Riding through Iraq across the burning sand
Grenades in my pocket and my rifle in my hand
Looking for terrorists wearing New Balance shoes
Gonna kill those camel-humpers, start spreadin' the news

CHORUS:
The Marines are in town - gonna blow you up
The Marines are in town - leave you all f***ed up
The Marines are in town - just ain't your day
'Cuz the Marines are in town and we'll blow you away

Got my RPG and my M16
I'm the baddest jar head that you've ever seen
I'll take my bayonet and I'll cut you in half
Then like Lyndie England I'll just point and laugh

[CHORUS]

Why don't you act civil like your friends the French?
Surrender this game and go sit on the bench
Go home sucker, before I make you dead
'Cuz you can't terrorize with a bullet in your head

[CHORUS]

Gonna bring freedom to this backwards land
Leave a**holes like you face down in the sand
I'll leave you for dead, lying on the berm
'Cuz the buzzard's gotta eat, just the same as the worm

(Final Chorus)
The Marines are in town - time to say good-bye
The Marines are in town - and your gonna die
The Marines are in town - shoulda stayed in bed
You f***ed with the Marines, now you're gonna be dead.

By the way, I didn't have any particular song running through my head during this one, so if you notice a tune that fits it, please let me know.

When he came upon this blogger
Giving links like a porn-spambot
Glenn Reynolds stepped
On a hobo's neck
And said, "Boy let me tell you what:

I guess you didn't know it
but I'm a filthy link-whore too
And if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you

Now you give gratuitous linkage, boy
But give Glenn Reynolds his due
I'll bet Instalanche gold
'gainst your blogroll
'Cause I link-whore better than you."

The boy said "My name's Harvey
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best there's ever been."

Harvey you fire up MT and link to everyone.
Cause if you've got no traffic, then this blogging thing ain't fun.
And if you win you get free linkage just as good as gold
But if you lose, Glenn gets your whole blogroll.

Glenn opened up his laptop case
And he said I'll start this show
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he Googled to and fro

Then he found a post about Karl Rove,
- How he'd made the liberals hiss -
And a gang of right-wing blogs piled on
And Glenn linked them something like this

[Instrumental]

When Glenn Reynolds finished, Harvey said
That's some good link-whorin' son
Just sit down in that chair right there
And let me show you how it's done

He linked with: sacrificing hobos
Kill those bums!
The devil's gonna make Glenn number one
Puppy in a blender, round it goes
Reynolds does your dog bite?
Not no mo'

[Instrumental]

Glenn Reynolds bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
He gave The Alliance an Instalanche
While Harvey hollered "SWEET!"

Harvey said, Reynolds just come on back
If you ever wanna try again
I done told you once you link-whorin' bitch
I'm the best there's ever been

He linked with: sacrificing hobos
Kill those bums!
The devil's gonna make Glenn number one
Puppy in a blender, round it goes
Reynolds does your dog bite?
Not no mo'

[Instrumental to end]

Broken bones and bloody skin
(Trying hard, here, not to grin)
Bet it hurts - all ouchy sore.
I only wish that you had... more...

A fractured wrist, a punctured spleen,
A left arm rotting with gangrene,
Lemon juice in a paper cut,
A gopher chewing on your butt,

Mites and ticks and lice and fleas,
Underwear all filled with bees,
Scalp a-crawl with fire ants,
Spiders creeping up your pants,

Dysentary, hoof-and-mouth,
Itchy places north and south,
Herpes sores, appendicitis,
Colo-rectal meningitis,

Kidney stones and heart disease,
Bloody noses when you sneeze,
Eczema and ear infections,
Viagra-proof lack of erections,

Heat-stroke, pimples, chicken pox,
Ben-Gay slathered in your jocks,
Diarrhea, whooping cough,
Syphilitic nose-fall-off,

Swine flu, bird flu, Asian, too,
Mad cow brain and bad Fugu
Poison oak, verruca virus,
Diabetes, hepatitis,

Hemorrhoids, trench mouth, scurvy, gout,
Makes me want to laugh and shout.
AIDS, Ebola, tumors, cancer,
On your grave I'll be a dancer.

Die Screaming, You Bastard.

