Archive for September, 2008

Yikes . . .

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 9:22 pm

. . . imao, its not hard to imagine being dragged off in the dead of night to a reeducation camp with this playing in the background . . .

thanks to basil for working link — maybe the people who put the original link up suddenly realized how creepy it was and pulled it

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Shocking video of Palin being blessed by African “witch hunter” has surfaced . . .

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 8:51 pm

Reportedly, he has bagged at least one . . .

(more…)

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Notes

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 8:36 pm

* If you can’t wait for Thursday for a Palin fix, Hugh Hewitt interviewed her today on his radio show.

* I have a chapter of Hellbender done, but forgot to put it up today so it will go up tomorrow.

* I’m cracking down on off topic trolls. I have to pay for this server space you know.

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Now that Ramalamadingdong is over . . .

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 8:09 pm

. . . the students at Obama’s madrassa have donned their bibs and are ready to take full advantage of all you can eat rib night at Applebees.

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Yakko’s Bailout

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 4:55 pm


And now, Yakko Warner explains the bailout…
(more…)

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Fun with math: Nancy Pelosi edition . . .

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 1:35 pm

ANSWER: 

(more…)

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Daily Rage Against the Machine Lyrics

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 12:10 pm

Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
I walk tha corner to tha rubble that used to be a Library
Line up to tha mind cemetary

-Bulls on Parade

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Frank Thoughts on the Financial Crisis

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 10:26 am

* If we have another Great Depression, know who would be a great spokesman for it? Tony the Tiger. “This depression is grrrrrreat!”

* Have you seen pictures of the Great Depression? Poor people dressed a lot better back then. We could maybe use a depression if it will teach us all to dress more formally.

* And what would we call this Great Depression? “Great Depression 2: This Time It’s Personal”? The media will probably give it some lame name like “All Bush’s Fault Depression.” I propose “That Bitch Pelosi’s Great Depression”; that has a certain ring to it.

* And what was her argument to Republicans? “Bush is stupid and has done everything wrong, so let’s blindly give him $700 billion.” She really should be living alone in a broken down house with twelve cats.

* Pelosi should just feel lucky she doesn’t have to run in any sort of national election. At this point, Republicans could just run a turnip in a jaunty hat against her and it would win in a landslide.

* Actually, has McCain considered wearing a jaunty hat to try and get some movement in the polls? People might be more inclined to vote for him if he shows more jauntiness.

* Yeah, I don’t know what “jaunty” means, but it’s a neat word.

* If we have a huge crisis, why is Congress taking a break for a Jewish holiday? Oh yeah — Jews run the banks. Can’t get anything done today, then.

* So what are some good depression era jobs? I guess boxing is one, because I saw a movie where a guy boxed his way out of the Great Depression. I think blogger is another, because people are going to be looking to bloggers to give them hope. Well, I’m sorry, you can’t have any of my hope; I only have enough for me and my family.

* I guess the salvation of America comes down to Palin. She has to trounce Biden in the debate or we could fall forever into socialism. My advice to Palin: Hit Biden where he is most vulnerable — the gonads.

* Maybe this whole crisis will help get McCain elected over the inexperienced Obama, though. Like when I was a little kid, my dad would sometimes let me shift gears on the truck for him and everyone would thing that was cute and all. But when we were in a high speed chase with the cops, it was time for the adult to control things.

* Of course, the best solution to this crisis could be to do nothing. I always prefer to do nothing if that might work out. It’s a political philosophy of mine, though some people just call it laziness.

* And can we actually end up out on the streets as hobos? I mean, we have all these unsold houses, so I don’t see why we should end up homeless. Then again, you could be in a perfectly cromulent house right now, and the government may decide to burn it down to drive up housing prices. Government! :: shakes fist ::

* If Glenn Reynolds becomes a hobo, do you think he’ll murder himself?

* So what’s worse case scenario? I guess everything collapses and in the panic the Democrats are successful in taking over America with socialism. They then change the name of this country to something less provocative like “The North American Cooperative” and the country limps along for a little while longer before finally dying in a whimper. Still, if that happens, you have to admit we had a pretty damn good run these past two hundred and thirty years — something to be proud of. Well, time to start on that next country! Yay! This time when we make a Constitution, let’s see if we can think out that Supreme Court thing a little better.

* Just one last thing: Dooom! Dooooooooooom! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

* There, I feel better.

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Obama Has a Job Opportunity for You

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 9:16 am

Good news! If you’ve been raped, then Obama wants you to star in a TV ad!

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Biden and Albright compare notes before debate . . .

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:06 am

. . . on hair plugs.

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lolterizt! Part 63 – loldemcrt! Edition

Monday, September 29, 2008 8:24 pm

Sorry for the delay due to unspecified life events. As a future warning, my day job has increased by a factor of suck, so my posting will be less frequent than before my hiatus, but at least it will be accompanied by no increase in quality.

Anyway, as I was about to say three weeks ago: a good American cruelly mocks his country’s enemies, both foreign and domestic. This week, the latter. Next week – back to the former.

Pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.



