Joe B. in response to the Is Someone You Know Part of an Angry Mob? post from yesterday:

Notice the tea-bagger mobs are all older, even elderly, white folks who’ve been given pitchforks and torches by major corporations and told to rabble rouse against the “evil black president”. They couldn’t care less about heath care, in fact many of them love their government funded Medicare! It’s about racism, plain and simple. Showing a tea-bagger a black president is like showing fire to Frankenstein’s Monster.

This is the rump of the Republithug Party. This is what’s left of the aging, white, racist American culture of the Old South and rural America. As they die off they will be relegated to the trash can of history and tolerant America will progress forward happily without them.

Why can’t you all be more like him? He sounds so smart and happy! I’m just glad he deigned my site with a visit.

I like to think I’m a good guy and everybody likes me, but my last column for Pajamas Media got some angry responses. Look at the 150th comment to it from Lance:

Hawaii was stolen at gunpoint from the Queen because the spanish were blocking the caribean islands suger supply. Even in some twisted, sick attempt at humor; calling them ALL liars and suggesting that they were responcible for Pearl Harbor is over the top. My unkle survived that day and I myself am a Marine. I personally know desendants of the rightfull owners of the Islands and will bring this article to their attention as well as their state reps. Expect lawsuits for the owner and all responcible for this site. Free speech is one thing; slandering a whole state is another. You will suffer for this – ALL of you.

Holy shnikeys!

Wait what can Hawaiians do? They’re out on an island in the middle of nowhere. They can’t throw coconuts that far.

Anybody have any idea what this guy in the Hot Air comments is talking about?

What is it with crazy people and the internet? There are those tests that make you write some numbers or characters before posting to prove you’re a person; we need ones to prove you’re not crazy. Like you could put up a picture of a baby and ask, “What do you do with this?” If you answer “Cradle” you get to post, but if you answer “Eat” you’re redirected to a place that supplies your meds.

UPDATE:

He also tore Jim Treacher a new one… though I couldn’t quite follow what in the world he was talking about. He uses periods in a very unique way, though.

BTW, I really appreciate how all you IMAO commenters aren’t quite as loony as the commenters at lots of other sites. It means a lot to me.

We were playing around with a little game on Twitter the manly 140 character limit messaging service listing three words liberals would hate, and one of my response was “right to carry.” This caused someone going by “Smoothcrminal” to respond with “otherwise known as the right to shoot your wife”.

And I was taken aback, because that’s a lot of stupid crammed into very few words.

So, apparently, this “smooth criminal” thinks that the only thing keeping some people from shooting their wives is the ability to legally carry their guns out in public because if you’re going to shoot your wife, it has to be out of the home with a legally possessed gun. I mean, if the guy had a least a tiny filter between the synapses misfiring in his brain and angrily posting to the internet, he could have come up with a marginally logical response like “otherwise known as the right to shoot someone who looks at you funny”, but that’s probably like expecting proper table manners from a chimpanzee. Plus, he chooses the poser name “Smooth Criminal”, but his reaction upon mention of firearms is “Eww! Guns are scary!”

Yeah, I know, the internets are full of these people, but sometime I’d like a scientific study of how these nimrods even figure out how to turn on a computer.

I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails like this lately:

I used to love IMAO and read it back in the day you were all about nuking the moon. You were one of the most innovative conservative blogs out there and the only one taking world peace seriously. Lately, I’ve notice a disturbing change. You barely ever talk about a tactical strike against the moon and instead are going constantly on and on about putting rocket launchers on dinosaurs. I thought it was a temporary thing, but it seems like every day there is some reference to arming dinosaurs. When you started writing about a “Dick Cheney Assassination Squad” and also had them riding dinosaurs, I had enough. You’ve lost it. It’s hard to even remember why I like your blog in the first place and I will not be coming back anymore.

Okay, I’ll try to say this simply enough so you dead-ender, paleo-conservatives can understand. All of you whining about putting rocket launchers on dinosaurs are the reason the Republicans are out of power. You are why Obama won the last election and will probably be easily reelected. Because of your archaic religious view you won’t accept the way forward: dinosaurs with military armaments.

We don’t need you and I certainly don’t need you on this blog. You are nothing but in the way. Anyone who complains about dinosaurs with rocket launchers will be banned. We’ll be better off without you.

Hard to beat this one. Gary wrote (to a Cadet Happy post):

Not sure where the thread went but how is it trolling to wish that McCain had picked Romney instead of Palin?? Given the bailout news it would have been a shrewder pick. Several months ago this blog was pushing Romney. If you think that is trolling then get a clue Frank J. you arrogant unfunny pinhead!!

I like how he starts as a concern troll but can’t keep it up for more than three sentences. Incidentally, the IP places this one in Amsterdam.