Love,
Harvey

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

I wish I were a bunny, with a soft and fuzzy head.
I'd groin-kick all the terrorists, until they fell down dead.
I wish I were a bunny, with a cotton tail of fluff.
Blasting bad guys with my Glock, 'cuz I don't take no guff!

I'd tear their guts out with my paws, and wiggle my pink nose.
And pee upon their ankles as I chewed off all their toes.
I'd chop their heads off with an ax, and play and hop around.
And sing my happy little song, upon the blood-soaked ground.

I'd kill and maim and kill again, spread cute and cuddly death.
And giggle at insurgents, as they draw their final breath.
Oh, I'd love to be a bunny, with a fully-loaded gun.
I'd shoot at Eason Jordan - targ'ting journalists is fun!

Then I'd go to Hollywood and frisk around a bit.
And kick the ass of Michael Moore (that worthless, lying s***)
Upon his chubby, smelly head, I'd hop and hop and hop!
Until his skull is well-caved-in, and out his eyes did pop.

I'd love to join the Air Force, and drop a 'splodey bomb.
Be a stalwart Army officer, or Marine Corps grunt non-com.
And get to slaughter terrorists - oh, that would be divine!
But if I can't be one of those, a bunny would be fine.

Our favorite Frank J. was just driving along,
Snapping his fingers, and singing a song,
Burned through a red light, and hit by a truck,
Rolled in a ditch and was s*** out of luck.

An ambulance showed up just barely in time,
And down to the ditch paramedics did climb.
"Please help me! I'm bleeding" said the wounded Frank J.,
They laughed at his pain and then sauntered away.

As Frank sat and suffered, all mangled and broke,
A cop soon walked up, checked the damage, and spoke:
"Looks like you were speeding, and prob'ly drunk, too!"
"You dangerous driver! Here's a ticket for you!"

"But I'm crippled and blood-soaked!", said Frank with a frown,
"Do you think you could help me get back into town?"
"Ha ha!", laughed the cop, "guess it's just not your day."
"I've finished my donut, now I'll be on my way."

Frank lay there alone with a tear in his eye,
"Won't someone PLEASE help me? I'm too young to die!"
And just then his phone rang. 'Twas sweet SarahK!
"Hooray!" shouted Frank, "I'll be rescued today!"

"why aren't you at home? you ought to be here!"
"not making my pinky toe ouchy with fear!"
"But my car is all wrecked, and my clothes are on fire!"
"i'll bet you're out drinking, you naughty old liar!"

"you're mean! and i hate you! i don't love you at all!"
"and now i regret ever making this call!"
"and i'll bet that you're sorry you once called me a cow!"
"I said 'SNUGGLE BUNNY!!!'"... "i'm hanging up now."

Frank picked up his phone, and he made one last try,
To have someone rescue him, else soon he'd die.
He called home to Sydney, who answered "Squeak! Squeak!"
Which was the WRONG answer - Frank started to freak.

"Get off of my phone, you bad monkey-cat!"
"Squeak! Squeak!" was all Sydney would answer to that!
"I'll pee on your head you dumb son of a... [realizes SarahK isn't around, and decides to go for it]... bitch!"
"For letting me lie at death's door in a ditch!"

Frank hung up the phone, and gazed up at the sky,
He had to be brave now, or else he would die.
A mile on smashed elbows, Frank crawled to his door,
Tried to make it to bed, but passed out on the floor.

He woke in the morning, all covered in blood,
To sweet Sarah's cursing 'bout tracking in mud.
Assessing the damage, he noticed one thing -
He couldn't both fix his car AND buy a ring!

So all through the day, Frank with Sarah fought,
'Bout whether a car or a ring should be bought.
'til Frank said "I'm sorry for tracking in dirt,"
"I can raise enough cash just my pimping my shirt."

And so now, my friends, this sad story's been told,
How Frank J. near-died, all alone, in the cold.
To help out poor Frank, I'll explain to you how,
Just click on the link. YOU BUY T-SHIRT NOW!

Remember, 100% of proceeds from this song go directly to the "Frank J. and SarahK Memorial Car-Repairing and Ring-Buying Trust Fund Foundation, LLC".