[reference link]


From roamingfirehydrant:

From Brian:


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Frank Perspective

Monday, September 29, 2008 8:13 pm

When the Founding Fathers made this country, no one had electricity or indoor plumbing, so if that’s how we all end up after this financial crisis, from a historical perspective it won’t be that bad.

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Washington D.C. trendsetters . . .

Monday, September 29, 2008 7:02 pm

First we had the Palin hairdo at the RNC convention, and now Speaker Pelosi rolled out a new hairdo for her big day failing miserably at getting a bailout bill passed . . .

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Here’s a free lecture from the Nancy Pelosi School of Leadership and Coalition Building . . .

Monday, September 29, 2008 3:52 pm

Did she really expect it to pass after this? I can’t tell if she intentionally shafted the plan, hoping for an economic catastrophe to shore up her power, or is so clueless and senile (from decades long abuse of hair dye, and pressure on the brain from having her face pulled back like a sling shot rubber band), that she is incapable of leading anything except a radical moveon.org cabal. It hasn’t earned the name “Do Nothing Congress” for nothing. The final tally was 207-226, with Democrats supporting it 141-94, while Republicans opposed it 66-132. 40% of her own party doesn’t care what she thinks.

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“Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress . . . “

Monday, September 29, 2008 2:36 pm

House defeats $700B financial markets bailout
And, here I thought that the Democrats had a majority in both houses of Congress, and Nancy Pelois and Harry Reid had a mandate to lead — somebody better rework the math on that one. They’re not shameless enough to claim that the REPUBLICANS killed this all by themselves are they?

This demands a parody.

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Apparently there is a sucker born every minute . . .

Monday, September 29, 2008 1:30 pm

via Michael . . .

This is even better than when my pictures were published in an Italian political newspaper a couple years ago.  Apparently one of my photoshops (which Frank had the idea for and I exectuted) has become kind of an urban legend.  Maggie Katzen told me a couple months ago it was floating around, but I wouldn’t have guessed to what extent.  We’ve now got our own snopes.com entry (I did send them an update about its origin), and the Washington Post talked about it in an article yesterday.  It was made in response to Hillary’s “3:00 a.m. crisis call” ad.  I had no idea.  Getting that cord to look right with that funky carpet was no easy feat. 

 http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/phone.asp

Too Good To Be True? It Usually Is.
Snopes.com Sniffs Out What You Can Believe
By
Monica Hesse

Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, September 28, 2008; Page M01 

This election has been hard on all of our inboxes.  Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s (cut and pasted) head on a patriotically bikini’d bod? Sen. Barack Obama cluelessly chatting on a (Photoshopped) upside-down phone? Sen. John McCain identifying himself — according to a totally mangled forward — as a “war criminal”?  Gotta be fakes, all of them. Right?

Because why would a grown man hold a phone upside do– well, then again, it wouldn’t be the first time a politician was a doofus maximus. So maybe, just to be on the safe side. . . . Which is why no inbox has had it harder in these last frenzied weeks than the one belonging to David and Barbara Mikkelson, the founders and sole researchers at urban legend mega-site Snopes.com.

The couple debunked each of the myths above, along with dozens more allegations ranging from the wacko (a claim that the Bible identifies Obama as the antichrist) to the wonko (a widely circulated comparison of the two candidates’ tax plans).

To view the entire article, go to http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/26/AR2008092600853.html?referrer=emailarticle

The e-mail exchange that created it:

(more…)

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Random Thought

Monday, September 29, 2008 1:02 pm

You know, if I were Pay Pal, I’d totally start advertising on government sites saying, “If you need to transfer $700 billion between the government and financial institutions, Pay Pal is a great way to do it.” Man, if they could get a piece of that action, they’d be set.

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In My World: Sarah Palin in “Noisy Neighbors”

Monday, September 29, 2008 11:25 am

Sarah Palin relaxed in bed with her husband Todd. “Campaigning to be Vice President is crazy. It’s nice to have a little time back home in Alaska to get my bearings.” She closed her eyes to go to sleep but was woken by loud music and shouting outside. “Not those Russian neighbors again!” Palin yelled. She looked out the window to see that the house across the water from them seemed to be having a party. “Putin! What’s he up to?”

“That guy is always causing trouble,” Todd said. “He uses his leaf blower at odd hours, doesn’t take care of all his weeds, and invades Georgia.”

“Can’t we complain about him to the HOA?”

Todd shrugged. “I think the HOA’s authority ends at the Bering Strait.”

Piper walked in the bedroom carrying Trig. “The loud noise woke Trig and he started crying.”

“Well, this is too much then!” Palin exclaimed. “It’s like they’re having a whole Communist party over there.” She heard rumbling overhead. “Are those jets? Are they flying jets over our house?”

“That’s got to go against both noise ordinances and international treaties,” Todd grumbled.

Palin got out of bed. “I guess we better do something about it then.”

Todd shook his head. “Shouldn’t we leave this up to the military?”

“We’re not going to be one of those states always looking to the federal government to solve our problems.” Palin snapped her fingers in the air. “Willow! Get my moose gun!”