Point of order: Did IMAO ever push Romney? I remember statements to the effect of “Out of the candidates remaining, Romney least makes me want to slit my wrists,” but I don’t remember going much further. Anyway, this has been a couple concern trolls now that have been trying to push Romney. Who puts them up to this?

Is it over yet? I work a couple blocks from the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul and am a police reserve officer as well, so I have a few thoughts on this whole brouhaha.
First, why St. Paul? I love the Twin Cities–I’ve been here for almost 15 years, and would never move anywhere else (unless I win the lottery, in which case I’ll be buying a condo on Santa Monica beach), but it is not by any stretch of the imagination an appropriate place for a convention. There is nothing to do here that would be of the remotest interst to people from around the country. The geography is boring, there are no landmarks to speak of, and there is little to do here. Sure, you can go out to the Mall of America, but, truth be told, it is simply a really, really, big mall. You can also go to the Guthrie Theater, but there are lots of comparable theaters all over the country. If I was FORCED to have it here, I would have it in Minneapolis, NOT St. Paul. Downtown St. Paul is shabby (I work there), and there are hardly any good restaurants to speak of. Most major businesses have moved over to Minneapolis. We have a skyway in both cities, and, while the Minneapolis one is largely thriving, the one in St. Paul is run down and and dying. Practically every other spot for a business is empty down here. Or at least it was. Interestingly, all these long deserted spots have been filled with temporary businesses. I’m not entirely sure if that is to take advantage of the increased foot traffic (which I’m not sure there really is any–there don’t appear to be anymore people down there than there would be for a playoff sporting event), or whether St. Paul is trying to give the illusion that it isn’t a backwater, dying midwestern city. I wouldn’t be surprised if delegates and news personalities were abandoning the event for “hurricane” Gustav, simply because they don’t want to waste a week in this ho-dunk place.
Second, speaking of farts in a hurricane, I can’t believe how politicians fell over themselves to scale back events here and rush to the gulf coast for that non-event. It always amuses me how they fall over themselves to please people who will never vote for them anyway. I can see making preparations to cancel events if things go badly, but preemptively shooting oneself in the foot has become the GOP’s favorite pasttime as of late.
Third, I worked several police reserve events this weekend, and there is almost no excitement in the air. The only thing people seem to be interested in, is how many smelly hippies get tear-gased. Maybe things will heat up this week. The majority of city council members in both cities are anti-police, so the cops are doing their best to keep order while be undermined by civic leaders who hate Republicans and both law enforcement and the enforcement of laws.
Fourth, Sarah Palin . . . yikes. This chick’s middle name must be Samsonite, because she is carrying some heavy baggage. Hmmmmm . . . let’s see — she’s from a far-removed state, has zero experience (even less than Obama if one can believe that!), and her family is a mess. She should gracefully bow out, go home to focus on getting some experience and spending time with her young baby. She might also do well to swing by the Safeway to pick up some cucumbers and a box of condoms and have a long talk with her kids. What’s the point of preaching abstinence to your kids if you’re not going to keep a close enough eye to assist them in managing those raging hormones? One might think that being from Minnesota this is just sour-grapes, but I think Tim Pawlenty would have been a lousy choice for VP. I’ve heard him speak a number of times, and he comes off as an empty suit (though his wife is wonderful). Don’t even get me started on his “no new taxes pledge,” and then imposing a tobacco tax that he described as a “fee” to save face. Don’t pee on my shoe and tell me it’s raining. Also, I think he would have been chewed up and spit out by Slow Joe, as I suspect Palin will be. What’s wrong with Condeleeza Rice, or any number of other people that might actually have the experience to be President today, or next month? Does anyone really believe that if McCain is elected and drops dead in February that Palin is ready to be leader of the free world?
I’ll walk around later and get some pictures up, though there’s not much to look at.

Got this e-mail with the subject “‘frank answers’ tried to post this as an answer”:

That’s an outright lie. The reason why we have so many cows is because many stupid people insist on using cows for dairy…which requires constant impregnation for “our” own selfish, unnecessary, and unhealthy dairy consumption.
I love basically all animals regardless of whether man has made use of them for his own selfish purposes or not. I’ve raised chickens as a vegetarian and given the means, I would do so again in a heart beat. Cattle seem even more intelligent than fowl, IMO.

No idea what post that’s in response to, but I think it stands by itself.

