to post my right wing views or just to put up something silly, though I'm certain the comics have silly covered pretty good. Back to Moonbunny.

If you had Superman's heat vision, how often would you use it? A lot. Heatafied vision is fun.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.4/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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July 24, 2007
Ronin Profiles: DesertElephant
Posted by Frank J. at 06:02 PM
DesertElephant
Let's meet another IMAO reader. Today, it's DesertElephant.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name?

Well, I live in Arizona and I've always held very Conservative political beliefs. Even since I became aware of politics, I've always been an Evil tool of the Reagan/Bush/Cheney/Rove/Halliburton cabal. At least I would be if they ever returned my calls.

Where do you live?

I live in Phoenix, AZ. I've been here since I was 5 years old. And, even though I've been here a few decades, I still like to whine about the heat. It's my only muckadoo indulgence.

How old are you?

I am 27 years of age and turn 28 next month.

Tell us briefly about yourself.

I have lived in Arizona most of my life, raised by a hard-working blue-collar hero. My Father. He raised 5 kids for several years on much, much less than I made an hour when I started doing desktop support. And he never thought anyone owed him anything other than what he had earned. He's the reason I am the hardworking, heartless neocon I am today.

Also, I am IMAO's (at least one of them) resident Gimp. I was crippled by a motorcycle accident 4 years ago. Strangely, I never blamed Bush for it. And, though I could sit at home fat and lazy on all your taxes, I choose to be useful to the community. I beat hippies with my cane. I also enjoy clubbing baby harp seals.

What liberal do you most want to punch in his dumb monkey face?

Oooo… toughie. I suppose, if I had to choose, it would be George Soros. He is the man and money behind the impotent rage of the libtard horde. But, can I use a baseball bat instead? I really would like to do a number on this "champion of the poor" who grew fat and rich by killing the economy of nations.

What's your favorite IMAO post?

I have a favorite segment, but not necessarily a favorite post. The Frank Editorials are awesome. And, I'm beginning to really like this segment as well. Also, growing in the polls is IMAO: Condensed. Short, sweet, and sure to send the MFL's here at work to poo-flinging.

What's you favorite political issue?

Ugh. This I have no favorite in. Politics is going to drive me to an early grave. In much the same way Heroin does. I hate how politics anger me, but I can't stay away. If pressed to give up the issue closest to home, it would be a tie between the GWOT and 2A issues. I loved my Country and my guns.

Do you have a website? If so, briefly tell us about it.

Sure. I have a blog at http://absurdspices.blogspot.com. I started it while I still was riled up about current events. I haven't published anything lately as I've grown a bit apathetic and lazy when it comes to blogging. That and I end up nearly having an apoplexy from all the rants I have in my noggin trying to claw their way out at once.

I named the blog absurd spices because I believe Absurdity, and not variety, is the true spice of life. Heck, maybe I'll write something again. Hard to get motivated when I'm constantly busy. No wonder KOS has so many posts in a day.

If you had a death ray, would you use if for good instead of evil?

I would take out the Moon, since you can't seem to get it nuked. Then I'd use it to turn the Arabian Peninsula and most of the Middle East into a very quiet place. You can judge if that's good or evil. I think it's great. Also, I'd take over the world and declare myself Emperor.

How much are you asking for Said Death Ray anyway? Do you take PayPl?

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 1.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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July 23, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Master Shake
Posted by Frank J. at 05:34 PM
Master Shake
Let's meet another IMAO reader. Today, it's Master Shake.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name?

I watch too many cartoons for my age. However, I could not imagine a better role model for today’s youth than a giant, vaguely anthropomorphic milkshake. Plus, he’s fairly easy to draw. And I can claim that I have my own action figure.

Where do you live?

Evansville, Indiana

How old are you?

39

Tell us briefly about yourself.

I turned a math/computer science degree into an exciting job (forgive the sarcasm now dripping from your monitor) as a computer programmer/systems analyst. I now wish that I had chosen graphic design, but my time machine is on the fritz again – stupid monkeys! Once I find my own t-shirt girl, I plan to take over the blogododecahedron with my mad technical, drawing, and Photoshopping skills. As you can tell from my blog, Frank has much to fear. BWAH HA HA HA HA! In my spare time, I have been known to impersonate trolls in order to further enrage them and increase their entertainment value.

What's your least favorite monkey?

Scary Evil Monkey. Unless you want a real monkey, in which case I would say the Mandrill – it sounds more like Aquaman’s favorite monkey, and Aquaman is the enemy of all that is good and pure.