* * * *

“Turn the music up louder!” Putin ordered. “Let us celebrate the Russian empire! Soon we will take back Georgia! Then we will conduct our secret plans to take back Alaska and cripple the U.S. economy. Next, we will take over the universe! It will be under Putin’s control! Me! I’m Putin! Muh ha ha ha ha!”

“Turn that racket down!” someone shouted. “And stop flying your jets over my property!”

Putin looked across the Bering Strait to see Palin standing in front of her house in her nightgown holding a rifle.

“You do not tell the Russian empire what to do, stupid hockey mom!” Putin yelled. “We are the great Russia, and you are but woman. We laugh at you! Ha ha ha ha!”

“You’re asking for it, Dobby!”

“Bah! I pay you no more mind!” Putin turned back to the party. “Make the music louder or I send you all to gulag!”

There was a loud gunshot, and a fighter jet plummeted out of the sky exploding in Putin’s garden. “My prize rose bushes!” Putin screamed.

“Hey, Poot-poot, know what’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?” Palin held her rifle in the air. “The moose gun!”

Putin shook his fist at her. “You will pay for this, foolish woman! You will be dead from the us killing you! We will–” A shot flew past Putin’s head. “Flee!”

* * * *

“Finally, some rest.” Palin went to sleep, but was soon woken by a noise downstairs. “What’s that?”

“Could be a burglar,” Todd said. “I guess I’ll check it out.”

“No, it’s my turn to kill the burglar.” Palin got out of bed and crept downstairs. Rummaging around the kitchen was a giant bear. “Not a bear in house,” Palin groaned. “Taking care of bear’s in the house was Track’s job.” Plain turned around to see Willow standing behind her. “Fetch me the Bowie knife.”

“Can’t we just shoot it?”

“What did I tell you about firing guns in the house? Now get me the knife, Willow.”

“I forget where it is.”

“Well where did you last see it?”

Willow thought for a moment. “I think in a deer’s neck.”

Palin rolled her eyes. “I guess we’ll have to improvise.” She crept over to the piano. “And we just got this tuned.” She ripped out a piece of piano wire and walked towards the bear. “Hey! Yogi!”

The bear stood up, and Palin jumped on its back, wrapping the piano wire around it’s neck. “You got in the wrong house, bear!”

The bear failed around, knocking over furniture. Palin held on tight. “Strangling a bear is a lot harder than I remember.”

Todd came down stairs. “Honey, if you had to strangle a bear, you should have called me.”

Palin struggled to keep hold of the bear. “I’m a modern woman; I can do this myself.”

“I’ll help loosen him up for you.” Todd ran over and started punching the bear in the gut. Soon, it fell down dead.

Piper ran over and kicked the fallen bear. She held her hands in the air triumphantly. “I helped!”

“You sure did, sweetie.” Palin looked around. “Now how did it get in here?” She noticed the front door was wide open. Outside, she could see their trash was knocked over.

“You should be careful with your trash,” Putin laughed from across the Bering Strait. “That can attract wild animals.”

“I know you’re behind this, Putin!” Palin yelled. “You’ll not get away with this!”

“Bah! You cannot threaten Russia! You do anything, we will point nuclear missiles at you!”

Palin scoffed. “So what? You can nuke whole sections of Alaska and we’ll never even notice.”

“You think you’re tough, hockey mom, but you will soon see that– She’s got the moose gun again! Flee!”

* * * *

“Maybe we should just move,” an adviser told Putin.

“Are you crazy mad!” Putin shouted. “You want to put my house for sale in this market? No, we figure out way to get by this silly hockey mom. We need to find advance technology that is immune to moose gun.”

“But nothing can resist a moose gun!” the adviser exclaimed. “Especially not moose!”

“It no matter!” Putin said. “I have plans that will not fail.” He pointed to a whiteboard he had propped up behind him. “Alaska will soon be mine!” He heard a loud noise. “What is that? Aieee! Snow machines!”

“Out of the way, Ruski!” Todd Palin raced right through Putin’s house on a snow mobile. Putin dived to the floor as Todd smashed right through his whiteboard.

“My plans!” Putin screamed.

“I’m winning! Yeah!” Todd yelled as crashed through one of the doors. Numerous snow mobiles followed close behind.

Putin got up and shook his fist at the snow mobiles. “You will pay for this! I will–” Putin was bowled over by a pack of dogs.

“The Iditarod is through here, right?” asked a man on a sled.

“Alaskans!” Putin screamed. “Foiled again by that hockey mom! Maybe she’ll be elected vice president and move away.”

“But I like Obama,” Putin’s adviser said. “I even call the Democrats to ask how I can help. They sent me a box full of absentee ballots for someplace called ‘Ohio.’”

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Your Task Today

Monday, September 29, 2008 10:00 am

I thought we’d do some social science of our own, so could you please engage the trolls who comment here and find out this from them:

1. Their age.
2. Their occupations.
3. How did they first encounter IMAO.

Perhaps this could be illuminating.

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From the mouths of babes . . .

Monday, September 29, 2008 9:55 am

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