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June 24, 2006
Terrorist Killin' Song - Recorded Live
Posted by Harvey at 09:52 AM

Andrew of Custos Honor slapped on his bling & his baggy pants and took a white-boy-rap stab at recording my song, "Marines Are For Killin' Terrorists".

Truth be told, this is about a 90% accurate version of how it sounded in my head while I was writing it.

Just needs 10% more disaffected urban youth-itude and a DJ doing scratch in the background.

(Warning - it's not all nice & censored like the text version)

Rating: 2.8/5 (26 votes cast)

Comments (2)
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June 22, 2006
Less Offensive Terrorist Killin' Song
Posted by Harvey at 09:20 AM

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

A Marine wrote a song called "Hadji Girl" (video here, lyrics here) that was described as "contrary to the high standards expected of all Marines" by Marine Major Gabrielle Chapin.

Since Marines aren't known for their sensitivity, I have to assume that the objection was that it didn't have enough brutal terrorist-killin'. So to show my support for the Marines, I wrote a sprightly little ditty that's - hopefully - a little less respectful of bloodthirsty Islamofascists.

CONTENT WARNING: contains censored profanity, violent imagery, disrespectful references to terrorist sexual preferences, and other assorted not-very-niceness, so it's in the extended entry...


Rating: 2.7/5 (22 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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May 29, 2006
Let's Make Fun of the Idiots
Posted by Harvey at 12:55 PM

Withered old hippy Neil Young has penned hisself a 21st century protest song, "Let's Impeach The President". Lyrics as follows:

Letís impeach the president for lying
And leading our country into war
Abusing all the power that we gave him
And shipping all our money out the door

Heís the man who hired all the criminals
The White House shadows who hide behind closed doors
And bend the facts to fit with their new stories
Of why we have to send our men to war

Letís impeach the president for spying
On citizens inside their own homes
Breaking every law in the country
By tapping our computers and telephones

What if Al Qaeda blew up the levees
Would New Orleans have been safer that way
Sheltered by our governmentís protection
Or was someone just not home that day?

Letís impeach the president
For hijacking our religion and using it to get elected
Dividing our country into colors
And still leaving black people neglected

Thank god heís cracking down on steroids
Since he sold his old baseball team
Thereís lot of people looking at big trouble
But of course the president is clean

Thank God

Inspired by his complete inabilty to master the art of meter & rhyme after 40 years of penning pompous squeals of indignation, I've decided to write my own counter-protest song. I just hope it's clumsy and unsingable enough to become a hit with the tie-dyed intellectuals.


Let's make fun of the idiots who're lying
Trying to make our country lose the war
Abusing all the freedom of speech they have
And shipping the truth right out the door

They're the men who cheer on the terrorists
The murderers plotting behind closed doors
Leaving out facts to fit their agendas
Forgetting who struck first to start the war.

Let's make fun of the idiots who say it's spying
To listen to terrorists because they're calling from home
To other terrorists outside the country
I guess it's their right to plan killings over the phone.

They think that George Bush blew up the levees
Poor construction wouldn't make them fail that way
Don't point fingers at Ray Nagin's government
Because he couldn't find any bus drivers that day

Let's make fun of the idiots
For smearing Bush just to try to get elected
Campaigning on the politics of color
Yet still leaving black people neglected

It's sad to see these people stuck on stupid
In this war they're rooting for the enemy's team
The New York Times prints state secrets on the front page.
But they say their consciences are still clean

It's sad.

Hopefully Neil Young will retire soon so that I never have to dirty myself this way again.

Rating: 2.4/5 (29 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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October 10, 2005
Crappy Birthday Laurence!
Posted by spacemonkey at 12:02 PM

Our own Laurence Simon is old, I mean like 57 or something today.

And he's a Jew. So....This is for you, Laurence.

Crappy Birthday - by spacemonkey (Sung to the tune of Aqualung)

Crappy Birthday to Jew!
Crappy Birthday to Jew!
Crappy Birthday, Laurence Simon

[say this part really fast]
-you're obsessed wth crap for some reason I cannot say,
-and you really like cats in a kinda creepy way,
-and you're not a super observant son of Abraham,
-for instance you've told me before you've eaten ham

[catch your breath here]

Crap......py Birth....day..... TOOOO JEEEWWW!!!