How long have you been reading IMAO?

A little over three years. Someone linked here, and I’ve been addicted ever since.

What's your favorite IMAO post?

In My World. I read the entire In My World archives the first day I saw them. I miss Rumsfeld and Chomps, though….

What's your favorite political issue?

National security/terrorism. A related issue would be government waste, such as how these Democrat traitors and terrorist-sympathizers are still walking around free when Bush built all those detention camps!

Do you have a website? If so, tell us briefly about it.

My blog is “Sanity Blender” (http://sanityblender.blogspot.com/), and nothing says “quality” better than two posts in a year.

If you had the power to just point at something and make it magically be painted pink, do you think you could make practical use of that power?

Definitely! That would be extremely useful for marking liberals, a.k.a. “pinkos.” Right now, they are able to walk among us, undetectable and plotting how to destroy America – for all you know, the person next to you right now could be Sarcasm Man!

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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July 20, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Veeshir
Posted by Frank J. at 04:41 PM
Veeshir
Let's meet another IMAO reader. Today, it's Veeshir.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name?

My last name is "Fisher", when I was in grammar school a friend used to call me "Meeester Feeeesher" and he kept lengthening it until it was "Meeeeeeeeeester Veeeeeeshir" (His spelling, I used to spell it "Veesher"). Since both my first and last names are very common while there is only one Veeshir, I went with that so as not to be confused with anyone else.

Where do you live?

Historic Alexandria, Va.

How old are you?

44, I'm all excited. I'm only about 10 years or so from being a dirty, old man. That's been my goal since I was 16.

Tell us briefly about yourself.

I retired for my 20s and saw the world (through rose-colored eyes). When I was 30, I realized it was time to start pretending to be an adult so I went back to school and got a BS in Mechanical Engineering. Now? I never do engineering work. Funny how that works out. Little known Veeshir Vact, I'm blind in one eye.

Ever spend time wondering what a nuclear blast on the moon would really look like?

Actually no, I have a shirt with a picture and everything. Considering you sold me the shirt, I would think you would know that.

How long have you been reading IMAO?

Nearly 5 years, I'm not sure when I started, it was probably after the first time the Emperor linked to you but before you were first called FrnakJ. The first comment by me I can find is from October, 2002, back when your comment button said, 'IYAO'. [That would be back when IMAO was on Blogspot. -Ed]


What's your favorite IMAO post?

I don't think I have just one. I have favorite lines, with my personal favorite probably being when Kim Jong Il said he needed nukes to be able to reduce the size of his army. Rumsfeld responded with something like, "Tell him I too have a plan for reducing the size of his army that involves nukes." I do miss your "Links of the Day", those were usually pretty fun.

What's your favorite political issue?

Don't have one anymore, I'm totally sick of politics. That's why I mostly just attempt humor in my comments. The W2 shirt you sold me does encapsulate the two issues most dear to my heart, "4 more years of low taxes and dead terrorists".

If you could magically turn any one person into a three-legged goat, who would it be and why?

Hassan Nasrallah, so I could watch his followers turn him into a gyro. That would be funny.

* * * *

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (24)
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July 19, 2007
Ronin Profiles: PaleoMedic
Posted by Frank J. at 05:13 PM
PaleoMedic
Let's meet another IMAO reader. Today, it's PaleoMedic.

* * * *

Where do you live?

Fort Collins, Colorado

How old are you?

41. I remember weird things, like Elizabeth Montgomery on my dad’s black and white TV telling me that “Bewitched is next, in color.”

Tell us briefly about yourself.

Born in Butte Montana, raised in Cody Wyoming. Despite decades living in cowboy country I loathe, yes, loathe, country music. Married for nearly twenty years, two sons, 18 and 16. Both plan on enlisting in the military, one Army, one Marine Corps. It’s genetic, I think. Grandpa was a reservist in the Army Air Corps and an engineer for Boeing, building B29s. Dad, Marine; brother, Marine; two brothers, Army.

Ever punch a liberal in his dumb monkey face?

Soon, hopefully. I’m actually fortunate. The people surrounding me are remarkably lucid. Most of the MFL types who irk me are on TV or in a news article, so punching would require a lot of planning and driving. Might be worth the effort though…Boulder is close.

How long have you been reading IMAO?

At least three years, give or take a couple months. IMAO was the first place I ever posted a comment, anywhere. My moment of giddiness was quickly replaced by the realization that I sounded like a total moron…nothing’s changed. I live and die with each comment.

