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June 24, 2006
Terrorist Killin' Song - Recorded Live
Posted by Harvey at 09:52 AM
Truth be told, this is about a 90% accurate version of how it sounded in my head while I was writing it.
Just needs 10% more disaffected urban youth-itude and a DJ doing scratch in the background.
(Warning - it's not all nice & censored like the text version)
June 22, 2006
Less Offensive Terrorist Killin' Song
Posted by Harvey at 09:20 AM
Since Marines aren't known for their sensitivity, I have to assume that the objection was that it didn't have enough brutal terrorist-killin'. So to show my support for the Marines, I wrote a sprightly little ditty that's - hopefully - a little less respectful of bloodthirsty Islamofascists.
CONTENT WARNING: contains censored profanity, violent imagery, disrespectful references to terrorist sexual preferences, and other assorted not-very-niceness, so it's in the extended entry...
MARINES ARE FOR KILLIN' TERRORISTS
Riding through Iraq across the burning sand
Got my RPG and my M16
Why don't you act civil like your friends the French?
Gonna bring freedom to this backwards land
I figure Major Chapin would be ok with this one, since it doesn't use the word "Hadji".
By the way, I didn't have any particular song running through my head during this one, so if you notice a tune that fits it, please let me know.
May 29, 2006
Let's Make Fun of the Idiots
Posted by Harvey at 12:55 PM
Withered old hippy Neil Young has penned hisself a 21st century protest song, "Let's Impeach The President". Lyrics as follows:
Letís impeach the president for lying
Inspired by his complete inabilty to master the art of meter & rhyme after 40 years of penning pompous squeals of indignation, I've decided to write my own counter-protest song. I just hope it's clumsy and unsingable enough to become a hit with the tie-dyed intellectuals.
LET'S MAKE FUN OF THE IDIOTS
Let's make fun of the idiots who're lying
They're the men who cheer on the terrorists
Let's make fun of the idiots who say it's spying
They think that George Bush blew up the levees
Let's make fun of the idiots
It's sad to see these people stuck on stupid
Hopefully Neil Young will retire soon so that I never have to dirty myself this way again.
October 10, 2005
Crappy Birthday Laurence!
Posted by spacemonkey at 12:02 PM
Our own Laurence Simon is old, I mean like 57 or something today.
And he's a Jew. So....This is for you, Laurence.
Crappy Birthday - by spacemonkey (Sung to the tune of Aqualung)
Happy Birthday Lair.
June 24, 2005
Battle of the Link-Whores: Instapundit vs. the Alliance
Posted by Harvey at 09:52 PM
As Frank mentioned recently, the venerable Alliance of Free Blogs recently had its honor besmirched by Blogcritics.org, which accused us of link-
Well, *I* say that I've they're gonna throw smirch at you, you might as well rub it all over yourself and revel in the ecstasy of it.
But there arose a question of honor even MORE important. Sure, the Alliance of Free Blogs is an idiotically haphazard collection of people who merely want to rank higher on The Truth Laid Bear's Ecosystem, but how did we compare against the top link-whore in the blogosphere? The man who will link anyone, anytime, for any reason or no reason at all (except for ME, of course): Glenn Reynolds.
Well, it just so happens that that question was answered decisively not so very long ago. In fact, I even wrote a little song about it (in the extended entry)...
GLENN REYNOLDS WENT TO THE ALLIANCE
Glenn Reynolds went to The Alliance He was lookin' for a blog to steal He needed more links 'Cause Instapundit stinks And he was willin' to make a deal
When he came upon this blogger
I guess you didn't know it
Now you give gratuitous linkage, boy
The boy said "My name's Harvey
Harvey you fire up MT and link to everyone.
Glenn opened up his laptop case
Then he found a post about Karl Rove,
When Glenn Reynolds finished, Harvey said
Glenn Reynolds bowed his head
Harvey said, Reynolds just come on back
[Instrumental to end]
June 15, 2005
A Tenderly Dedicated Poetical Ode to the Peculiar and Unpredictable Nuances of Political Speech as Occasionally Put Forth by the Former Governor of Vermont and Current DNC Chair, Howard Dean
Posted by Harvey at 07:07 PM
Howard Dean, a man insane
"Lazy! Shiftless! Liars, too!
"Torture children! (call it "spanking")
"Foul the air! Pollute the skies!
Appoint black judges! Women too!
"Christian bigots! Muslim haters!
"I just want them all to die!
June 01, 2005
A Get Well Card For Zarqawi
Posted by Harvey at 08:21 PM
Terrorist scumbag Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was recently wounded and his supporters have been asking for people to pray for him.
Being "none of the above" religion-wise, I can't do that, lest I be struck by lightning. But I figure the least I can do is send him a nice get-well card, like the one I put in the extended entry...
Al-Zarqawi, I'm so sad. Hearing that you feel so bad. Limping, hobbling, gimpy, weak, Looking like a circus freak
Broken bones and bloody skin
A fractured wrist, a punctured spleen,
Mites and ticks and lice and fleas,
Kidney stones and heart disease,
Heat-stroke, pimples, chicken pox,
Hemorrhoids, trench mouth, scurvy, gout,
Die Screaming, You Bastard.
It ain't exactly Hallmark, but then again, Zarqawi ain't exactly a human being, either.
March 10, 2005
The Happy Bunny Song
Posted by Harvey at 02:25 PM
I was going to write a post about how much I hate terrorists, but with all the hate & death & killing in the news lately, I thought maybe I should try to write about something cheerful and upbeat, instead. So in the extended entry, I've placed
I wish I were a bunny, with a soft and fuzzy head.
I'd tear their guts out with my paws, and wiggle my pink nose.
I'd kill and maim and kill again, spread cute and cuddly death.
Then I'd go to Hollywood and frisk around a bit.
I'd love to join the Air Force, and drop a 'splodey bomb.
February 25, 2005
The Ballad of Frank J.'s Accident
Posted by Harvey at 08:00 AM
Frank J. was recently involved in a car accident, and it looks like paying for all those repair bills may prevent him from buying that 75 carat diamond ring that the lovely & talented SarahK's been eyeballing.
This. Will. Not. Do.
Being a married man myself, it pains me greatly to think that Frank J. might somehow escape the chafing bonds of wedded bliss.
[NOTE: The lyrics - while PG-13 - aren't entirely SarahK-safe, so I'm putting it in the extended entry. If she REALLY wants to sing it, I can whip up an FM version. Also, I'm not presently aware of a tune that fits the meter of the lyrics. If you think of one, leave a note in the comments]:
Our favorite Frank J. was just driving along,
An ambulance showed up just barely in time,
As Frank sat and suffered, all mangled and broke,
"But I'm crippled and blood-soaked!", said Frank with a frown,
Frank lay there alone with a tear in his eye,
"why aren't you at home? you ought to be here!"
"you're mean! and i hate you! i don't love you at all!"
Frank picked up his phone, and he made one last try,
"Get off of my phone, you bad monkey-cat!"
Frank hung up the phone, and gazed up at the sky,
He woke in the morning, all covered in blood,
So all through the day, Frank with Sarah fought,
And so now, my friends, this sad story's been told,
Remember, 100% of proceeds from this song go directly to the "Frank J. and SarahK Memorial Car-Repairing and Ring-Buying Trust Fund Foundation, LLC".
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