And many more-a!
Hope You enjoy the Torah!
Sodom and Gomorrah!
Hope no bulls ever gore-ya!

Happy Birthday Lair.

Now, somebody needs to make a cake.

Rating: 2.3/5 (20 votes cast)

Comments (7)
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June 24, 2005
Battle of the Link-Whores: Instapundit vs. the Alliance
Posted by Harvey at 09:52 PM

(A Filthy Lie)

As Frank mentioned recently, the venerable Alliance of Free Blogs recently had its honor besmirched by Blogcritics.org, which accused us of link-doping whoring.

Well, *I* say that I've they're gonna throw smirch at you, you might as well rub it all over yourself and revel in the ecstasy of it.

But there arose a question of honor even MORE important. Sure, the Alliance of Free Blogs is an idiotically haphazard collection of people who merely want to rank higher on The Truth Laid Bear's Ecosystem, but how did we compare against the top link-whore in the blogosphere? The man who will link anyone, anytime, for any reason or no reason at all (except for ME, of course): Glenn Reynolds.

Well, it just so happens that that question was answered decisively not so very long ago. In fact, I even wrote a little song about it (in the extended entry)...

(with profuse and sincere apologies to the Charlie Daniels Band)


Rating: 2.5/5 (36 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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June 15, 2005
A Tenderly Dedicated Poetical Ode to the Peculiar and Unpredictable Nuances of Political Speech as Occasionally Put Forth by the Former Governor of Vermont and Current DNC Chair, Howard Dean
Posted by Harvey at 07:07 PM

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

Howard Dean, a man insane
Earthworms crawling through his brain
Stood himself upon a stage
And sputtered loony words of rage.

"Republicans are filthy hogs!
Into blenders they put dogs!
Never work those honest jobs,
Sleep all day and dress like slobs!"

"Lazy! Shiftless! Liars, too!
Never bathe! They smell like poo!
They hate gays! Won't let them wed!
They starve old folks 'til they're dead!"

"Torture children! (call it "spanking")
CPS we should be thanking!
Kill the poor and steal their cars!
Say rude things to movie stars!"

"Foul the air! Pollute the skies!
Pull the wings off butterflies!
Drive big trucks! Use too much gas!
Keep the sick from buying grass!"

Appoint black judges! Women too!
My God! What's next? A freakin' Jew?
Hiring Hispanics left and right!
(Yet still their party's WAY too white!)

"Christian bigots! Muslim haters!
Rob the Irish of their taters!
Gulag runners! Women beaters!
Evil Nazis! Baby eaters!"

"I just want them all to die!
Then they'll go to hell and fry!"
(... deep, cleasing breath...)
Now I'm going home to blog
Vote Democrat in '06 -

Rating: 2.4/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (25)
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June 01, 2005
A Get Well Card For Zarqawi
Posted by Harvey at 08:21 PM

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

Terrorist scumbag Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was recently wounded and his supporters have been asking for people to pray for him.

Being "none of the above" religion-wise, I can't do that, lest I be struck by lightning. But I figure the least I can do is send him a nice get-well card, like the one I put in the extended entry...


Rating: 1.9/5 (26 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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March 10, 2005
The Happy Bunny Song
Posted by Harvey at 02:25 PM

I was going to write a post about how much I hate terrorists, but with all the hate & death & killing in the news lately, I thought maybe I should try to write about something cheerful and upbeat, instead. So in the extended entry, I've placed



Rating: 2.5/5 (27 votes cast)

Comments (38)
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February 25, 2005
The Ballad of Frank J.'s Accident
Posted by Harvey at 08:00 AM

Frank J. was recently involved in a car accident, and it looks like paying for all those repair bills may prevent him from buying that 75 carat diamond ring that the lovely & talented SarahK's been eyeballing.

This. Will. Not. Do.

Being a married man myself, it pains me greatly to think that Frank J. might somehow escape the chafing bonds of wedded bliss.

So, in the fine tradition of such great celebrity fund-raising songs as "We Are the World", and "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well", I've penned a little ditty to help Frank J. out.

[NOTE: The lyrics - while PG-13 - aren't entirely SarahK-safe, so I'm putting it in the extended entry. If she REALLY wants to sing it, I can whip up an FM version. Also, I'm not presently aware of a tune that fits the meter of the lyrics. If you think of one, leave a note in the comments]:


Rating: 2.7/5 (23 votes cast)

Comments (30)
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