What's the story behind your name?

I was a combat medic in the Army from 1987-1991. I spent three years in Germany. PaleoMedic is just an overly self-important tag I adopted. I missed the big show in the desert. Can’t tell you how much it sucks to be left behind, especially after training three years for it. It still gnaws at me, haunts my dreams, and I hope to reenlist after the boys graduate (my wife made me promise to wait till then—two years!)

What's your favorite IMAO post?

Impossible to pick just one, but I’ve always loved In My World. Reading Dubya’s lines and imagining his
weird breathy Texas patois cracks me up. And the stories oddly make more sense than what actually comes out of Washington.

What's you favorite political issue?

I actually hate politics, but it’s an addiction I can’t seem to quit. It’s therapeutic, however, to be able to laugh at the absurdity of it all, and IMAO is key to that therapy (Butt Smooching Moment, or BSM) I pay a lot of attention to anything involving national defense and the war.

Do you have a website?

Just started a lame-o blog that is still in its larval stage, paleomedic.mee.nu. It’s literally a week old, if that. I aspire to achieve my own Nuke The Moon moment soon (BSM Redux). For now, though, I got nothing.

If you had the choice between a lifetime supply of bacon and the ability to breathe underwater, which would you choose and why?

Gotta go with bacon. It’s tasty, and works like garlic in deterring bad guys with designs to blow me up. The grease also words an adequate pomade for my hair. And being in a landlocked state, underwater breathing would be underutilized.

* * * *

Only two in, and I'm really liking this segment.

If you commented that you want to be included before, you're still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don't have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we'll get to everyone.

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (27)
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July 18, 2007
Ronin Profiles: Writer
Posted by Frank J. at 06:25 PM
Writer
This is the new segment where we get to meet IMAO readers. Today, we're meeting Writer.

* * * *

What's the story behind your name?

I use the name Writer when commenting, because I am one.

Where do you live?

I live in Pearland, Texas, just south of Houston.

How old are you?

I will not discuss my age, but my son retires from the Army this month, I have a granddaughter in college, and two grandsons entering the military.

Tell us briefly about yourself.

I was a Military Brat, growing up all around the Pacific. Originally, I received Bachelor’s degree in Electronic Engineering Technology, later adding one in Geology, and continuing until I eventually received one in Professional Writing. I spent more than ten years in the U.S. Navy. A long-time electronics and computer technician, I eventually entered the field of Technical Writing, where I contract to different area firms, writing their Operation and Maintenance Manuals.

How long have you been reading IMAO?

My favorite web site is IMAO, and I was a regular reader for nearly two years before I ever considered commenting.

What's your favorite IMAO post?

My favorite IMAO post is about Nuking the Moon, appropriate if we are to rid ourselves of “…damned dirty apes…” , but I truly enjoyed “Superego”.

What's you favorite political issue?

My favorite Political Issue is the subject of “Earmarks”. Even when they pass legislation requiring the name of the Earmark Sponsor, they either leave a loophole or ignore their own bill. This is the biggest waste in Washington (besides Congress being paid to be assholes).

If you had a choice between a bag full of assorted rocks and ten dollars cash, which would you choose and why?

Given a choice between ten dollars and a bag of rocks, I would choose the rocks. You can learn so much from them, about the past and possible future. They reveal their secrets, of the cyclical nature of Climate change, the plants and animals that preceded us, and trends affecting the area where they were found. One can even see other shapes in rocks-similar to those seen in clouds.

* * * *

Thanks to Writer for participating. Everyone who said they want to participate in the previous post will still be considered for the future, but you can also comment here for consideration. Make sure to fill out the e-mail portion on the comment form (only I get to see that so don't worry about spam). Be patient, and eventually everyone will get his or her turn.

Be honorable, ronin.

Rating: 2.9/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (26)
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July 17, 2007
Let's Meet IMAO Readers
Posted by Frank J. at 08:14 PM
Who are you freaks?
I really appreciate all my readers and especially those of you who comment, but I realize I don't show it enough. Also, I don't know much about you all -- you could all be freaks for all I know. Most of you probably are.

So let's meet you!

I'd to pick one of you at a time to e-mail a couple quick questions -- nothing too personal -- and then I'll post your answers in its own post.

Who wants to be the first to try it? If you want to participate, comment on this post and make sure to fill out the e-mail box on the comment form (only I get to see the e-mail address, so you don't have to worry about spam).

Be honorable, ronin.

Rating: 3.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (135)
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