Got a pro-Obama comment from one of the Michelle Obama “America is mean” crowd posting under the name Essence:

You are all idiots, no offense. Oh wait, except for Son of Bob. I do agree that Obama is no Jesus, especially since I don’t believe in Jesus either. However, him and his wife are extremely intelligent and compassionate people–unlike the majority of Americans. And the thing I personally think Obama should not only be allowed to stay alive for but also to govern our country for is his sense of community. I’m sorry but the self driven independence in this country makes me want to hurl. No one wants to help anyone anymore. In fact, they rather do harm to other people if it means furthering their own happiness. Thank GOD Obama wants to bring us together and have us work with each other again. Any asshole who can’t see what he’s trying to help us do needs to do some more researching. Oh, and because of what he’s trying to do, this man will inevitably be assassinated. All the great ones are. 🙁

This was in response to a post where I said both people who want to vote for or assassinate Obama have incoherent, substance-free reasoning. She basically just took her wacky skewed view of America and projected all of her beliefs onto Obama… with no evidence backing any of it. Someone who convinced himself he should assassinate Obama would follow the same process, just projecting everything they fear onto the empty vessel that is the inexperienced but quite average liberal politician Barry O.
And that’s why people who want to vote for/assassinate Obama are dangerous, mentally unstable zealots who should be locked up.

I got some more hate mail… this time from someone famous:

Dear IMAO,
I would like to formally reject and renounce your endorsement. I know you haven’t yet endorsed me, but you’re spineless and I figure it’s coming. Well don’t bother. Your site is weird and you’re weird and we don’t want the media drawing any connection between you and me. And what’s with your “Random Thoughts”? I’m almost convinced you’re mentally retarded.
So, I don’t want you and I don’t need you. You still are free to participate in my “Just Shut Up and Vote for Me” program I have for conservatives, though.
Sincerely,
Senator John McCain

I’m guessing John Hawkins got a similar letter. So do you think I’ll get invited to the next blogger conference call at least?

I got this comment today from a “Billy_jane”:
You Mr. FRANK!!!!!!!!! Seem to have nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo life whatsoever. I can truthfully tell you that while some of your facts are funny, most of them are STUPID and completely becoming of a 40 year old virgin who still enjoys momma’s homecooked meatloaf. Take that asswipe!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
It was to this fairly innocuous post about the guy who regrew a finger. I don’t even know what to say to this. I hope it was someone trying to sound retarded. If he’s just randomly angry like this, he should seek help or write diaries at the Daily Kos.

You don’t know how many times I get angry hate mail where I have no idea what the person is talking about. Obviously, some person looking for porn accidentally stumbled onto an old post and then sends me an e-mail ranting about it but not telling what post made the person angry as he apparently assumes I’ll psychically know what the hell he is talking about.
Here’s an e-mail I got today (usual rules on profanity in hate mail apply):

SUBJECT: screw you ronin
Uh, I don’t know who you are or where you are from, but screw you if you want to make fun of us. We are not all hillbilly’s. We don’t mind the river flooding, I’d rather it flood then be stuck in a damn earthquake and fall into the earth in Cali! We do get personalized license plates and I think we can spell better than you ronin. Yes we do have all our teeth and not more than we should ronin. You have really offended me and this state, if I ever catch you around here you will see what a redneck can happily do to you, you stupid piece of eight! I know you are probably one of those “I don’t give a banana hammock who I offend people”, but let me tell you brother, you are going to burn in hell for talking about people like that. Have a nice day idiot.

From context, I’m guessing he read one of Harvey’s “Fun Facts About the 50 States” posts (they’re under Fun Trivia as I apparently wasn’t smart enough to make a separate category for them), but not only does he not tell me what post he’s reacting to, he doesn’t even give me a clue of what state I need to stay out of to avoid being beaten by rednecks. How do people this stupid even get on the internet? I e-mailed for clarification — as I do every time this sort of thing happens — but if history is any indication, I shouldn’t expect a response.
UPDATE:
I googled some of things mentioned in the e-mail and my best guess is he’s from Mississippi and reacting to this post by Harvey. Someone takes his state a little too seriously.
When did Mississippi get the internet?

IMAO has had a lot more trolls lately, but I have really done much with them. I thought I’d point one out because I found it both interesting and entertaining. This is from “jugger” to my editorial yesterday about punching hippies:

lol, punching those conservatives is fun, try it today damn those conservative hippies, and most know exactly why you do it and help to crush them…uh huh, living with conservative extremeists is bad for your health, punch one today, LMAO

I’ve noticed this with particularly stupid drive by trolls (usually late to the party) is the overuse of “LOL” and its variations — usually directed at what they themselves are saying. Why do I get the feeling that those trying to convince us so hard they are “laughing out loud” are probably seething in primitive anger? Trolling is actually an expression of anger — an impotent lashing out at opinions the troll disagrees with — so its hard to buy that one of them is laughing while writing. Well… I could see one nervously twittering while writing something like that. What the abbreviation for nervously twittering out loud?